Friday, August 29, 2008

I Can Lead A Nation With A Microphone

I am driving my co-workers crazy playing Handlebars by the Flo-Bots, over and over again.

It isn't just the tune...although I really like that quite a bit. A lot of the song's appeal is that I relate to its message.

Sort of.

The song is overtly political, and asides from watching the U.S. Presidential race, I'm not a political guy.

But to me, the song isn't so much about politics is it is about the desire for MORE.

When I hear the words I think of someone who isn't happy with what they have, who thinks they'll be satisfied once they get the next thing...and of course they never are.

Certainly, I see it a lot in the entertainment business. I feel that way too. I would love to have my words read or heard influence a lot of people's lives, to "lead a nation with a microphone."

When you start in comedy, all you want is a spot on a show. Then you start looking for paid spots. Then you aren't happy unless you're MCing or headlining or on TV or...

It never stops.

Of course, this isn't exclusive to comedy. Some of us seem to be born with that gene, that drive to achieve--in life, relationships, careers--that strand in our DNA that keeps crying out (as my favorite line in the song goes): "Look at me/Look at ME!"


It's okay to want those things. It's okay to be ambitious, to have dreams, and pursue them. But it's equally important to appreciate what you have.

Wanting stuff is okay. Needing stuff to be complete is another matter entirely.

In the meantime, I'm happy to be on the show.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some co-workers to drive crazy.


Upcoming Comedy
Monday, September 29 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Upcoming Living Columns in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, September 5
Friday, September 19
Friday, October 3
Current Living article is up here.

Dan's musings on shyness and relationships can be found at hotchicksandstrangers.blogspot.com

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Zombie Rises

As promised, the first Zombie Diaries entry is up.

This looks fun.


Upcoming Comedy
Monday, September 29 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Upcoming Living Columns in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, September 5
Friday, September 19
Friday, October 3
Current Living article is up here.

Dan's musings on shyness and relationships can be found at hotchicksandstrangers.blogspot.com

Friday, August 22, 2008

New Living Article and Introducing Project: Zombie

Latest Living Article is up here.

It's on my new tattoo, which means I can finally stop hiding it in photo shoots. Continuity rules.

I'm also starting a new self-development project.

I'm going to become a zombie.

Okay, not really.

But what I am doing is reading the book the Zen of Zombie by Steve , and I'm going to apply some of it to my life for the next few weeks and see what happens.

Since it deals at least somewhat with my shyness, I figured it would be most appropriate to deal with it on the Hot Chicks & Strangers blog which actually deals with shyness as opposed to here which is supposed to mostly be self-promotion.

The first entry should be up tomorrow.


Upcoming Living Columns in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, September 5
Friday, September 19
Friday, October 3
Current Living article is up here.

Dan's musings on shyness and relationships can be found at hotchicksandstrangers.blogspot.com

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Dan Kisses A Heckler. Neither of them Turns Into a Handsome Prince

I guess this is my week for stories about women.

The story I REALLY want to tell happened this week involving the Seether concert and a lot of booze needs to be 'aged' so I can tell it without damaging any personal or professional reputations.

So you'll have to settle for the one below, plus another tale from my sordid past on my shyness blog. Neither of them make me look like a very good person, but I stopped worrying about how other people saw me a long time ago (and by a long time ago, I mean "April.")

Let's do the self-promotional stuff first:

Upcoming Living Columns in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, August 22
Friday, September 5
Friday, September 19
Friday, October 3
Current Living article is up here.

Dan's musings on shyness and relationships can be found at hotchicksandstrangers.blogspot.com


Moving on...

I don't understand hecklers. Generally, the type of person who would disrupt other people's entertainment because they need attention all of the time is not the kind of person I want to hang out with. In fact, I think they're kind of pathetic.

At a recent show, I had to deal with a woman in the front row. I didn't get a good glimpse of her face because a) she was wearing a low-cut top and b) because her behaviour during the show was so obnoxious that looking at her pissed me off.

Most of her comments were the worst kind of heckles because it wasn't so much "heckling" as it was "spitting out random sentence fragments that would make no sense in a regular conversation, much less a show."

This is the only exchange I remember because it was the closest she came to something resembling a coherent idea.

WOMAN: You're quiet and shy.
ME: I wish I could say the same about you.

I settled in to a rhythm of completely ignoring her, and the show ended up going quite well. I can tell how well a show went by the amount of people who come up afterwards to talk to me. This one was a gooder.

Anyway, I ended up going to the pub next door with a few other comics and a couple women who came to the show, one of whom was a cutie in a low cut top (You can probably guess where this is heading). One thing led to another--and by one thing I mean her pressing her leg to mine when we talked and by "another" I mean her pressing warmly against me and touching her lips to my ear when she murmured into it.

At this point I decided it was time to go for what we in the business refer to as "The Pull." Unfortunately, there were two obstacles.

a) her friend
b) We're in a freaking mall--a closed mall--and neither of us are driving anywhere.

I dealt with a) by just being honest. "I want to go for a walk with your friend. Will you be okay hanging here with these guys?"

Honesty is good. I highly recommend it. I actually got an email from her the next day thanking me for including her. As far as being a good person goes, it was one of my better moments.

Followed shortly by one of my not-so-good moments.

Me and low-cut shirt woman went for a walk in the mall. All the stores were closed, the security guards were out, and there was no place even remotely private.

So I took her to the whale.

A particular feature of this particular mall is a statue of a whale (duh) in the middle of the mall. There is a bench inside the whale's mouth.

And that is where I ended up kissing the softest lips I have ever tasted. They were truly remarkable. I have never kissed lips like it before or since.

On the way back to the pub, holding hands, she told me, "I loved you onstage. You were so quiet and shy."

And there--finally--the penny dropped.

HOLY S**T! I JUST KISSED A HECKLER! I'm HOLDING HANDS with her!

Worlds Collide.

One world is: she seems cool and she's a great kisser and I really like the way she looks at me. The other world is: She was super-obnoxious during the show, and those types never turn out to be good people.

So who was this woman? Which world did she belong to? A world of fun and awesome-kissing. Or Planet A**hole.

I found out a few days later.

But that's a story for another time.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Word of Mouth Is Killing Them

Lars Callieou, Kelly Soloduka, Andrew Iwanyk, and Sean Lecomber have put together a Fringe show. All four of them are guys I really enjoy watching, so I encourage everyone to go check them out.

Here's the info.


Word of Mouth is Killing Us
Running Time: 1 hour & 30 minutes
Despite resounding indifference the comedians of Stand Up Stand Outs (2007) are back in 2008. Word of Mouth is Killing Us will prove once again that stand up comedy is an unwelcome addition to any Fringe Festival. Expecting audience members who "couldn't get tickets to anything else", Lars, Kelly, Sean & Andrew look forward to hearing 'the sound of no hands clapping'. Don't tell your friends! Word of Mouth is Killing Us.


Online tickets:
http://tickets.fringetheatre.ca/dateselect.aspx?item=357&venue=8

Show times:
Friday August 15 - 6:30 pm
Sunday August 17 - 4:30 pm
Tuesday August 19 - 8:45 pm
Wednesday August 20 - 6:45 pm
Thursday August 21 - 11:00 pm
Saturday August 23 - 8:45 pm

Acacia Masonic Hall
Located at 10433-83 Ave
http://maps.google.com/maps?geocode=&q=10433-83+Ave.(Acacia+Hall)+++

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Life and Everything.

I won the board game, Game of Life last week.

Which meant I finally got to tell someone, "You suck at life."

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I Don't Get It

This is the it, I'm talking about.

Okay, I understand the boots with the fur. But how do you wear both Apple Bottom Jeans and baggy sweatpants at the same time?

For that matter what kind of club would let you in wearing baggy sweatpants?

Then again, I'm pretty ignorant with this stuff. I didn't even know what 'shawty' meant, let alone the 'superman' in "superman that ho."

Urban Dictionary, you've changed my life.

Upcoming Living Columns in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, August 22
Friday, September 5
Friday, September 19
Friday, October 3
Current Living article is up here.

Dan's musings on shyness and relationships can be found at hotchicksandstrangers.blogspot.com

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Bad Joke Pandemic

Driving down Jasper last night, we passed a couple of women lugging suitcases behind them.

Captain Hammer (The artist formerly known as PrettyBoy) took one look at them and said: "Wow, those chicks have some serious baggage!"

I laughed myself sick.

Run for your lives, everyone. My terrible jokes have become contagious.


Current Living article is up here.

Dan's musings on shyness and relationships can be found at hotchicksandstrangers.blogspot.com

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Bar News

DAN: What do you do?
GUY AT THE BAR: I'm an enterpreneur.
DAN: (joking) Like a drug dealer?
GUY: (not joking) Sometimes. I do other stuff too.

Oops.

The guy went on to tell me about the coming apocalypse and how big brother is watching us and we will all have chips implanted in us to track our movements. Also, the New Slavery is coming.

Some people lead rich lives.

Current Living article is up here.

Dan's musings on shyness and relationships can be found at hotchicksandstrangers.blogspot.com

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Important Announcement for Regular Readers

Sisyphus finally got his rock up the hill. The story is something that would only happen to him.

PS - Latest Living article is up here.

Dan's musings on shyness and relationships can be found at hotchicksandstrangers.blogspot.com