New Pair of Singles is up here.
New Living Article is up here.
My latest Living article involves my part-time office job. Here's another story from that same job.
At my office job, we have a program where we call back clients to evaluate the quality of our service. One of my co-workers (I'll call him WiseGuy) thought it would be hilarious to offer a callback to another co-worker who works downstairs. He also included in the notes a description of the woman using the word "special."
Enter Dan.
Not realizing it was a joke, I actually made the call. Here's how it went.
SPECIAL WOMAN: Hello?
DAN: (talking extra-slowly for the 'special' client) Hi, this is Dan calling from...
SPECIAL: Hey, Dan. Great to hear from you.
DAN'S BRAIN: Boy, this woman's even more out to lunch than I thought. She thinks she knows me.
DAN: Anyway, we wanted to check in on...
SPECIAL GIRL: Dan, it's ME...from downstairs.
DAN: (to WiseGuy) WiseGuy, you a**hole!
WISEGUY: That worked out to be even funnier than I thought it would be.
Upcoming Comedy
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Lurch Needs A Blog
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Went to the bar last night to celebrate Heavy Metal's birthday. Unfortunately, Heavy Metal wasn't there.
These things happen.
Fortunately, Lurch was.
Lurch has magic powers at attracting women from bars...and equally magic powers of getting...shall we say, tripped up at the finish line by unlikely events(*) when it comes to closing the deal.
Lurch needs a blog. These stories must be told.
"I'm Sisyphus," Lurch moaned to me as he was recounting his latest misadventures. "I get the rock almost to the top of the hill and..."
I was too busy laughing to hear the rest of the sentence. Not to mention the fact my mind was reeling at a) hearing an allusion to Greek mythology in a country bar and b) that it came from Lurch--who is known more for punching people and yelling "Douchebag!" at random moments than his education in the classics.
If I ever edit these blog posts, I'm changing his name to Sisyphus.
Other random stuff. There was some kind of weird retro night going on which meant a lot of the people at the bar were wearing clothes that they thought was from the 70s, 80s, or 90s, but just looked like random crap they found in a dress-up box to me.
I, of course, fit right in thanks to my Transformers t-shirt. Which would have been cool, had I been TRYING to dress up but I was just wearing my everyday clothes.
The bouncers were wearing these tie-dyed shirts. Unfortunately, I had no idea they were doing this, so I spent the first half hour wondering where the staff was.
Finally, I saw Big Jess and Massive Damage, two wrestlers that work there dressed in their tie-dyed finery and I clued in to what was happening. You haven't lived until you've seen pro-wrestlers dressed in tie-dye. It's like looking at the world's most intimidating Grateful Dead fans.
(*)It may also be that his charm is irresistable, but also weirdly short-lived. Dawn described him thusly: "When I first met him, I thought he was really interesting and attractive, but after thirty minutes I wanted to run him over with my car."
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here
Went to the bar last night to celebrate Heavy Metal's birthday. Unfortunately, Heavy Metal wasn't there.
These things happen.
Fortunately, Lurch was.
Lurch has magic powers at attracting women from bars...and equally magic powers of getting...shall we say, tripped up at the finish line by unlikely events(*) when it comes to closing the deal.
Lurch needs a blog. These stories must be told.
"I'm Sisyphus," Lurch moaned to me as he was recounting his latest misadventures. "I get the rock almost to the top of the hill and..."
I was too busy laughing to hear the rest of the sentence. Not to mention the fact my mind was reeling at a) hearing an allusion to Greek mythology in a country bar and b) that it came from Lurch--who is known more for punching people and yelling "Douchebag!" at random moments than his education in the classics.
If I ever edit these blog posts, I'm changing his name to Sisyphus.
Other random stuff. There was some kind of weird retro night going on which meant a lot of the people at the bar were wearing clothes that they thought was from the 70s, 80s, or 90s, but just looked like random crap they found in a dress-up box to me.
I, of course, fit right in thanks to my Transformers t-shirt. Which would have been cool, had I been TRYING to dress up but I was just wearing my everyday clothes.
The bouncers were wearing these tie-dyed shirts. Unfortunately, I had no idea they were doing this, so I spent the first half hour wondering where the staff was.
Finally, I saw Big Jess and Massive Damage, two wrestlers that work there dressed in their tie-dyed finery and I clued in to what was happening. You haven't lived until you've seen pro-wrestlers dressed in tie-dye. It's like looking at the world's most intimidating Grateful Dead fans.
(*)It may also be that his charm is irresistable, but also weirdly short-lived. Dawn described him thusly: "When I first met him, I thought he was really interesting and attractive, but after thirty minutes I wanted to run him over with my car."
Monday, February 25, 2008
headLINES is up
Check it out.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Dan Learns His Hairstyle Is No Longer Au Courant
A few of us were at the Timms centre last night to have our comedy filmed for SHAW TV's Shaw's Comedy Shorts.
I learned that when the hair/make-up person asks you "How do you want your hair styled?" "I don't give a f**k" is not an acceptable answer.
I learned that when the hair/make-up person asks you "How do you want your hair styled?" "I don't give a f**k" is not an acceptable answer.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
The Pick-Up Artist Wore Khaki
"You're not your F***ing khakis"
-Tyler Durden, Fight Club
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
-Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
Read on. It will all become clear.
But first...
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 18 - Timms Centre, (SHAW TV taping)
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
I was hanging around with Dawn Dumont while she shopped for an outfit for the TV taping on Tuesday.
She was telling me about a line they used on the Pick-Up Artist for starting conversations. The line is "Hey guys, is khaki a colour or a fabric?"
A few minutes later we were walking through the mall. Like many malls, West Edmonton Mall has been over-run by these booth things in the middle of the mall where people jump out of nowhere and try to sell you various Dead Sea Lotions and Potions and Facials and Kidney Scrapers and all manner of wonderful things.
Anyway, we were walking along when we were bushwhacked by this olive-skinned couple wanting to show us their wares.
For whatever reason, I felt compelled to blurt out: "Hey guys, is khaki a colour or a fabric?"
They looked at me with wide, horrified eyes.
I interpreted this to mean they didn't understand English well and did what all civilzed people do when speaking to someone who doesn't understand the language...I spoke the same words louder.
(I also grabbed my pants leg for demonstrative purposes. Since I my pants were a) blue and b) denim, I'm not sure that helped)
"YOU KNOW? KHAKI? IS KHAKI A FABRIC OR A COLOUR?" KHAKI! KHAKI! KHAKI!"
Apparently, in Hebrew, khaki is neither a colour nor a fabric. Apparently "khaki" is the Hebrew word for "human excrement."
You learn something every day.
-Tyler Durden, Fight Club
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
-Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
Read on. It will all become clear.
But first...
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 18 - Timms Centre, (SHAW TV taping)
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
I was hanging around with Dawn Dumont while she shopped for an outfit for the TV taping on Tuesday.
She was telling me about a line they used on the Pick-Up Artist for starting conversations. The line is "Hey guys, is khaki a colour or a fabric?"
A few minutes later we were walking through the mall. Like many malls, West Edmonton Mall has been over-run by these booth things in the middle of the mall where people jump out of nowhere and try to sell you various Dead Sea Lotions and Potions and Facials and Kidney Scrapers and all manner of wonderful things.
Anyway, we were walking along when we were bushwhacked by this olive-skinned couple wanting to show us their wares.
For whatever reason, I felt compelled to blurt out: "Hey guys, is khaki a colour or a fabric?"
They looked at me with wide, horrified eyes.
I interpreted this to mean they didn't understand English well and did what all civilzed people do when speaking to someone who doesn't understand the language...I spoke the same words louder.
(I also grabbed my pants leg for demonstrative purposes. Since I my pants were a) blue and b) denim, I'm not sure that helped)
"YOU KNOW? KHAKI? IS KHAKI A FABRIC OR A COLOUR?" KHAKI! KHAKI! KHAKI!"
Apparently, in Hebrew, khaki is neither a colour nor a fabric. Apparently "khaki" is the Hebrew word for "human excrement."
You learn something every day.
New Stuff and a Dear Dawn Letter
Valentine's Day Pair of Singles is up here.
Also, my latest Living article is up. Read it here.
Two things on the Living article.
Thing One: I didn't write the caption beneath the picture. I don't know who the "I" is who never found someone over 30 at The Standard, but it was not Dan Brodribb. I've never been to the Standard.
The caption is fine. But it wasn't me that wrote it. And as small a thing as it might seem, since it's being published under my byline, it's important to me that people know that.
Thing Two: It's ironic that the "Scared of Bars" got published today, as I was at one until closing time last night.
Here's my email to Dawn:
"Hey, Dawn,
Hope you made it home all right. After you left I gave one woman a valentine, consoled another one on her break-up, made plans with a third to start our own bar, and nearly got into a fight with some guy. Good times.
Also, I finally got some stories from the men's bathroom to compete with your tales of women's washroom. The world is a very strange place.
See you Tuesday,
Dan"
Also, my latest Living article is up. Read it here.
Two things on the Living article.
Thing One: I didn't write the caption beneath the picture. I don't know who the "I" is who never found someone over 30 at The Standard, but it was not Dan Brodribb. I've never been to the Standard.
The caption is fine. But it wasn't me that wrote it. And as small a thing as it might seem, since it's being published under my byline, it's important to me that people know that.
Thing Two: It's ironic that the "Scared of Bars" got published today, as I was at one until closing time last night.
Here's my email to Dawn:
"Hey, Dawn,
Hope you made it home all right. After you left I gave one woman a valentine, consoled another one on her break-up, made plans with a third to start our own bar, and nearly got into a fight with some guy. Good times.
Also, I finally got some stories from the men's bathroom to compete with your tales of women's washroom. The world is a very strange place.
See you Tuesday,
Dan"
Monday, February 11, 2008
headLINES
New headlines is up here.
I saw something really cool at The Comic Strip last night.
Rick Bronson was headlining and he brought the bartender up to sing "Hey Jude." She was nervous, but did a great job. She's a natural performer. The coolest part was seeing people in the crowd sing along while holding up lighters and cellphones.
I was glad I got to see that. It was a really fun, really genuine moment, and things like that are the reason I got into performing in the first place.
I saw something really cool at The Comic Strip last night.
Rick Bronson was headlining and he brought the bartender up to sing "Hey Jude." She was nervous, but did a great job. She's a natural performer. The coolest part was seeing people in the crowd sing along while holding up lighters and cellphones.
I was glad I got to see that. It was a really fun, really genuine moment, and things like that are the reason I got into performing in the first place.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
I Can't Believe I've Been Mispronouncing The Word "Umbrella" All These Years
Apparently--at least according to Rihanna--the correct pronunciation is "Ahm-ba-rella-ella-ella-ay-ay-ay"
I had no idea that what she was saying there was supposed to be the word Umbrella. I thought it was gibberish like 'Bawitaba' or 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida' Or Do Wa Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo. When I heard the song was titled 'Umbrella,' I remember thinking: "That's weird. They don't even have the name of the song in the chorus."
I guess I was wrong. I just didn't recognize it.
Having said that, I'm not ashamed to admit love this Rihanna album 'Good Girl Gone Bad." Every song is catchy. I haven't enjoyed an album this much from beginning to end since System of a Down's "Mezmerize."
Anyway, here's my schedule.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 18 - The Comic Strip
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 15
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
I had no idea that what she was saying there was supposed to be the word Umbrella. I thought it was gibberish like 'Bawitaba' or 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida' Or Do Wa Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo. When I heard the song was titled 'Umbrella,' I remember thinking: "That's weird. They don't even have the name of the song in the chorus."
I guess I was wrong. I just didn't recognize it.
Having said that, I'm not ashamed to admit love this Rihanna album 'Good Girl Gone Bad." Every song is catchy. I haven't enjoyed an album this much from beginning to end since System of a Down's "Mezmerize."
Anyway, here's my schedule.
Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 18 - The Comic Strip
Tuesday, February 26 - The Comic Strip
Wednesday, February 27 - The Comic Strip
Thursday, February 28 - The Comic Strip
Friday, February 29 - The Comic Strip
Saturday, March 1 - The Comic Strip
Sunday, March 2 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 15
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Monday, February 04, 2008
New headLINES is up
Check it out here.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, February 4 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 15
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Upcoming Comedy
Monday, February 4 - The Comic Strip
Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys starts on February 25 - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca
Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here
Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, February 15
Friday, February 29
Friday, March 7
Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here
A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Finally, a new story. There's Strippers in it.
There are three things I know for sure in this world.
1. Electricity travels in a closed path.
2. Water seeks its own level.
3. Strippers are fucking crazy.
My father taught me things one and two. Number three I discovered on my own.
I've met only one non-crazy dancer in my life. And even she was a little eccentric.
But there is one dancer I..well, I don't exactly KNOW her, since I've spoken to her exactly twice...but every time I go out I seem to run into her. She takes the crazy to a whole new level. She is to Crazy Strippers what King Kong is to gorillas.
Saturday I was out with my friend LURCH (not his real name). Super Crazy was there pulling her usual Super Crazy stuff: making out with other women, throwing drinks, and generally behaving like Britney Spears without the talent (**).
Lurch is a pretty cool guy. He likes to punch people in the chest and call them douchebag. I call him Rock because he carries himself with an unshakeable sense of strength and purpose. People are drawn to his strength, conviction, and take-charge aura, which I find hilarious because three-quarters of the time the stuff he's talking about makes no sense (***).
Anyway, late in the evening while I was chatting with Steve Rivers and Phil La Fon (AKA Phil LaFleur AKA Dan Kroffat), Super Crazy came by crying. Lurch--who finds Super Crazy strangely compelling--grabbed her, comforted her, and offered her a ride home.
The next day I called Lurch up and asked him what happened.
Here's the short version.
"Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Crazy Stripper Drama, M*****f****er!"
There were a few more details, but that's Lurch's story, and you'll have to ask him about it. It's a good one though. Buy him a drink and he'll tell you. Then he'll punch you in the chest and call you a douchebag.
(*)I see her every time I go out at various bars across the city. I was going to say she spends way too much time at the bar, but then I think about what that says about me, and I decided not to. I've lost a lot of things at the bar, but my sense of irony is not one of them (****--yes I know I'm footnoting a footnote).
(**) I know, I know.
(***) Actually, he kind of reminds me of Paul Sveen.
(****--yes I know I'm footnoting a footnote) Which makes it very hard to fit in at some clubs. Booze is very popular at clubs. Irony...not so much. They should have a sign or something that says "No Knives, No Guns, No Irony."
1. Electricity travels in a closed path.
2. Water seeks its own level.
3. Strippers are fucking crazy.
My father taught me things one and two. Number three I discovered on my own.
I've met only one non-crazy dancer in my life. And even she was a little eccentric.
But there is one dancer I..well, I don't exactly KNOW her, since I've spoken to her exactly twice...but every time I go out I seem to run into her. She takes the crazy to a whole new level. She is to Crazy Strippers what King Kong is to gorillas.
Saturday I was out with my friend LURCH (not his real name). Super Crazy was there pulling her usual Super Crazy stuff: making out with other women, throwing drinks, and generally behaving like Britney Spears without the talent (**).
Lurch is a pretty cool guy. He likes to punch people in the chest and call them douchebag. I call him Rock because he carries himself with an unshakeable sense of strength and purpose. People are drawn to his strength, conviction, and take-charge aura, which I find hilarious because three-quarters of the time the stuff he's talking about makes no sense (***).
Anyway, late in the evening while I was chatting with Steve Rivers and Phil La Fon (AKA Phil LaFleur AKA Dan Kroffat), Super Crazy came by crying. Lurch--who finds Super Crazy strangely compelling--grabbed her, comforted her, and offered her a ride home.
The next day I called Lurch up and asked him what happened.
Here's the short version.
"Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Crazy Stripper Drama, M*****f****er!"
There were a few more details, but that's Lurch's story, and you'll have to ask him about it. It's a good one though. Buy him a drink and he'll tell you. Then he'll punch you in the chest and call you a douchebag.
(*)I see her every time I go out at various bars across the city. I was going to say she spends way too much time at the bar, but then I think about what that says about me, and I decided not to. I've lost a lot of things at the bar, but my sense of irony is not one of them (****--yes I know I'm footnoting a footnote).
(**) I know, I know.
(***) Actually, he kind of reminds me of Paul Sveen.
(****--yes I know I'm footnoting a footnote) Which makes it very hard to fit in at some clubs. Booze is very popular at clubs. Irony...not so much. They should have a sign or something that says "No Knives, No Guns, No Irony."
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