So HEAVY METAL, MO FUNK, and I were chilling backstage during the Bon Jovi concert...
And when I say chilling back stage, I mean sitting in our seats BEHIND the stage, courtesy of ECLIPSE's ticket-buying acumen. Yep, instead of buying five seats together, Eclipse put himself and his beautiful blonde girlfriend in prime spots while placing the three of us in behind-the-backdrop hell. But what would you expect from the man responsible for the break up of the Brothers in Flight tag team. Do not trust this man
The opening band was Hedley. The music was okay, but it was hard to give them any sort of rock and roll credibility the lead singer's choice of red pants and his mincing stage mannerisms which could be charitably described as effete. We made fun of them...a lot.
For the record, there is nothing wrong with rock stars (or anybody else) being gay. There's nothing even wrong with rock stars LOOKING gay. But when if you're going with the gay (authentic or otherwise) in the world of hard rock, there is gay that Rocks (I'm thinking of Marilyn Manson, who isn't really gay, or Rob Halford who really is) and there is prancing prissily around. So this is my message to Hedley: A little less Blades of Glory and a little more Rock of Ages, if you please.
Eventually Bon Jovi came out. Say what you will about Bon Jovi, but they are one of the hardest working bands in music. I heard a story about when grunge killed the hair metal scene, Bon Jovi was still selling tickets and albums without radio or video play, solely based on Jon's tireless work ethic vis a vis promotions and interviews and putting on the best show he could. I don't like every song they've ever written, but I like a lot of them, and I respect them as much as I respect any group.
This is where I actually started to like our seats. I didn't have a great view of the band, but I had an awesome view of the crowd. Which made me realize something.
I don't care where I'm sitting when I'm at a show. The truth is, I don't want to be in any of the seats.
I want to be the guy onstage.
I spent all the boring songs looking around at the crowd and daydreaming about how I would work a crowd that big. Today Pub 99, tomorrow Madison Square Garden.
Very few people can understand the lure of being onstage, whether it's music, comedy, pro wrestling, or interpretative dance. And I can't necessarily explain it myself. But for those of us who do it no explanation is necessary. And for those who don't no explanation is possible.
After the show we went to an unnamed bar. I'm not naming it, because it was a pretty cool place and they even gave us some free drinks, but I am going to have to bash them for having the single worst DJ I have ever experienced.
If anything, he was more like an ADHD-J. I don't think he played a single song all the way through without jumping to another song--often a song that was completely different in genre and/or tempo. You can't do that! I'm trying to get my dance on!
He tried to put in a theme at one point by playing a bunch of Bon Jovi songs. That's a fine idea. You know who else plays a bunch of Bon Jovi songs in a row? Bon Jovi. The difference was, Bon Jovi knows how to pace their songs so the show has a coherent flow to it whereas this guy was randomly throwing stuff out there.
Pro wrestlers call it psychology. And if muscleheads in spandex who make their living pretending to beat each other up can figure it out, the rest of the entertainment world has no excuse.
On an unrelated note, I hate to toot my own horn, but---toot-toot--I got to play dancefloor cupid last night. I had clued Heavy Metal in on Dan's Super-Secret Dance-Floor Technique for Meeting Women Even If You're Too Shy to Talk to Them (which you can learn by either signing up for my "Dating for Shy Guys" course through Metro Continuing Education or getting two or three gin and tonics into my system.)and he had taken it and made it his own with some awesome air guitar.
Naturally, the cutest blonde in the bar was irresistably compelled to come dance with in, drawn in by the irresistable power of DSSDFTFMWEIYTSTTTT (I may need to work on that name) and Heavy Metal's own dark charisma and hard rock attitude (probably the reason Eclipse wanted to keep his girlfriend seperated from Metal at the concert--blondes can't resist the Pretty from Detroit Rock City). Sparks were flying, but they didn't seem to know how to take the next step.
Enter me, with my own subtle style of wingmanship.
With one hand I guided the woman closer to Heavy Metal's chiseled torso, with the other, I grabbed Metal's arm and placed it around the woman's shoulders. They figured it out from there.
There's something about bringing young people together that makes me feel warm inside. Must be the holidays.