The Sixth Step

This is a long one, so we'll kick off with the shameless self-promotion:

WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

UPCOMING RCW WRESTLING
August 19 - RCW Freakshow (featuring Scott Steiner), Union Hall, Edmonton
August 25 - RCW Assault Darlene Fowler Memorial Show), Glengarry Community Hall, Edmonton

My personal recommendation is the Scott Steiner show this weekend. Tickets include the live show,Summerslam, a free drink and access to the Steiner meet and greet. Facebook me for ticket info.

Moving on...

The sixth step of Co-Dependants Anonymous is to "be entirely ready to have our defects of character removed."

I hate it.

I don't mind the fourth step, which involves making an exhausting list of all the things I've done wrong, or the fifth step, which is about admitting to ourselves, God, other human beings, and comedy club audiences the exact nature of our wrongs.

But I'm not sure I'm ready to have those defects REMOVED.

I like my defects. They're familiar and comfortable and something that is always there for me to blame when things don't go my way. Plus, I like to think my flaws make me interesting, remarkable, and different. Battling my own shortcomings makes me feel like I'm part of some Mighty Psychological Struggle, a noble hero facing down impossible odds instead of just some guy.

But I am just some guy. No better or worse than anybody else.

That bugs me. I don't want to be like everyone else. I want my good points to be more heroic and amazing. I want my flaws to be more crippling and devastating.

I also want to make out with Hope Solo. She strikes me as mildly unstable and has a name that reminds me of Star Wars on two levels, which are both squarely in my wheelhouse. I can rescue her from her personal demons and she can teach me how hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster.

This leads me to my next point, which is, a lot of things are bugging me these days. More precisely, I'm bugged a lot and then find things to be bugged about. It's like there's a pot of low level resentment simmering on the back burner of the stove in my mental kitchen.

A NEW defect.

Sweet.

Creatively, it's exciting. Resentment isn't something I've explored a lot in my writing or comedy. I've always specialized in guilt, awkwardness, and self-doubt. It's nice to have a new emotional landscape to map out. It's also exciting because I don't know how readers or audiences will react. Anger is a volatile emotion, so it's going to be a test of my self-expressive skills.

Personally though, it's kind of weird. My normal strategy for dealing with resentment is to pretend it isn't there. That isn't really an option now, partly because it's unhealthy but equally as much because I find it so damn interesting. Especially since I don't seem to be pissed off at anything SPECIFIC. It's more a vague frustration at the world and my place in it.

Maybe I'm on my way to being a grumpy old man.

Is this my life now? Watching the world go by, vaguely pissed off at everything?

I guess I'm okay with that.

What am I pissed off about?

Stay tuned to this space--or come to a comedy show I'm performing on--and see.