In Which Our Hero Is Outdanced By A Stripper

A couple other comedians were in the bar at the time this story happened and asked about it, so here it is.

Oh, hey...speaking of comedians--I am one. If you're looking to see me perform check out...

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Thursday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
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Sunday, December 23 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Monday, December 31 - Pub 99, Edmonton

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headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's online ed magazine. The latest headLINES is here

A Pair of Singles w/Dawn Dumont. Current Pair of Singles can be found here.

I had stopped by the pub to watch the game. At the time there were only three people in the place, each seated at their own table. One of them was a cute redhead.

I thought this was rather anti-social and I said so. Guess which one I was looking at the most when I said it.

CUTE REDHEAD: You can sit with me if you want. But you can't talk because I'm watching the game.
DAN'S BRAIN: A woman who likes football? This bears further investigation.
DAN'S LYING MOUTH: Don't worry. You won't even know I'm here.

I watched about 0.000006 seconds of the game--enough to confirm that neither of the teams playing were ones I gave a shit about and that their performance tonight would not affect the playoff hopes of teams I DO give a shit about--before yakking to my new best friend.

She turned out to be a genial sort. Originally she said she was in sales, but after a an hour or so of chit-chat, confessed she was a stripper.

DAN: No way. You're too short.
CUTE REDHEAD: I know. I wear five inch heels.
DAN: You should wear stilts.

I say the sweetest things.

I then segued into my stripper rant. Never let it be said I don't have the courage of my convictions. Change happens when we speak out.

That rocky start aside, I really enjoyed talking to her. People lead such interesting lives. In addition to her being a amiable conversationalist, she was also very nice for a) buying me drinks and b) not calling to much attention to the fact she was outdrinking me by a 3-to-1 margin. Not only that, even at five feet and change, she seemed completely unaffected by the alcohol while I was noticing the bar was shifting precipitously to starboard each time I stood.

Nevertheless, she HAD paid for my gin-and-tonics. In exchange, I decided to introduce her to the power of Dan's Super-Secret Dance-Floor Technique for Meeting Women Even If You're Too Shy to Talk to Them (DSSDFTFMWEIYTSTTTT for short...er).

Since no one else was on the floor, she was relucant, but I insisted. Finally she danced with me.

As it turned out, she did okay on her own.

Within three songs, everyone in the bar was dancing and she was being swarmed by other guys, the DJ, and even other women.

Me not so much. Not even my best moves could attract the attention of the throng. Not only that, my new friend was so surrounded by new admirers that I was no longer on her radar.

Who would have thought I could be out-danced by a stripper? Everyone, I suspect, but me.

Live and learn, I guess.