I think it's interesting that I can have a cough, but then go onstage and it disappears completely. And then when I get offstage it comes back with a vengeance to the point I can't sleep that night.
The human body is a marvelous machine.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone who came out last night. I was pretty nervous, so I appreciate everyone's support. While I'm at it, I should thank Dawn and Dino for their help putting the show together and Larissa for the 7UP. Nothing drowns last minute panic like soft drinks. And Zam for his musical choice and getting all the sound cues right.
Thanks are a slippery slope. Because if I thank them, then I also should thank Lars and Powermann for having me on their show to promote the dating night and Steve McCarthy for encouraging me to start comedy in the first place and The Slayer for her support and Andrew Iwanyk and Angie Ismond for proving that introverts can be funny and my parents for having me and so on down the line.
Even then I'd probably forget someone.
So here's a general thanks to everyone who has ever been a part of my personal or professional life I couldn't have done it (whatever "it" is) without you.
Gracias. Much love.
Dan
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
New headLINES, singles night.
New headLINES is up here
As well, Dawn and I are hosting our first singles night at The Comic Strip in WEM tonight. Show starts at 8pm.
On Friday I got to see DESOUSA DRIVE, my friend Victor's band. Victor and I were in a band together many years ago called Sweet Alibi. In fact, all the original members of Sweet Alibi were out on Friday, even though Vic is the only one still playing (though the drummer Dan Jean has been known to fill in for a gig or two).
Above is a pic of the Sweet Alibi "reunion." (from L to R: Tim, me, Victor, and Dan J)
I wish I'd known I was taking pictures. I would have worn nicer pants.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here)
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
As well, Dawn and I are hosting our first singles night at The Comic Strip in WEM tonight. Show starts at 8pm.
On Friday I got to see DESOUSA DRIVE, my friend Victor's band. Victor and I were in a band together many years ago called Sweet Alibi. In fact, all the original members of Sweet Alibi were out on Friday, even though Vic is the only one still playing (though the drummer Dan Jean has been known to fill in for a gig or two).
Above is a pic of the Sweet Alibi "reunion." (from L to R: Tim, me, Victor, and Dan J)
I wish I'd known I was taking pictures. I would have worn nicer pants.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here)
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Friday, April 18, 2008
The Great Radio Controversy (and a new Living article)
I should have known SOMETHING would have happened on my Kamikaze Komedy Radio appearance (promoting singles night, hosted by myself and Dawn Dumont April 22 at The Comic Strip), but it really wasn't what I expected.
Before I get to that, allow me to present my latest Living article here. It's on the perils of Facebook. As some of you may recall, I've been active on this issue for some time.
In fact, while we're at it, let's get the updates out of the way...
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here)
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Where was I?
Oh yeah. On the radio. The show, hosted by Lars and Powermann was fun, but even my one-thirty in the morning relationship "wisdom" was undercut by possibly the greatest caller question I've ever heard.
The question was...
Wait for it...
"Where am I?"
Unbelievable. A guy called the radio station because he was lost. Powermann, Lars, and I kept looking at each other, our eyes silently asking the same question: Is this really f***ing happening?
What makes it slightly funnier is that he picked the exact wrong people to call as far as orienteering goes. Powermann and I have always depended on the kindness of the Edmonton Transit System to get from place to place (Powermann has a really funny joke about this) and Lars' sense of direction...well, it isn't as bad as Andrew Grose's, but I wouldn't want to get lost in the woods with him.
(In fairness to Lars, he gave me a ride home after the show. The show ended at 2:00am, and I stepped into my apartment at 2:08. So his sense of direction may not always be 100%, but for sheer velocity, he's unstoppable. And I've never seen him late for a show either)
Anyway, with Lars and I paralyzed with disbelief, it fell upon Powermann to carry the day. Being the helpful guy he is, he immediately did what any good samaritan would do...attempted to have phone sex with the guy's date on the air.
Good times.
A couple of the other best exchanges took place off the air as Powermann continued to harangue me about dating...well, dating him (This will make more sense if you read this post first).
POWERMANN: So, when you have romantic congress, is that like co-middling?
ME: No, because I do more time before I get off and she doesn't die every night.
Actually, that still won't make any sense to any non-comedian. Another inside comedy joke happened when a caller called in and Lars gave him 45 seconds to make his point.
He did it in 34 (Powermann was timing) leading to the following exchange.
DAN: Hey, he finished with eleven seconds to spare.
POWERMANN: No, that's bad. He didn't do his time.
LARS: Now we have to cover that eleven seconds.
OTHER RANDOM STUFF
I've re-exploring my childhood lately. A couple nights ago I watched A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (featuring the video and the band that got me into heavy metal).
I also started re-reading Animals, but John Skipp and Craig Spector. It's a great book about werewolves, bad decisions, and romantic entanglements, and it's interesting how I relate to it much better now that I'm a little older and have more life experience under my belt (well, except for the being a werewolf part).
Have a great weekend everyone
Before I get to that, allow me to present my latest Living article here. It's on the perils of Facebook. As some of you may recall, I've been active on this issue for some time.
In fact, while we're at it, let's get the updates out of the way...
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here)
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Where was I?
Oh yeah. On the radio. The show, hosted by Lars and Powermann was fun, but even my one-thirty in the morning relationship "wisdom" was undercut by possibly the greatest caller question I've ever heard.
The question was...
Wait for it...
"Where am I?"
Unbelievable. A guy called the radio station because he was lost. Powermann, Lars, and I kept looking at each other, our eyes silently asking the same question: Is this really f***ing happening?
What makes it slightly funnier is that he picked the exact wrong people to call as far as orienteering goes. Powermann and I have always depended on the kindness of the Edmonton Transit System to get from place to place (Powermann has a really funny joke about this) and Lars' sense of direction...well, it isn't as bad as Andrew Grose's, but I wouldn't want to get lost in the woods with him.
(In fairness to Lars, he gave me a ride home after the show. The show ended at 2:00am, and I stepped into my apartment at 2:08. So his sense of direction may not always be 100%, but for sheer velocity, he's unstoppable. And I've never seen him late for a show either)
Anyway, with Lars and I paralyzed with disbelief, it fell upon Powermann to carry the day. Being the helpful guy he is, he immediately did what any good samaritan would do...attempted to have phone sex with the guy's date on the air.
Good times.
A couple of the other best exchanges took place off the air as Powermann continued to harangue me about dating...well, dating him (This will make more sense if you read this post first).
POWERMANN: So, when you have romantic congress, is that like co-middling?
ME: No, because I do more time before I get off and she doesn't die every night.
Actually, that still won't make any sense to any non-comedian. Another inside comedy joke happened when a caller called in and Lars gave him 45 seconds to make his point.
He did it in 34 (Powermann was timing) leading to the following exchange.
DAN: Hey, he finished with eleven seconds to spare.
POWERMANN: No, that's bad. He didn't do his time.
LARS: Now we have to cover that eleven seconds.
OTHER RANDOM STUFF
I've re-exploring my childhood lately. A couple nights ago I watched A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (featuring the video and the band that got me into heavy metal).
I also started re-reading Animals, but John Skipp and Craig Spector. It's a great book about werewolves, bad decisions, and romantic entanglements, and it's interesting how I relate to it much better now that I'm a little older and have more life experience under my belt (well, except for the being a werewolf part).
Have a great weekend everyone
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Dan on Kamikaze Komedy
I'm excited to announce that I'll be a guest on Kamikaze Komedy on CJSR FM 88.5 tomorrow night from midnight-2am.
The hosts, Lars and Powermann, have done a lot for the Edmonton comedy community and for me personally, as well, so I'm looking forward to being on the show.
I hope you'll check it out. I'm a notoriously bad interview, so if nothing else, it should be worth listening to for the disaster potential alone.
The hosts, Lars and Powermann, have done a lot for the Edmonton comedy community and for me personally, as well, so I'm looking forward to being on the show.
I hope you'll check it out. I'm a notoriously bad interview, so if nothing else, it should be worth listening to for the disaster potential alone.
Monday, April 14, 2008
new headLINES
New headLINES is up
I finished my 100 jokes at 10:53 last night.
Looking over them today, only half of them look useable, and even some of those will need a polish. Still, it was an interesting experiment. It taught me a lot about the way I write and I enjoy pushing my limits.
Time to find new challenge for myself. Making my bed every day, maybe.
Nah. I want challenging, not impossible.
I finished my 100 jokes at 10:53 last night.
Looking over them today, only half of them look useable, and even some of those will need a polish. Still, it was an interesting experiment. It taught me a lot about the way I write and I enjoy pushing my limits.
Time to find new challenge for myself. Making my bed every day, maybe.
Nah. I want challenging, not impossible.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Protest
It was a gorgeous day yesterday.
I saw not one, but two protest marches. It looked like fun.
I want to be in a protest.
Do you need to have a cause or do they put you on a list and you can just show up?
18 jokes to go.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here)
Friday, April 18
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Other
Wednesday, April 16 - Dan will be appearing on Kamikaze Komedy on CJSR 88.5 from midnight to 2 am (so technically, April 17)
I saw not one, but two protest marches. It looked like fun.
I want to be in a protest.
Do you need to have a cause or do they put you on a list and you can just show up?
18 jokes to go.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here)
Friday, April 18
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Other
Wednesday, April 16 - Dan will be appearing on Kamikaze Komedy on CJSR 88.5 from midnight to 2 am (so technically, April 17)
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Memo to Self
Absinthe mixed with energy drinks tastes great, but it's not a good idea. Not only was I unable to sleep after, I didn't even get to enjoy hallucinations. Stupid fake-absinthe.
Went out last night with PRETTYBOY, BUBBA and a guy I'll call FERGIE. PrettyBoy is cool. He's also my fashion saviour. He lent me a belt to wear to keep my pants from falling down and reminded me that apparently, you're supposed to get your entire face when you shave. The most embarassing part is, it isn't the first time.
When I'm famous, I'm definitely going to make, leaving your right jawline unshaven the new trend.
You ever hear the expression "We leave no man behind?"
Last night, every man got left behind. The rest of the crew got picked off like characters in a horror movie: Bubba stayed behind to talk to the DJ; Fergie managed to vanish into the phantom zone between the stairs leading to the coat check and the club exit; and the last I saw of PrettyBoy, he was running down Jasper Avenue towards an after hours club with his blazer flapping behind him.
Good times.
Went out last night with PRETTYBOY, BUBBA and a guy I'll call FERGIE. PrettyBoy is cool. He's also my fashion saviour. He lent me a belt to wear to keep my pants from falling down and reminded me that apparently, you're supposed to get your entire face when you shave. The most embarassing part is, it isn't the first time.
When I'm famous, I'm definitely going to make, leaving your right jawline unshaven the new trend.
You ever hear the expression "We leave no man behind?"
Last night, every man got left behind. The rest of the crew got picked off like characters in a horror movie: Bubba stayed behind to talk to the DJ; Fergie managed to vanish into the phantom zone between the stairs leading to the coat check and the club exit; and the last I saw of PrettyBoy, he was running down Jasper Avenue towards an after hours club with his blazer flapping behind him.
Good times.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Zen and Humour
I went to my first Zen sitting last night. It was fun. My feet fell asleep.
Before the sitting, the head zen guy (don't ask me what they call themselves) gave a little speech on humour. It wasn't funny.
I guess zen teachers know as much about humour as stand-up comics do about mediation.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here)
Friday, April 18
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Other
Wednesday, April 16 - Dan will be appearing on Kamikaze Komedy on CJSR 88.5 from midnight to 2 am (so technically, April 17)
Before the sitting, the head zen guy (don't ask me what they call themselves) gave a little speech on humour. It wasn't funny.
I guess zen teachers know as much about humour as stand-up comics do about mediation.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here)
Friday, April 18
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Other
Wednesday, April 16 - Dan will be appearing on Kamikaze Komedy on CJSR 88.5 from midnight to 2 am (so technically, April 17)
Thursday, April 10, 2008
new Pair of Singles
New Pair of Singles is up.
Check it out here
I got an unpaid guest spot at the Comic Strip last night. I broke my resolution and did some old material. But I did get a lot of the new stuff in, and I'm encouraged by the results. It felt so good to be working with a majority of new stuff. It made the show so much fun. Even the old stuff felt fresh because of the new jokes working around it.
Comedy is fun.
Check it out here
I got an unpaid guest spot at the Comic Strip last night. I broke my resolution and did some old material. But I did get a lot of the new stuff in, and I'm encouraged by the results. It felt so good to be working with a majority of new stuff. It made the show so much fun. Even the old stuff felt fresh because of the new jokes working around it.
Comedy is fun.
Monday, April 07, 2008
100 Plus New headLINES
100 Bottles of beer on the wall, one hundred bottles of beeer.
If you're wondering why that song is in my head, I'll let you know.
Right after I plug headLINES.
I've decided I'm going to write 100 new jokes this week. I started at midnight last night/Monday morning and have until midnight Sunday.
It is currently 3:40 monday afternoon and I have 96 jokes to go. 96 bottles of mirth on the wall.
This is going to be an adventure.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, April 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here)
Friday, April 18
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Other
Wednesday, April 16 - Dan will be appearing on Kamikaze Komedy on CJSR 88.5 from midnight to 2 am (so technically, April 17)
If you're wondering why that song is in my head, I'll let you know.
Right after I plug headLINES.
I've decided I'm going to write 100 new jokes this week. I started at midnight last night/Monday morning and have until midnight Sunday.
It is currently 3:40 monday afternoon and I have 96 jokes to go. 96 bottles of mirth on the wall.
This is going to be an adventure.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, April 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here)
Friday, April 18
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Other
Wednesday, April 16 - Dan will be appearing on Kamikaze Komedy on CJSR 88.5 from midnight to 2 am (so technically, April 17)
Friday, April 04, 2008
For the Record (The Annotated Holy Diver)
For the record, in today's column, I reference the song Holy Diver. A great song, with horrible lyrics.
I'll prove it.
Here's the video.
And here are the lyrics, which are among the stupidest in recorded history.
HOLY DIVER
by Ronnie James Dio
Holy Diver
You've been down too long in the midnight sea[1]
Oh what's becoming of me? [2]
Ride the tiger [3]
You can see his stripes [4] but you know he's clean [5]
Oh don't you see what I mean [6]
Gotta get away [7]
Holy Diver
Shiny diamonds
Like the eyes of a cat in the black and blue [8]
Something is coming for you
Race for the morning
You can hide in the sun 'till you see the light [9]
Oh we will pray it's all right
Gotta get away-get away
Between the velvet lies
There's a truth that's hard as steel [10]
The vision never dies [11]
Life's a never ending wheel [12]
Holy Diver
You're the star of the masquerade [13]
No need to look so afraid [14]
Jump on the tiger [15]
You can feel his heart but you know he's mean [16]
Some light can never be seen
[1] So far so good, I guess. The song is about a diver in the midnight sea.
[2] Huh? What do you mean, "what's becoming of me?" The opening lines referred to "you." How did we get to first person?
[3] And this tiger, is it also down in the midnight sea? How does one ride a tiger underwater?
[4] The Diver may be Holy, but he isn't blind.
[5] Naturally. The midnight sea is an excellent cleanser. Although why you would care about the tiger's cleaniness is beyond me. Also, how does the word 'but' make any sense. Shouldn't it be "you can see his stripes SO you know he's clean?"
[6] Sorry, RJ. I'm lost.
[7] Who's gotta get away? And now that I think about it, what the f**k is a Holy Diver?
[8] I'm not touching this one
[9] Hide in the sun? Are we still underwater? Or are we riding the tiger? Also, I would suspect, it's pretty easy to see the light if you're hiding in the sun. For the billionth of a second it takes before you go blind, anyway. Also, there's no racing for the morning in the sun. The sun IS the morning.
[10] WTF?
[11] Ronnie James Dio: I don't care if it's nonsense, I need a word that rhymes with "lies"
[12] Ditto for "steel." Let's make it profound nonsense.
[13] What's he dressed up as? Either that or this word does not mean what Ronnie James Dio thinks it means.
[14] Perhaps his Holiness has a fear of masquerade stardom
[15] I wouldn't, if I were you.
[16] See [10] above
[17] Maybe we've been blinded from hiding in the sun.
I'll prove it.
Here's the video.
And here are the lyrics, which are among the stupidest in recorded history.
HOLY DIVER
by Ronnie James Dio
Holy Diver
You've been down too long in the midnight sea[1]
Oh what's becoming of me? [2]
Ride the tiger [3]
You can see his stripes [4] but you know he's clean [5]
Oh don't you see what I mean [6]
Gotta get away [7]
Holy Diver
Shiny diamonds
Like the eyes of a cat in the black and blue [8]
Something is coming for you
Race for the morning
You can hide in the sun 'till you see the light [9]
Oh we will pray it's all right
Gotta get away-get away
Between the velvet lies
There's a truth that's hard as steel [10]
The vision never dies [11]
Life's a never ending wheel [12]
Holy Diver
You're the star of the masquerade [13]
No need to look so afraid [14]
Jump on the tiger [15]
You can feel his heart but you know he's mean [16]
Some light can never be seen
[1] So far so good, I guess. The song is about a diver in the midnight sea.
[2] Huh? What do you mean, "what's becoming of me?" The opening lines referred to "you." How did we get to first person?
[3] And this tiger, is it also down in the midnight sea? How does one ride a tiger underwater?
[4] The Diver may be Holy, but he isn't blind.
[5] Naturally. The midnight sea is an excellent cleanser. Although why you would care about the tiger's cleaniness is beyond me. Also, how does the word 'but' make any sense. Shouldn't it be "you can see his stripes SO you know he's clean?"
[6] Sorry, RJ. I'm lost.
[7] Who's gotta get away? And now that I think about it, what the f**k is a Holy Diver?
[8] I'm not touching this one
[9] Hide in the sun? Are we still underwater? Or are we riding the tiger? Also, I would suspect, it's pretty easy to see the light if you're hiding in the sun. For the billionth of a second it takes before you go blind, anyway. Also, there's no racing for the morning in the sun. The sun IS the morning.
[10] WTF?
[11] Ronnie James Dio: I don't care if it's nonsense, I need a word that rhymes with "lies"
[12] Ditto for "steel." Let's make it profound nonsense.
[13] What's he dressed up as? Either that or this word does not mean what Ronnie James Dio thinks it means.
[14] Perhaps his Holiness has a fear of masquerade stardom
[15] I wouldn't, if I were you.
[16] See [10] above
[17] Maybe we've been blinded from hiding in the sun.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Things You DON'T Usually Hear in Bars
GUY I MET: Before I started working on the rigs, I was a bouncer. The best night of the week was Wednesdays, because that was gay night. Gays are really cool. They're funny and friendly and nice to talk to.
DAN: When I heard you start that sentence with "I work on the rigs," I really wasn't expecting your story about gay night to end the way it did.
Stereotypes are bad.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, April 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, April 4
Friday, April 18
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Other
Wednesday, April 16 - Dan will be appearing on Kamikaze Komedy on CJSR 88.5 from midnight to 2 am (so technically, April 17)
DAN: When I heard you start that sentence with "I work on the rigs," I really wasn't expecting your story about gay night to end the way it did.
Stereotypes are bad.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, April 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, April 4
Friday, April 18
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Other
Wednesday, April 16 - Dan will be appearing on Kamikaze Komedy on CJSR 88.5 from midnight to 2 am (so technically, April 17)
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
headLINES and other announcements
You'll find it here.
Dawn and I will be hosting a Special Dating Night Tuesday, April 22 at The Comic Strip. There will be comedy, of course, but also some games and possibly prizes as well. We're hoping to make it different and fun and interactive, and the more people we get out, the better the chances of that happening.
Also, I'm writing this here so I am forced to go through with it. I've made the decision to stop doing any of my current act during unpaid spots (ie: guest sets and open mics)
I want to re-experience the challenge and excitement of starting from nothing and creating myself on-stage all over again. My first year in comedy was the one where I did the most bad shows, but it was also the most fun because I was discovering along with the audience what worked and what didn't.
As part of that, it is my intention next week to write 100 jokes in seven days. I'm going to start next Monday and end Sunday by midnight.
Wish me luck.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, April 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, April 4
Friday, April 18
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Dawn and I will be hosting a Special Dating Night Tuesday, April 22 at The Comic Strip. There will be comedy, of course, but also some games and possibly prizes as well. We're hoping to make it different and fun and interactive, and the more people we get out, the better the chances of that happening.
Also, I'm writing this here so I am forced to go through with it. I've made the decision to stop doing any of my current act during unpaid spots (ie: guest sets and open mics)
I want to re-experience the challenge and excitement of starting from nothing and creating myself on-stage all over again. My first year in comedy was the one where I did the most bad shows, but it was also the most fun because I was discovering along with the audience what worked and what didn't.
As part of that, it is my intention next week to write 100 jokes in seven days. I'm going to start next Monday and end Sunday by midnight.
Wish me luck.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, April 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Tuesday, April 22 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, April 4
Friday, April 18
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Friday, March 28, 2008
Dan's Underground Comedy Tour
I read once that Dave Chappelle once did comedy in subway stations.
Today I decided to try it.
I was in a bad mood because a) it was a cloudy day and b) because I received news the Universe would not be handing writing success and the title of Voice of a Generation to me on a silver platter, and that I would, in fact, have to work for it like everyone else. Bummer.
Anyway, here's a station by station rundown.
UNIVERSITY STATION
Here we go. This is harder than I thought. I'm having a hard time remembering my jokes, even though some of them I've been using for years.
The body language isn't as bad as I thought. Of course, I made a conscious effort to root myself before I started. My gestures are still smaller than they should be and I'm definitely physically uptight.
The hardest part is my voice. I can't make it project, and it sounds very hesitant.
HEALTH SCIENCES
Just did a quick couple bits here, as it was the end of the line and I wanted to catch the same train I got in on to save time.
I decided to do Clareview next and then tried to work out logistically how I could minimize my wait time by skipping stations and then catching trains going in the oppoisite direction to do the stations I missed (instead of working my way down the line in one direction). That sentence made as much sense as my plan did. But I think the idea was sound.
As I rode to Clareview my stomach was churning. What possessed me to attempt this stupid idea anyway? Is this REALLY going to improve my stage presence? I did two stations already; I could go home now and I'd have tried it. The rest will be more of the same, right?
No.
Right or wrong, I finish what I start.
God help me.
CLAREVIEW
Another quick in and out. My voice is getting better. The outlying stations have less people on the platform. I don't know if that helps or hurts.
COLISEUM
This time I positioned myself differently. I'm experimenting with different ways of standing relative to the flow of traffic, but once I've picked a spot, the goal is to stay there, regardless of how people react or don't react to me.
I thought people would think I'm weird for doing this, and I am getting a few weird looks. But mostly, I'm being completely ignored. I'm terrified of the way people will think of me and for the most part people don't really seem to give a shit.
I'm part relieved, part annoyed.
There's a lesson in this somewhere, but damned if I can figure it out.
BELVEDERE
Okay, I'm starting to get the hang of it. I don't feel at all self-conscious anymore.
Next station, I'm upping the ante.
STADIUM
Tried a higher-traffic flow area. Still not many people.
I'm nearly out of jokes.
On the platform I went into some of my MC schtick. "Any celebrations tonight?"
One woman turned around and said--not unkindly: "No."
I was so used to being ignored, I was completely thrown off stride.
Damn it.
I want to get to the point where I don't care. Whether there's people or not, whether they ignore me or not, I want to have the same commitment to what I'm doing. I want to be able to react to what's going on without having it affect me.
CHURCHILL
The downtown stations have more people, so now I'm nervous again. I'm crossways to the flow of traffic.
Nobody gives a shit.
This is bull. I'm doing my A material.
GRANDIN
I've run out of jokes. I do an impression of the Rock. "Finally, the Rock has come back to Grandin Station."
I'm starting to realize how much of our social behaviour is regulated by reading cues from other people. Because people are actively ignoring me, I can't actually tell how loud my voice is.
I'm losing my sense of what is acceptable social behaviour. What happens when I jump up and down like this? What happens when I wave my arms wildly?
I am also exhausted. I've been down here less than two hours, but it feels like forever.
I need to get out of here.
Instead of waiting for the next train, I take the stairs, intending to use the pedway system to get to the next downtown station since they're so close together. Instead, I get turned around and find myself in...
CHURCHILL (AGAIN)
Damn it to Hell.
Screw it. Time to start singing.
"Her name was LOLA
She was a SHOWGIRL..."
BAY
I hate the sound of my own voice. I'm exhausted and want to go home.
I break up the change, by breaking into some dance moves. I'm trying to put energy into it, pretending I'm onstage at show 235 of 256 date tour. Every show deserves 100%--even if nobody here asked for a show or even knows there is one going on.
CORONA
I'm not even thinking any more. Is it me or have their been more attractive women riding the LRT today. If I ever see them again...Actually, if I see them again, they probably won't even remember me. I'm the loudest person in the station, but I'm also effectively invisible.
I finish my showcase set. This took a little over two hours, but I feel as exhausted as I did after twelve-hour shifts when I was working hospital security.
I go upstairs and out into the world.
The sun has come out
I'm not in a bad mood anymore.
Today I decided to try it.
I was in a bad mood because a) it was a cloudy day and b) because I received news the Universe would not be handing writing success and the title of Voice of a Generation to me on a silver platter, and that I would, in fact, have to work for it like everyone else. Bummer.
Anyway, here's a station by station rundown.
UNIVERSITY STATION
Here we go. This is harder than I thought. I'm having a hard time remembering my jokes, even though some of them I've been using for years.
The body language isn't as bad as I thought. Of course, I made a conscious effort to root myself before I started. My gestures are still smaller than they should be and I'm definitely physically uptight.
The hardest part is my voice. I can't make it project, and it sounds very hesitant.
HEALTH SCIENCES
Just did a quick couple bits here, as it was the end of the line and I wanted to catch the same train I got in on to save time.
I decided to do Clareview next and then tried to work out logistically how I could minimize my wait time by skipping stations and then catching trains going in the oppoisite direction to do the stations I missed (instead of working my way down the line in one direction). That sentence made as much sense as my plan did. But I think the idea was sound.
As I rode to Clareview my stomach was churning. What possessed me to attempt this stupid idea anyway? Is this REALLY going to improve my stage presence? I did two stations already; I could go home now and I'd have tried it. The rest will be more of the same, right?
No.
Right or wrong, I finish what I start.
God help me.
CLAREVIEW
Another quick in and out. My voice is getting better. The outlying stations have less people on the platform. I don't know if that helps or hurts.
COLISEUM
This time I positioned myself differently. I'm experimenting with different ways of standing relative to the flow of traffic, but once I've picked a spot, the goal is to stay there, regardless of how people react or don't react to me.
I thought people would think I'm weird for doing this, and I am getting a few weird looks. But mostly, I'm being completely ignored. I'm terrified of the way people will think of me and for the most part people don't really seem to give a shit.
I'm part relieved, part annoyed.
There's a lesson in this somewhere, but damned if I can figure it out.
BELVEDERE
Okay, I'm starting to get the hang of it. I don't feel at all self-conscious anymore.
Next station, I'm upping the ante.
STADIUM
Tried a higher-traffic flow area. Still not many people.
I'm nearly out of jokes.
On the platform I went into some of my MC schtick. "Any celebrations tonight?"
One woman turned around and said--not unkindly: "No."
I was so used to being ignored, I was completely thrown off stride.
Damn it.
I want to get to the point where I don't care. Whether there's people or not, whether they ignore me or not, I want to have the same commitment to what I'm doing. I want to be able to react to what's going on without having it affect me.
CHURCHILL
The downtown stations have more people, so now I'm nervous again. I'm crossways to the flow of traffic.
Nobody gives a shit.
This is bull. I'm doing my A material.
GRANDIN
I've run out of jokes. I do an impression of the Rock. "Finally, the Rock has come back to Grandin Station."
I'm starting to realize how much of our social behaviour is regulated by reading cues from other people. Because people are actively ignoring me, I can't actually tell how loud my voice is.
I'm losing my sense of what is acceptable social behaviour. What happens when I jump up and down like this? What happens when I wave my arms wildly?
I am also exhausted. I've been down here less than two hours, but it feels like forever.
I need to get out of here.
Instead of waiting for the next train, I take the stairs, intending to use the pedway system to get to the next downtown station since they're so close together. Instead, I get turned around and find myself in...
CHURCHILL (AGAIN)
Damn it to Hell.
Screw it. Time to start singing.
"Her name was LOLA
She was a SHOWGIRL..."
BAY
I hate the sound of my own voice. I'm exhausted and want to go home.
I break up the change, by breaking into some dance moves. I'm trying to put energy into it, pretending I'm onstage at show 235 of 256 date tour. Every show deserves 100%--even if nobody here asked for a show or even knows there is one going on.
CORONA
I'm not even thinking any more. Is it me or have their been more attractive women riding the LRT today. If I ever see them again...Actually, if I see them again, they probably won't even remember me. I'm the loudest person in the station, but I'm also effectively invisible.
I finish my showcase set. This took a little over two hours, but I feel as exhausted as I did after twelve-hour shifts when I was working hospital security.
I go upstairs and out into the world.
The sun has come out
I'm not in a bad mood anymore.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
New Pair of Singles
Check it out HERE
I don't know what I'm more excited about--the fact we already have a reader comment, or the fact that the comment alleges "Judging from your picture, you have very nice eyes and regular features, which, according to most women, is enough to rate you as handsome"
That endorsement is definitely going on the cover of my first book. And my Facebook status. And I possibly a t-shirt as well.
I'm very enthusiastic about some ideas for some upcoming articles. I'm always trying to keep things fresh and challenge myself both as a writer and as a person. I'm pitching my ideas to editors as we speak, so watch this space for details.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, April 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, April 4
Friday, April 18
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
I don't know what I'm more excited about--the fact we already have a reader comment, or the fact that the comment alleges "Judging from your picture, you have very nice eyes and regular features, which, according to most women, is enough to rate you as handsome"
That endorsement is definitely going on the cover of my first book. And my Facebook status. And I possibly a t-shirt as well.
I'm very enthusiastic about some ideas for some upcoming articles. I'm always trying to keep things fresh and challenge myself both as a writer and as a person. I'm pitching my ideas to editors as we speak, so watch this space for details.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, April 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, April 4
Friday, April 18
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Monday, March 24, 2008
new headLINEs
Latest headLINES is up
I complain now and then about rude people at the Comedy Club, people who think they are entitled to anything they want. I used to think those people had no redeeming social value.
I was wrong.
A friend (I haven't chosen his nickname yet; I'm thinking of going with PrettyBoy) and I were at a karaoke bar on Saturday. Every five minutes it seemed, the server was checking in on us.
Finally, I asked. "Why do you come by so often?"
She said: "Because when I'm out I often want stuff. Even if I order a drink, I might decide two seconds later I want something else, and I hate having to wait for a waitress."
In other words, she was one of those annoying types. But as a server, she's taken her weakness and turned it into a strength. She was a woman who made the decision lived up to her own standards.
That's pretty cool.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, April 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, April 4
Friday, April 18
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
I complain now and then about rude people at the Comedy Club, people who think they are entitled to anything they want. I used to think those people had no redeeming social value.
I was wrong.
A friend (I haven't chosen his nickname yet; I'm thinking of going with PrettyBoy) and I were at a karaoke bar on Saturday. Every five minutes it seemed, the server was checking in on us.
Finally, I asked. "Why do you come by so often?"
She said: "Because when I'm out I often want stuff. Even if I order a drink, I might decide two seconds later I want something else, and I hate having to wait for a waitress."
In other words, she was one of those annoying types. But as a server, she's taken her weakness and turned it into a strength. She was a woman who made the decision lived up to her own standards.
That's pretty cool.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, April 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, April 4
Friday, April 18
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Killin' The Radio Star
I first saw this video in a hotel room in Slave Lake when I was playing bass in the band.
I remember saying out loud to the rest of the band. "Look at this crap. It's everything I hate about pop music"...right up until 3:04 when it suddenly became "Oh my God, that's the greatest video I've ever seen!"
I remember saying out loud to the rest of the band. "Look at this crap. It's everything I hate about pop music"...right up until 3:04 when it suddenly became "Oh my God, that's the greatest video I've ever seen!"
Monday, March 17, 2008
latest headLINES is up
Right here
I'm at the Comic Strip tonight. I'm MCing. Come one, come all.
Went to Ace Frehley on the weekend. It was fun. I said some funny things.
I also misplaced my coat there. I am sad. If anyone sees a black peacoat with brass buttons and a notebook filled with moderately funny jokes in the pocket along with a pair of gloves and a KISS hat, I would appreciate having it back.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
I'm at the Comic Strip tonight. I'm MCing. Come one, come all.
Went to Ace Frehley on the weekend. It was fun. I said some funny things.
I also misplaced my coat there. I am sad. If anyone sees a black peacoat with brass buttons and a notebook filled with moderately funny jokes in the pocket along with a pair of gloves and a KISS hat, I would appreciate having it back.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Never Mind Matt Damon, I'm *****ing Powermann!
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
"Normally I discount anything Powermann says, but this time he's exactly right"
-Lars Callieou
I have never heard a human being so accurately summed up in a single quote. Powermann is three parts village idiot, one part prophet and you never know what you're going to get at any given time.
I brought a date with me to a show this weekend. I knew she was going to meet Powermann. Powermann can be an acquired taste so I wasn't sure how things were going to go.
I was worried they wouldn't get along, which would have been uncomfortable.
As it turned out, they got along like two peas in a pod, which was terrifying.
My world was askew. Turned topsy-turvy. I was freaked right out. And possibly agog as well.
Powermann, never one to smell blood in the water without taking a bite, capitalized on the moment.
POWERMANN: (growing louder with each word as the Powermann Overload System ticks steadily to the red zone) Brodribb, Me and your girl have so much in common. It's like you're dating me. In fact, you are dating me! BRODRIBB, YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH ME!! HEY, EVERYBODY, BRODRIBB AND ME ARE HOOKING UP!!!!
Now all I can imagine is being in mid romantic congress with this woman when all of a sudden her face morphs into Powermann's like Adam Sandler's rivals in 'The Waterboy.' It's grinning up at me and talking to me in a Powermann voice and laughing a Powermann laugh.
POWERMANN: Don't thtop now, Brodribb, it's just gettin' good, haw-HAW!
I hope I don't have to break up over this, because that would be an awkward conversation.
DAN: Look, this just isn't working.
HER: Why not?
DAN: Because you're Powermann.
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
"Normally I discount anything Powermann says, but this time he's exactly right"
-Lars Callieou
I have never heard a human being so accurately summed up in a single quote. Powermann is three parts village idiot, one part prophet and you never know what you're going to get at any given time.
I brought a date with me to a show this weekend. I knew she was going to meet Powermann. Powermann can be an acquired taste so I wasn't sure how things were going to go.
I was worried they wouldn't get along, which would have been uncomfortable.
As it turned out, they got along like two peas in a pod, which was terrifying.
My world was askew. Turned topsy-turvy. I was freaked right out. And possibly agog as well.
Powermann, never one to smell blood in the water without taking a bite, capitalized on the moment.
POWERMANN: (growing louder with each word as the Powermann Overload System ticks steadily to the red zone) Brodribb, Me and your girl have so much in common. It's like you're dating me. In fact, you are dating me! BRODRIBB, YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH ME!! HEY, EVERYBODY, BRODRIBB AND ME ARE HOOKING UP!!!!
Now all I can imagine is being in mid romantic congress with this woman when all of a sudden her face morphs into Powermann's like Adam Sandler's rivals in 'The Waterboy.' It's grinning up at me and talking to me in a Powermann voice and laughing a Powermann laugh.
POWERMANN: Don't thtop now, Brodribb, it's just gettin' good, haw-HAW!
I hope I don't have to break up over this, because that would be an awkward conversation.
DAN: Look, this just isn't working.
HER: Why not?
DAN: Because you're Powermann.
You Know You're Obsessed With Writing When...
when you start mentally editing the ads on buses. Especially when you feel compelled to solicit opinions from the people sitting beside you.
I saw a transit ad for Colgate saying "If Dating Is A Game, Give Your Mouth The Home Field Advantage."
I think it would be stronger and punchier if the words "if" and "the" were cut: "Dating is a Game. Give Your Mouth Home Field Advantage."
I saw a transit ad for Colgate saying "If Dating Is A Game, Give Your Mouth The Home Field Advantage."
I think it would be stronger and punchier if the words "if" and "the" were cut: "Dating is a Game. Give Your Mouth Home Field Advantage."
Monday, March 03, 2008
New Stuff
Click here for the latest headLINES
I was badly traumatized this weekend. Powermann, you are a terrible person.
The story will be posted later this week.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
I was badly traumatized this weekend. Powermann, you are a terrible person.
The story will be posted later this week.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Friday, February 29, 2008
Dan Gets Punk'd--And Updates
New Pair of Singles is up here.
New Living Article is up here.
My latest Living article involves my part-time office job. Here's another story from that same job.
At my office job, we have a program where we call back clients to evaluate the quality of our service. One of my co-workers (I'll call him WiseGuy) thought it would be hilarious to offer a callback to another co-worker who works downstairs. He also included in the notes a description of the woman using the word "special."
Enter Dan.
Not realizing it was a joke, I actually made the call. Here's how it went.
SPECIAL WOMAN: Hello?
DAN: (talking extra-slowly for the 'special' client) Hi, this is Dan calling from...
SPECIAL: Hey, Dan. Great to hear from you.
DAN'S BRAIN: Boy, this woman's even more out to lunch than I thought. She thinks she knows me.
DAN: Anyway, we wanted to check in on...
SPECIAL GIRL: Dan, it's ME...from downstairs.
DAN: (to WiseGuy) WiseGuy, you a**hole!
WISEGUY: That worked out to be even funnier than I thought it would be.
Upcoming Comedy
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
New Living Article is up here.
My latest Living article involves my part-time office job. Here's another story from that same job.
At my office job, we have a program where we call back clients to evaluate the quality of our service. One of my co-workers (I'll call him WiseGuy) thought it would be hilarious to offer a callback to another co-worker who works downstairs. He also included in the notes a description of the woman using the word "special."
Enter Dan.
Not realizing it was a joke, I actually made the call. Here's how it went.
SPECIAL WOMAN: Hello?
DAN: (talking extra-slowly for the 'special' client) Hi, this is Dan calling from...
SPECIAL: Hey, Dan. Great to hear from you.
DAN'S BRAIN: Boy, this woman's even more out to lunch than I thought. She thinks she knows me.
DAN: Anyway, we wanted to check in on...
SPECIAL GIRL: Dan, it's ME...from downstairs.
DAN: (to WiseGuy) WiseGuy, you a**hole!
WISEGUY: That worked out to be even funnier than I thought it would be.
Upcoming Comedy
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Lurch Needs A Blog
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Went to the bar last night to celebrate Heavy Metal's birthday. Unfortunately, Heavy Metal wasn't there.
These things happen.
Fortunately, Lurch was.
Lurch has magic powers at attracting women from bars...and equally magic powers of getting...shall we say, tripped up at the finish line by unlikely events(*) when it comes to closing the deal.
Lurch needs a blog. These stories must be told.
"I'm Sisyphus," Lurch moaned to me as he was recounting his latest misadventures. "I get the rock almost to the top of the hill and..."
I was too busy laughing to hear the rest of the sentence. Not to mention the fact my mind was reeling at a) hearing an allusion to Greek mythology in a country bar and b) that it came from Lurch--who is known more for punching people and yelling "Douchebag!" at random moments than his education in the classics.
If I ever edit these blog posts, I'm changing his name to Sisyphus.
Other random stuff. There was some kind of weird retro night going on which meant a lot of the people at the bar were wearing clothes that they thought was from the 70s, 80s, or 90s, but just looked like random crap they found in a dress-up box to me.
I, of course, fit right in thanks to my Transformers t-shirt. Which would have been cool, had I been TRYING to dress up but I was just wearing my everyday clothes.
The bouncers were wearing these tie-dyed shirts. Unfortunately, I had no idea they were doing this, so I spent the first half hour wondering where the staff was.
Finally, I saw Big Jess and Massive Damage, two wrestlers that work there dressed in their tie-dyed finery and I clued in to what was happening. You haven't lived until you've seen pro-wrestlers dressed in tie-dye. It's like looking at the world's most intimidating Grateful Dead fans.
(*)It may also be that his charm is irresistable, but also weirdly short-lived. Dawn described him thusly: "When I first met him, I thought he was really interesting and attractive, but after thirty minutes I wanted to run him over with my car."
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Went to the bar last night to celebrate Heavy Metal's birthday. Unfortunately, Heavy Metal wasn't there.
These things happen.
Fortunately, Lurch was.
Lurch has magic powers at attracting women from bars...and equally magic powers of getting...shall we say, tripped up at the finish line by unlikely events(*) when it comes to closing the deal.
Lurch needs a blog. These stories must be told.
"I'm Sisyphus," Lurch moaned to me as he was recounting his latest misadventures. "I get the rock almost to the top of the hill and..."
I was too busy laughing to hear the rest of the sentence. Not to mention the fact my mind was reeling at a) hearing an allusion to Greek mythology in a country bar and b) that it came from Lurch--who is known more for punching people and yelling "Douchebag!" at random moments than his education in the classics.
If I ever edit these blog posts, I'm changing his name to Sisyphus.
Other random stuff. There was some kind of weird retro night going on which meant a lot of the people at the bar were wearing clothes that they thought was from the 70s, 80s, or 90s, but just looked like random crap they found in a dress-up box to me.
I, of course, fit right in thanks to my Transformers t-shirt. Which would have been cool, had I been TRYING to dress up but I was just wearing my everyday clothes.
The bouncers were wearing these tie-dyed shirts. Unfortunately, I had no idea they were doing this, so I spent the first half hour wondering where the staff was.
Finally, I saw Big Jess and Massive Damage, two wrestlers that work there dressed in their tie-dyed finery and I clued in to what was happening. You haven't lived until you've seen pro-wrestlers dressed in tie-dye. It's like looking at the world's most intimidating Grateful Dead fans.
(*)It may also be that his charm is irresistable, but also weirdly short-lived. Dawn described him thusly: "When I first met him, I thought he was really interesting and attractive, but after thirty minutes I wanted to run him over with my car."
Monday, February 25, 2008
headLINES is up
Check it out.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Dan Learns His Hairstyle Is No Longer Au Courant
A few of us were at the Timms centre last night to have our comedy filmed for SHAW TV's Shaw's Comedy Shorts.
I learned that when the hair/make-up person asks you "How do you want your hair styled?" "I don't give a f**k" is not an acceptable answer.
I learned that when the hair/make-up person asks you "How do you want your hair styled?" "I don't give a f**k" is not an acceptable answer.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
The Pick-Up Artist Wore Khaki
"You're not your F***ing khakis"
-Tyler Durden, Fight Club
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
-Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
Read on. It will all become clear.
But first...
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 18 - Timms Centre, (SHAW TV taping)
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
I was hanging around with Dawn Dumont while she shopped for an outfit for the TV taping on Tuesday.
She was telling me about a line they used on the Pick-Up Artist for starting conversations. The line is "Hey guys, is khaki a colour or a fabric?"
A few minutes later we were walking through the mall. Like many malls, West Edmonton Mall has been over-run by these booth things in the middle of the mall where people jump out of nowhere and try to sell you various Dead Sea Lotions and Potions and Facials and Kidney Scrapers and all manner of wonderful things.
Anyway, we were walking along when we were bushwhacked by this olive-skinned couple wanting to show us their wares.
For whatever reason, I felt compelled to blurt out: "Hey guys, is khaki a colour or a fabric?"
They looked at me with wide, horrified eyes.
I interpreted this to mean they didn't understand English well and did what all civilzed people do when speaking to someone who doesn't understand the language...I spoke the same words louder.
(I also grabbed my pants leg for demonstrative purposes. Since I my pants were a) blue and b) denim, I'm not sure that helped)
"YOU KNOW? KHAKI? IS KHAKI A FABRIC OR A COLOUR?" KHAKI! KHAKI! KHAKI!"
Apparently, in Hebrew, khaki is neither a colour nor a fabric. Apparently "khaki" is the Hebrew word for "human excrement."
You learn something every day.
-Tyler Durden, Fight Club
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
-Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
Read on. It will all become clear.
But first...
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 18 - Timms Centre, (SHAW TV taping)
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
I was hanging around with Dawn Dumont while she shopped for an outfit for the TV taping on Tuesday.
She was telling me about a line they used on the Pick-Up Artist for starting conversations. The line is "Hey guys, is khaki a colour or a fabric?"
A few minutes later we were walking through the mall. Like many malls, West Edmonton Mall has been over-run by these booth things in the middle of the mall where people jump out of nowhere and try to sell you various Dead Sea Lotions and Potions and Facials and Kidney Scrapers and all manner of wonderful things.
Anyway, we were walking along when we were bushwhacked by this olive-skinned couple wanting to show us their wares.
For whatever reason, I felt compelled to blurt out: "Hey guys, is khaki a colour or a fabric?"
They looked at me with wide, horrified eyes.
I interpreted this to mean they didn't understand English well and did what all civilzed people do when speaking to someone who doesn't understand the language...I spoke the same words louder.
(I also grabbed my pants leg for demonstrative purposes. Since I my pants were a) blue and b) denim, I'm not sure that helped)
"YOU KNOW? KHAKI? IS KHAKI A FABRIC OR A COLOUR?" KHAKI! KHAKI! KHAKI!"
Apparently, in Hebrew, khaki is neither a colour nor a fabric. Apparently "khaki" is the Hebrew word for "human excrement."
You learn something every day.
New Stuff and a Dear Dawn Letter
Valentine's Day Pair of Singles is up here.
Also, my latest Living article is up. Read it here.
Two things on the Living article.
Thing One: I didn't write the caption beneath the picture. I don't know who the "I" is who never found someone over 30 at The Standard, but it was not Dan Brodribb. I've never been to the Standard.
The caption is fine. But it wasn't me that wrote it. And as small a thing as it might seem, since it's being published under my byline, it's important to me that people know that.
Thing Two: It's ironic that the "Scared of Bars" got published today, as I was at one until closing time last night.
Here's my email to Dawn:
"Hey, Dawn,
Hope you made it home all right. After you left I gave one woman a valentine, consoled another one on her break-up, made plans with a third to start our own bar, and nearly got into a fight with some guy. Good times.
Also, I finally got some stories from the men's bathroom to compete with your tales of women's washroom. The world is a very strange place.
See you Tuesday,
Dan"
Also, my latest Living article is up. Read it here.
Two things on the Living article.
Thing One: I didn't write the caption beneath the picture. I don't know who the "I" is who never found someone over 30 at The Standard, but it was not Dan Brodribb. I've never been to the Standard.
The caption is fine. But it wasn't me that wrote it. And as small a thing as it might seem, since it's being published under my byline, it's important to me that people know that.
Thing Two: It's ironic that the "Scared of Bars" got published today, as I was at one until closing time last night.
Here's my email to Dawn:
"Hey, Dawn,
Hope you made it home all right. After you left I gave one woman a valentine, consoled another one on her break-up, made plans with a third to start our own bar, and nearly got into a fight with some guy. Good times.
Also, I finally got some stories from the men's bathroom to compete with your tales of women's washroom. The world is a very strange place.
See you Tuesday,
Dan"
Monday, February 11, 2008
headLINES
New headlines is up here.
I saw something really cool at The Comic Strip last night.
Rick Bronson was headlining and he brought the bartender up to sing "Hey Jude." She was nervous, but did a great job. She's a natural performer. The coolest part was seeing people in the crowd sing along while holding up lighters and cellphones.
I was glad I got to see that. It was a really fun, really genuine moment, and things like that are the reason I got into performing in the first place.
I saw something really cool at The Comic Strip last night.
Rick Bronson was headlining and he brought the bartender up to sing "Hey Jude." She was nervous, but did a great job. She's a natural performer. The coolest part was seeing people in the crowd sing along while holding up lighters and cellphones.
I was glad I got to see that. It was a really fun, really genuine moment, and things like that are the reason I got into performing in the first place.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
I Can't Believe I've Been Mispronouncing The Word "Umbrella" All These Years
Apparently--at least according to Rihanna--the correct pronunciation is "Ahm-ba-rella-ella-ella-ay-ay-ay"
I had no idea that what she was saying there was supposed to be the word Umbrella. I thought it was gibberish like 'Bawitaba' or 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida' Or Do Wa Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo. When I heard the song was titled 'Umbrella,' I remember thinking: "That's weird. They don't even have the name of the song in the chorus."
I guess I was wrong. I just didn't recognize it.
Having said that, I'm not ashamed to admit love this Rihanna album 'Good Girl Gone Bad." Every song is catchy. I haven't enjoyed an album this much from beginning to end since System of a Down's "Mezmerize."
Anyway, here's my schedule.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 18 - The Comic Strip
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 15
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
I had no idea that what she was saying there was supposed to be the word Umbrella. I thought it was gibberish like 'Bawitaba' or 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida' Or Do Wa Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo. When I heard the song was titled 'Umbrella,' I remember thinking: "That's weird. They don't even have the name of the song in the chorus."
I guess I was wrong. I just didn't recognize it.
Having said that, I'm not ashamed to admit love this Rihanna album 'Good Girl Gone Bad." Every song is catchy. I haven't enjoyed an album this much from beginning to end since System of a Down's "Mezmerize."
Anyway, here's my schedule.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 18 - The Comic Strip
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 15
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Monday, February 04, 2008
New headLINES is up
Check it out here.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, February 4 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 15
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, February 4 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 15
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Finally, a new story. There's Strippers in it.
There are three things I know for sure in this world.
1. Electricity travels in a closed path.
2. Water seeks its own level.
3. Strippers are fucking crazy.
My father taught me things one and two. Number three I discovered on my own.
I've met only one non-crazy dancer in my life. And even she was a little eccentric.
But there is one dancer I..well, I don't exactly KNOW her, since I've spoken to her exactly twice...but every time I go out I seem to run into her. She takes the crazy to a whole new level. She is to Crazy Strippers what King Kong is to gorillas.
Saturday I was out with my friend LURCH (not his real name). Super Crazy was there pulling her usual Super Crazy stuff: making out with other women, throwing drinks, and generally behaving like Britney Spears without the talent (**).
Lurch is a pretty cool guy. He likes to punch people in the chest and call them douchebag. I call him Rock because he carries himself with an unshakeable sense of strength and purpose. People are drawn to his strength, conviction, and take-charge aura, which I find hilarious because three-quarters of the time the stuff he's talking about makes no sense (***).
Anyway, late in the evening while I was chatting with Steve Rivers and Phil La Fon (AKA Phil LaFleur AKA Dan Kroffat), Super Crazy came by crying. Lurch--who finds Super Crazy strangely compelling--grabbed her, comforted her, and offered her a ride home.
The next day I called Lurch up and asked him what happened.
Here's the short version.
"Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Crazy Stripper Drama, M*****f****er!"
There were a few more details, but that's Lurch's story, and you'll have to ask him about it. It's a good one though. Buy him a drink and he'll tell you. Then he'll punch you in the chest and call you a douchebag.
(*)I see her every time I go out at various bars across the city. I was going to say she spends way too much time at the bar, but then I think about what that says about me, and I decided not to. I've lost a lot of things at the bar, but my sense of irony is not one of them (****--yes I know I'm footnoting a footnote).
(**) I know, I know.
(***) Actually, he kind of reminds me of Paul Sveen.
(****--yes I know I'm footnoting a footnote) Which makes it very hard to fit in at some clubs. Booze is very popular at clubs. Irony...not so much. They should have a sign or something that says "No Knives, No Guns, No Irony."
1. Electricity travels in a closed path.
2. Water seeks its own level.
3. Strippers are fucking crazy.
My father taught me things one and two. Number three I discovered on my own.
I've met only one non-crazy dancer in my life. And even she was a little eccentric.
But there is one dancer I..well, I don't exactly KNOW her, since I've spoken to her exactly twice...but every time I go out I seem to run into her. She takes the crazy to a whole new level. She is to Crazy Strippers what King Kong is to gorillas.
Saturday I was out with my friend LURCH (not his real name). Super Crazy was there pulling her usual Super Crazy stuff: making out with other women, throwing drinks, and generally behaving like Britney Spears without the talent (**).
Lurch is a pretty cool guy. He likes to punch people in the chest and call them douchebag. I call him Rock because he carries himself with an unshakeable sense of strength and purpose. People are drawn to his strength, conviction, and take-charge aura, which I find hilarious because three-quarters of the time the stuff he's talking about makes no sense (***).
Anyway, late in the evening while I was chatting with Steve Rivers and Phil La Fon (AKA Phil LaFleur AKA Dan Kroffat), Super Crazy came by crying. Lurch--who finds Super Crazy strangely compelling--grabbed her, comforted her, and offered her a ride home.
The next day I called Lurch up and asked him what happened.
Here's the short version.
"Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Crazy Stripper Drama, M*****f****er!"
There were a few more details, but that's Lurch's story, and you'll have to ask him about it. It's a good one though. Buy him a drink and he'll tell you. Then he'll punch you in the chest and call you a douchebag.
(*)I see her every time I go out at various bars across the city. I was going to say she spends way too much time at the bar, but then I think about what that says about me, and I decided not to. I've lost a lot of things at the bar, but my sense of irony is not one of them (****--yes I know I'm footnoting a footnote).
(**) I know, I know.
(***) Actually, he kind of reminds me of Paul Sveen.
(****--yes I know I'm footnoting a footnote) Which makes it very hard to fit in at some clubs. Booze is very popular at clubs. Irony...not so much. They should have a sign or something that says "No Knives, No Guns, No Irony."
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
10 Things I Like
Having a hard time getting this Valentine's Day column together. I've been writing V-Day columns for the last couple years, and it feels like I've said everything I have to say on the subject. Let's hope we aren't heading back to this.
Here are a ten things I like right now:
-Meeting interesting strangers.
-This song
-Hanging out with Dawn.
-Trying a new joke onstage.
-The Owen Hart vs. British Bulldog match for the European title.
-When the bus pulls up just as I arrive at the stop.
-Red peppers
-The library
-making bread in my new breadmaker--it makes my apartment smell nice.
-Cool words
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, February 4 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Here are a ten things I like right now:
-Meeting interesting strangers.
-This song
-Hanging out with Dawn.
-Trying a new joke onstage.
-The Owen Hart vs. British Bulldog match for the European title.
-When the bus pulls up just as I arrive at the stop.
-Red peppers
-The library
-making bread in my new breadmaker--it makes my apartment smell nice.
-Cool words
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, February 4 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Monday, January 21, 2008
The Good, the Bad, and the Pathetic
THE GOOD: Watching PAUL MERCURIO at The Comic Strip Sunday. His crowd work is so good--he manages to create chaos, but still keep control of the room. Talking to him after was inspiring and I'm hoping to use some of what we talked about in my upcoming shows.
What upcoming shows, you ask?
These ones right here.
Tuesday, January 22 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, January 23 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, January 24 - The Comic Strip
Friday, January 25 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, January 26 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, January 27 - The Comic Strip
Monday, January 28 - The Comic Strip
Hope to see you there.
THE BAD: The Green Bay/New York NFL play-off game. Fifteen seconds of action followed by three minutes of commercials. No wonder the game was over three hours. Not all of us watch football for the ads.
THE PATHETIC: A woman at The Comic Strip last night who spent the entire show alternately yelling and crying at various staff members. A six-year old would have been embarrassed. I have nothing against people standing up for themselves if they feel they haven't gotten the service they expected, but there's a good way to do it...and a way that costs you the respect of everyone around you, disrupts the show, and strips you of your personal dignity. Just pathetic.
Other stuff..
Latest headLINES is up here. Includes Harry Potter AND Hulk Hogan jokes.
Also, I don't think I linked to the latest Pair of Singles article.
And here's the rest of the schedule...
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, January 22 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, January 23 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, January 24 - The Comic Strip
Friday, January 25 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, January 26 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, January 27 - The Comic Strip
Monday, January 28 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
What upcoming shows, you ask?
These ones right here.
Tuesday, January 22 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, January 23 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, January 24 - The Comic Strip
Friday, January 25 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, January 26 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, January 27 - The Comic Strip
Monday, January 28 - The Comic Strip
Hope to see you there.
THE BAD: The Green Bay/New York NFL play-off game. Fifteen seconds of action followed by three minutes of commercials. No wonder the game was over three hours. Not all of us watch football for the ads.
THE PATHETIC: A woman at The Comic Strip last night who spent the entire show alternately yelling and crying at various staff members. A six-year old would have been embarrassed. I have nothing against people standing up for themselves if they feel they haven't gotten the service they expected, but there's a good way to do it...and a way that costs you the respect of everyone around you, disrupts the show, and strips you of your personal dignity. Just pathetic.
Other stuff..
Latest headLINES is up here. Includes Harry Potter AND Hulk Hogan jokes.
Also, I don't think I linked to the latest Pair of Singles article.
And here's the rest of the schedule...
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, January 22 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, January 23 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, January 24 - The Comic Strip
Friday, January 25 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, January 26 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, January 27 - The Comic Strip
Monday, January 28 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Dan Tries to Tell a Lie on Live Television - It Goes Badly
New headLINES is up
An important new goal for me is to express myself honestly. Too often in the past, I've kept my mouth shut for fear of what others would think of me or because I wanted to give the perfect answer. Instead of worrying about being right or wrong, I want to be genuine.
So far so good. Until this morning.
I was doing a live TV interview on the Dating for Shy Guys course. At one point, one of the co-hosts--a very attractive and very married woman--turned the full force of her charisma on me and said asked something like: "What's something you would say to an attractive woman?"
DAN'S GENUINE ANSWER: I want to answer your question, but when you look at me like that you are so f**king hot I can't think straight.
DAN'S BRAIN: Don't say that! Screw genuine! Tell a lie! Tell a lie!
WHAT ACTUALLY CAME OUT OF DAN'S MOUTH: Umm....
Although now that I think of it I have said "Umm..." to many an attractive woman, so technically, my answer was correct. Yay me...I guess.
Probably not a great way to sell yourself as a Dating Expert on live TV though.
The Dan is Not a Good Interview World Tour marches on.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, January 22 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, January 23 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, January 24 - The Comic Strip
Friday, January 25 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, January 26 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, January 27 - The Comic Strip
Monday, January 28 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Next article will appear on Friday, January 18
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
An important new goal for me is to express myself honestly. Too often in the past, I've kept my mouth shut for fear of what others would think of me or because I wanted to give the perfect answer. Instead of worrying about being right or wrong, I want to be genuine.
So far so good. Until this morning.
I was doing a live TV interview on the Dating for Shy Guys course. At one point, one of the co-hosts--a very attractive and very married woman--turned the full force of her charisma on me and said asked something like: "What's something you would say to an attractive woman?"
DAN'S GENUINE ANSWER: I want to answer your question, but when you look at me like that you are so f**king hot I can't think straight.
DAN'S BRAIN: Don't say that! Screw genuine! Tell a lie! Tell a lie!
WHAT ACTUALLY CAME OUT OF DAN'S MOUTH: Umm....
Although now that I think of it I have said "Umm..." to many an attractive woman, so technically, my answer was correct. Yay me...I guess.
Probably not a great way to sell yourself as a Dating Expert on live TV though.
The Dan is Not a Good Interview World Tour marches on.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, January 22 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, January 23 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, January 24 - The Comic Strip
Friday, January 25 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, January 26 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, January 27 - The Comic Strip
Monday, January 28 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Next article will appear on Friday, January 18
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Intinerary Updates and Interview News
Monday at 6:50am I will be doing an interview with CityTV to promote the Dating for Shy Guys course.
A live interview.
Awesome.
Oh yeah. I showcased for Comedy Now last night. I wouldn't mentioned it, but it's the first time I've showcased for anything nationally so I wanted to see what that looked like in writing.
Not as good as 'Dan Brodribb: Comedy Superstar and Voice of a Generation,' but it's something.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, January 22 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, January 23 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, January 24 - The Comic Strip
Friday, January 25 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, January 26 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, January 27 - The Comic Strip
Monday, January 28 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
A live interview.
Awesome.
Oh yeah. I showcased for Comedy Now last night. I wouldn't mentioned it, but it's the first time I've showcased for anything nationally so I wanted to see what that looked like in writing.
Not as good as 'Dan Brodribb: Comedy Superstar and Voice of a Generation,' but it's something.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, January 22 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, January 23 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, January 24 - The Comic Strip
Friday, January 25 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, January 26 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, January 27 - The Comic Strip
Monday, January 28 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
The Trouble With Facebook Revisited
Original article is here
While you're at it, check out the latest headLINES
The girl I had a crush on in high school got in touch with me through Facebook the other day. I was crazy about her for the end of grade nine, all of grade ten, and if I'm not mistaken--the first portion of grade eleven. I don't mess around with my crushes.
I actually owe this girl. The only reason I signed up for biology class was because she was in it and biology ended up being the only science I didn't drop or flunk out of. If not for my romantic obsession, I might not have graduated from high school (*).
She told me I once wrote her a poem, which I don't remember at all. I do recall giving her a unicorn for her birthday (April 20--weird the things that stay with you) and fleeing in embarrassment.
I guess I'm the typcial self-absorbed writer, because my first thought upon learning of the existence of this forgotten poem was: "I wonder if it was any good."
Magic eight-ball says 'doubtful.' I'm a decent writer, but poetry has never been my forte. Perhaps it's better that this lost Dan Brodribb Masterpiece remains lost.
(*)I didn't realize this until recently, but I skated through high school by the narrowest of margins. Looking back, I'm amazed at how oblivious I was; I knew I was in danger, but it never occurred to me I wouldn't make it. My attitude towards academic was the same as some guys' attitude towards being a boyfriend--if you show enough potential, your actual performance gets overlooked. I've noticed that strategy gets less and less effective, the further you get from high school. I suspect a couple teachers added some 'participation marks' to help push me through.
Upcoming Comedy
Wednesday, January 9 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
While you're at it, check out the latest headLINES
The girl I had a crush on in high school got in touch with me through Facebook the other day. I was crazy about her for the end of grade nine, all of grade ten, and if I'm not mistaken--the first portion of grade eleven. I don't mess around with my crushes.
I actually owe this girl. The only reason I signed up for biology class was because she was in it and biology ended up being the only science I didn't drop or flunk out of. If not for my romantic obsession, I might not have graduated from high school (*).
She told me I once wrote her a poem, which I don't remember at all. I do recall giving her a unicorn for her birthday (April 20--weird the things that stay with you) and fleeing in embarrassment.
I guess I'm the typcial self-absorbed writer, because my first thought upon learning of the existence of this forgotten poem was: "I wonder if it was any good."
Magic eight-ball says 'doubtful.' I'm a decent writer, but poetry has never been my forte. Perhaps it's better that this lost Dan Brodribb Masterpiece remains lost.
(*)I didn't realize this until recently, but I skated through high school by the narrowest of margins. Looking back, I'm amazed at how oblivious I was; I knew I was in danger, but it never occurred to me I wouldn't make it. My attitude towards academic was the same as some guys' attitude towards being a boyfriend--if you show enough potential, your actual performance gets overlooked. I've noticed that strategy gets less and less effective, the further you get from high school. I suspect a couple teachers added some 'participation marks' to help push me through.
Upcoming Comedy
Wednesday, January 9 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Friday, January 04, 2008
Living Article Is Up
New living article is up here.
It's on being a sports fan. Which I am. And right now I am praying to the Sports Fans Gods for a Packers/Patriots Super-Bowl showdown. I hope you'll join me. Except for Ryan, who is a die-hard Steelers fan.
For those of you who look at the picture and wonder about my lovely fashion sense, the hat is from my Dad circa 1967 and the t-shirt was a birthday present from my friend Victor, the lead vocalist for Desousa Drive.
It's on being a sports fan. Which I am. And right now I am praying to the Sports Fans Gods for a Packers/Patriots Super-Bowl showdown. I hope you'll join me. Except for Ryan, who is a die-hard Steelers fan.
For those of you who look at the picture and wonder about my lovely fashion sense, the hat is from my Dad circa 1967 and the t-shirt was a birthday present from my friend Victor, the lead vocalist for Desousa Drive.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
New headLINES and Pair of Singles. Also: The Hack Album
Dawn and I have our latest column up, containing our New Year's resolutions. Check it out here.
As well, headLINES is up here. This week it's my predictions for 2008.
Finally, my next Living article in the Journal will run this Friday. It's on sports.
One of my predictions is that I'm going to be a best-selling hip hop artist. Here's the lyrics to my first single, which is about the perils of the stand-up comedy game:
If you’re having laugh problems I feel bad for you son,
I got 99 problems, but this bit ain’t one
I got the hack patrol in the back, you know
Jokes that the haters want to say I stole
My critics all say “It’s easy laughs” Whoa
Too many words, sucka, these bits is gold.
If you bought a ticket to see my show
I’ll give you all I got plus a whole lot mo’
Loudmouth in the front trying to break my flow
He go, “Son, do you know what I’m hecklin you for?”
Cause your drunk and you’re fat and your IQ’s low
Do I look like Bill Cosby, sir? Shut your hole
Laugh, tip your waitress, show some love for the MC
keep your voice down I can hear you cause this ain’t TV
When you think the joke’s over--tag!--we ain’t done
I got 99 problems but this bit ain’t one.
Time to clear some space for my Grammy
As well, headLINES is up here. This week it's my predictions for 2008.
Finally, my next Living article in the Journal will run this Friday. It's on sports.
One of my predictions is that I'm going to be a best-selling hip hop artist. Here's the lyrics to my first single, which is about the perils of the stand-up comedy game:
If you’re having laugh problems I feel bad for you son,
I got 99 problems, but this bit ain’t one
I got the hack patrol in the back, you know
Jokes that the haters want to say I stole
My critics all say “It’s easy laughs” Whoa
Too many words, sucka, these bits is gold.
If you bought a ticket to see my show
I’ll give you all I got plus a whole lot mo’
Loudmouth in the front trying to break my flow
He go, “Son, do you know what I’m hecklin you for?”
Cause your drunk and you’re fat and your IQ’s low
Do I look like Bill Cosby, sir? Shut your hole
Laugh, tip your waitress, show some love for the MC
keep your voice down I can hear you cause this ain’t TV
When you think the joke’s over--tag!--we ain’t done
I got 99 problems but this bit ain’t one.
Time to clear some space for my Grammy
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Remembering My Hair
I got a haircut. It isn't too bad, but I miss waking up to my hair every morning.
At least, I have the memories.
At least, I have the memories.
Monday, December 24, 2007
headLINES, Haircuts, and Happy Holidays
I got a haircut today. I miss my old hair. I may have a tribute to it later on in the week.
here's the latest headLINES
Finally, I wanted to wish everyone Happy Holidays and all the best in the New Year to you and your loved ones. I appreciate all your support.
Dan
here's the latest headLINES
Finally, I wanted to wish everyone Happy Holidays and all the best in the New Year to you and your loved ones. I appreciate all your support.
Dan
Thursday, December 20, 2007
In Which Our Hero Is Outdanced By A Stripper
A couple other comedians were in the bar at the time this story happened and asked about it, so here it is.
Oh, hey...speaking of comedians--I am one. If you're looking to see me perform check out...
Upcoming Comedy
Thursday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Friday, December 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Saturday, December 22 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Sunday, December 23 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Monday, December 31 - Pub 99, Edmonton
Upcoming Writing
Current Living article can be found here.
headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's online ed magazine. The latest headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles w/Dawn Dumont. Current Pair of Singles can be found here.
I had stopped by the pub to watch the game. At the time there were only three people in the place, each seated at their own table. One of them was a cute redhead.
I thought this was rather anti-social and I said so. Guess which one I was looking at the most when I said it.
CUTE REDHEAD: You can sit with me if you want. But you can't talk because I'm watching the game.
DAN'S BRAIN: A woman who likes football? This bears further investigation.
DAN'S LYING MOUTH: Don't worry. You won't even know I'm here.
I watched about 0.000006 seconds of the game--enough to confirm that neither of the teams playing were ones I gave a shit about and that their performance tonight would not affect the playoff hopes of teams I DO give a shit about--before yakking to my new best friend.
She turned out to be a genial sort. Originally she said she was in sales, but after a an hour or so of chit-chat, confessed she was a stripper.
DAN: No way. You're too short.
CUTE REDHEAD: I know. I wear five inch heels.
DAN: You should wear stilts.
I say the sweetest things.
I then segued into my stripper rant. Never let it be said I don't have the courage of my convictions. Change happens when we speak out.
That rocky start aside, I really enjoyed talking to her. People lead such interesting lives. In addition to her being a amiable conversationalist, she was also very nice for a) buying me drinks and b) not calling to much attention to the fact she was outdrinking me by a 3-to-1 margin. Not only that, even at five feet and change, she seemed completely unaffected by the alcohol while I was noticing the bar was shifting precipitously to starboard each time I stood.
Nevertheless, she HAD paid for my gin-and-tonics. In exchange, I decided to introduce her to the power of Dan's Super-Secret Dance-Floor Technique for Meeting Women Even If You're Too Shy to Talk to Them (DSSDFTFMWEIYTSTTTT for short...er).
Since no one else was on the floor, she was relucant, but I insisted. Finally she danced with me.
As it turned out, she did okay on her own.
Within three songs, everyone in the bar was dancing and she was being swarmed by other guys, the DJ, and even other women.
Me not so much. Not even my best moves could attract the attention of the throng. Not only that, my new friend was so surrounded by new admirers that I was no longer on her radar.
Who would have thought I could be out-danced by a stripper? Everyone, I suspect, but me.
Live and learn, I guess.
Oh, hey...speaking of comedians--I am one. If you're looking to see me perform check out...
Upcoming Comedy
Thursday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Friday, December 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Saturday, December 22 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Sunday, December 23 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Monday, December 31 - Pub 99, Edmonton
Upcoming Writing
Current Living article can be found here.
headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's online ed magazine. The latest headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles w/Dawn Dumont. Current Pair of Singles can be found here.
I had stopped by the pub to watch the game. At the time there were only three people in the place, each seated at their own table. One of them was a cute redhead.
I thought this was rather anti-social and I said so. Guess which one I was looking at the most when I said it.
CUTE REDHEAD: You can sit with me if you want. But you can't talk because I'm watching the game.
DAN'S BRAIN: A woman who likes football? This bears further investigation.
DAN'S LYING MOUTH: Don't worry. You won't even know I'm here.
I watched about 0.000006 seconds of the game--enough to confirm that neither of the teams playing were ones I gave a shit about and that their performance tonight would not affect the playoff hopes of teams I DO give a shit about--before yakking to my new best friend.
She turned out to be a genial sort. Originally she said she was in sales, but after a an hour or so of chit-chat, confessed she was a stripper.
DAN: No way. You're too short.
CUTE REDHEAD: I know. I wear five inch heels.
DAN: You should wear stilts.
I say the sweetest things.
I then segued into my stripper rant. Never let it be said I don't have the courage of my convictions. Change happens when we speak out.
That rocky start aside, I really enjoyed talking to her. People lead such interesting lives. In addition to her being a amiable conversationalist, she was also very nice for a) buying me drinks and b) not calling to much attention to the fact she was outdrinking me by a 3-to-1 margin. Not only that, even at five feet and change, she seemed completely unaffected by the alcohol while I was noticing the bar was shifting precipitously to starboard each time I stood.
Nevertheless, she HAD paid for my gin-and-tonics. In exchange, I decided to introduce her to the power of Dan's Super-Secret Dance-Floor Technique for Meeting Women Even If You're Too Shy to Talk to Them (DSSDFTFMWEIYTSTTTT for short...er).
Since no one else was on the floor, she was relucant, but I insisted. Finally she danced with me.
As it turned out, she did okay on her own.
Within three songs, everyone in the bar was dancing and she was being swarmed by other guys, the DJ, and even other women.
Me not so much. Not even my best moves could attract the attention of the throng. Not only that, my new friend was so surrounded by new admirers that I was no longer on her radar.
Who would have thought I could be out-danced by a stripper? Everyone, I suspect, but me.
Live and learn, I guess.
Monday, December 17, 2007
headLINES and other stuff.
headLINES is here
Upcoming Comedy
Wednesday, December 19 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Thursday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Friday, December 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Saturday, December 22 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Sunday, December 23 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Monday, December 31 - Pub 99, Edmonton
Upcoming Writing
Current Living article can be found here.
headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's online ed magazine. The latest headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles w/Dawn Dumont. Current Pair of Singles can be found here.
Upcoming Comedy
Wednesday, December 19 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Thursday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Friday, December 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Saturday, December 22 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Sunday, December 23 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Monday, December 31 - Pub 99, Edmonton
Upcoming Writing
Current Living article can be found here.
headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's online ed magazine. The latest headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles w/Dawn Dumont. Current Pair of Singles can be found here.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Latest Stuff
The latest Pair of Singles is up here. It's one of my favorite PoSs in a while.
My Christmas Living article is here.
The birth of the Christmas article was chronicled here.
ALSO: My Mom wanted me to make a correction to the article. Apparently, it was not 'Sesame Street' that made me flip out as a kid, it was 'Spider-Man.' It's good to have a fact checker.
My Christmas Living article is here.
The birth of the Christmas article was chronicled here.
ALSO: My Mom wanted me to make a correction to the article. Apparently, it was not 'Sesame Street' that made me flip out as a kid, it was 'Spider-Man.' It's good to have a fact checker.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Well We All Just-a-Wanna Be...(Dan Contemplates the Nature of His Existence "Backstage" at a Bon Jovi Concert and Plays Dance Floor Cupid)
So HEAVY METAL, MO FUNK, and I were chilling backstage during the Bon Jovi concert...
And when I say chilling back stage, I mean sitting in our seats BEHIND the stage, courtesy of ECLIPSE's ticket-buying acumen. Yep, instead of buying five seats together, Eclipse put himself and his beautiful blonde girlfriend in prime spots while placing the three of us in behind-the-backdrop hell. But what would you expect from the man responsible for the break up of the Brothers in Flight tag team. Do not trust this man
The opening band was Hedley. The music was okay, but it was hard to give them any sort of rock and roll credibility the lead singer's choice of red pants and his mincing stage mannerisms which could be charitably described as effete. We made fun of them...a lot.
For the record, there is nothing wrong with rock stars (or anybody else) being gay. There's nothing even wrong with rock stars LOOKING gay. But when if you're going with the gay (authentic or otherwise) in the world of hard rock, there is gay that Rocks (I'm thinking of Marilyn Manson, who isn't really gay, or Rob Halford who really is) and there is prancing prissily around. So this is my message to Hedley: A little less Blades of Glory and a little more Rock of Ages, if you please.
Eventually Bon Jovi came out. Say what you will about Bon Jovi, but they are one of the hardest working bands in music. I heard a story about when grunge killed the hair metal scene, Bon Jovi was still selling tickets and albums without radio or video play, solely based on Jon's tireless work ethic vis a vis promotions and interviews and putting on the best show he could. I don't like every song they've ever written, but I like a lot of them, and I respect them as much as I respect any group.
This is where I actually started to like our seats. I didn't have a great view of the band, but I had an awesome view of the crowd. Which made me realize something.
I don't care where I'm sitting when I'm at a show. The truth is, I don't want to be in any of the seats.
I want to be the guy onstage.
I spent all the boring songs looking around at the crowd and daydreaming about how I would work a crowd that big. Today Pub 99, tomorrow Madison Square Garden.
Very few people can understand the lure of being onstage, whether it's music, comedy, pro wrestling, or interpretative dance. And I can't necessarily explain it myself. But for those of us who do it no explanation is necessary. And for those who don't no explanation is possible.
After the show we went to an unnamed bar. I'm not naming it, because it was a pretty cool place and they even gave us some free drinks, but I am going to have to bash them for having the single worst DJ I have ever experienced.
If anything, he was more like an ADHD-J. I don't think he played a single song all the way through without jumping to another song--often a song that was completely different in genre and/or tempo. You can't do that! I'm trying to get my dance on!
He tried to put in a theme at one point by playing a bunch of Bon Jovi songs. That's a fine idea. You know who else plays a bunch of Bon Jovi songs in a row? Bon Jovi. The difference was, Bon Jovi knows how to pace their songs so the show has a coherent flow to it whereas this guy was randomly throwing stuff out there.
Pro wrestlers call it psychology. And if muscleheads in spandex who make their living pretending to beat each other up can figure it out, the rest of the entertainment world has no excuse.
On an unrelated note, I hate to toot my own horn, but---toot-toot--I got to play dancefloor cupid last night. I had clued Heavy Metal in on Dan's Super-Secret Dance-Floor Technique for Meeting Women Even If You're Too Shy to Talk to Them (which you can learn by either signing up for my "Dating for Shy Guys" course through Metro Continuing Education or getting two or three gin and tonics into my system.)and he had taken it and made it his own with some awesome air guitar.
Naturally, the cutest blonde in the bar was irresistably compelled to come dance with in, drawn in by the irresistable power of DSSDFTFMWEIYTSTTTT (I may need to work on that name) and Heavy Metal's own dark charisma and hard rock attitude (probably the reason Eclipse wanted to keep his girlfriend seperated from Metal at the concert--blondes can't resist the Pretty from Detroit Rock City). Sparks were flying, but they didn't seem to know how to take the next step.
Enter me, with my own subtle style of wingmanship.
With one hand I guided the woman closer to Heavy Metal's chiseled torso, with the other, I grabbed Metal's arm and placed it around the woman's shoulders. They figured it out from there.
I rule.
There's something about bringing young people together that makes me feel warm inside. Must be the holidays.
And when I say chilling back stage, I mean sitting in our seats BEHIND the stage, courtesy of ECLIPSE's ticket-buying acumen. Yep, instead of buying five seats together, Eclipse put himself and his beautiful blonde girlfriend in prime spots while placing the three of us in behind-the-backdrop hell. But what would you expect from the man responsible for the break up of the Brothers in Flight tag team. Do not trust this man
The opening band was Hedley. The music was okay, but it was hard to give them any sort of rock and roll credibility the lead singer's choice of red pants and his mincing stage mannerisms which could be charitably described as effete. We made fun of them...a lot.
For the record, there is nothing wrong with rock stars (or anybody else) being gay. There's nothing even wrong with rock stars LOOKING gay. But when if you're going with the gay (authentic or otherwise) in the world of hard rock, there is gay that Rocks (I'm thinking of Marilyn Manson, who isn't really gay, or Rob Halford who really is) and there is prancing prissily around. So this is my message to Hedley: A little less Blades of Glory and a little more Rock of Ages, if you please.
Eventually Bon Jovi came out. Say what you will about Bon Jovi, but they are one of the hardest working bands in music. I heard a story about when grunge killed the hair metal scene, Bon Jovi was still selling tickets and albums without radio or video play, solely based on Jon's tireless work ethic vis a vis promotions and interviews and putting on the best show he could. I don't like every song they've ever written, but I like a lot of them, and I respect them as much as I respect any group.
This is where I actually started to like our seats. I didn't have a great view of the band, but I had an awesome view of the crowd. Which made me realize something.
I don't care where I'm sitting when I'm at a show. The truth is, I don't want to be in any of the seats.
I want to be the guy onstage.
I spent all the boring songs looking around at the crowd and daydreaming about how I would work a crowd that big. Today Pub 99, tomorrow Madison Square Garden.
Very few people can understand the lure of being onstage, whether it's music, comedy, pro wrestling, or interpretative dance. And I can't necessarily explain it myself. But for those of us who do it no explanation is necessary. And for those who don't no explanation is possible.
After the show we went to an unnamed bar. I'm not naming it, because it was a pretty cool place and they even gave us some free drinks, but I am going to have to bash them for having the single worst DJ I have ever experienced.
If anything, he was more like an ADHD-J. I don't think he played a single song all the way through without jumping to another song--often a song that was completely different in genre and/or tempo. You can't do that! I'm trying to get my dance on!
He tried to put in a theme at one point by playing a bunch of Bon Jovi songs. That's a fine idea. You know who else plays a bunch of Bon Jovi songs in a row? Bon Jovi. The difference was, Bon Jovi knows how to pace their songs so the show has a coherent flow to it whereas this guy was randomly throwing stuff out there.
Pro wrestlers call it psychology. And if muscleheads in spandex who make their living pretending to beat each other up can figure it out, the rest of the entertainment world has no excuse.
On an unrelated note, I hate to toot my own horn, but---toot-toot--I got to play dancefloor cupid last night. I had clued Heavy Metal in on Dan's Super-Secret Dance-Floor Technique for Meeting Women Even If You're Too Shy to Talk to Them (which you can learn by either signing up for my "Dating for Shy Guys" course through Metro Continuing Education or getting two or three gin and tonics into my system.)and he had taken it and made it his own with some awesome air guitar.
Naturally, the cutest blonde in the bar was irresistably compelled to come dance with in, drawn in by the irresistable power of DSSDFTFMWEIYTSTTTT (I may need to work on that name) and Heavy Metal's own dark charisma and hard rock attitude (probably the reason Eclipse wanted to keep his girlfriend seperated from Metal at the concert--blondes can't resist the Pretty from Detroit Rock City). Sparks were flying, but they didn't seem to know how to take the next step.
Enter me, with my own subtle style of wingmanship.
With one hand I guided the woman closer to Heavy Metal's chiseled torso, with the other, I grabbed Metal's arm and placed it around the woman's shoulders. They figured it out from there.
I rule.
There's something about bringing young people together that makes me feel warm inside. Must be the holidays.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Nurses and Upcoming Events (Not every title can be a winner)
Went to a party at my sister's. There were a lot of nursing students there. I learned three things.
1) How cool my sister is. I knew that already, but seeing her through the eyes of her friends was awesome.
2) Nurses talk about poop a lot.
3) There is a professional way to hold a penis.
Let me go on record as saying I see nothing wrong with the traditional way of holding a penis. If I'm getting a garden hose rammed up my urethra, an accidental hand-job is the least they can do.
On that note, here's the latest headLINES as well as what I'm up to. I'm excited about Tuesday's show as it is an audition for Shaw Cable. We'll see what transpires.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, December 11 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Monday, December 31 - Pub 99, Edmonton
Writing
headLINES appears every Monday for the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles w/Dawn Dumont. Current Pair of Singles is here
1) How cool my sister is. I knew that already, but seeing her through the eyes of her friends was awesome.
2) Nurses talk about poop a lot.
3) There is a professional way to hold a penis.
Let me go on record as saying I see nothing wrong with the traditional way of holding a penis. If I'm getting a garden hose rammed up my urethra, an accidental hand-job is the least they can do.
On that note, here's the latest headLINES as well as what I'm up to. I'm excited about Tuesday's show as it is an audition for Shaw Cable. We'll see what transpires.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, December 11 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Monday, December 31 - Pub 99, Edmonton
Writing
headLINES appears every Monday for the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles w/Dawn Dumont. Current Pair of Singles is here
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Dan's Schedule
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, December 11 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Monday, December 31 - Pub 99, Edmonton
Other Appearances
Friday, December 7 - MPW Season's Beatings
Writing
headLINES appears every Monday for the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles w/Dawn Dumont. Current Pair of Singles is here
Tuesday, December 11 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Monday, December 31 - Pub 99, Edmonton
Other Appearances
Friday, December 7 - MPW Season's Beatings
Writing
headLINES appears every Monday for the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles w/Dawn Dumont. Current Pair of Singles is here
Monday, December 03, 2007
500
I love writing.
I love breaking down sentences and playing with the words until they express exactly the idea I want. Sometimes my sentences are economical. Other times I like tricking them out like a muscle car, ornamenting them with adjectives and adverbs and punctuation and rococo phrasal curlicues until they sparkle with extra features--Extended Special Edition Sentences, if you will.
But some days it doesn't come so easy. Below are my journal entries for one of those days.
December 2
11:13pm
It’s been a long time since I’ve been this far behind on a writing project. I’m writing this entry Sunday night. I promised my editor an article by Monday morning and I’m 500 words short. I worked on it a bit last night, but was feeling blocked so I went to the bar to “clear my mind and renew my creative process” which is Dan-speak for “hit on a pair of blondes at least ten years my junior.”
Anyway, I’m hoping blogging will help get me going. Or maybe it will serve as a warning to aspiring writers to get their shit in on time.
I wonder how many words I’ve written in this blog entry. Funny, I don’t seem to be blocked HERE.
December 2
11:40
What the fuck is a druther? I’ll tell you--it’s one more word towards my total.
296 words to go.
December 2
11:55
324 words to go! I’m going backwards! I’m hemorrhaging prose! And I can’t tell if what’s left is any good.
Adverbs-- Tonight we dine in Hell!
December 3
12:10am
Can you use the words ‘poo factory’ in a family newspaper?
That’s what I thought.
Screw it. I’m going to bed. Monday morning means before noon, right?
295 words to go.
December 3
6:28am
I can’t believe I have to get up and finish this stupid article instead of finishing my dream about learning to play Ratt’s ‘Body Talk’ on the guitar. That song rules.
295 words, etc.
December 3
6:47am
Hey, that’s a pretty good line. I’m hilarious in the morning.
209 words to go.
December 3
6:52am
Can you mention Santa isn’t real in a family newspaper?
Screw it. If they’re old enough to read, they’re old enough to have their dreams shattered.
188 words to go.
December 3
7:05am
157 words to go. The ones at the end are always the hardest.
December 3
9:58am
Whoop-a-daisy, got a little distracted there.
On the plus side, I finished my push-ups and squats, showered, rehearsed my comedy for tonight, and had time for my morning nap.
The bad news. It’s ten o’clock.
80 words to go.
December 3
10:19am
I hate endings. I need to tie this together like a Christmas package, wrapping up my column-which combines laugh-out-loud funny with poignant and tender commentary on family life in the new millennium. And I need to do it in less than twenty words.
With the write[sic] words, I can turn this into a piece for the ages, which will be passed down through generations. When I’m 126 years old, I will see this column reprinted yet again, and over the whisper of royalty checks passed under my bedroom door by my wife of at least ten years my junior. I’ll crinkle my eyes and hold the words next to my heart and remember the folly of writing those words at 10:30 in the morning so many years ago.
But first I have to finish the damn thing.
18 words to go.
Finished! I hope the column will be as fun for you to read as it was a living hell for me to write.
I’d like to finish up this blog with something profound, but… I hate endings.
I love breaking down sentences and playing with the words until they express exactly the idea I want. Sometimes my sentences are economical. Other times I like tricking them out like a muscle car, ornamenting them with adjectives and adverbs and punctuation and rococo phrasal curlicues until they sparkle with extra features--Extended Special Edition Sentences, if you will.
But some days it doesn't come so easy. Below are my journal entries for one of those days.
December 2
11:13pm
It’s been a long time since I’ve been this far behind on a writing project. I’m writing this entry Sunday night. I promised my editor an article by Monday morning and I’m 500 words short. I worked on it a bit last night, but was feeling blocked so I went to the bar to “clear my mind and renew my creative process” which is Dan-speak for “hit on a pair of blondes at least ten years my junior.”
Anyway, I’m hoping blogging will help get me going. Or maybe it will serve as a warning to aspiring writers to get their shit in on time.
I wonder how many words I’ve written in this blog entry. Funny, I don’t seem to be blocked HERE.
December 2
11:40
What the fuck is a druther? I’ll tell you--it’s one more word towards my total.
296 words to go.
December 2
11:55
324 words to go! I’m going backwards! I’m hemorrhaging prose! And I can’t tell if what’s left is any good.
Adverbs-- Tonight we dine in Hell!
December 3
12:10am
Can you use the words ‘poo factory’ in a family newspaper?
That’s what I thought.
Screw it. I’m going to bed. Monday morning means before noon, right?
295 words to go.
December 3
6:28am
I can’t believe I have to get up and finish this stupid article instead of finishing my dream about learning to play Ratt’s ‘Body Talk’ on the guitar. That song rules.
295 words, etc.
December 3
6:47am
Hey, that’s a pretty good line. I’m hilarious in the morning.
209 words to go.
December 3
6:52am
Can you mention Santa isn’t real in a family newspaper?
Screw it. If they’re old enough to read, they’re old enough to have their dreams shattered.
188 words to go.
December 3
7:05am
157 words to go. The ones at the end are always the hardest.
December 3
9:58am
Whoop-a-daisy, got a little distracted there.
On the plus side, I finished my push-ups and squats, showered, rehearsed my comedy for tonight, and had time for my morning nap.
The bad news. It’s ten o’clock.
80 words to go.
December 3
10:19am
I hate endings. I need to tie this together like a Christmas package, wrapping up my column-which combines laugh-out-loud funny with poignant and tender commentary on family life in the new millennium. And I need to do it in less than twenty words.
With the write[sic] words, I can turn this into a piece for the ages, which will be passed down through generations. When I’m 126 years old, I will see this column reprinted yet again, and over the whisper of royalty checks passed under my bedroom door by my wife of at least ten years my junior. I’ll crinkle my eyes and hold the words next to my heart and remember the folly of writing those words at 10:30 in the morning so many years ago.
But first I have to finish the damn thing.
18 words to go.
Finished! I hope the column will be as fun for you to read as it was a living hell for me to write.
I’d like to finish up this blog with something profound, but… I hate endings.
Happiness Is...
Happiness is thinking you are out of groceries only to discover a quintet of frozen dinners you had forgotten about in your freezer. It kind of makes me feel like bloggin’
But first, here's the latest headLINES If the link isn't working go to the Journal website at www.edmontonjournal.com and you'll find it in the ed section.
I'm also on stage tonight at The Comic Strip. Their might be a film crew there...(for more on that see below) Show starts at 8pm. Hope to see you there.
Stuff that happened last week:
WEDNESDAY
I met a Nietzche-quoting oil worker and his friend at a karaoke night. I sang Alice Cooper’s ‘Welcome To My Nightmare.’ They bought me drinks. At some point Keith Sarnoski showed up with a comedy club waitress and the World’s Hottest Saskatchewan Roughrider Fan. Good times were had, but there’s some stuff that’s a little fuzzy in my memory.
The oil patch guys DID teach me an interesting bit of trivia which I will share with you (along with the disclaimer that this is something I’m passing along from a guy in a bar--if you try it and die, I accept no responsibility for the consequences). Apparently, mixing your drinks with children’s anti-diuretic medications is a great way to avoid hangovers. That’s assuming you don’t mind spending more money on mix than you do on alcohol.
One to grow on, I guess.
FRIDAY
I wet my beak at my first high-end corporate, opening for Lars. It’s definitely a different vibe than your normal comedy audience. Everyone was dressed up and it was a more mixed demographic. I felt I was playing comedy defense--instead of going for laughs, my mindset is more “don’t offend anyone.“ For many comedians, the Christmas corporate is the equivalent of the goose that lays golden eggs, and I don’t want to be the guy who kills one.
Going through my act before the show looking for squeaky-clean jokes, I felt like Spinal Tap doing their first concert after Nigel quit.
My performance wasn‘t spectacular, but it was competent, which is really all an opener needs to be. Lars took care of the rest.
Golden egg in my pocket? Check.
Goose still alive? Check.
Free buffet food? Check, check, and check.
Put that one in the win column.
SATURDAY
Somebody must not have gotten the memo that I’m a lousy interview because a camera crew came into my apartment to film me for a student project.
It was fun. I always enjoy watching film crews set up their gizmos and what sits. A lot of people don’t really think beyond what they see on the screen when they’re watching a broadcast, but a lot of times what’s going on behind the camera is a lot more complex and interesting than what’s going on in front of it. Especially if what’s in front of it is Rex Grossman.
My interview skills are getting better. The problem isn’t that I’m bad so much as that I’m self conscious. I’m trying so hard to say the right thing (or at least AVOID saying the wrong thing) that often what comes out is completely uninteresting. It’s also not genuine, because I’m trying to be right instead of being me.
Being genuine means giving yourself permission to suck. It also means giving yourself permission to excel.
Let’s see how it goes.
But first, here's the latest headLINES If the link isn't working go to the Journal website at www.edmontonjournal.com and you'll find it in the ed section.
I'm also on stage tonight at The Comic Strip. Their might be a film crew there...(for more on that see below) Show starts at 8pm. Hope to see you there.
Stuff that happened last week:
WEDNESDAY
I met a Nietzche-quoting oil worker and his friend at a karaoke night. I sang Alice Cooper’s ‘Welcome To My Nightmare.’ They bought me drinks. At some point Keith Sarnoski showed up with a comedy club waitress and the World’s Hottest Saskatchewan Roughrider Fan. Good times were had, but there’s some stuff that’s a little fuzzy in my memory.
The oil patch guys DID teach me an interesting bit of trivia which I will share with you (along with the disclaimer that this is something I’m passing along from a guy in a bar--if you try it and die, I accept no responsibility for the consequences). Apparently, mixing your drinks with children’s anti-diuretic medications is a great way to avoid hangovers. That’s assuming you don’t mind spending more money on mix than you do on alcohol.
One to grow on, I guess.
FRIDAY
I wet my beak at my first high-end corporate, opening for Lars. It’s definitely a different vibe than your normal comedy audience. Everyone was dressed up and it was a more mixed demographic. I felt I was playing comedy defense--instead of going for laughs, my mindset is more “don’t offend anyone.“ For many comedians, the Christmas corporate is the equivalent of the goose that lays golden eggs, and I don’t want to be the guy who kills one.
Going through my act before the show looking for squeaky-clean jokes, I felt like Spinal Tap doing their first concert after Nigel quit.
My performance wasn‘t spectacular, but it was competent, which is really all an opener needs to be. Lars took care of the rest.
Golden egg in my pocket? Check.
Goose still alive? Check.
Free buffet food? Check, check, and check.
Put that one in the win column.
SATURDAY
Somebody must not have gotten the memo that I’m a lousy interview because a camera crew came into my apartment to film me for a student project.
It was fun. I always enjoy watching film crews set up their gizmos and what sits. A lot of people don’t really think beyond what they see on the screen when they’re watching a broadcast, but a lot of times what’s going on behind the camera is a lot more complex and interesting than what’s going on in front of it. Especially if what’s in front of it is Rex Grossman.
My interview skills are getting better. The problem isn’t that I’m bad so much as that I’m self conscious. I’m trying so hard to say the right thing (or at least AVOID saying the wrong thing) that often what comes out is completely uninteresting. It’s also not genuine, because I’m trying to be right instead of being me.
Being genuine means giving yourself permission to suck. It also means giving yourself permission to excel.
Let’s see how it goes.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Schedule Update
Here's the latest. Note the latest Pair of Singles with Dawn. As well, I have a Living article running on Friday.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, December 3 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Monday, December 31 - Pub 99, Edmonton
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Journal
Friday, November 30 - Getting Older
A Pair of Singles with Dawn Dumont appears in ed Magazine. Current article is here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's online ed magazine. Current headLINES is here
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, December 3 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Monday, December 31 - Pub 99, Edmonton
Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Journal
Friday, November 30 - Getting Older
A Pair of Singles with Dawn Dumont appears in ed Magazine. Current article is here
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's online ed magazine. Current headLINES is here
Monday, November 26, 2007
headLINES
I wanted to take my new rollerblades for a spin today, but it's snowing. Curse you, Alberta weather.
Here's headLINES.
Here's headLINES.
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