This time when I woke up this morning, I knew exactly where I was.
On a mattress on a garage floor in Gillam, Manitoba.
This wasn't part of the plan.
Nor was it the update I planned to write. The story I wanted to tell was either the great Gillam Wrestling Basketball Invitational, the Dauphin Pants-Off Dance-Off or the Triumphant Return to the Thompson Inn in which Dan got to watch two intoxicated and rather weathered-looking older women nearly get into a fight over him.
Those stories may come later.
But for now, I am trapped in Thompson, which in the scheme of things is an upgrade from being marooned in Gillam, but still not ideal, given the circumstances.
Both are wonderful towns with wonderful people and great places to put on shows.
Still, Thompson is a town with zombies. At least that's what we joke about when we see the way some of its population shuffles around the town, seemingly oblivious to other people, cars, or street signals.
Gillam, on the other hand, is kind of like the moon, if there was a Legion hall there--isolated and desolate, a town that is barely a town at all and exists only by the grace of Manitoba Hydro.
The tour was going smoothly until the trip to Gillam on the last day, when the wheels came off--literally. One of the cars--the one that was to take us back home--blew a tire on the gravel road to Gillam. Unfortunately, the boys didn't realize the tire had blown until a hundred and fifty kilometers later. The rim was torn to pieces.
The car made it to the show on the donut. The show itself was fantastic, capped by the Supreme-Adonnas riding to the ring on tricycles they found backstage.
It was only after the show that things got a little sticky when it occurred to us we were about to attempt to drive back to Thompson in a vehicle with only three good tires.
On a narrow gravel road, mainly populated by speeding trucks. Over two hundred and fifty gas-station free miles north of the next town.
Did I mention none of our cell phones had service that far north?
They didn't.
Did I mention the forest fire warning?
Well, there was.
We ended up spending the night in Gillam and headed out early the next morning, hoping the car would make it.
It didn't.
We were less than twenty kilometeres out of town when the tire blew.
The back-up plan was to ride in the back of the ring truck with all the equipment. IT was not a plan I liked, since dust had proven its ability to get into the truck, and I wasn't keen on being thrown around in the back of a trailer filled with steel supports breathing in dust and forest fire smoke.
Still, I was making myself a little nest in one corner of luggage, entrance cloth and ring padding when the bus arrived.
The Greyhound from Gillam to Thompson right on schedule.
All of us except for two guys jumped into the bus and we rode back to Thompson in style. And from the way the bus bounced over the roads, I'm very glad we didn't go through with Operation: Ring Truck. Meanwhile, The Supreme-Adonnas drove the ring truck back to Thompson.
We owe that bus driver big as well as the staff of Lakeview Inn and Suites who let us stay past check-out time and were patient with our endless phone calls and questions as we tried to solve our dilemma and let our loved ones know what was going on.
Which brings us to where I am right now: writing this entry on a hotel computer while I wait for the tow truck to bring the car back to us. We've already picked up a tire and rim from Canadian Tire and are going to make the change ourselves if the dealership is closed by the time it gets here.
I am optimistic.
But the Sports Entertainment Gods are fickle.
If you don't hear from me in a few days, you might want to take a trip up to Thompson, Manitoba.
Could be you'll find a few new zombies shuffling around.
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
What Do We Call This?
Man, I thought as I opened my eyes this morning. That was one refreshing sleep.
I wonder where I am.
Yesterday had been a heck of a day.
There was the ten hour overnight car ride that turned into thirteen, singing songs to keep ourselves awake. By the time we got to the show, I had been awake for nearly thirty-one hours.
There was the first shows of the trip on a carnival midway in the Winnipeg heat, where I got to referee HEAVY METAL vs. DANNY DUGGAN and picked up some refereeing tips from the Honky Tonk Man and others.
Then it was time to pick KEVY CHEVY up, who had somehow managed to find himself standing alone in a field on the side of the highway.
Things get a little blurry after that.
I remember firecrackers going off, as the wrestlers attempted to demolish a model boat KEVY CHEVY had bought. Colored lights and sparks blasted past cars and into the sides of buildings and at least four hit BIG JESS who ended up on the ground. As Heavy Metal said the next day as we were all piecing the fragments of the previous evening togehter like particularly inept CSI Unit technicians, "You really can't explain in words how funny it to watch a grown man hit with roman candles until you see it yourself."
I remember AJ Sanchez and another wrestler offering to take us to a place where we could get a shower, and being the only one who accepted the offer, showering in a darkened building.
I remember riding to the club and HEAVY METAL jumping out of the car at red lights and giving posters advertising the show to other cars.
I remember going to a club and Kevy attempting a karate kick that ended up at shin level and trying to tear off his shirt with less than picture-perfect success.
I remember being so exhausted I just wanted to go to bed. I was ready to sleep in the car, but I couldn't find anybody but referee IAN SMALLS. I looked around the club for what felt like hours, finally said, 'screw it, I'm sleeping in the car' and went out to find everybody else already in the parking lot waiting for me.
Everyone piled into Big Jess' car except me, who jumped in with AJ. I figured since AJ was the person who knew where he was going, I was sticking with him.
Big Jess was supposed to follow us, but at some point we lost them, possibly because we made some stops along the way that may or may not have been completely necessary.
I felt bad for the Boys, but was congratulating on my cleverness. I, at least, would make it to the place we were staying--wrestler Bobby Jay's house.
When we arrived it was dark. I staggered down the stairs and crashed on the bed, noting in the back of my mind that the layout of the basement was different from what I remembered.
Bobby Jay must have done some renovations, I thought vaguely as I lost consciousness. But at least I ended up in the right place. I felt bad for everyone else, but what could I do? Hopefully they found somewhere to spend the night.
It was only the next morning that I discovered I was the one at the wrong place. Instead of being at Bobby Jay's house, I was at AJ's. To add insult to injury, AJ dropped me off at Bobby Jay's house the next morning where I discovered everyone else already there.
Guess they found the place after all--except for Ian, who ended up sleeping in the car.
A night this legendary deserves a name, and for those of us on the tour, it already has one.
We call it 'Day One.'
God help us all.
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
UPCOMING WRESTLING
WITH CWE WRESTLING
Sunday, June 19 - Winnipeg Manitoba
Monday, June 20 - Dauphin, Manitoba
Tuesday, June 21 - Swan River, Manitoba
Wednesday, June 22 - Flin Fon, Manitoba
Thursday, June 23 - Thompson, Manitoba
Friday, June 24 - Gillam, Manitoba
Information on tickets and showtimes, as well as other details on CWE can be found here.
I wonder where I am.
Yesterday had been a heck of a day.
There was the ten hour overnight car ride that turned into thirteen, singing songs to keep ourselves awake. By the time we got to the show, I had been awake for nearly thirty-one hours.
There was the first shows of the trip on a carnival midway in the Winnipeg heat, where I got to referee HEAVY METAL vs. DANNY DUGGAN and picked up some refereeing tips from the Honky Tonk Man and others.
Then it was time to pick KEVY CHEVY up, who had somehow managed to find himself standing alone in a field on the side of the highway.
Things get a little blurry after that.
I remember firecrackers going off, as the wrestlers attempted to demolish a model boat KEVY CHEVY had bought. Colored lights and sparks blasted past cars and into the sides of buildings and at least four hit BIG JESS who ended up on the ground. As Heavy Metal said the next day as we were all piecing the fragments of the previous evening togehter like particularly inept CSI Unit technicians, "You really can't explain in words how funny it to watch a grown man hit with roman candles until you see it yourself."
I remember AJ Sanchez and another wrestler offering to take us to a place where we could get a shower, and being the only one who accepted the offer, showering in a darkened building.
I remember riding to the club and HEAVY METAL jumping out of the car at red lights and giving posters advertising the show to other cars.
I remember going to a club and Kevy attempting a karate kick that ended up at shin level and trying to tear off his shirt with less than picture-perfect success.
I remember being so exhausted I just wanted to go to bed. I was ready to sleep in the car, but I couldn't find anybody but referee IAN SMALLS. I looked around the club for what felt like hours, finally said, 'screw it, I'm sleeping in the car' and went out to find everybody else already in the parking lot waiting for me.
Everyone piled into Big Jess' car except me, who jumped in with AJ. I figured since AJ was the person who knew where he was going, I was sticking with him.
Big Jess was supposed to follow us, but at some point we lost them, possibly because we made some stops along the way that may or may not have been completely necessary.
I felt bad for the Boys, but was congratulating on my cleverness. I, at least, would make it to the place we were staying--wrestler Bobby Jay's house.
When we arrived it was dark. I staggered down the stairs and crashed on the bed, noting in the back of my mind that the layout of the basement was different from what I remembered.
Bobby Jay must have done some renovations, I thought vaguely as I lost consciousness. But at least I ended up in the right place. I felt bad for everyone else, but what could I do? Hopefully they found somewhere to spend the night.
It was only the next morning that I discovered I was the one at the wrong place. Instead of being at Bobby Jay's house, I was at AJ's. To add insult to injury, AJ dropped me off at Bobby Jay's house the next morning where I discovered everyone else already there.
Guess they found the place after all--except for Ian, who ended up sleeping in the car.
A night this legendary deserves a name, and for those of us on the tour, it already has one.
We call it 'Day One.'
God help us all.
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
UPCOMING WRESTLING
WITH CWE WRESTLING
Sunday, June 19 - Winnipeg Manitoba
Monday, June 20 - Dauphin, Manitoba
Tuesday, June 21 - Swan River, Manitoba
Wednesday, June 22 - Flin Fon, Manitoba
Thursday, June 23 - Thompson, Manitoba
Friday, June 24 - Gillam, Manitoba
Information on tickets and showtimes, as well as other details on CWE can be found here.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Conversations At A Comedy Club & Upcoming Wrestling
DAN (to Drew Behm, who was MCing): You're doing a good job getting the crowd goin.
DREW: Yeah, they're a hot crowd.
DAN: I hate good crowds. Cause I know then if I bomb I have no one to blame but myself.
In other news, I'm off to Manitoba for the CWE wrestling tour (this may mean delays in answering Gateway Boyfriend questions and getting out ebooks for the next week or so). For those of you who want to come along, dates are below. Check out the CWE website for ticket details.
I can't remember if I've shared this on the blog yet, but I'm looking at getting my Master's in Counselling which means I'm taking a bunch of psychology courses.
I've been enjoying it. It's been years since I've been in school, and I'm enjoying the challenge of learning how to write academic papers all over again even if it's stressful at times.
Of course, my experience in the pro wrestling world may be costing me marks. Here's a tip for you workers out there looking for a post-secondary education. If you're ever asked on an exam "What is Psychology?" the correct answer is NOT "Sell the arm."
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
UPCOMING WRESTLING
WITH CWE WRESTLING
Saturday, June 18 - Winnipeg, Manitoba
Sunday, June 19 - Winnipeg Manitoba
Monday, June 20 - Dauphin, Manitoba
Tuesday, June 21 - Swan River, Manitoba
Wednesday, June 22 - Flin Fon, Manitoba
Thursday, June 23 - Thompson, Manitoba
Friday, June 24 - Gillam, Manitoba
Information on tickets and showtimes, as well as other details on CWE can be found here.
DREW: Yeah, they're a hot crowd.
DAN: I hate good crowds. Cause I know then if I bomb I have no one to blame but myself.
In other news, I'm off to Manitoba for the CWE wrestling tour (this may mean delays in answering Gateway Boyfriend questions and getting out ebooks for the next week or so). For those of you who want to come along, dates are below. Check out the CWE website for ticket details.
I can't remember if I've shared this on the blog yet, but I'm looking at getting my Master's in Counselling which means I'm taking a bunch of psychology courses.
I've been enjoying it. It's been years since I've been in school, and I'm enjoying the challenge of learning how to write academic papers all over again even if it's stressful at times.
Of course, my experience in the pro wrestling world may be costing me marks. Here's a tip for you workers out there looking for a post-secondary education. If you're ever asked on an exam "What is Psychology?" the correct answer is NOT "Sell the arm."
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
UPCOMING WRESTLING
WITH CWE WRESTLING
Saturday, June 18 - Winnipeg, Manitoba
Sunday, June 19 - Winnipeg Manitoba
Monday, June 20 - Dauphin, Manitoba
Tuesday, June 21 - Swan River, Manitoba
Wednesday, June 22 - Flin Fon, Manitoba
Thursday, June 23 - Thompson, Manitoba
Friday, June 24 - Gillam, Manitoba
Information on tickets and showtimes, as well as other details on CWE can be found here.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Just When I Thought I Was Out...
...the NBA pulls me back in.
With the retirement of Jerry Sloan this year, I thought I was done with basketball. The Jazz I used to cheer for are no more--different players, different uniforms, different coach.
Should have known better.
I wasn't into the Lakers-Celtics finals last year, either. Two unlikable teams and the games weren't very well played either. It was an exciting series, but not a well played series.
And then the Decision happened, and somehow the Miami Heat made the Lakers and Celtics look sympathetic. That's some solid heel work there, especially since they didn't do anything criminal or that hurt anybody. They made themselves bad guys through the force of their own personalities.
Pro wrestlers would be proud. In the wrasslin' business, it isn't whether you win or lose or whether you're good or bad, it's whether or not people are interested enough to come see what happens to you.
Unfortunately, in my case, the Heat thing DIDN'T make me interested in watching the actual product. Coupled with the fact, I have no teams I really know well--aside from the aging Spurs--meant I didn't have a lot of interest in basketball this year.
And then this years playoffs.
Let's just say I'm interested now.
Some fantastic games in the earlier rounds, including the Grizzlies surprising upset of the Spurs and awesome seven game series against the Thunder-nee-Sonics, Chris Paul's heroics, and the Lakers getting swept.
And of course the finals, which have been fantastic. There's drama in every game, I have a team to cheer for (Dirk Nowitzki? Never thought I'd see the day), and more importantly, they're giving us good basketball games as opposed to the seven game fuck-up-athon of last year.
Right now the story is LeBron James' seeming disinterest. He disappeared in Game 4 and his performance in Game 5 was lacklustre by his standards. This isn't the first time it has happened either. He disappeared against the Celtics last year, and I seem to remember similar things happening at other points during his Cavs run.
I have a theory about LeBron James. I think he's been so good all his life that he isn't used to losing. So when he is losing he doesn't know what to do or how to respond.
Either that or the Mob owns his ass and he's points shaving. Stranger things have happened.
The funny thing is, I like LeBron MORE now, not less. I believe there are two kinds of sports fans in the world--fans who get behind underdogs or fans who root for favorites. Some of us watch to see Goliath kick some ass. Others watch in hopes of seeing a David rise from the ranks.
I'm an underdog man all the way. In any game where I have no real preference who wins, I will inevitably cheer for the team that is losing (Go Bruins).
I find LeBron the Unstoppable Basketball Juggernaut boring and uninteresting. But LeBron the guy with crunch-time metal issues. That's something I can identify with. as much as its possible for me to identify with a six foot eight millionaire African-American world class athlete.
Don't get me wrong. I'm still cheering for the Mavericks. But LeBron James just became interesting enough to me that I want to know what happens with him next.
Once again, pro wrestlers would be proud.
UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday,June 13 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton
WITH CWE WRESTLING
Saturday, June 18 - Winnipeg, Manitoba
Sunday, June 19 - Winnipeg Manitoba
Monday, June 20 - Dauphin, Manitoba
Tuesday, June 21 - Swan River, Manitoba
Wednesday, June 22 - Flin Fon, Manitoba
Thursday, June 23 - Thompson, Manitoba
Friday, June 24 - Gillam, Manitoba
Information on tickets and showtimes, as well as other details on CWE can be found here.
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
With the retirement of Jerry Sloan this year, I thought I was done with basketball. The Jazz I used to cheer for are no more--different players, different uniforms, different coach.
Should have known better.
I wasn't into the Lakers-Celtics finals last year, either. Two unlikable teams and the games weren't very well played either. It was an exciting series, but not a well played series.
And then the Decision happened, and somehow the Miami Heat made the Lakers and Celtics look sympathetic. That's some solid heel work there, especially since they didn't do anything criminal or that hurt anybody. They made themselves bad guys through the force of their own personalities.
Pro wrestlers would be proud. In the wrasslin' business, it isn't whether you win or lose or whether you're good or bad, it's whether or not people are interested enough to come see what happens to you.
Unfortunately, in my case, the Heat thing DIDN'T make me interested in watching the actual product. Coupled with the fact, I have no teams I really know well--aside from the aging Spurs--meant I didn't have a lot of interest in basketball this year.
And then this years playoffs.
Let's just say I'm interested now.
Some fantastic games in the earlier rounds, including the Grizzlies surprising upset of the Spurs and awesome seven game series against the Thunder-nee-Sonics, Chris Paul's heroics, and the Lakers getting swept.
And of course the finals, which have been fantastic. There's drama in every game, I have a team to cheer for (Dirk Nowitzki? Never thought I'd see the day), and more importantly, they're giving us good basketball games as opposed to the seven game fuck-up-athon of last year.
Right now the story is LeBron James' seeming disinterest. He disappeared in Game 4 and his performance in Game 5 was lacklustre by his standards. This isn't the first time it has happened either. He disappeared against the Celtics last year, and I seem to remember similar things happening at other points during his Cavs run.
I have a theory about LeBron James. I think he's been so good all his life that he isn't used to losing. So when he is losing he doesn't know what to do or how to respond.
Either that or the Mob owns his ass and he's points shaving. Stranger things have happened.
The funny thing is, I like LeBron MORE now, not less. I believe there are two kinds of sports fans in the world--fans who get behind underdogs or fans who root for favorites. Some of us watch to see Goliath kick some ass. Others watch in hopes of seeing a David rise from the ranks.
I'm an underdog man all the way. In any game where I have no real preference who wins, I will inevitably cheer for the team that is losing (Go Bruins).
I find LeBron the Unstoppable Basketball Juggernaut boring and uninteresting. But LeBron the guy with crunch-time metal issues. That's something I can identify with. as much as its possible for me to identify with a six foot eight millionaire African-American world class athlete.
Don't get me wrong. I'm still cheering for the Mavericks. But LeBron James just became interesting enough to me that I want to know what happens with him next.
Once again, pro wrestlers would be proud.
UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday,June 13 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton
WITH CWE WRESTLING
Saturday, June 18 - Winnipeg, Manitoba
Sunday, June 19 - Winnipeg Manitoba
Monday, June 20 - Dauphin, Manitoba
Tuesday, June 21 - Swan River, Manitoba
Wednesday, June 22 - Flin Fon, Manitoba
Thursday, June 23 - Thompson, Manitoba
Friday, June 24 - Gillam, Manitoba
Information on tickets and showtimes, as well as other details on CWE can be found here.
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Thursday, June 09, 2011
RIP Kenneth Barr
I learned today that IDIOM Pictures' owner and director Kenneth Barr has passed away. He was 37 years old, same age as me.
I first worked with Ken on REROUTE. It was my first experience in film. I was 'killed' by a shotgun blast in a west Edmonton parking lot in November. I remember Ken's direction for the last shot of the sequence: "Corpses, please stop shivering!"
I'm sure anyone who worked with Ken on his projects can tell similar stories of working on a shoestring budget for long hours and yet somehow, coming out if it with a great experience and even better stories. Ken was passionate about what he did, and that enthusiasm was contagious.
In addition to REROUTE, I worked with Ken on THE ACADEMY, a story recounted on this blog previously. Ken also directed the MPW MADNESS TV series.
Some of my best memories are me, the late RIPPER, and KEN in Ken's apartment filming the bumpers for the MPW show and overdubbing commentary. Ripper and I would do hours of ad libs. I've always been both hopeful and terrified outtakes of those sessions might show up somewhere. Hilarious and inappropriate, including an impromptu Gangsta Rap video.
It's strange for me to think of the three people in that apartment, two of them are now dead, both much too soon.
My thoughts are with Ken's friends and family at this difficult time.
Saturday, June 04, 2011
In Which Dan Is A Lousy Feminist Ally, But Avoids Being Murdered With A Blunt Object.
Slutwalk is a Very Important event.
The intention behind it is to remind people sexual assault is not the victim's fault because of the way she--or he--dresses. It's a worthy cause and Vasalissa and I went to show support.
But as worthy a cause as it is, and as important as it is to give survivors of sexual assault a voice, I learned that my addiction to comedy is stronger.
After the speeches were over, the woman hosting the event asked anyone who had something to say to come up and address the crowd, which was several hundred strong.
I was already stepping forward when Vasalissa grabbed my hand to hold me back.
"Don't you dare," she hissed.
"Come on," I said. "Just a couple of new jokes..."
"I will beat you to death with this umbrella," Vasalissa said.
In conclusion, my fear of being bludgeoned to death is stronger than my addiction to comedy which in turn is far, far stronger than my desire to be a respectful feminist ally.
Although in my defense, I really think there's something to those new jokes.
Come to the Comic Strip on the 13th of June and see.
UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday,June 13 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
The intention behind it is to remind people sexual assault is not the victim's fault because of the way she--or he--dresses. It's a worthy cause and Vasalissa and I went to show support.
But as worthy a cause as it is, and as important as it is to give survivors of sexual assault a voice, I learned that my addiction to comedy is stronger.
After the speeches were over, the woman hosting the event asked anyone who had something to say to come up and address the crowd, which was several hundred strong.
I was already stepping forward when Vasalissa grabbed my hand to hold me back.
"Don't you dare," she hissed.
"Come on," I said. "Just a couple of new jokes..."
"I will beat you to death with this umbrella," Vasalissa said.
In conclusion, my fear of being bludgeoned to death is stronger than my addiction to comedy which in turn is far, far stronger than my desire to be a respectful feminist ally.
Although in my defense, I really think there's something to those new jokes.
Come to the Comic Strip on the 13th of June and see.
UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday,June 13 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Two Socks Enter One Sock Leaves
My sister's washing machine is like the Thunderdome.
Nice to have a back-up sock. It doesn't match any other socks in my drawer, but that's never stopped me before.
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Nice to have a back-up sock. It doesn't match any other socks in my drawer, but that's never stopped me before.
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Monday, May 23, 2011
The Rapture: Is Anybody Else Still Here?
According to sources, the Rapture was supposed to happen on Saturday where God was supposed to take the righteous to Heaven.
Either it was postponed or the righteous are thinner on the ground than one would hope.
I tease, Christians. Although most of the Christians I know were skeptical about the whole raputre thing too. Something about “not knowing the hour.”
I find most religions cool. There’s something amazing about the way we’ve found so many different and creative ways to explain the unexplainable and to give purpose to our lives. I’m not sure which--if any of them--is the One True Way, of course. I practice Buddhism myself, but the absurdist in me would love it if it was something nobody expected so Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Atheists, and the world’s other religious people could look dumbfounded at each other in the afterlife: “So the universe is actually the shell of a turtle being led by a team of mice? Didn‘t see that one coming.”
Lately I’ve been reading a lot of atheist blogs. I really like atheism. They make a great case for themselves and the appeals to reason, rationality, and skepticism really warm my heart. There’s a place for faith in the world, but blind belief is no substitute for critical thinking skills.
Some atheists go beyond arguing why atheism is good and start making claims that religion is harmful. Which is fine, except that their arguments get a little less rigorous, the terms get less operationally defined, and the tendency to use anecdotes and historical cherry-picking becomes a little stronger. If you’re going to challenge the existence of God or gods on rational, scientific, and skeptical grounds, you have to apply the same intellectual rigour to your claim that religion is harmful.
I don’t even know how you would make that kind of a study. First you have to define your terms--for example, is it religious belief that is bad or religious institutions? Do Church-Once-A-Year-For-Christmas folks count as religious? What about people who go to church for social or political reasons but don‘t really believe? What harmful behaviours do religion bring about that are not present in secular institutions? I can‘t figure out how you would isolate those variables.
But I hope they find a way.
Because while many of us with religious backgrounds tend to get defensive when atheists start attacking religion, but the more I think about it, the more I think they’re doing us a favor.
If our religion, whatever it may be, is harming people, then I think we as religious people have a duty to do something about it. I didn’t get into Buddhism to hurt myself or people around me. So if there’s something that we are doing badly, I think we should want to know about it and address those problems.
Let’s face it: many religious organizations DO have problems. Over the years we’ve made mistakes in the name of religion on both large and small scales. There’s been violence, sexual abuse, financial misconduct, mental cruelty, and bad fashion sense…the worst excesses of human nature. Worse, instead of dealing with those problems, we’ve often tried to ignore, deny, downplay, or justify them in the name of whatever we happen to believe.
That’s not okay. Bad things are still bad things. It’s easy to blame religion, but I don’t think religion is so much the cause as a convenient excuse. But there’s no excuse for some things, and no church or set of beliefs will shield us from the moral consequences of our actions.
That’s why I’m glad the louder elements of the atheist movement are there to point things out when we fall short. It would be nice if religious institutions were better at seeing their own shortcomings and policing themselves but sometimes it’s hard to stay objective when you’re on the inside.
Most religions I know of extol the value of gratitude. I think the people we should be most grateful for are the ones who see the world differently than we do, regardless of whether those differences are religious, political, or over the musical and cultural contributions of Lady Gaga. Through them, we see the world with new eyes.
That’s why I’m hoping the Rapture doesn’t happen and the Faithful aren’t taken up to Heaven.
Whether we realize it or not, we need them right here.
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Either it was postponed or the righteous are thinner on the ground than one would hope.
I tease, Christians. Although most of the Christians I know were skeptical about the whole raputre thing too. Something about “not knowing the hour.”
I find most religions cool. There’s something amazing about the way we’ve found so many different and creative ways to explain the unexplainable and to give purpose to our lives. I’m not sure which--if any of them--is the One True Way, of course. I practice Buddhism myself, but the absurdist in me would love it if it was something nobody expected so Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Atheists, and the world’s other religious people could look dumbfounded at each other in the afterlife: “So the universe is actually the shell of a turtle being led by a team of mice? Didn‘t see that one coming.”
Lately I’ve been reading a lot of atheist blogs. I really like atheism. They make a great case for themselves and the appeals to reason, rationality, and skepticism really warm my heart. There’s a place for faith in the world, but blind belief is no substitute for critical thinking skills.
Some atheists go beyond arguing why atheism is good and start making claims that religion is harmful. Which is fine, except that their arguments get a little less rigorous, the terms get less operationally defined, and the tendency to use anecdotes and historical cherry-picking becomes a little stronger. If you’re going to challenge the existence of God or gods on rational, scientific, and skeptical grounds, you have to apply the same intellectual rigour to your claim that religion is harmful.
I don’t even know how you would make that kind of a study. First you have to define your terms--for example, is it religious belief that is bad or religious institutions? Do Church-Once-A-Year-For-Christmas folks count as religious? What about people who go to church for social or political reasons but don‘t really believe? What harmful behaviours do religion bring about that are not present in secular institutions? I can‘t figure out how you would isolate those variables.
But I hope they find a way.
Because while many of us with religious backgrounds tend to get defensive when atheists start attacking religion, but the more I think about it, the more I think they’re doing us a favor.
If our religion, whatever it may be, is harming people, then I think we as religious people have a duty to do something about it. I didn’t get into Buddhism to hurt myself or people around me. So if there’s something that we are doing badly, I think we should want to know about it and address those problems.
Let’s face it: many religious organizations DO have problems. Over the years we’ve made mistakes in the name of religion on both large and small scales. There’s been violence, sexual abuse, financial misconduct, mental cruelty, and bad fashion sense…the worst excesses of human nature. Worse, instead of dealing with those problems, we’ve often tried to ignore, deny, downplay, or justify them in the name of whatever we happen to believe.
That’s not okay. Bad things are still bad things. It’s easy to blame religion, but I don’t think religion is so much the cause as a convenient excuse. But there’s no excuse for some things, and no church or set of beliefs will shield us from the moral consequences of our actions.
That’s why I’m glad the louder elements of the atheist movement are there to point things out when we fall short. It would be nice if religious institutions were better at seeing their own shortcomings and policing themselves but sometimes it’s hard to stay objective when you’re on the inside.
Most religions I know of extol the value of gratitude. I think the people we should be most grateful for are the ones who see the world differently than we do, regardless of whether those differences are religious, political, or over the musical and cultural contributions of Lady Gaga. Through them, we see the world with new eyes.
That’s why I’m hoping the Rapture doesn’t happen and the Faithful aren’t taken up to Heaven.
Whether we realize it or not, we need them right here.
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Metal and Dust: GREAT WHITE
Great White would have been more appropriately named Very Good White.
There were a lot of ‘white’ bands in those lazy, crazy high school days of the eighties: Great White, White Lion, Whitesnake, White Wolf, White Heat…I want to say White Tiger, but that was a brothel investigated by a badly disguised Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China. White was a probably the most popular band descriptor out there, with ‘king’ being the only possible competition (King Diamond, King’s X, Kingdom Come).
In the annals of the ‘white’ bands, Whitesnake would probably win Best Overall Career, White Lion would take the One-Hit-Wonder category (Though technically White Lion had two hits --’Wait,’ and ‘When the Children Cry’). Great White would place in both categories, but at best as a distant second or third.
That‘s Great White in a nutshell--Always very good. Never very great.
Yet at the same time, until I felt they went a little too far thinking they were blues musicians on ‘Hooked,’ Great White was one of the bands whose albums were no-brainer purchases for me. My two favourite Great White albums (Shot in the Dark from 1986 and 87’s Once Bitten) probably would have placed in my top 10 albums for those two respective years. ‘Psycho City,’ ‘…Twice Shy,’ ’Recovery: Live’ and their self-titled debut were reliable guests in my boom box, and even ‘Hooked’ isn’t so much bad as it is “not really what I wanted to hear.” Over the years, it’s even grown on me a little bit.
Great White was reliable. They delivered good stuff.
And by good stuff, I don‘t mean ‘the same album over and over.’ ‘Great White’ was an aggressive straight ahead metal album. ‘Shot in the Dark’ was poppier and more keyboardy. ‘Once Bitten’ was bluesier, but also heavier--kind of like a shotgun wedding between Led Zeppelin and Dokken. ‘Twice Shy’ turned up the Led Zeppelin influences which peaked on ‘Hooked.’ ‘Psycho City’ was a return to ‘Once Bitten’ territory, only with a nod to all they’d learned along the way. Each album was distinctive though, with it’s own sound. Yes, they were all clearly Great White, but they were also different enough that I never felt the band was repeating itself.
They also did a lot of cover songs, both well-known and obscure, and unlike a lot of their contemporaries, they weren‘t ashamed about it either. They did Led Zeppelin better than Led Zeppelin and their biggest hit was a cover of Ian Hunter’s ‘Once Bitten Twice Shy.‘
Very good. But not great.
They aren’t alone. Thousands of bands fall into this category. Thousands of bands and millions of people.
We worship the great. But what about the very good? There’s lots of them out there. They’re most visible in the entertainment industry where greatness and fame are the only things we have to remember people by--the bands, the stand-up comics, the actors, the writers.
But they’re in our lives too. People who are very good at what they do….whatever it may happen to be…but ultimately, not good enough to be recognized for it. Not charismatic enough to make an impression on enough people or not original enough to break any new ground.
Just…very good.
Maybe that’s why I listen to ‘Once Bitten,’ nearly two and a half decades later. Maybe, it’s my way of paying tribute to Very Good-ness, a way of remembering those who will not be remembered. Maybe it’s a way I comfort myself against the fears of the possibility--no, the likelihood--that most of the things I do, even the very good ones, will one day be gone and forgotten.
Or maybe I just like the music.
They aren’t called Very Good White for nothing, you know.
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
There were a lot of ‘white’ bands in those lazy, crazy high school days of the eighties: Great White, White Lion, Whitesnake, White Wolf, White Heat…I want to say White Tiger, but that was a brothel investigated by a badly disguised Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China. White was a probably the most popular band descriptor out there, with ‘king’ being the only possible competition (King Diamond, King’s X, Kingdom Come).
In the annals of the ‘white’ bands, Whitesnake would probably win Best Overall Career, White Lion would take the One-Hit-Wonder category (Though technically White Lion had two hits --’Wait,’ and ‘When the Children Cry’). Great White would place in both categories, but at best as a distant second or third.
That‘s Great White in a nutshell--Always very good. Never very great.
Yet at the same time, until I felt they went a little too far thinking they were blues musicians on ‘Hooked,’ Great White was one of the bands whose albums were no-brainer purchases for me. My two favourite Great White albums (Shot in the Dark from 1986 and 87’s Once Bitten) probably would have placed in my top 10 albums for those two respective years. ‘Psycho City,’ ‘…Twice Shy,’ ’Recovery: Live’ and their self-titled debut were reliable guests in my boom box, and even ‘Hooked’ isn’t so much bad as it is “not really what I wanted to hear.” Over the years, it’s even grown on me a little bit.
Great White was reliable. They delivered good stuff.
And by good stuff, I don‘t mean ‘the same album over and over.’ ‘Great White’ was an aggressive straight ahead metal album. ‘Shot in the Dark’ was poppier and more keyboardy. ‘Once Bitten’ was bluesier, but also heavier--kind of like a shotgun wedding between Led Zeppelin and Dokken. ‘Twice Shy’ turned up the Led Zeppelin influences which peaked on ‘Hooked.’ ‘Psycho City’ was a return to ‘Once Bitten’ territory, only with a nod to all they’d learned along the way. Each album was distinctive though, with it’s own sound. Yes, they were all clearly Great White, but they were also different enough that I never felt the band was repeating itself.
They also did a lot of cover songs, both well-known and obscure, and unlike a lot of their contemporaries, they weren‘t ashamed about it either. They did Led Zeppelin better than Led Zeppelin and their biggest hit was a cover of Ian Hunter’s ‘Once Bitten Twice Shy.‘
Very good. But not great.
They aren’t alone. Thousands of bands fall into this category. Thousands of bands and millions of people.
We worship the great. But what about the very good? There’s lots of them out there. They’re most visible in the entertainment industry where greatness and fame are the only things we have to remember people by--the bands, the stand-up comics, the actors, the writers.
But they’re in our lives too. People who are very good at what they do….whatever it may happen to be…but ultimately, not good enough to be recognized for it. Not charismatic enough to make an impression on enough people or not original enough to break any new ground.
Just…very good.
Maybe that’s why I listen to ‘Once Bitten,’ nearly two and a half decades later. Maybe, it’s my way of paying tribute to Very Good-ness, a way of remembering those who will not be remembered. Maybe it’s a way I comfort myself against the fears of the possibility--no, the likelihood--that most of the things I do, even the very good ones, will one day be gone and forgotten.
Or maybe I just like the music.
They aren’t called Very Good White for nothing, you know.
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
Thoughts On A Canadian Election
Election in Canada on Monday. I woke up to see the results and found myself staring at a full page picture of Osama Bin Laden’s face.
I didn’t even remember him being on the ballot.
The lesson: when you’re glancing at the front pages of newspapers, remember to check the date.
Thoughts on the election proper:
--The Conservatives--who won--ran a good front-runner campaign, that is to say, they managed not to beat themselves by saying or doing anything stupid. They also went negative a lot, so I knew who they were against, but I didn’t have an idea what they stood for. That strategy doesn't do much to win over new or undecided voters (It sure didn’t on me), but if you’re already in the lead, it’s probably the safe bet.
And it worked.
--The New Democratic Party came in a very respectable second place in a classic Life Imitates Pro-Wrestling Scenario, decisively beating a veteran former champion with name recognition (the Liberals) and unexpectedly taking the champion to the limit and establishing themselves in the voters‘ minds as a legitimate contender. If they can stay over for the next few years, the rematch should draw big money (and votes). I also thought they ran a great campaign.
In fact, they seemed to be the only people running a campaign.
Maybe it’s the circles I travel in, but I heard nothing much from the Conservatives (possibly deliberately, as they were playing not to lose). But I heard nothing from the Liberal Party either (the big losers this election, along with the Bloc Quebecois which was nearly wiped out).
But the NDP were professional, they were glitzy, and most of all, they were everywhere. The internet. Print media. Phone calls. Mail-outs.
Now as an NDP supporter (this election, at least), I was happy to see it and see them do well, but since I am the type of man who cannot resist inspecting the gift horse’s dental work, I can’t help but wonder about one thing.
And that one thing is money.
How was it that the NDP campaign was so much more visible than the other parties? Sure, maybe the Conservatives were deliberately keeping a low profile, but what about the Liberals? They were in no better political shape than the New Democrats going into this election and yet I never saw anything from them. Did they just give up on Alberta?
I can’t figure it out. I just keep thinking about money.
I’ll be curious to see the fundraising numbers for the political parties and how much each spent over the course of the campaign.
-The third thing I think about is the disappearance of the Liberals and the Bloc. The lion’s share of Parliament is divided between the right-wing (and rightier all the time, it seems) Conservatives and the even-leftier-than-the-Liberals NDP.
That’s a strong ideological split. I’m hoping that’s just the way the election played out and not a sign of things to come. A lot of the American political blogs I follow have devolved to people parroting party lines past one another, demonizing and blaming the other side and worrying about winning vs. losing.
I would hate to see that divisiveness take hold here. It’s nice to have people who agree with us, and it’s nice to have someone to blame for our troubles, but those things alone wouldn’t bring happiness and prosperity to the night manager of an Olive Garden, let alone a country.
I think we sometimes overestimate how much power the “people in power” actually have and underestimate our own. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from listening to my 68 year old gold-panning friend’s geology lessons on cross-country drives it’s that time and change are inexorable. Sometimes it happens quickly. sometimes it happens slowly. It always happens though, even if it doesn’t happen when we want it or how we expected it. Actions have consequences and just because you don’t see them or they don‘t show up right away, doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
Some days I find that idea frightening. Other days it gives me hope. But it never fails to motivate me.
Regardless of our political affiliation and whether or not those people are in power or not there is always something we can do. We can raise funds, write letters, make phone calls.
More importantly, we can choose the way we live. We can choose the way we treat others--family and friends, strangers, and yes, even those we dislike or who disagree with us. We can forgive ourselves and others, let go of resentments, and do the best we can with the gifts and temperament we were given to reach our potential, whatever that may be and however others might choose to judge us.
In short, we can be the best people we know how. It’s all we have the power to do, but in doing that,, we can accomplish a lot of great things along the way.
Oh. And check the dates on those newspapers.
You never know.
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
I didn’t even remember him being on the ballot.
The lesson: when you’re glancing at the front pages of newspapers, remember to check the date.
Thoughts on the election proper:
--The Conservatives--who won--ran a good front-runner campaign, that is to say, they managed not to beat themselves by saying or doing anything stupid. They also went negative a lot, so I knew who they were against, but I didn’t have an idea what they stood for. That strategy doesn't do much to win over new or undecided voters (It sure didn’t on me), but if you’re already in the lead, it’s probably the safe bet.
And it worked.
--The New Democratic Party came in a very respectable second place in a classic Life Imitates Pro-Wrestling Scenario, decisively beating a veteran former champion with name recognition (the Liberals) and unexpectedly taking the champion to the limit and establishing themselves in the voters‘ minds as a legitimate contender. If they can stay over for the next few years, the rematch should draw big money (and votes). I also thought they ran a great campaign.
In fact, they seemed to be the only people running a campaign.
Maybe it’s the circles I travel in, but I heard nothing much from the Conservatives (possibly deliberately, as they were playing not to lose). But I heard nothing from the Liberal Party either (the big losers this election, along with the Bloc Quebecois which was nearly wiped out).
But the NDP were professional, they were glitzy, and most of all, they were everywhere. The internet. Print media. Phone calls. Mail-outs.
Now as an NDP supporter (this election, at least), I was happy to see it and see them do well, but since I am the type of man who cannot resist inspecting the gift horse’s dental work, I can’t help but wonder about one thing.
And that one thing is money.
How was it that the NDP campaign was so much more visible than the other parties? Sure, maybe the Conservatives were deliberately keeping a low profile, but what about the Liberals? They were in no better political shape than the New Democrats going into this election and yet I never saw anything from them. Did they just give up on Alberta?
I can’t figure it out. I just keep thinking about money.
I’ll be curious to see the fundraising numbers for the political parties and how much each spent over the course of the campaign.
-The third thing I think about is the disappearance of the Liberals and the Bloc. The lion’s share of Parliament is divided between the right-wing (and rightier all the time, it seems) Conservatives and the even-leftier-than-the-Liberals NDP.
That’s a strong ideological split. I’m hoping that’s just the way the election played out and not a sign of things to come. A lot of the American political blogs I follow have devolved to people parroting party lines past one another, demonizing and blaming the other side and worrying about winning vs. losing.
I would hate to see that divisiveness take hold here. It’s nice to have people who agree with us, and it’s nice to have someone to blame for our troubles, but those things alone wouldn’t bring happiness and prosperity to the night manager of an Olive Garden, let alone a country.
I think we sometimes overestimate how much power the “people in power” actually have and underestimate our own. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from listening to my 68 year old gold-panning friend’s geology lessons on cross-country drives it’s that time and change are inexorable. Sometimes it happens quickly. sometimes it happens slowly. It always happens though, even if it doesn’t happen when we want it or how we expected it. Actions have consequences and just because you don’t see them or they don‘t show up right away, doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
Some days I find that idea frightening. Other days it gives me hope. But it never fails to motivate me.
Regardless of our political affiliation and whether or not those people are in power or not there is always something we can do. We can raise funds, write letters, make phone calls.
More importantly, we can choose the way we live. We can choose the way we treat others--family and friends, strangers, and yes, even those we dislike or who disagree with us. We can forgive ourselves and others, let go of resentments, and do the best we can with the gifts and temperament we were given to reach our potential, whatever that may be and however others might choose to judge us.
In short, we can be the best people we know how. It’s all we have the power to do, but in doing that,, we can accomplish a lot of great things along the way.
Oh. And check the dates on those newspapers.
You never know.
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
In Which Dan Tries Yoga & Hears A Ghost
They say yoga fosters spiritual development.
I thought it was an excuse for women to dress up in colorful, yet comfortable outfits. As if they needed a reason.
I tried yoga for the first time on saturday, bending (ouch!), stretching (ow!), and breathing (aaaaaahhhh!).
And as I breathed in and out, as I allowed the spirit to flourish within me and the light to flow from the tips of my toes to the top of my head...I heard the voice of my dead brother, as though the act of doing yoga had enabled me to make a spiritual connection with something long gone.
For an instant, I felt his presence, reaching across the gossamer curtain between the living and dead to give me a message from worlds beyond. His voice, like he was right there beside me spoke a single word.
"Fag."
Yep. That sounds like my brother all right.
Dan's writing on dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
I thought it was an excuse for women to dress up in colorful, yet comfortable outfits. As if they needed a reason.
I tried yoga for the first time on saturday, bending (ouch!), stretching (ow!), and breathing (aaaaaahhhh!).
And as I breathed in and out, as I allowed the spirit to flourish within me and the light to flow from the tips of my toes to the top of my head...I heard the voice of my dead brother, as though the act of doing yoga had enabled me to make a spiritual connection with something long gone.
For an instant, I felt his presence, reaching across the gossamer curtain between the living and dead to give me a message from worlds beyond. His voice, like he was right there beside me spoke a single word.
"Fag."
Yep. That sounds like my brother all right.
Dan's writing on dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Odds N Ends
-Stumbled across this article from last October and felt sad.
I've read the Journal most of my life. From the full color comics as a kid (They used to let kids draw the comics front pages) to the sports section when I got older (I used to cut out baseball stats and paste them in a scrapbook) to the books and entertainment section (Dad and I used to fight over the paper, even when I was a young adult).
For a couple years, I even ended up writing for them, which was a dream come true.
Everything changes, I guess.
-In other news, I came across this quote the other day in a novel called Dark Hollow. I had to smile, because it makes me think of relationships I've known. I may have been in some of those relationships myself.
“Men are so stupid, so self-absorbed. Each of them thinks he’s different, that this ache, this emptiness inside him, is unique to him and him alone, and that it somehow excuses whatever he does. But it doesn’t, and he blames the woman for somehow holding him back, as if without her, he would be better than he is, more than he is. And the hunger grows and sooner or later, it starts to feed on itself and the whole sorry mess falls apart like muscle and tendon separated from the bone.”
“And don’t women hunger too?” I asked.
“Oh, we hunger all right. And, most of the time, we starve.”
-John Connolly
Ahh, human nature. It always keeps things interesting.
What Connolly doesn't say is that men (and women) can grow up too. Maturity may not be as dramatic and--in my case, at least--it comes in fits and starts, but we can all get there. And once you've made peace with that emptiness, it seems to go away on its own.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~ Rumi ~
(The Essential Rumi, versions by Coleman Barks)
Dan's writing on dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
I've read the Journal most of my life. From the full color comics as a kid (They used to let kids draw the comics front pages) to the sports section when I got older (I used to cut out baseball stats and paste them in a scrapbook) to the books and entertainment section (Dad and I used to fight over the paper, even when I was a young adult).
For a couple years, I even ended up writing for them, which was a dream come true.
Everything changes, I guess.
-In other news, I came across this quote the other day in a novel called Dark Hollow. I had to smile, because it makes me think of relationships I've known. I may have been in some of those relationships myself.
“Men are so stupid, so self-absorbed. Each of them thinks he’s different, that this ache, this emptiness inside him, is unique to him and him alone, and that it somehow excuses whatever he does. But it doesn’t, and he blames the woman for somehow holding him back, as if without her, he would be better than he is, more than he is. And the hunger grows and sooner or later, it starts to feed on itself and the whole sorry mess falls apart like muscle and tendon separated from the bone.”
“And don’t women hunger too?” I asked.
“Oh, we hunger all right. And, most of the time, we starve.”
-John Connolly
Ahh, human nature. It always keeps things interesting.
What Connolly doesn't say is that men (and women) can grow up too. Maturity may not be as dramatic and--in my case, at least--it comes in fits and starts, but we can all get there. And once you've made peace with that emptiness, it seems to go away on its own.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~ Rumi ~
(The Essential Rumi, versions by Coleman Barks)
Dan's writing on dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Everybody Needs A Comedy Cornerman
Everybody needs a comedy cornerman.
Well, unless you don't do comedy I suppose.
I hate taking paper on stage. Partly it's because I use such small notes, I can't read them well onstage, but mostly it's because it's a personal challenge to myself. Some comics can bring notes onstage and still connect, but I have a tendency to hide behind my notes or keep the piece of paper in my hand, which is distracting.
Last night, I had a lot of specific jokes I wanted to work on. I didn't want to forget any, but I didn't want to bring paper onstage.
Enter: the comedy cornerman.
I recruited BEN PROULX to watch my notes for me and yell out reminders of which jokes I was supposed to do.
It worked well, although it might need some tweaking.
Next time, I'll have my comedy cornerman sit in the audience. That way instead of sounding like he's reminding me of my jokes, maybe it will sound like a rabid fan making joke requests.
What can I say? I like feeling more famous than I actually am.
That said, I should also give him a towel. That way if the jokes bomb, he has something to throw in.
Dan's writing on dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Well, unless you don't do comedy I suppose.
I hate taking paper on stage. Partly it's because I use such small notes, I can't read them well onstage, but mostly it's because it's a personal challenge to myself. Some comics can bring notes onstage and still connect, but I have a tendency to hide behind my notes or keep the piece of paper in my hand, which is distracting.
Last night, I had a lot of specific jokes I wanted to work on. I didn't want to forget any, but I didn't want to bring paper onstage.
Enter: the comedy cornerman.
I recruited BEN PROULX to watch my notes for me and yell out reminders of which jokes I was supposed to do.
It worked well, although it might need some tweaking.
Next time, I'll have my comedy cornerman sit in the audience. That way instead of sounding like he's reminding me of my jokes, maybe it will sound like a rabid fan making joke requests.
What can I say? I like feeling more famous than I actually am.
That said, I should also give him a towel. That way if the jokes bomb, he has something to throw in.
Dan's writing on dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
The Mountain
Sometimes it’s like travelling a road that winds around a mountain.
There are moments it feels like you’re going in circles. You look over see the same scenery.
What‘s going on? you ask yourself. I thought I was past this part. I’m walking and walking, but not getting anywhere.
Look again.
The path winds around the mountain, but it is also going upward. Sure each time you come around, the scenery looks similar, but if you pay close attention, you’ll notice you’re seeing it from a slightly different angle.
Sometimes you come around to the same scenery. Sometimes you may find yourself cut off and needing to backtrack or descend before you start moving up again.
It doesn’t matter. That’s still progress.
Keep climbing.
There are a lot of us on this mountain and we all need each other.
Dan's writing on dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Bad Stuff Is Awesome
I'm mystified at how few people acknowledge this.
Why did Tiger Woods cheat on his wife? Why does Paris Hilton do drugs? Why does Charlie Sheen act so Charlie Sheen-y?
Closer to home, why do we and the people we know do self-destructive things even though we know better?
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've spent most of my life hanging around with degenerate show-biz types--your rock musicians, your stand-up comics, your professional wrestlers--and believe me, when it comes to self-destructive decisions, nobody does it better. I may have sampled a few of those behaviours myself.
I've also seen the damage it's done. I've also seen the difficulties people have in trying to change--or in other cases help a loved one change.
We know doing drugs is bad. We tell ourselves it's not a good idea to eat junk food or smoke. We realize cheating on our partner's might not work out so well.
And the question we have is: I know these things are bad, but I keep doing them?
I'll tell you why.
Because Bad Things are also awesome.
Sex with Someone Else is awesome.
Getting drunk is awesome.
Junk food is awesome.
I'm not saying these things are good for you. They aren't. I'm saying it is pretty hard to make a change--or tell somone else they should change--without admitting that many of the bad things we do are also awesome.
Think about it. If these things sucked, we wouldn't have to convince ourselves or others we shouldn't do them because we wouldn't be doing them in the first place.
If sex with a new partner wasn't awesome, we wouldn't do it.
If drinking wasn't fun, we wouldn't do it.
If french fries weren't delicious, we'd be super-sizing the broccoli order with our combos.
Trying to pretend these things don't do something for us is dishonest. Worse, when we call people who do these things (and sometimes that person is ourselves) bad, we are making it harder to escape. Because our bad things don't judge us.
Beer will never yell at you.
Food will never titter about your weight.
You can't feel guilty and have an orgasm at the same time (Believe me, as a Professional in the Art of Feeling Guilty, I've tried) and new shoes will never nag you about your credit card statement.
Unfortunately, this is where the trap is sprung. Because often the things that are awesome lead to other things in our life sucking.
New stuff is awesome...but being in debt sucks.
Junk food is awesome...but feeling unhealthy and sluggish sucks.
Things that suck are no fun. So we turn back to the awesome thing...
...which leads to more suck.
So we run back to the awesome...
...which leads to more suck...
And the cycle continues until the awesome stuff isn't even that awesome anymore, but facing the suck is so much worse that we need it just to keep from feeling bad.
Or maybe it doesn't. Heck you can maintain an awesome-suck truce for years, either by keeping them in an uneasy balance or by riding the awesome highs and enduring the crashing lows. And let's face it there's a certain thrill riding the roller coaster of suck and awesome; it's like being in a passionate, but unstable, relationship--where would the thrill of getting back together and wild make-up sex be without the agony of being evicted because she threw your guitar through the balcony window.
There are lots and lots of reasons to stop these kinds of behaviours. We can acknowledge how they affect us and our families. We can remind ourselves how they damage our lives. We can even pay attention to how we feel when we're free from them.
But to pretend we don't sometimes like doing these things?
Let's not kid ourselves.
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Why did Tiger Woods cheat on his wife? Why does Paris Hilton do drugs? Why does Charlie Sheen act so Charlie Sheen-y?
Closer to home, why do we and the people we know do self-destructive things even though we know better?
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've spent most of my life hanging around with degenerate show-biz types--your rock musicians, your stand-up comics, your professional wrestlers--and believe me, when it comes to self-destructive decisions, nobody does it better. I may have sampled a few of those behaviours myself.
I've also seen the damage it's done. I've also seen the difficulties people have in trying to change--or in other cases help a loved one change.
We know doing drugs is bad. We tell ourselves it's not a good idea to eat junk food or smoke. We realize cheating on our partner's might not work out so well.
And the question we have is: I know these things are bad, but I keep doing them?
I'll tell you why.
Because Bad Things are also awesome.
Sex with Someone Else is awesome.
Getting drunk is awesome.
Junk food is awesome.
I'm not saying these things are good for you. They aren't. I'm saying it is pretty hard to make a change--or tell somone else they should change--without admitting that many of the bad things we do are also awesome.
Think about it. If these things sucked, we wouldn't have to convince ourselves or others we shouldn't do them because we wouldn't be doing them in the first place.
If sex with a new partner wasn't awesome, we wouldn't do it.
If drinking wasn't fun, we wouldn't do it.
If french fries weren't delicious, we'd be super-sizing the broccoli order with our combos.
Trying to pretend these things don't do something for us is dishonest. Worse, when we call people who do these things (and sometimes that person is ourselves) bad, we are making it harder to escape. Because our bad things don't judge us.
Beer will never yell at you.
Food will never titter about your weight.
You can't feel guilty and have an orgasm at the same time (Believe me, as a Professional in the Art of Feeling Guilty, I've tried) and new shoes will never nag you about your credit card statement.
Unfortunately, this is where the trap is sprung. Because often the things that are awesome lead to other things in our life sucking.
New stuff is awesome...but being in debt sucks.
Junk food is awesome...but feeling unhealthy and sluggish sucks.
Things that suck are no fun. So we turn back to the awesome thing...
...which leads to more suck.
So we run back to the awesome...
...which leads to more suck...
And the cycle continues until the awesome stuff isn't even that awesome anymore, but facing the suck is so much worse that we need it just to keep from feeling bad.
Or maybe it doesn't. Heck you can maintain an awesome-suck truce for years, either by keeping them in an uneasy balance or by riding the awesome highs and enduring the crashing lows. And let's face it there's a certain thrill riding the roller coaster of suck and awesome; it's like being in a passionate, but unstable, relationship--where would the thrill of getting back together and wild make-up sex be without the agony of being evicted because she threw your guitar through the balcony window.
There are lots and lots of reasons to stop these kinds of behaviours. We can acknowledge how they affect us and our families. We can remind ourselves how they damage our lives. We can even pay attention to how we feel when we're free from them.
But to pretend we don't sometimes like doing these things?
Let's not kid ourselves.
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Big Jess Is A Ladies' Man & The Vito Situation
Big Jess is a ladies man.
At the bar after the RCW show in Leduc he was talking to a young woman and her boyfriend physically grabbed her and steered her away.
Wow.
Big Jess must have some powerful man mojo to inspire that kind of fear in other guys.
Maybe he's been reading my book. But when you're that good, maybe you don't need it.
AJ Sanchez was there this weekend and found a clip on the internet from the CWE tour of The Pas last January.
I'm most delighted that there is footage of my intro of Big Vito. Vito is a most interesting person and got on my case for most of the tour because he was particular about the way I introduced him.
Finally in Flin Flon, I got on the internet, wikipediad his credits and wrote them down. On the last show in Le Pas, I channeled my inner Chris Jericho(Check out this clip if you don't know what I mean) and read them all out including Vito's German toughman victory and his (accidental) pinfall of Mitsuhara Misawa in Japan.
It took nearly the entire length of Vito's intro music (especially since in my tribute to Jericho's "armbar" speech, I kept repeating "ECW!") It was Danny Duggan who insisted I include "and most importantly XWF" at the end--I guess you always want to save the best for last.
I don't know what makes me more proud. The fact that I did it or the fact that Nate Bush, Vito's opponent that night, had to leave the ring and hide his face he was laughing so hard. "Every time you paused, I thought you were done and then you just kept going," he later told me.
Anyway, AJ pointed out that the end of my intro is on the clip HERE (around 5:09). Thank, AJ for tracking it down. I am delighted to see my moment of glory survived in a form other than just a memory.
UPCOMING COMEDY
Tuesday, February 1 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.
At the bar after the RCW show in Leduc he was talking to a young woman and her boyfriend physically grabbed her and steered her away.
Wow.
Big Jess must have some powerful man mojo to inspire that kind of fear in other guys.
Maybe he's been reading my book. But when you're that good, maybe you don't need it.
AJ Sanchez was there this weekend and found a clip on the internet from the CWE tour of The Pas last January.
I'm most delighted that there is footage of my intro of Big Vito. Vito is a most interesting person and got on my case for most of the tour because he was particular about the way I introduced him.
Finally in Flin Flon, I got on the internet, wikipediad his credits and wrote them down. On the last show in Le Pas, I channeled my inner Chris Jericho(Check out this clip if you don't know what I mean) and read them all out including Vito's German toughman victory and his (accidental) pinfall of Mitsuhara Misawa in Japan.
It took nearly the entire length of Vito's intro music (especially since in my tribute to Jericho's "armbar" speech, I kept repeating "ECW!") It was Danny Duggan who insisted I include "and most importantly XWF" at the end--I guess you always want to save the best for last.
I don't know what makes me more proud. The fact that I did it or the fact that Nate Bush, Vito's opponent that night, had to leave the ring and hide his face he was laughing so hard. "Every time you paused, I thought you were done and then you just kept going," he later told me.
Anyway, AJ pointed out that the end of my intro is on the clip HERE (around 5:09). Thank, AJ for tracking it down. I am delighted to see my moment of glory survived in a form other than just a memory.
UPCOMING COMEDY
Tuesday, February 1 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Busy Week
Next Heart Way Meeting is Tuesday, February 1
As well I'll be doing comedy at the Bus People show at the Hydeaway in Edmonton February 1
This weekend also marks my return to wrestling.
Jan 28 - RCW New Year's Retribution, Leduc
Jan 29 - RCW - Wetaskiwin.
In honor of my return to wrestling, I was thinking of posting another wrestling story from the good old days of wrestling.
Then I rememebered. Tomorrow, THESE will be the good old days.
Enough old stories. This week, we create some new ones.
Hope you'll be a part of them.
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.
As well I'll be doing comedy at the Bus People show at the Hydeaway in Edmonton February 1
This weekend also marks my return to wrestling.
Jan 28 - RCW New Year's Retribution, Leduc
Jan 29 - RCW - Wetaskiwin.
In honor of my return to wrestling, I was thinking of posting another wrestling story from the good old days of wrestling.
Then I rememebered. Tomorrow, THESE will be the good old days.
Enough old stories. This week, we create some new ones.
Hope you'll be a part of them.
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.
Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
No Time To Blog
Why not, you ask?
Well...I've been doing work. Very important work. For example, just yesterday I was trying to think of my favorite disease-themed songs from the eighties. I came up with "Spreading the Disease" by Queensryche, "Leper Messiah" by Metallica, and my favorite, the nearly-forgotten " Malaria" by LA Guns. Then I got distracted trying to remember if Infectious Grooves was late-80s or early nineties and wondering if mental disorders no longer recognized as disorders qualified as diseases so I could include Def Leppard's "Hysteria."
And that led me to wondering about a "Bad Boys in the title" themed playlist ("Bad Boys" by Great White, "Bad Boy" by Lita Ford (technically this came out in 1990), "Bad Boys" by Whitesnake, "#1 Bad Boy" by Poison, and "Bad Boys Running Wild" by the Scorpions topped the list--with "Good Girl" by the Bullet Boys tacked on for contrasts sake) which led me to wondering if Wham! had a song called "Bad Boys" or if I was confusing it with Duran Duran's "Wild Boys". As it turns out they (Wham!) do.
Also have been having dreams lately. First there was the one about living in the remains of a flooded city and trying to piece the history together. Then there was the one about the retired senior citizen hitman tracking down a woman who got away to apologize.
And just last night I had a dream about doing a comedy show in which the headliner made a joke about how mad carpenters got when people mis-used hammers as toy guns. And during my set I used the tag line "In space, no one can hear your blue balls."
Which I kind of think is a funny collection of words and I'd like to use it. It's not often in comedy you start with the punchline and then try and write a joke to fit it, but I don't have to explain my creativity to you, man.
Oh. And I have yet to find a Christmas present for my mom.
So as you can see, I am extremely busy man and have no time to blog.
None at all.
Not even a minute.
See you at the show December 20 (The Comic Strip). Next Heart Way meeting is January 11.
UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.
Well...I've been doing work. Very important work. For example, just yesterday I was trying to think of my favorite disease-themed songs from the eighties. I came up with "Spreading the Disease" by Queensryche, "Leper Messiah" by Metallica, and my favorite, the nearly-forgotten " Malaria" by LA Guns. Then I got distracted trying to remember if Infectious Grooves was late-80s or early nineties and wondering if mental disorders no longer recognized as disorders qualified as diseases so I could include Def Leppard's "Hysteria."
And that led me to wondering about a "Bad Boys in the title" themed playlist ("Bad Boys" by Great White, "Bad Boy" by Lita Ford (technically this came out in 1990), "Bad Boys" by Whitesnake, "#1 Bad Boy" by Poison, and "Bad Boys Running Wild" by the Scorpions topped the list--with "Good Girl" by the Bullet Boys tacked on for contrasts sake) which led me to wondering if Wham! had a song called "Bad Boys" or if I was confusing it with Duran Duran's "Wild Boys". As it turns out they (Wham!) do.
Also have been having dreams lately. First there was the one about living in the remains of a flooded city and trying to piece the history together. Then there was the one about the retired senior citizen hitman tracking down a woman who got away to apologize.
And just last night I had a dream about doing a comedy show in which the headliner made a joke about how mad carpenters got when people mis-used hammers as toy guns. And during my set I used the tag line "In space, no one can hear your blue balls."
Which I kind of think is a funny collection of words and I'd like to use it. It's not often in comedy you start with the punchline and then try and write a joke to fit it, but I don't have to explain my creativity to you, man.
Oh. And I have yet to find a Christmas present for my mom.
So as you can see, I am extremely busy man and have no time to blog.
None at all.
Not even a minute.
See you at the show December 20 (The Comic Strip). Next Heart Way meeting is January 11.
UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
December of the Year Of Our Lord 2010
Can't believe it's December already.
Seems like just a moment it was January and I was riding in a van through a snowstorm at 3am with AJ and JJ Sanchez, and Cliff Corleone.
And 2010.Weird.
I thought we'd have a Mars colony by now.
Maybe next year.
Seems like just a moment it was January and I was riding in a van through a snowstorm at 3am with AJ and JJ Sanchez, and Cliff Corleone.
And 2010.Weird.
I thought we'd have a Mars colony by now.
Maybe next year.
Monday, November 22, 2010
An Open Letter to CFL Announcers
We've noticed one of you has fallen in love with the term "YAC Yards" and is using it profusely throughout your broadcast, pronouncing it Yak-Yards.
There are two reasons you sound stupid doing this.
1 -YAC stands for "Yards After Catch." So what you are saying is Yards After Catch Yards." Which is redundant.
2 - You are a grown man.
Please stop embarassing yourself.
Sincerely,
The Brodribb Males
UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.
There are two reasons you sound stupid doing this.
1 -YAC stands for "Yards After Catch." So what you are saying is Yards After Catch Yards." Which is redundant.
2 - You are a grown man.
Please stop embarassing yourself.
Sincerely,
The Brodribb Males
UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.
Made The Paper.
An article about love and self-deprecating humour. And there's a picture of me in my sweet, sweet, Transformers t-shirt.
"For Love and Self-Deprecating Humour" should be on my family coat-of-arms.
Article is here.
UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.
"For Love and Self-Deprecating Humour" should be on my family coat-of-arms.
Article is here.
UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Reading Abstience
I'm on the fourth day of my book absitinence experiment.
In that time, I've bought three pairs of jeans, a tshirt, several dozen songs on itunes, and barely resisted the urge to pick up a PS3 and several games.
Maybe it's time to go back to the library...before I go broke.
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.
In that time, I've bought three pairs of jeans, a tshirt, several dozen songs on itunes, and barely resisted the urge to pick up a PS3 and several games.
Maybe it's time to go back to the library...before I go broke.
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Dan vs. The Future
Vasalissa got me an ipod for my birthday.
I spent the next hour digging through CDs stressing myself out trying to decide which songs needed to go on it IMMEDIATELY. I ended up with piles of "Yes", "Nos", and "Unsures" blocking the entire apartment.
It was strange. One moment I was indifferent to the fact such technology existed, the next I was tying myself into knots deciding which songs had to go on it RIGHT NOW!!!!
I'm already thinking of getting a machine that will transfer music from casettes to some kind of electronic form.
Because music isn't just music. It's pieces of memory. Each CD I picked up, I wasn't holding a piece of plastic, it was the soundtrack to part of my life--here an all night drive to Manitoba with a couple of pro wrestlers; there's my student teaching experience; hey, look, this is the novel I wrote fifteen years ago or my taekwon-do workout music; the night shift at a video store or the hospital or the Support Network; the first girl I kissed; the first girl I WANTED to kiss and so much more.
It's more than music. It's my life.
Meanwhile, I've decided my addiction to the printed word has become unmanageable. As a small experiment, I've decided to go a week or so without reading.
I'm already experiencing pangs of withdrawal.
I spent the next hour digging through CDs stressing myself out trying to decide which songs needed to go on it IMMEDIATELY. I ended up with piles of "Yes", "Nos", and "Unsures" blocking the entire apartment.
It was strange. One moment I was indifferent to the fact such technology existed, the next I was tying myself into knots deciding which songs had to go on it RIGHT NOW!!!!
I'm already thinking of getting a machine that will transfer music from casettes to some kind of electronic form.
Because music isn't just music. It's pieces of memory. Each CD I picked up, I wasn't holding a piece of plastic, it was the soundtrack to part of my life--here an all night drive to Manitoba with a couple of pro wrestlers; there's my student teaching experience; hey, look, this is the novel I wrote fifteen years ago or my taekwon-do workout music; the night shift at a video store or the hospital or the Support Network; the first girl I kissed; the first girl I WANTED to kiss and so much more.
It's more than music. It's my life.
Meanwhile, I've decided my addiction to the printed word has become unmanageable. As a small experiment, I've decided to go a week or so without reading.
I'm already experiencing pangs of withdrawal.
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Bungee Jumping, Elk Calls, and the Last Few Days
Today: Found a hole in the butt of my jeans.
Saturday: Bungee jumped for the first time.
Last Thursday: Dawn demonstrated her elk call in a loud bar which caused the bouncer and waitress to run over an look at me suspiciously.
Tonight: Heart Way Meeting.
Bungee jumping was fun. As a meditator, it's always interesting to watch you mind and see when you felt fear and how bad it was.
For me it wasn't bad. I had a moment of second thoughts waiting for the appointed time but it wasn't too bad. I was calm, cool and collected.
Vasalissa, on the other hand, was excited enough for both of us, bouncing up and down and barely able to contain herself.
We went to the top, got our instructions. I remained calm, even as they were strapping me in.
Even as the jumpmaster told me to go...
...even as I ran for the jump-off point.
..until the moment I reached the very edge, at which point I had an "EEK!" moment, curling backwards, pulling one foot in the air and going up on my tippy-toes like an elephant confronted by a very ferocious mouse.
Physics, however, would not be denied. I was carried forward off the edge by momentum, but that split-second hesitation meant I took to the air in a most dignified pose.
The fall was a rush. Terrifying, but cool.
As I bounced upward at the end of the rope, I thought, "That was pretty cool. I thought I'd be more scared."
Then I WAS scared as I reached the top of the bounce and fell again.
Nobody told me about the bouncing.
Once I got used to it, it was fun. Elevator drop in the stomach, the stop and bounce upwards, the feeling of weightlessness at the top of the bounce (WHEE!) before you fell again.
When I was finished, I watched Vasalissa jump. Her take off was much more graceful than I.
Afterwards, walking through the mall (We bungee-jumped in a Mall! We're Xtreme Mall Rats!) she looked around at the shuffling, shopping masses and said, "Don't they know what we did? I just want to grab them and shake them."
I remember that kind of excitement from mountain climbing. The first time I went with my sister-in-law, I remember walking back into the tourist center, looking at everyone else and thinking "these people have no idea of how it feels to be alive."
For the record, it feels awesome.
Last Heart Way meeting of 2010 is November 9 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
Saturday: Bungee jumped for the first time.
Last Thursday: Dawn demonstrated her elk call in a loud bar which caused the bouncer and waitress to run over an look at me suspiciously.
Tonight: Heart Way Meeting.
Bungee jumping was fun. As a meditator, it's always interesting to watch you mind and see when you felt fear and how bad it was.
For me it wasn't bad. I had a moment of second thoughts waiting for the appointed time but it wasn't too bad. I was calm, cool and collected.
Vasalissa, on the other hand, was excited enough for both of us, bouncing up and down and barely able to contain herself.
We went to the top, got our instructions. I remained calm, even as they were strapping me in.
Even as the jumpmaster told me to go...
...even as I ran for the jump-off point.
..until the moment I reached the very edge, at which point I had an "EEK!" moment, curling backwards, pulling one foot in the air and going up on my tippy-toes like an elephant confronted by a very ferocious mouse.
Physics, however, would not be denied. I was carried forward off the edge by momentum, but that split-second hesitation meant I took to the air in a most dignified pose.
The fall was a rush. Terrifying, but cool.
As I bounced upward at the end of the rope, I thought, "That was pretty cool. I thought I'd be more scared."
Then I WAS scared as I reached the top of the bounce and fell again.
Nobody told me about the bouncing.
Once I got used to it, it was fun. Elevator drop in the stomach, the stop and bounce upwards, the feeling of weightlessness at the top of the bounce (WHEE!) before you fell again.
When I was finished, I watched Vasalissa jump. Her take off was much more graceful than I.
Afterwards, walking through the mall (We bungee-jumped in a Mall! We're Xtreme Mall Rats!) she looked around at the shuffling, shopping masses and said, "Don't they know what we did? I just want to grab them and shake them."
I remember that kind of excitement from mountain climbing. The first time I went with my sister-in-law, I remember walking back into the tourist center, looking at everyone else and thinking "these people have no idea of how it feels to be alive."
For the record, it feels awesome.
Last Heart Way meeting of 2010 is November 9 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Time Share Babies, Flirt Rust & The Heart Way
My girlfriend and I have come up with the idea for Time Share babies. Twenty-six couples. One baby. Two weeks out of the year.
It's parenting for commitment-phobes. And if you start to miss the collective baby, you can always check the little bundle's progress on the communal Facebook group.
I think it's a great idea. It takes a village after all.
*********
Dawn's back in town and we went out to the bar a couple nights ago. I've had a girlfriend for six months and I can no longer flirt. This really bothered me.
DAN: I can't flirt anymore. See that girl over there. I couldn't hit on her if my life depends on it.
DAWN: Why would you want to? Your girlfriend is way prettier than she is.
DAN: (mournfully) Doesn't matter.
DAWN: And here I was starting to believe there were still good guys out there.
DAN: I'm romantically unarmed. I've lost it, Dawn. But you know what? You're right. I have a great girlfriend. What does it matter that I've lost the ability to walk up to a strange woman and tell her she has pretty eyes. My seductive abilities have atrophied, and I DON'T CARE!!!
(A Hot Brunette at the bar next to DAN looks over at this)
DAN: (touching Hot Brunette's shoulder) I do care, baby. I just tell people I don't because I get scared inside.
Hot Brunette gives a tight smile and hurries away with her drinks.
DAN: She deserved better than that. That was a poor effort.
Dawn and I have also came up with a sketch about a woman getting drunk and picking up a guy at the bar when she's still hooked on someone else.
DRUNK GIRL: You're cute. What's your name?
GUY: Derek.
DRUNK GIRL: No it's not. You're Steve.
GUY: But...
DRUNK GIRL: Your name is Steve...you work at my office....and you DON'T have a girlfriend...and you love me and think I'm pretty and want to have my babies.
GUY: I...
DRUNK GIRL: Make out with me now, Steve.
Dawn and I really should have our own show.
Last Heart Way meeting of 2010 is November 9 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
It's parenting for commitment-phobes. And if you start to miss the collective baby, you can always check the little bundle's progress on the communal Facebook group.
I think it's a great idea. It takes a village after all.
*********
Dawn's back in town and we went out to the bar a couple nights ago. I've had a girlfriend for six months and I can no longer flirt. This really bothered me.
DAN: I can't flirt anymore. See that girl over there. I couldn't hit on her if my life depends on it.
DAWN: Why would you want to? Your girlfriend is way prettier than she is.
DAN: (mournfully) Doesn't matter.
DAWN: And here I was starting to believe there were still good guys out there.
DAN: I'm romantically unarmed. I've lost it, Dawn. But you know what? You're right. I have a great girlfriend. What does it matter that I've lost the ability to walk up to a strange woman and tell her she has pretty eyes. My seductive abilities have atrophied, and I DON'T CARE!!!
(A Hot Brunette at the bar next to DAN looks over at this)
DAN: (touching Hot Brunette's shoulder) I do care, baby. I just tell people I don't because I get scared inside.
Hot Brunette gives a tight smile and hurries away with her drinks.
DAN: She deserved better than that. That was a poor effort.
Dawn and I have also came up with a sketch about a woman getting drunk and picking up a guy at the bar when she's still hooked on someone else.
DRUNK GIRL: You're cute. What's your name?
GUY: Derek.
DRUNK GIRL: No it's not. You're Steve.
GUY: But...
DRUNK GIRL: Your name is Steve...you work at my office....and you DON'T have a girlfriend...and you love me and think I'm pretty and want to have my babies.
GUY: I...
DRUNK GIRL: Make out with me now, Steve.
Dawn and I really should have our own show.
Last Heart Way meeting of 2010 is November 9 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Halloween Odds and Ends
Saw a 4 year old dressed as a firefighter this halloween. Which was appropriate because his mom was SMOKIN'
Lines like these are why I'm the Gateway Boyfriend, folks. Do not try this kind of awesomeness at home.
In other news, my girlfriend has decided next year she wants a dog costume with black robes, a powdered wig and a gavel so she can go as a "judgmental bitch."
She's pretty awesome.
Lines like these are why I'm the Gateway Boyfriend, folks. Do not try this kind of awesomeness at home.
In other news, my girlfriend has decided next year she wants a dog costume with black robes, a powdered wig and a gavel so she can go as a "judgmental bitch."
She's pretty awesome.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Why Did I Create The Heart Way Support Group?
The final Heart Way meeting of 2010 is Tuesday, November 9.
A few people have asked me why I started the group.
Good question. The answer is stunningly unsurprising.
It started because of a girl.
In December of 09, I had a hard break-up. I’ll spare the details. They aren‘t all that exciting or dramatic. It was a break-up--no worse (and in some ways a lot better) than any other, but for whatever reason it hit me harder than most.
I don’t know why I had such a hard time after the break-up, and maybe I never will. Grief is funny like that, I‘ve learned. It never quite hits you the way you expect at the time you expect.
This one was a bad one. I was prepared for the emotions, but not the intensity of them or the way they would come out of nowhere like a storm out of clear blue sky, swamping me just when I thought I had made it to still waters.
It was the most excruciating few months of my life.
Yet in another way, it was also one of the best.
Because in that time, a time in which I felt unable to help myself, people were there for me. Friends and family. Co-workers. Lovers past and present. Even complete strangers.
It was humbling. I had nothing to offer them in return…and still they were there.
The Heart Way is my opportunity to give something back, to be there for others the way others were there for me.
It’s a chance to be in the room with other folks, men and women, young and old. Single, married, divorced, widowed, or anything in between. It’s a chance to look into another person’s eyes, to hear their voice, maybe feel their hand on your shoulder and realize that we have more in common that we might at first think.
I don’t care if one person shows up. I don’t care if twenty people show up.
If nobody shows up...that’s fine too.
For me, in some ways, who comes isn’t the point. The point is being there.
I believe everybody deserves a happy romantic life. And I will do my part to help.
Next meeting is November 9 at Woodcroft library.
My email is thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com
If you need somebody, that’s where I will be.
A few people have asked me why I started the group.
Good question. The answer is stunningly unsurprising.
It started because of a girl.
In December of 09, I had a hard break-up. I’ll spare the details. They aren‘t all that exciting or dramatic. It was a break-up--no worse (and in some ways a lot better) than any other, but for whatever reason it hit me harder than most.
I don’t know why I had such a hard time after the break-up, and maybe I never will. Grief is funny like that, I‘ve learned. It never quite hits you the way you expect at the time you expect.
This one was a bad one. I was prepared for the emotions, but not the intensity of them or the way they would come out of nowhere like a storm out of clear blue sky, swamping me just when I thought I had made it to still waters.
It was the most excruciating few months of my life.
Yet in another way, it was also one of the best.
Because in that time, a time in which I felt unable to help myself, people were there for me. Friends and family. Co-workers. Lovers past and present. Even complete strangers.
It was humbling. I had nothing to offer them in return…and still they were there.
The Heart Way is my opportunity to give something back, to be there for others the way others were there for me.
It’s a chance to be in the room with other folks, men and women, young and old. Single, married, divorced, widowed, or anything in between. It’s a chance to look into another person’s eyes, to hear their voice, maybe feel their hand on your shoulder and realize that we have more in common that we might at first think.
I don’t care if one person shows up. I don’t care if twenty people show up.
If nobody shows up...that’s fine too.
For me, in some ways, who comes isn’t the point. The point is being there.
I believe everybody deserves a happy romantic life. And I will do my part to help.
Next meeting is November 9 at Woodcroft library.
My email is thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com
If you need somebody, that’s where I will be.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Inspiring
Bobcat Goldthwait is playing this weekend at The Comic Strip. I suggest you check them out. Local Jordan Chyzowski is middling, and if last night was any indication, he's looking sharp also.
Bobcat was scheduled to perform this Thursday through Saturday.
He showed up every night this week to work on material. He also watched all the other comics and paid attention to what they were doing.
That's inspiring. Here's one of the most talented guys I've ever seen and out of dedication or love he's still out there perfecting his craft.
If you haven't seen Bobcat lately or only know him from the Police Academy movies, you owe it do yourself to check out his stand-up.
There are recent clips here and here.
In other news, finished editing a short story. One more go-over and it goes off to market.
Preparations for the Pure Speculation festival on the 22-24 continue. Hope to see you there.
DAN'S SCHEDULE
The next Heart Way Support Group Meeting is October 5. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for registration or details.
I will be appearing at the 2010 Pure Speculation festival at the Radisson Hotel in Edmonton, Oct 22-24.
WRITING
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
Bobcat was scheduled to perform this Thursday through Saturday.
He showed up every night this week to work on material. He also watched all the other comics and paid attention to what they were doing.
That's inspiring. Here's one of the most talented guys I've ever seen and out of dedication or love he's still out there perfecting his craft.
If you haven't seen Bobcat lately or only know him from the Police Academy movies, you owe it do yourself to check out his stand-up.
There are recent clips here and here.
In other news, finished editing a short story. One more go-over and it goes off to market.
Preparations for the Pure Speculation festival on the 22-24 continue. Hope to see you there.
DAN'S SCHEDULE
The next Heart Way Support Group Meeting is October 5. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for registration or details.
I will be appearing at the 2010 Pure Speculation festival at the Radisson Hotel in Edmonton, Oct 22-24.
WRITING
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
Heart Way Group Update
I announced this at the meeting tonight, but for those of you weren't there...
November 9 will be the last Heart Way meeting of the year.
You can still reach me by email at thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com should anything come up for you.
Blog postings shall continue on the regular schedule at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
See you in the New Year
November 9 will be the last Heart Way meeting of the year.
You can still reach me by email at thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com should anything come up for you.
Blog postings shall continue on the regular schedule at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
See you in the New Year
Friday, October 01, 2010
Five Days Left...
until the next Heart Way Meeting.
Tuesday, October 5 at 7:30pm at the Woodcroft Library Program Room.
Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for details.
Tuesday, October 5 at 7:30pm at the Woodcroft Library Program Room.
Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for details.
Friday, September 24, 2010
The Academy
This morning at the library I opened the entertainment section of the Journal and got a surprise.
Right there on D3 was a promo picture from 'The Academy.' Ryan Burke's blood-streaked face stared menacingly out at me. And there, out of focus in the background, trussed up and hanging from the ceiling.
"HEY!" I chirped in delight. "That's ME!"
To which I was reminded. "Shhh, you're in a library."
How dare they shush me. Don't these people know who I am?
I remember shooting that scene well, mostly because the ropes tightened over the course of the day to the point it cut off the circulation. It took several weeks for the feeling to come back into my right thumb.
But it was fun. When I think of the Academy I remember goofing around with Vic Hoon in the auto yard where I shot my first scene and talking about mutual acquaintances from taekwon-do with Christian Garon.
It wasn't the first time I worked with Kenneth Barr. I appeared in another movie he did called 'Reroute.' He was also involved in the MPW Madness television show which was my first job in the wrestling business.
I have a lot of fond memories of the Madness show. The shows themselves, but also watching the show at one in the morning at the Locker Room sports bar with the rest of the wrestlers. Times have changed and it's been a long time since I've seen all of those guys in the same room, but back then were some of the most exciting and fune times of my life and I smile when I think of them.
And of course there was working with my broadcast partner, the late "Ripper" Trevor Grimolfson. The two of us had a great time shooting the intros and outros, although if I ever run for public office, I'm definitely going to be paying Ken through the nose to make sure the blooper reals never surface.
Good times. Great memories.
'The Academy' will be playing at the Edmonton International Film Festival this weekend. The festival goes from today to October 2.
UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, September 27 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Tuesday, October 5 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton
OTHER APPERANCES
The next Heart Way Support Group Meeting is October 5. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for registration or details.
I will be appearing at the 2010 Pure Speculation festival at the Radisson Hotel in Edmonton, Oct 22-24.
WRITING
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Right there on D3 was a promo picture from 'The Academy.' Ryan Burke's blood-streaked face stared menacingly out at me. And there, out of focus in the background, trussed up and hanging from the ceiling.
"HEY!" I chirped in delight. "That's ME!"
To which I was reminded. "Shhh, you're in a library."
How dare they shush me. Don't these people know who I am?
I remember shooting that scene well, mostly because the ropes tightened over the course of the day to the point it cut off the circulation. It took several weeks for the feeling to come back into my right thumb.
But it was fun. When I think of the Academy I remember goofing around with Vic Hoon in the auto yard where I shot my first scene and talking about mutual acquaintances from taekwon-do with Christian Garon.
It wasn't the first time I worked with Kenneth Barr. I appeared in another movie he did called 'Reroute.' He was also involved in the MPW Madness television show which was my first job in the wrestling business.
I have a lot of fond memories of the Madness show. The shows themselves, but also watching the show at one in the morning at the Locker Room sports bar with the rest of the wrestlers. Times have changed and it's been a long time since I've seen all of those guys in the same room, but back then were some of the most exciting and fune times of my life and I smile when I think of them.
And of course there was working with my broadcast partner, the late "Ripper" Trevor Grimolfson. The two of us had a great time shooting the intros and outros, although if I ever run for public office, I'm definitely going to be paying Ken through the nose to make sure the blooper reals never surface.
Good times. Great memories.
'The Academy' will be playing at the Edmonton International Film Festival this weekend. The festival goes from today to October 2.
UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, September 27 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Tuesday, October 5 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton
OTHER APPERANCES
The next Heart Way Support Group Meeting is October 5. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for registration or details.
I will be appearing at the 2010 Pure Speculation festival at the Radisson Hotel in Edmonton, Oct 22-24.
WRITING
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The Heart Way Meeting Support Group
The Heart Way is a support group for anyone looking to improve their love life. Whether you're single or attached, hooking up, breaking up, or ready to give up, The Heart Way is here to offer support as we work on becoming accountable for our own romantic happiness without guilt or blame.
There is no charge but donations are gratefully accepted.
WHEN: 7PM, Tuesday, October 5
WHERE: Woodcroft Library Program Room - Edmonton
Space is limited. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com to register.
There is no charge but donations are gratefully accepted.
WHEN: 7PM, Tuesday, October 5
WHERE: Woodcroft Library Program Room - Edmonton
Space is limited. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com to register.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Seattle and Updates.
UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, September 27 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Tuesday, October 5 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton
OTHER APPERANCES
The next Heart Way Support Group Meeting is October 5. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for registration or details.
I will be appearing at the 2010 Pure Speculation festival at the Radisson Hotel in Edmonton, Oct 22-24.
WRITING
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Went to Seattle last week.
Let us not talk about the awesomeness of the Experience Music Project/Science Fiction Museum.
Let us not talk about how I am awesome, navigating the city on foot, on streetcar, bus, monorail, and train. Let us also not talk about me disco dancing in the streets to amuse a boatload of tourists.
Let us not talk about the hotel buffet breakfast in which I ate a shocking amount of candied bacon.
Let us not talk about my two sets at the Comedy Underground, a comedy club which is most appropriately named--sort of a medieval dungeon meets Blair Witch House...if the Blair Witch owned a Mitch Hedberg poster.
It was a great atmosphere and the shows were a lot of fun.
Let us not talk about Vasalissa and her funny, sexy self. I am lucky to have such a girlfriend. Singing Wild World and roaming the streets of Seattle. It is great to have someone I can share all the parts of my life with--even the weird stuff.
Instead, let's talk about what is important--that we were not murdered.
Not by the freestyle rapper. Not by the street poet. The closest we came to death was when in trying to avoid a shockingly aggressive fundraiser for Amnesty International or something, we nearly fled into oncoming traffic.
In other news, an editor for a new fiction magazine contacted me about a short story, so I'm working on that as well as preparing for the 2010 Pure Speculation Festival. I'll be hosting the Friday night jam session and participating in a book round table discussion.
Very Exciting.
Monday, September 27 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Tuesday, October 5 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton
OTHER APPERANCES
The next Heart Way Support Group Meeting is October 5. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for registration or details.
I will be appearing at the 2010 Pure Speculation festival at the Radisson Hotel in Edmonton, Oct 22-24.
WRITING
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Went to Seattle last week.
Let us not talk about the awesomeness of the Experience Music Project/Science Fiction Museum.
Let us not talk about how I am awesome, navigating the city on foot, on streetcar, bus, monorail, and train. Let us also not talk about me disco dancing in the streets to amuse a boatload of tourists.
Let us not talk about the hotel buffet breakfast in which I ate a shocking amount of candied bacon.
Let us not talk about my two sets at the Comedy Underground, a comedy club which is most appropriately named--sort of a medieval dungeon meets Blair Witch House...if the Blair Witch owned a Mitch Hedberg poster.
It was a great atmosphere and the shows were a lot of fun.
Let us not talk about Vasalissa and her funny, sexy self. I am lucky to have such a girlfriend. Singing Wild World and roaming the streets of Seattle. It is great to have someone I can share all the parts of my life with--even the weird stuff.
Instead, let's talk about what is important--that we were not murdered.
Not by the freestyle rapper. Not by the street poet. The closest we came to death was when in trying to avoid a shockingly aggressive fundraiser for Amnesty International or something, we nearly fled into oncoming traffic.
In other news, an editor for a new fiction magazine contacted me about a short story, so I'm working on that as well as preparing for the 2010 Pure Speculation Festival. I'll be hosting the Friday night jam session and participating in a book round table discussion.
Very Exciting.
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Favre The 13th
Yesterday Brett Favre was reported retired.
I posted "I'll believe it when training camp ends" on my friend's facebook.
Sure enough, today he will play if he's healthy.
The last few years Brett Favre was playing with Green Bay, I used to think of my relationship with Brett like a woman dating a jerk (*). He hurts you, promises never to do it again, builds your hopes, then lets you down at the most crucial moment. The NFC championship overtime game against the Giants (2:40 tells the story) was the end for us.
I had a whole future for us...defeating the undefeated Patriots in the Super Bowl and cementing our legacy forever. Instaed he did the equivalent of proposing, being a saint all the way up to the wedding, and ditching me at the altar in front of my friends and family. Only I had already booked the honeymoon trip so I gave the tickets to a bridesmaid I didn't really like anymore but only invited because...well, I just HAD to, okay...and then she went on the trip and had a fabulous time and now I have to hear about it and see pictures and it's gone down in history as the GREATEST MOMENT OF ALL TIME IN HONEYMOON--ER, SPORTS--HISTORY!!!!
When it comes to football, Brett Favre is to his fans what Lucy is to Charlie Brown.
Screw you, Brett Favre. Screw you, New York Giants,David Tyree, and refs that couldn't tell holding when they saw it, and screw you, New England Patriots (**).
Okay, I'm over it.
Now, the annual Brett Favre saga (He's retiring, no he's not, he's retiring, no he's not, and--oh--did I miss training camp again this year? What an uncanny coincidence!) has become the NFL version of the Friday the 13th franchise: always the same, and each installment shittier than the last, yet strangely comforting.
I never thought I'd say this about Brett Favre, but it's nice to know there's someone you can always count on.
(*)I am the woman in this analogy. I don't know what this says about me.
(**) Amazing how sports trumps my Buddhist practice. One bad throw into coverage > years of carefully crafted equanimity.
I posted "I'll believe it when training camp ends" on my friend's facebook.
Sure enough, today he will play if he's healthy.
The last few years Brett Favre was playing with Green Bay, I used to think of my relationship with Brett like a woman dating a jerk (*). He hurts you, promises never to do it again, builds your hopes, then lets you down at the most crucial moment. The NFC championship overtime game against the Giants (2:40 tells the story) was the end for us.
I had a whole future for us...defeating the undefeated Patriots in the Super Bowl and cementing our legacy forever. Instaed he did the equivalent of proposing, being a saint all the way up to the wedding, and ditching me at the altar in front of my friends and family. Only I had already booked the honeymoon trip so I gave the tickets to a bridesmaid I didn't really like anymore but only invited because...well, I just HAD to, okay...and then she went on the trip and had a fabulous time and now I have to hear about it and see pictures and it's gone down in history as the GREATEST MOMENT OF ALL TIME IN HONEYMOON--ER, SPORTS--HISTORY!!!!
When it comes to football, Brett Favre is to his fans what Lucy is to Charlie Brown.
Screw you, Brett Favre. Screw you, New York Giants,David Tyree, and refs that couldn't tell holding when they saw it, and screw you, New England Patriots (**).
Okay, I'm over it.
Now, the annual Brett Favre saga (He's retiring, no he's not, he's retiring, no he's not, and--oh--did I miss training camp again this year? What an uncanny coincidence!) has become the NFL version of the Friday the 13th franchise: always the same, and each installment shittier than the last, yet strangely comforting.
I never thought I'd say this about Brett Favre, but it's nice to know there's someone you can always count on.
(*)I am the woman in this analogy. I don't know what this says about me.
(**) Amazing how sports trumps my Buddhist practice. One bad throw into coverage > years of carefully crafted equanimity.
Heart Way Update
The first Heart Way meeting was last night. Thanks to all who came out.
It was kind of like being on a first date with a whole bunch of people instead of one. There are things I loved and things I wished I'd done differently.
The thing I was most happy with was the people who came. The group will live and die on people's ability to be genuine and to listen to others and the people who were there last night showed a lot of both. I was inspired by their willingness to put themselves out there.
Next meeting is September 7. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for details or answers to your questions
In other news, The Gateway Boyfriend is now on twitter. Follow me at http://twitter.com/gatewayboyfrnd
It was kind of like being on a first date with a whole bunch of people instead of one. There are things I loved and things I wished I'd done differently.
The thing I was most happy with was the people who came. The group will live and die on people's ability to be genuine and to listen to others and the people who were there last night showed a lot of both. I was inspired by their willingness to put themselves out there.
Next meeting is September 7. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for details or answers to your questions
In other news, The Gateway Boyfriend is now on twitter. Follow me at http://twitter.com/gatewayboyfrnd
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Giant Robot Dinosaurs
It's strange how seeing the words 'Giant Robot Dinosaurs' on the front page of the newspaper headlines can brighten my whole day.
My favorite part of the article is this:
A group of investors, who Suess says prefer to remain out of the spotlight for now, spent millions of dollars on the park. Suess won't reveal their identities, but said there are "common elements" with the ownership of Goose Hummock Golf Resort.
"The gentleman, in particular, that is kind of the primary owner -- this is his vision and his dream."
Mysterious owner...an isolated park celebrating its grand opening...Giant Robot Dinosaurs...
What's not to love?
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to round up my best friends: a sexy reporter, her ex-husband--a disgraced former hotshot paleontolgist, a wisecracking visible minority, a smarmy laywer, and a plucky twelve-year old girl and her computer genius kid brother.
I hope we can get there before the park closes for the night.
This will be the best long weekend ever. I can't imagine how anything could possibly go wrong.
My favorite part of the article is this:
A group of investors, who Suess says prefer to remain out of the spotlight for now, spent millions of dollars on the park. Suess won't reveal their identities, but said there are "common elements" with the ownership of Goose Hummock Golf Resort.
"The gentleman, in particular, that is kind of the primary owner -- this is his vision and his dream."
Mysterious owner...an isolated park celebrating its grand opening...Giant Robot Dinosaurs...
What's not to love?
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to round up my best friends: a sexy reporter, her ex-husband--a disgraced former hotshot paleontolgist, a wisecracking visible minority, a smarmy laywer, and a plucky twelve-year old girl and her computer genius kid brother.
I hope we can get there before the park closes for the night.
This will be the best long weekend ever. I can't imagine how anything could possibly go wrong.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Computer Hobos
Upcoming Wrestling
OSCW - Saturday, September 4, Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton (7pm) (contact me for ticket information)
Upcoming Meditation Instruction
(Contact info@serenereflections.ca for more information)
Saturday July 31, 2010 at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street
Saturday September 11, 2010 at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street Contact info@serenereflections.ca for more information.
Dating Stuff
Dan Brodribb's Writing on Dating and Relationships appears at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
The Heart Way Support Group's next meeting is 7:30pm, Tuesday, August 3 (Register at thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com
This afternoon found me pushing my computer down the street in a rusty, found shopping cart (*). I looked like the World's Most Technological Street Person. Only with nicer shoes. And hands unblemished by years of hard living.
Perhaps I just looked like what I was. A man too cheap to spring for a taxi for a two block trip.
All the files I needed were saved. Hooray!
I find it funny that just the other week I was worrying about the death of CDs and cassettes (long time readers won't be surprised). Should I update all my music to electronic format before they became unplayable? Cassettes are moving parts. Cassette players are moving parts. Surely they can't last that much longer.
Turns out my goddamn cassette player outlasted my computer. Two computers, if I'm not mistaken, and since the last computer I bought was nearly a decade ago, that's saying something.
OSCW - Saturday, September 4, Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton (7pm) (contact me for ticket information)
Upcoming Meditation Instruction
(Contact info@serenereflections.ca for more information)
Saturday July 31, 2010 at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street
Saturday September 11, 2010 at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street Contact info@serenereflections.ca for more information.
Dating Stuff
Dan Brodribb's Writing on Dating and Relationships appears at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
The Heart Way Support Group's next meeting is 7:30pm, Tuesday, August 3 (Register at thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com
This afternoon found me pushing my computer down the street in a rusty, found shopping cart (*). I looked like the World's Most Technological Street Person. Only with nicer shoes. And hands unblemished by years of hard living.
Perhaps I just looked like what I was. A man too cheap to spring for a taxi for a two block trip.
All the files I needed were saved. Hooray!
I find it funny that just the other week I was worrying about the death of CDs and cassettes (long time readers won't be surprised). Should I update all my music to electronic format before they became unplayable? Cassettes are moving parts. Cassette players are moving parts. Surely they can't last that much longer.
Turns out my goddamn cassette player outlasted my computer. Two computers, if I'm not mistaken, and since the last computer I bought was nearly a decade ago, that's saying something.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Life Lessons from the Digital World
Yesterday I got back from a wonderful weekend refereeing the entire OSCW show (next show September 4) with the New Girlfriend (Oh, I didn't mention her? I'll come back to that as soon as I come up with an appropriate pseudonym for her) to discover my computer had crashed, taking with it my pictures, my music, some stand-up comedy stuff and some writing for this blog.
I'm most distraught about the pictures and the music. The comedy and writing stuff sucks, but I have faith in my ability to produce more.
But it was not the timing I wanted.
I'm grateful for a couple things though. That my sister and mother had bought me a laptop recently. Except for the brand-new stuff, most is backed-up on there.
I'm also grateful because it's a reminder of how quickly things can change. It's a reminder to try and appreciate things.
It's also a reminder to back stuff up.
Oh and I have stories for you. Many many stories.
Hopefully some of them make it up here. Sometimes I'm so busy living I don't have time to write things down.
Which is disappointing as a writer, but all in all it's not the worst problem in the world to have.
I'm most distraught about the pictures and the music. The comedy and writing stuff sucks, but I have faith in my ability to produce more.
But it was not the timing I wanted.
I'm grateful for a couple things though. That my sister and mother had bought me a laptop recently. Except for the brand-new stuff, most is backed-up on there.
I'm also grateful because it's a reminder of how quickly things can change. It's a reminder to try and appreciate things.
It's also a reminder to back stuff up.
Oh and I have stories for you. Many many stories.
Hopefully some of them make it up here. Sometimes I'm so busy living I don't have time to write things down.
Which is disappointing as a writer, but all in all it's not the worst problem in the world to have.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Time for a Change of Heart?
(pulling away curtain)
Here's what I've been putting together for the last little while. First meeting is August 3.
I am both excited and nervous. What if nobody comes? What if TOO MANY people come?
I'll deal with that when I get there, I guess.
If you know someone who might be interested, I'd love it if you'd pass this information on to them. Email for the group will be at thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com.
The Heart Way
The Heart Way is a support group for anyone looking to improve their love life. Whether you're single or attached, hooking up or breaking up, The Heart Way is where we work on becoming accountable for our own romantic happiness without guilt or blame.
There is no charge but donations are gratefully accepted.
WHEN: 7PM, Tuesday, August 3 & Tuesday, September 10
WHERE: Woodcroft Library Program Room
Space is limited. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com to register.
Here's what I've been putting together for the last little while. First meeting is August 3.
I am both excited and nervous. What if nobody comes? What if TOO MANY people come?
I'll deal with that when I get there, I guess.
If you know someone who might be interested, I'd love it if you'd pass this information on to them. Email for the group will be at thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com.
The Heart Way
The Heart Way is a support group for anyone looking to improve their love life. Whether you're single or attached, hooking up or breaking up, The Heart Way is where we work on becoming accountable for our own romantic happiness without guilt or blame.
There is no charge but donations are gratefully accepted.
WHEN: 7PM, Tuesday, August 3 & Tuesday, September 10
WHERE: Woodcroft Library Program Room
Space is limited. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com to register.
Friday, July 09, 2010
Well...It's Been Awhile.
Upcoming Wrestling
OSCW Summertime Slobberknocker - Saturday, July 17, Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton (7pm)
Upcoming Meditation Instruction
Saturday, July 17 - Strathcona Public Library (10 AM)
Dan Brodribb's Writing on Dating and Relationships appears at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Well. It's been awhile. And now I have that Staind song stuck in my head.
Lots has happened in my personal life and we'll go into that another day.
As far as other stuff, you haven't missed much. The most excting moment was crashing the after-party of an aboriginal film festival with Dawn Dumont.
Dawn bonded with one of the actors from Twilight over excercise regimens. I ate cake and danced holding hands in a circle while wondering if singing the words to "NDN Car" out loud made me a racist. In fairness, I was the only white person there AND the only one who knew all the words. I don't know if that makes it better or worse.
Afterwards we danced at a gay bar, which was fun. Gay bouncers are so polite.
Most of my energy has been spent on the Gateway Boyfriend blog these days. Check it out if you haven't already. I'll have an announcement up there shortly about something cool I'm doing.
OSCW Summertime Slobberknocker - Saturday, July 17, Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton (7pm)
Upcoming Meditation Instruction
Saturday, July 17 - Strathcona Public Library (10 AM)
Dan Brodribb's Writing on Dating and Relationships appears at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Well. It's been awhile. And now I have that Staind song stuck in my head.
Lots has happened in my personal life and we'll go into that another day.
As far as other stuff, you haven't missed much. The most excting moment was crashing the after-party of an aboriginal film festival with Dawn Dumont.
Dawn bonded with one of the actors from Twilight over excercise regimens. I ate cake and danced holding hands in a circle while wondering if singing the words to "NDN Car" out loud made me a racist. In fairness, I was the only white person there AND the only one who knew all the words. I don't know if that makes it better or worse.
Afterwards we danced at a gay bar, which was fun. Gay bouncers are so polite.
Most of my energy has been spent on the Gateway Boyfriend blog these days. Check it out if you haven't already. I'll have an announcement up there shortly about something cool I'm doing.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Why Trying To Convert People Is Stupid
The other day I met a dogmatic, close-minded individual who wouldn't shut up about his belief system and how the world would be better if everyone believed what he believed.
The weird part as, he was an atheist.
There are plenty of religious assholes out there, but when you're talking about 'religious assholes' I don't think the 'religious' part is the problem.
I've never understood why religious people OR atheists would feel the need to convert anybody. If what you're saying is true, what difference does it make whether or not other people believe you? I believe in gravity, but I don't feel the need to prove it's real to anybody. I figure gravity speaks pretty clearly for itself.
The other reason I don't like people trying to push their spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof) on other is...well, most of our beliefs sound kind of stupid when you say them out loud.
I know mine do.
Whenever anyone asks me to explain Buddhism to them I always front-load it with the rational stuff, but the weirdness still sneaks out.
PERSON: So what is Buddhism?
DAN: Well, you know it's a way of looking at the world and trying to reduce the suffering you cause for yourself and others through meditation, compassion, and a moral life.
PERSON: Okay, so how do you do that?
DAN: Well...we meditate. And we try to live a good life. And, you know, be compassionate.
PERSON: Why?
DAN: Well, because in doing so we reduce the amount of suffering for ourselves and others and free ourselves from the negative karmic consequences that we *cough*accumulatedinpastlivesaswetravelthroughthesixrealmsincludingtheHelloftheHungryGhosts*cough*
PERSON: What was that last part again?
DAN: Well, you know, consequences...freedom from suffering....
PERSON: No, explain the part about the six realms again. And I believe I distinctly heard the words 'Hell of the Hungry Ghosts.'
DAN: Well, it's kind of-sort of metaphorical. And...look the Tibetans came up with that part, okay? They're not even real Buddhists. It's more like Himalayan Voodoo Buddhism.
PERSON: So what IS real Buddhism?
DAN: Can we go back to calling atheists stupid? That was way more fun.
I would make a terrible evangelist.
The weird part as, he was an atheist.
There are plenty of religious assholes out there, but when you're talking about 'religious assholes' I don't think the 'religious' part is the problem.
I've never understood why religious people OR atheists would feel the need to convert anybody. If what you're saying is true, what difference does it make whether or not other people believe you? I believe in gravity, but I don't feel the need to prove it's real to anybody. I figure gravity speaks pretty clearly for itself.
The other reason I don't like people trying to push their spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof) on other is...well, most of our beliefs sound kind of stupid when you say them out loud.
I know mine do.
Whenever anyone asks me to explain Buddhism to them I always front-load it with the rational stuff, but the weirdness still sneaks out.
PERSON: So what is Buddhism?
DAN: Well, you know it's a way of looking at the world and trying to reduce the suffering you cause for yourself and others through meditation, compassion, and a moral life.
PERSON: Okay, so how do you do that?
DAN: Well...we meditate. And we try to live a good life. And, you know, be compassionate.
PERSON: Why?
DAN: Well, because in doing so we reduce the amount of suffering for ourselves and others and free ourselves from the negative karmic consequences that we *cough*accumulatedinpastlivesaswetravelthroughthesixrealmsincludingtheHelloftheHungryGhosts*cough*
PERSON: What was that last part again?
DAN: Well, you know, consequences...freedom from suffering....
PERSON: No, explain the part about the six realms again. And I believe I distinctly heard the words 'Hell of the Hungry Ghosts.'
DAN: Well, it's kind of-sort of metaphorical. And...look the Tibetans came up with that part, okay? They're not even real Buddhists. It's more like Himalayan Voodoo Buddhism.
PERSON: So what IS real Buddhism?
DAN: Can we go back to calling atheists stupid? That was way more fun.
I would make a terrible evangelist.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Review of My Short Story
Well, kind of.
Interestingly, the scene the reviewer refers to is my favorite scene in the whole story even though it has nothing to do with the plot.
Interestingly, the scene the reviewer refers to is my favorite scene in the whole story even though it has nothing to do with the plot.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Dan vs. Dan's Brain
The last time I hooked up with a woman something interesting happened. The moment she made it clear she liked me, Dan’s Brain piped up.
DAN‘S BRAIN: She thinks she likes you but really she doesn‘t. She’s just lonely. This will never work out.
Now that isn’t so interesting by itself. Except that I remembered something. The last time I found myself hooking up with a woman, the moment she proved beyond a doubt she liked me, I had this thought:
DAN‘S BRAIN: She thinks she likes you but really she doesn‘t. She‘s just looking for a reason to justify breaking up with her long-distance boyfriend. This will never work out.
And the woman before that, after she had made an impressive sacrifice on my behalf:
DAN‘S BRAIN: She thinks she likes you but really she doesn‘t. She just doesn’t want to hurt you. This will never work out.
And the woman before that:
DAN‘S BRAIN: She thinks she likes you but really she doesn‘t. She’s looking for someone to rescue her. This will never work out.
Which brought us to this conversation between me and my Brain.
DAN: So just to recap: I have never hooked up with a woman who actually liked me. They all just THOUGHT they did. And every time they did something to show they liked me, that proved the DIDN’T like me.
DAN‘S BRAIN: Exactly. Aren‘t you glad I was there for you?
(DAN stares daggers at DAN’S BRAIN)
DAN’S BRAIN : Would you believe I did it because I love you?
(DAN’S BRAIN edges for the door)
DAN’S BRAIN: Come on, man. We still got each other, right? Lobes before hoes.
DAN (chasing his brain around the apartment with a rolling pin): Lying, conspiracy-theory motherfucker, I‘ll kill you! I could have been MAWWIED!!!!
EVERYONE READING: Does Dan even OWN a rolling pin?
DAN‘S BRAIN: She thinks she likes you but really she doesn‘t. She’s just lonely. This will never work out.
Now that isn’t so interesting by itself. Except that I remembered something. The last time I found myself hooking up with a woman, the moment she proved beyond a doubt she liked me, I had this thought:
DAN‘S BRAIN: She thinks she likes you but really she doesn‘t. She‘s just looking for a reason to justify breaking up with her long-distance boyfriend. This will never work out.
And the woman before that, after she had made an impressive sacrifice on my behalf:
DAN‘S BRAIN: She thinks she likes you but really she doesn‘t. She just doesn’t want to hurt you. This will never work out.
And the woman before that:
DAN‘S BRAIN: She thinks she likes you but really she doesn‘t. She’s looking for someone to rescue her. This will never work out.
Which brought us to this conversation between me and my Brain.
DAN: So just to recap: I have never hooked up with a woman who actually liked me. They all just THOUGHT they did. And every time they did something to show they liked me, that proved the DIDN’T like me.
DAN‘S BRAIN: Exactly. Aren‘t you glad I was there for you?
(DAN stares daggers at DAN’S BRAIN)
DAN’S BRAIN : Would you believe I did it because I love you?
(DAN’S BRAIN edges for the door)
DAN’S BRAIN: Come on, man. We still got each other, right? Lobes before hoes.
DAN (chasing his brain around the apartment with a rolling pin): Lying, conspiracy-theory motherfucker, I‘ll kill you! I could have been MAWWIED!!!!
EVERYONE READING: Does Dan even OWN a rolling pin?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The Solution
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, May 4 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton
Wednesday, May 12 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton
Other Appearances
Wrestling
Saturday, May 29- OSCW - Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton
Meditation Instruction (all at at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street Edmonton)
Saturday, April 24
Saturday, May 8
Monday I volunteered for a research study at the University. I consider it a non-scientist's contribution to advancing the frontiers of knowledge.
The technician swabbed my chest with alcohol and went to apply the sensors to my chest, but to no avail.
DAN: Everything okay?
TECHNICIAN: It will be fine. The solution is to apply more alcohol.
DAN: I've tried that one a few times. I've had mixed results, myself.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Updates and Referee Pics
Upcoming Comedy
Wednesday, May 12 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton
Tuesday, May 4 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton
Other Appearances
Wrestling
Saturday, May 29- OSCW - Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton
Meditation Instruction (all at at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street Edmonton)
Saturday, April 24
Saturday, May 8
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Referee Update
I made my referee debut last night for Edmonton's Old School Championship Wrestling.
I refereed the dark match (or as I prefer to call it, the "Reverse Main Event") between Red Money and Scott Steel, a match between Memphis Raines and the Arabian Executioner (which due to the promoter's handwriting looked like "The Ambien Executioner"--a great gimmick just waiting to be used, I think), and Big Daddy Kash vs. The Cremator.
Memphis Raines provided the best description of the referee's psychology I've heard--"The pro wrestling referee is the Last Man in the World who still believes wrestling is real."
It was a dream come true. In fact, the promoter had to pull me aside after the first match to tell me "don't smile so much."
ME: I can't help it. I'm having fun.
Next OSCW show is Saturday, May 29.
Let the Cremator beware. There's a new Sheriff in town.
I refereed the dark match (or as I prefer to call it, the "Reverse Main Event") between Red Money and Scott Steel, a match between Memphis Raines and the Arabian Executioner (which due to the promoter's handwriting looked like "The Ambien Executioner"--a great gimmick just waiting to be used, I think), and Big Daddy Kash vs. The Cremator.
Memphis Raines provided the best description of the referee's psychology I've heard--"The pro wrestling referee is the Last Man in the World who still believes wrestling is real."
It was a dream come true. In fact, the promoter had to pull me aside after the first match to tell me "don't smile so much."
ME: I can't help it. I'm having fun.
Next OSCW show is Saturday, May 29.
Let the Cremator beware. There's a new Sheriff in town.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
"Women Want Lying, Self-Obsessed Psychopaths"
Upcoming Comedy
Wednesday, April 21 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton
Tuesday, May 4 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton
Other Appearances
Wrestling
Saturday, April 17 - OSCW - Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton
Meditation Instruction (all at at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street Edmonton)
Saturday, April 24
Saturday, May 8
Making my debut as a pro wrestling referee tonight. I am excited beyond words to uphold the time-honored and proud tradition of objective, competent officials in professional wrestling as well as being treated with the respect and dignity that comes with my station.
In other news, I laughed out loud at this paragraph on Susan Walsh's Hooking Up Smart blog:
"Peter Jonason of New Mexico university conducted a study of 200 male college students to determine why narcissists, risk-seekers and liars have not been made extinct due to their undesirable traits. Of course, what he found is that women want self-obsessed, lying psychopaths."
Did he use those exact words? Because I would have loved to be see THAT Power Point presentation.
Slide 1 - Picture of Freud.
Peter Jonason: "Freud asked: 'What do Women Want? Here at New Mexico university, we've found the answer.
Slide 2 - Jonason clicks several times, each click bringing a famous serial killer onscreen , before bringing the presentation title swooshes into the middle of the frame (One word at a time, accompanied by 'tire-screeching sound effect)
Jonason: (reading the title with great triumph) Women Want Lying, Self-Obsessed Psychopahs.
Awkward silence
Peer #1: Pete, just out of curiosity, did you practice this presentation in front of your wife?
Peer #2: Is that really how you spell 'self-obsessed?' I always thought it was two 'double-s's.
Peer #3: Wow. Nice Font.
Friday, April 09, 2010
The Gateway Boyfriend (Dating for Shy Guys Update)
Well, I've taken the first step.
So far, it's just a blog. But I'm hoping it will make a difference.
It's called the Gateway Boyfriend. It's about dating and relationships. I've learned quite a bit on the subject over the last few years.
I don't pretend to know everything. But I do feel it's time to try and give something back.
Especially since I've read a lot of what's out there for advice, and while there's plenty of great stuff, I think there's a lot of writing out there throwing judgements or blame around, promoting a Sexual Cold War mindset, suggesting people are 'missing' some magic ingredient that is keeping them from finding whatever it is they are looking for, and I don't think that's particularly helpful.
You can find the blog here. So far, if people only read one post, I'd prefer it be this one.
The Dating for Shy Guys ebook will eventually be made available through it, and I'm eventually hoping to offer short term phone support, schedule and long distance plan permitting.
I would like to say I'm doing this for unselfish reasons and giving back and blah blah blah, but the truth is, I'm hoping that by focusing on giving to others, the Universe will see fit to reward me with True Love, Inner Contentment, and Serenity.
Unless that is too much to ask from the Universe, in which case I will reluctantly settle for sex, fame and money.
I would like to run the site and provide the services on a donations basis, but a lot of it will depend on how much setting everything up costs not to mention all that business stuff I know nothing about...just thinking about it makes me cringe, so it will probably be a Great Learning Experience and Excercise in Building Character.
The new blog will take up some writing time which means less blog updates on THIS site for the time being. And I'm not linking the new blog to my Facebook page, since it's not so much about self-promotion as it is about helping people. If you're intersted in such things, go to the page. If you aren't, I see no reason to clutter up your notifications page.
If you want to help, check out the blog and make comments or ask dating/relationship related questions. And if you know people who are having dating/relationship/sex issues, send them my way with their questions. The more I can get a grasp of where people are at and what they're looking for, the more helpful the site will be.
So far, it's just a blog. But I'm hoping it will make a difference.
It's called the Gateway Boyfriend. It's about dating and relationships. I've learned quite a bit on the subject over the last few years.
I don't pretend to know everything. But I do feel it's time to try and give something back.
Especially since I've read a lot of what's out there for advice, and while there's plenty of great stuff, I think there's a lot of writing out there throwing judgements or blame around, promoting a Sexual Cold War mindset, suggesting people are 'missing' some magic ingredient that is keeping them from finding whatever it is they are looking for, and I don't think that's particularly helpful.
You can find the blog here. So far, if people only read one post, I'd prefer it be this one.
The Dating for Shy Guys ebook will eventually be made available through it, and I'm eventually hoping to offer short term phone support, schedule and long distance plan permitting.
I would like to say I'm doing this for unselfish reasons and giving back and blah blah blah, but the truth is, I'm hoping that by focusing on giving to others, the Universe will see fit to reward me with True Love, Inner Contentment, and Serenity.
Unless that is too much to ask from the Universe, in which case I will reluctantly settle for sex, fame and money.
I would like to run the site and provide the services on a donations basis, but a lot of it will depend on how much setting everything up costs not to mention all that business stuff I know nothing about...just thinking about it makes me cringe, so it will probably be a Great Learning Experience and Excercise in Building Character.
The new blog will take up some writing time which means less blog updates on THIS site for the time being. And I'm not linking the new blog to my Facebook page, since it's not so much about self-promotion as it is about helping people. If you're intersted in such things, go to the page. If you aren't, I see no reason to clutter up your notifications page.
If you want to help, check out the blog and make comments or ask dating/relationship related questions. And if you know people who are having dating/relationship/sex issues, send them my way with their questions. The more I can get a grasp of where people are at and what they're looking for, the more helpful the site will be.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Buddha Shakin' and updates
Apologies for the lack of updates. Most of my writing time is chewed up by new projects I'm working on (a novel, and stuff for the hopefully upcoming Dating for Shy Guys website)
For those wondering what California was like, it was a lot like the Manitoba tour in that so much happened every day, it was hard to keep up with. It's a strange quirk of my personality that often the most interesting, meaningful and adventurous things that happen to me are the ones I DON'T write or talk about, but there you go. I know what happened, and the fact that it did is good enough for me.
I will say this about a Buddhist monastery. Some say the Catholics have think complicated services with all their stand up/sit down/shake hands/give money/stand in line and eat bread, but the Buddhists have them beat. There's standing up and sitting down. There are also bows, bells, and enough hand signals to confuse a third base coach.
One of things this particular tradition believes in is something called Working Meditation--which was cool. I did many things I wouldn't normally get a chance to do, working in an eco-friendly kitchen, hauling fallen trees and piling firewood, learning how to cook in a second monastery that had no hot water, starting fire in a wood burning stove, and others.
Oddly enough, the place I found most stressful was the kitchen even though most of the jobs I was given there were among the easiest ones I had to do.
As always, I blame Dan's Brain:
DAN'S BRAIN: I can't believe they gave me a job this easy. They must think I suck at everything. Everyone else has got a cool job and I'm stuck on cracker-arranging detail. And why did they give me such detailed instructions? They must really think I'm useless. Oh crap...one of the crackers is broken. Where do I put it? They won't let me waste food, but this is also supposed to look good. AUUGH! They gave me this super-easy job and I can't even do that right. Novice monks can do this job. I'm a comedian/writer/pro-wrestling announcer/salsa dancer and may very well have had more sex in the last four years than everybody else in this kitchen combined and yet when it comes to putting Vegetable Thins--a rather optimistic name for a cracker, by the bye, since these things are neither vegetable nor slimming--on a sheet of orange tupperware I can't even measure up to a second string candle-jockey. I SUCK at Buddhism!
My brain is an unusual place.
Upcoming Comedy
Thursday, April 8 - Yuk Yuks, Edmonton
Wednesday, April 21 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton
Tuesday, May 4 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton
Other Appearances
Wrestling
Saturday, April 17 - OSCW - Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton
Meditation Instruction (all at at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street Edmonton)
Saturday April 10
Saturday, April 24
Saturday, May 8
For those wondering what California was like, it was a lot like the Manitoba tour in that so much happened every day, it was hard to keep up with. It's a strange quirk of my personality that often the most interesting, meaningful and adventurous things that happen to me are the ones I DON'T write or talk about, but there you go. I know what happened, and the fact that it did is good enough for me.
I will say this about a Buddhist monastery. Some say the Catholics have think complicated services with all their stand up/sit down/shake hands/give money/stand in line and eat bread, but the Buddhists have them beat. There's standing up and sitting down. There are also bows, bells, and enough hand signals to confuse a third base coach.
One of things this particular tradition believes in is something called Working Meditation--which was cool. I did many things I wouldn't normally get a chance to do, working in an eco-friendly kitchen, hauling fallen trees and piling firewood, learning how to cook in a second monastery that had no hot water, starting fire in a wood burning stove, and others.
Oddly enough, the place I found most stressful was the kitchen even though most of the jobs I was given there were among the easiest ones I had to do.
As always, I blame Dan's Brain:
DAN'S BRAIN: I can't believe they gave me a job this easy. They must think I suck at everything. Everyone else has got a cool job and I'm stuck on cracker-arranging detail. And why did they give me such detailed instructions? They must really think I'm useless. Oh crap...one of the crackers is broken. Where do I put it? They won't let me waste food, but this is also supposed to look good. AUUGH! They gave me this super-easy job and I can't even do that right. Novice monks can do this job. I'm a comedian/writer/pro-wrestling announcer/salsa dancer and may very well have had more sex in the last four years than everybody else in this kitchen combined and yet when it comes to putting Vegetable Thins--a rather optimistic name for a cracker, by the bye, since these things are neither vegetable nor slimming--on a sheet of orange tupperware I can't even measure up to a second string candle-jockey. I SUCK at Buddhism!
My brain is an unusual place.
Upcoming Comedy
Thursday, April 8 - Yuk Yuks, Edmonton
Wednesday, April 21 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton
Tuesday, May 4 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton
Other Appearances
Wrestling
Saturday, April 17 - OSCW - Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton
Meditation Instruction (all at at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street Edmonton)
Saturday April 10
Saturday, April 24
Saturday, May 8
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Short Story Excerpt
An excerpt from my short story, "The Girl Who Feared Lighting" has been posted on the Black Gate website. They even got someone to illustrate it, which I have to admit, makes me feel pretty good.
Go here to check it out.
Go here to check it out.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Update from Bend, Oregon
It's hard to turn the comedy habit off. Sean Lecomber taught me the trick of looking for local businesses with funny names to make fun of at shows that night. I'm not here to do comedy, but the habit persists.
Today's winners--a store in Madras called Bi-Mart (Never figured Jefferson County to be so progressive) and Yakima, Washington actually has a store called Hispanavision. I don't know if it's an optometrists or a TV store, but either way, I found it amusing. I wonder if there's a Gringo-vision somewhere (Our motto: We don't see colour...or privilege)
The country is beatiful. I'd describe it, but I'm not that kind of writer. The amazing thing has been watching it change as we head south. There's been mountains (My favorite mountain name--"The Mountain that Walks," site of the Frank rockslide), the trees and lakes of idaho, scrubby hills, river basins, the "Oregon outback"...there is more to this country than New York, Los Angeles, and Vegas.
It helps of course that our geologist is explaining the features of the land as they go by. He sees the Earth like I see (*) people, noticing the ways different parts relate and shift, looking below the surface to see what lies beneath.
The really interesting thing about the land is that it isn't static. The Rocky Mountains look like they'll be there forever but in 25 million years--not that long in Geology time--they'll be gone. The earth beneath our feet, is always changing, whether or not we realize it.
My favorite part of today has been the few moments of solitude I've managed to get--the porch of a restaraunt, a few minutes in the washroom, the passenger seat when everyone else was in the drugstore. It's weird because I was on the Manitoba tour less than two months ago and while there were a lot more people and a lot more activity be it driving, the show, or just general debauchery, I never really felt any need for time apart from the rest of the crew, unusual for an introvert like me. Different people? Different energy levels? The alcohol? Not wanting to miss anything? Who knows with these things.
The geology of the human heart changes much quicker than moutains, I guess. How the earth must shake its head when it looks at us.
Tomorrow we hit California. I imagine this will be my last update for a while.
(*) Or more accurately 'listen to.' Except that isn't exactly right either. Basically, I kind of--I don't know how I do what I do. Or more to the point, I don't know how to explain it.
Today's winners--a store in Madras called Bi-Mart (Never figured Jefferson County to be so progressive) and Yakima, Washington actually has a store called Hispanavision. I don't know if it's an optometrists or a TV store, but either way, I found it amusing. I wonder if there's a Gringo-vision somewhere (Our motto: We don't see colour...or privilege)
The country is beatiful. I'd describe it, but I'm not that kind of writer. The amazing thing has been watching it change as we head south. There's been mountains (My favorite mountain name--"The Mountain that Walks," site of the Frank rockslide), the trees and lakes of idaho, scrubby hills, river basins, the "Oregon outback"...there is more to this country than New York, Los Angeles, and Vegas.
It helps of course that our geologist is explaining the features of the land as they go by. He sees the Earth like I see (*) people, noticing the ways different parts relate and shift, looking below the surface to see what lies beneath.
The really interesting thing about the land is that it isn't static. The Rocky Mountains look like they'll be there forever but in 25 million years--not that long in Geology time--they'll be gone. The earth beneath our feet, is always changing, whether or not we realize it.
My favorite part of today has been the few moments of solitude I've managed to get--the porch of a restaraunt, a few minutes in the washroom, the passenger seat when everyone else was in the drugstore. It's weird because I was on the Manitoba tour less than two months ago and while there were a lot more people and a lot more activity be it driving, the show, or just general debauchery, I never really felt any need for time apart from the rest of the crew, unusual for an introvert like me. Different people? Different energy levels? The alcohol? Not wanting to miss anything? Who knows with these things.
The geology of the human heart changes much quicker than moutains, I guess. How the earth must shake its head when it looks at us.
Tomorrow we hit California. I imagine this will be my last update for a while.
(*) Or more accurately 'listen to.' Except that isn't exactly right either. Basically, I kind of--I don't know how I do what I do. Or more to the point, I don't know how to explain it.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Update From A Motel Room In Bonner's Ferry, Idaho
I never knew this place existed.
Cool.
So far it's been a lot of driving through a country both familiar (Hello, Red Deer, Okotoks, good to see you again)and less so (Hell's Half Acre, Bonner's Ferry) Idaho).
So far the coolest thing has been one of my travelling companions who has more than a passing interest in geology. He'll look at the same landscape as the rest of us and see something completely different and deeper, noting the way rocks and water have carved their way over the course of millions of years. There's something cool about people who just perceive the world differently, that pick out things the rest of us miss.
Which I suppose could be a metaphor for this whole trip.
Later, Skaters.
Cool.
So far it's been a lot of driving through a country both familiar (Hello, Red Deer, Okotoks, good to see you again)and less so (Hell's Half Acre, Bonner's Ferry) Idaho).
So far the coolest thing has been one of my travelling companions who has more than a passing interest in geology. He'll look at the same landscape as the rest of us and see something completely different and deeper, noting the way rocks and water have carved their way over the course of millions of years. There's something cool about people who just perceive the world differently, that pick out things the rest of us miss.
Which I suppose could be a metaphor for this whole trip.
Later, Skaters.
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