"If You Were Great, We Couldn't Afford You"

After my New Year's Eve show, a drunk cornered me and gave me an unsolicited 'encouraging' speech about following my dreams and 'keep working' at comedy. He closed with "...Besides, if you were great, we wouldn't have been able to afford you."


There's something comforting about knowing your place in the universe.

 Upcoming Meditation Instruction (see website for details)
Saturday, January 26 - Strathcona Library, Edmonton (10:30am)

Upcoming Wrestling
 Saturday, February 13 - RCW - Glengarry Community Hall

Upcoming Music
Sunday, January 27 - Rexall Place - (w/Desousa Drive)

Writing
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

Dan's Mindful Writings on Mindless Culture can be found at thecompassionatedegenerate.blogspot.com 

How Do I Know I'm Doing It Right?

Here are some of the questions I‘m often asked while helping teach meditation:

How often should I meditate? How many times a day? Why couldn’t I empty my mind? What should be happening?

These are all great questions. Each of them has an answer that works for the person asking. But what they share is a single deeper question lurking behind them, which is perhaps the biggest question of all for new and experienced meditators alike:

How do I know I’m doing it right?

The good news is, if you’re meditating, chances are you’re doing just fine.

For one thing, the simplicity of our particular style of meditation makes it hard to screw up. You can explain it in a sentence: Sit still and notice what‘s happening.

It’s important to emphasize that it’s the ‘noticing’ part that’s important, not the ‘what’s happening’ part. Maybe you’re experiencing peace and serenity. Maybe you’re frustrated and distracted. Maybe you’re hearing the same two lines of a song you heard on the radio repeating over and over in your head.

Maybe you‘ll just be bored.

All those things are fine. They might not feel fine when they‘re happening, but the longer I’ve trained, the more I’ve come to realize that I‘m a poor judge of what I should or should not be experiencing.

If you’re sitting still and you’re paying attention, chances are you’re on the right track.

But for many of it, it isn’t enough to do it right. We need to know we’re doing it right. Or at least see some evidence that we aren’t doing it wrong.

I, personally, have not found that evidence in my sitting. I don’t find meditation any easier, more profound, or better now than when I started. It’s the same as it’s always been--sometimes joyous, sometimes distracted, always unpredictable.

I have noticed that my life outside of meditation changed. Other meditators have described similar experiences. So if you notice any of the following things, chances are, your practice is deepening whether you’re aware of it or not.

-Others tell you that you’ve changed even though it doesn’t feel like you’re doing anything differently.

-There is an effortlessness to your life. It feels like you are trying less hard, but accomplishing more.

- You experience what‘s happening more deeply when it‘s happening. Sights, sounds, scents, sensations…they aren’t stronger exactly, but you notice them more. You are aware of thoughts and feelings inside yourself that previously only existed in the background..

- You realize you still aren’t perfect and that meditation has not and will not ‘fix’ you. You are strangely okay with that.

How do we know we're doing it right?

We know we're doing it right when that question becomes less and less important.

Upcoming Meditation Instruction (see website for details)
Sunday, January 6 - Strathcona Library, Edmonton (2pm)
Saturday, January 26 - Strathcona Library, Edmonton (10:30am)

Upcoming Wrestling
 Saturday, January 5 - RCW New Year's Retribution - Glengarry Community Hall

Writing
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

Thoughts UFC Fighters and Stand-Up Comics Both Share

"I probably shouldn't have opened with that new thing I haven't practiced yet."

"Man, how many black guys are on this show?"

"How long have I been up here?"

"I could finish now, but I'm having fun. What's the harm in going a couple extra minutes?"

"This crowd sucks."

"Man, I hate those guys who are nothing but high energy."

"I love and hate this job at the same time."

"Are they giving us a hotel room?"

"I can't believe I get paid to do this!"

Upcoming Comedy
Monday, January 31 - Pub 99 - Edmonton

Upcoming Wrestling
 Saturday, January 5 - RCW New Year's Retribution - Glengarry Community Hall

Writing
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

Dan vs. Death

Tuesday before breakfast, my mother told us: I think if I needed away to kill myself, I'd walk out into the winter snow and lie down.

Cheery topic for Christmas morning.

Right now there are several billion people on the planet. In a hundred years, nearly all of them will be dead.

I will be dead. Everyone I know will also be gone: my friends from high school, the drivers of the cars that pass my apartment window, Even my nephew, who is only seventeen months old.

Barack Obama and George W. Bush. Chris Brown and Rihanna. Bill Gates, Billy Bob Thornton, and Billy Joel. All the judges and contestants on American Idol and the woman who played Charlotte on Sex and the City. The guy who fixed my tap. The three teenagers swearing too loudly by the mall exit and the woman with the baby carriage shooting them dirty looks.

In a hundred years, people will have died who have not even been born yet.

Death can happen at any time.

That kind of freaks me out. How am I supposed to be ready? If I’m going to die, I want to be dressed appropriately.

Considering that it happens to everybody, there sure isn’t a lot out there about dying. You would think since we only get once chance at it, people would want to practice at least a couple times to make sure they get it right when the time comes.

Then again, all of us are born, but if watching my nephew is any indication, a lot of life doesn’t come naturally either. It’s confusing and it takes some time to figure out: Shapes! Gravity (Ow!)! Applesauce (Yum)!

It’s fun to watch my nephew work his way through figuring out life’s basics. It’s also heartbreaking to watch him suffer, especially when he has no idea why. He doesn’t know what sick is. All he knows is he can’t breathe and his nose is running. The look in his eyes says everything: Why is this happening to me?

At least when we’re born, most of us have people who came before us to help us learn how to live. Of course, what we don’t learn until we become caregivers ourselves is that a lot of raising children is a combination of luck, good intentions, and educated guesswork.

I wonder if we have that with death.

I’m told not to worry. As a practicing Buddhist, there has been plenty written on death and dying in my spiritual tradition so I have plenty of wonderful teachings by many wise and enlightened beings from which to draw comfort.

That said, I can’t help but note that as wise and enlightened as these men and women were, I’m pretty sure they were all technically alive when they wrote their works of staggering insight. I can’t escape the lingering thought they didn’t have a clue what they were talking about.

I suppose time will tell. For all of us.

Upcoming Comedy
Monday, January 31 - Pub 99 - Edmonton

Upcoming Wrestling
 Saturday, January 5 - RCW New Year's Retribution - Glengarry Community Hall

Writing
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

Second Consecutive Blog Entry That Links To Buddhist Blog

Another interesting Buddhism article here. This one's on the relationship between teachers and students.

My favorite quote:

"...in this tradition, the burden is on the student, and the curriculum is proximity. Come sit with me more often, I said. Spend time with me. Talk with me as much as you want, but if you think I have something that you want for yourself, your best bet is to hang around and see if it rubs off."

My favorite quote is my favorite quote because it reminds me of the man I consider my teacher.

I don't consider him my teacher because he's an expert Buddhist scholar, because he's an authority figure in our group, or because he's some Perfect Being.

I consider myself his student because I admire the way he lives his life.

Upcoming Wrestling
 Saturday, December 15 - RCW Christmas Chaos - Glengarry Community Hall

Writing
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

Just In Case You Thought Buddhists Were Above This Sort Of Thing...

A number of Buddhist organizations have been rocked by sex scandals recently.

One Zen teacher wrote her thoughts on one in particular and I got a lot out of her take on it. You can find the articles here and here.  

Upcoming Wrestling
 Saturday, December 15 - RCW Christmas Chaos - Glengarry Community Hall

Writing
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

Video Games Part Deux (Warning: Sexual Content and Bad Language)

Remember those video games I talked about last post?

I’m bad at them. And I’m bad at them loudly.

Remember the woman who used to live in the apartment next to me that I’ve never mentioned?

She was really good at sex. And she was good at it loudly.

Sometimes both these things would happen at the same time.

Behind door number one is Dan playing Grand Theft Auto, struggling to back his stolen vehicle out from where he has wedged it between a building and a lamppost while enemies pepper him with gunfire.

Behind door number two is Woman having great sex.

I wonder what people walking down the halls would think when they heard the noise.

WOMAN: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

DAN: No! No! No! NO!

WOMAN: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck me!

DAN: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! (throws controller against wall) FUCK ME!

Ahh Grand Theft Auto. Sometimes I’m so frustrated I just forget about the game and drive around the city listening to the radio and obeying all the traffic laws.

Some guys play Grand Theft Auto for the fantasy of beating up cops and crooks.

For me the fantasy is owning a car.

I liked my loud neighbour, although I don’t think we ever actually met. Some people are bothered by the noise, but I like the sounds of sex…especially if the alternative is couples screaming, children crying, and dishes smashing against the wall.

Sex noises are way better. And I don’t have to worry about at what point to call the cops or child protection.

When I’m single, there’s something comforting about hearing couples going at it. Sex and love are amazing and it’s nice to know that it’s happening even if it isn’t happening to me.

When I have a partner and I hear it…well whatever we WERE doing, there’s suddenly been a change of plans.

Because it’s on now. Put on your orgasm boots, baby, I’m about to make you famous.

Nobody shows up Dan Brodribb on his home ice. Dinner can wait.

I’ve got a better use for that table.

Upcoming Wrestling
 Saturday, December 15 - RCW Christmas Chaos - Glengarry Community Hall

Writing
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

Video Games

Where I came from, it was considered shameful to be an adult male who still played video games. You locked yourself in your room with the blinds down and a towel shoved under the door to keep light from escaping and mouse-clicked your way through Diablo until the break of dawn.

A couple years ago, I swallowed my pride and bought a PlayStation3 along with copies of Arkham Asylum and InFamous.

Ahhh, heaven.

Also: Games have come a long ways.

But do you know what's interesting to me about video games? They're two different experiences in one.

Experience one is what I traditionally think of when I think of storytelling--compelling characters, an interesting story with unexpected twists, and most importantly, walking away from the experience with a FEELING. The best stories resonate in our minds and our hearts long after its over. They bounce around in our hearts while we're lying in bed, inspire us to discuss or come up with inside jokes with our friends, and breaks the ice with strangers.

Video games have made huge leaps forward in this regard. I left Heavy Rain feeling a sense of sad futility. LA Noire found me imagining life as a man trying to uphold the law in a city where the appearance of justice is more important than justice itself. I can't rave enough about the pacing Spec Ops: The Line. It slouches towards Bethlehem like Yeats' rough beast, a slowly evolving descent that feels simultaneously unexpected and inevitable.

Experience two is a game's playability. Can I figure out the controls? Do they what they're supposed to? Does the action on the screen respond to my hands on the controller.

Is it fun?

What's interesting how a game can provide this without being what I would call a good game. Prototype 2 is a great example. The story and characters remind me of a 90s comic book. It looks great. There are cool ideas. But the story itself is incoherent and the characters are caricatures of caricatures. It tries to do grim and gritty. Instead, there's gore and F-bombs, badass ethnic stereotypes and huge m*****f***ing monsters. It's less story and more a thirteen-year old boy's power fantasy.

But it's fun to watch and fun to play and so long as I skip the cutscenes, I enjoy playing it even if it doesn't engage me emotionally at all. It's like Spider Solitaire with tentacles and exploding helicopters.

So is this game good?

I don't know.

I want to say no, but on the other hand, as much as I loved LA Noire's story, I found the process of playing the game--especially the shoot-outs and car chases--frustrating. Playing Spec Ops: The Line was okay, but if I wanted to shoot things I would pop in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 even though I actually find everything about that game's message, story, and politics deeply disturbing..and not the good kind of disturbing.

Fortunately, some games do a little of both. InFamous. Dead Space. I found the stories and characters interesting the first time through and I enjoyed playing the game enough to pull them out again.

But I've become really aware of the way video games have a foot in both worlds when it comes to active and passive entertainment. With movies, books, and other storytelling you experience the story as an observer. With other games--chess, poker, even sports--you're creating the story as a participant.

Video games contain elements of both. And sometimes the demands of one element put shackles on the other.

That's why I really find distinctive games interesting. It tells you what the developers thought was important. Is the way a game looks as important as the way it plays? Are more choices for the player better or should we guide them along in the story. What do we call attention to? When it comes to making a memorable game, what is important?

The exciting thing to me is it looks like a lot of developers are still finding out. It's going to be fun to learn along with them. I look forward to deeper stories, more realized characters and motivations, more profound insights, seen through a prism of connection that shows every color of human emotion.

Also, more exploding helicopters.

That never gets old.


Upcoming Wrestling
 Saturday, December 15 - RCW Christmas Chaos - Glengarry Community Hall

Writing
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

In Praise of Sadness

This may sound crazy, but I‘m starting to realize I enjoy a lot of unpleasant emotions.

The right amount of stress provides a rush, getting my adrenaline going. Much of my comedy is fuelled by my insecurities--the more I connect to that self-loathing, resentment, and bitterness, the more honest and funny I can be. Normally, I despise feeling helpless, but there are moments--lying in the hospital bed waiting for the doctor to come back or when the car is spinning across a black ice covered highway--when it also leads to an exhilarating sense of freedom. There is nothing left under my control; all that’s left to do is relax and see how things turn out.

But the emotion that strikes the deepest chord in me is sadness.

I suppose that sounds weird.

I don’t talk about this much because I don’t have many people to talk to about this subject, but to me feelings are a lot like the musical instruments in an orchestra. Sure, maybe some are predominating, but the others are often there too. Even in the midst of an anxiety solo, gratitude is still in the background, providing texture, while guilt plays a countermelody and faith beats a steady percussive rhythm.

Some of us are attuned better to some feelings than others, but that doesn’t mean those other feelings aren’t there. Violins don’t disappear, just because they aren’t playing. They’re providing space with their absence, waiting for their moment to kick back in.

So too with feelings. Every moment is a symphony. Many of us hear the feelings we’re used to hearing. Some us think we need to create new and different feelings in our lives, but the emotions we want are already there, waiting for us to notice them. We don’t need to look for happiness, all we need to do is listen to the happiness already there.

One of the emotions I hear most deeply is grief. It’s not always the loudest emotion, but one of the most constant, possibly because grief is a response to loss, and I am keenly aware that loss is happening every moment around us.

You will never get this moment again. The second you spent reading this sentence isn’t coming back. The sounds around you, this breath in your lungs, that feeling in your foot….this is the first, last, and only time you will experience life in this particular configuration.

Every moment is colored by loss and that’s what makes those moments so beautiful.

I feel it when I'm playing with my nephew. Every time I see him, he's grown a little more or discovered something new. It's amazing to see where he's going, but I also feel a sense of loss at what's being left behind. There will be a day when I no longer need to feed him, carry him, read to him and while that's as it should be, there's also a sadness. Each spoonful in his mouth is one closer to the last time. Each story I read him is one closer to the day he'll be able to read on his own. I'm excited to see the person he'll become and the way we'll relate to each other, but I also mourn the relationship we're leaving behind.

I feel it when I perform: This joke for this crowd. It’s the only time it will happen this way. I will never get this particular laugh--a wave from one side of the room, scatted chuckles from a table near the back, a single clap coming from the right--again.

I especially feel it when I make love. With relationships, you never know what the future holds, except in those cases when you know EXACTLY what the future holds, and those can be the most heartbreaking moments of all. The moment won’t last forever, yet at the same time, it can never be taken away either. Even when things end, their touch may be gone, but the fingerprints remain on your heart, no two the same.

Eventually, we will lose everything: the houses we’ve worked so hard to build and buy. The music we listen to will be replaced and forgotten. Our hearts will be broken as lovers leave us. The people we love will pass on. Even out bodies will eventually go--our eyesight fades, our hearing fails, and one breath will be our last.

Sorrow is an ocean. You look around and it’s all you can see. Sometimes it moves beneath you in gentle swells. Other times the storms nearly capsize you.

There is no feeling quite like heartache. It’s like breathing in ice. It’s like breathing out shards of broken glass. It’s a wind through your chest and a hole in your stomach where life used to be.

It’s unpleasant.

But it isn’t a bad thing.

Loss is a Canadian winter night--dark, cold, unrelenting, but also glittering with its own icy beauty. And when its all around you, you appreciate those small things you have. Surrounded by all that cold and dark, the warmth and light of your house and the friends and family around you feel all the more precious.

That’s the magic of grief; It ties us to one another, even at our loneliest moments. It breaks our heart, but shares those pieces with others, binding them together so we can draw strength from one another.

We can feel the losses of those we’ve never met. When we see a picture in the newspaper or read about the suffering of others, it’s hard not to feel their sorrow.

We don’t know them. We don’t know their pain.

But we know what it’s like to suffer, and so we reach out to them, if only with our hearts.

Sadness is only bad when it is polluted by Despair, that part of your mind that whispers that you are alone in the world, that this pain is all there is and all there ever will be. It can be poisoned by pride,
shame, or resentment, thoughts that you don’t deserve to feel this, that you are alone and no one can help you, that you aren't worthy of help, or that others should hurt the way you are hurting.

But the heart of grief itself is pure.

You have hands to give or receive comfort. You have a voice to ask for or provide reassurance. Most of all you have a heart to feel others pain through your own, to know you aren’t alone.

And even as your heart is breaking you can remember all the others in the world who feel this way or have felt this way, realize that you’re intimately connected to all those who are hurting.

And with each painful breath, in and out, realize that you will never be alone.

Upcoming Comedy
Monday, November 26 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton

Upcoming Wrestling
 Saturday, December 15 - RCW Christmas Chaos - Glengarry Community Hall

Writing
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

Say Yes To Everything

There's nothing like trying to sell wrestling tickets to non wrestling fans.

Kevin Nash was in town last weekend and I was trying to sell tickets to the women at work based on his appearance in Magic Mike.

ME: You should by tickets to my wrestling show. The guy from Magic Mike is going to be there.

HER: You mean Tatum Channing?

ME: Umm...no.

HER: That other guy. Matthew McConelly.

ME: Not him, either. It's the guy who played Tarzan.

(long silence)

HER: Eewww....

Let that be a lesson to me. The Ghostbusters Are You A God? rule also applies to promoting wrestling shows. When someone asks you if 'Tatum Channing' is at your show, the correct answer is always 'yes.'

UPCOMING STUFF
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

UPCOMING COMEDY
November 26 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton

On The Radio Tonight

Midnight. CJSR 88.5.

Also, I'm homeless until tomorrow.

You'd think that second paragraph would be the important one, but self-promotion comes first.

The Uncle Diaries (Continued)

I woke up from a dream that I was in World War II London to find the air raid siren still wailing.
Wait. That’s no siren. That’s my 15 month old nephew.

Guess it’s time to get up.

By the time I got upstairs from the guest room, my brother in law had his son--clad in green penguin-covered pyjamas in his arms. My sister was bustling around in her scrubs.

By the time I finished breakfast, they were both out the door in a tornado of hugs, scrambling for keys and last minute bursts of information.

Then there was silence. I looked at my nephew.

He looked back at me.

For the next six hours, it was just him and me.

There was no sister in the other room, no mother hovering a few feet away. I was responsible for feeding, changing, and generally keeping this infant alive until mother arrived this afternoon.

I was pretty awesome, if I do say so myself.

Watching my nephew is like being an anthropologist. He lives in his own world, by his own rules. There’s purpose to what he does, but the meaning is unclear. He’ll open the kitchen cupboard, carefully remove canned items from the spinning carousel on which they sit and set them on the floor according to some unknown pattern.

Like much of his behaviour it seems simultaneously random and purposeful. In the living room, he selects from his toys with the methodical care of a surgeon preparing his instruments. The blue plastic ring gets passed over for the orange one. The Spider-Man ball goes here. The dump truck goes there. Everything has a place and there is a place for everything, even if there is no rhyme or reason to where those places are.

Not everything is done with care. Chasing him around the couch is a study in lurching, gleeful, giggling anarchy. When he tires of that, he tangles himself up in the white gauzy living room curtains and spins himself around, part Sufi mystic, part manic bride, part drunken Klansman. Any time he finds something soft on the floor, he drops down and presses his cheek into it.

Other times he would grab an orange block and hold it to his ear while letting out a stream of babble as he paced back and forth like an executive closing a deal on his cell phone. The words are gibberish, but the rhythms are strangely close to real language.

Is that what we look like to him? I wonder.

What does our daily routine look like to a child? Talking while holding blinking noise objects to our ear. Opening and closing boxes. Pulling things from here, putting them there.

I expect he thinks we’re the random ones.

Looking after my nephew has given me a whole new respect for the mental side of stay at home parenting. Caring for a small child is a weird combination of constant unpredictability and mind-numbing routine. You can never really stop paying attention, but there is actually very little to do that isn’t endless variations of picking him up, putting him down, putting things on, taking things off, giving him things and taking them away.

It‘s exhausting. But it’s also rewarding.

I’m glad I have these moments. I probably learn more from him than he does from me.

Especially when it comes to cell phone etiquette.

UPCOMING STUFF MUSIC October 20 - New City, with Desousa Drive WRITING Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook UPCOMING WRESTLING October 20 - RCW Rise of the Legends II (with Tatanka and Big Daddy V, Viscera) November 18 - RCW Egos & Icons (with Big Sexy Kevin Nash)

Boyhood Dream

Well, that came out of nowhere.

September 28 I will realize my boyhood dream of playing a rock show at Rexall Place with my childhood friend. Desousa Drive featuring Dan Brodribb on bass will be playing between periods as the Edmonton Oil Kings take on the Prince Albert Raiders.

I don't want to brag, but you have to be a pretty big star to get a hockey game as an opening act.

In other news, I am enjoying tai chi, taking steps towards buying a condo, helping get a meditation retreat together, and performing on Saturday with RCW. Hope to see you there as well.

Also, my nephew has taken to biting chunks out of the foam on my sister's bed and then spitting it on the floor. As my brother-in-law said, he looks like a very tiny, very cute George the Animal Steele. Maybe I should get him an RCW tryout.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have one week to grow my hair long, steal Tommy Lee Curtis' Marty Jannetty tights, and practice my poses.

I suppose I could also take the next seven days to learn the songs I'll be playing, but when it comes to hard rock, the music is really the last piece of the puzzle.

UPCOMING STUFF
MUSIC
September 28 - Rexall Place, with Desousa Drive

WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

UPCOMING WRESTLING
September 22 - RCW Collision Course
October 20 - RCW Rise of the Legends II (with Tatanka and Big Daddy V, Viscera)

The Uncle Diaries (continued)

My nephew is having a bad day.

He does not want to be held. He does not want to wrestle, chase or be chased. He does not want to play with his truck or his books or his blocks.

He is sick of this bullshit.

He storms off on all fours, bear walking on his hands and feet. His hands slip; his feet keep going; he flops forward onto his face.

It's been that kind of day.

And when he starts to wail with frustration, I think: There are times I know exactly how he feels.

WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

UPCOMING WRESTLING
September 22 - RCW Collision Course
October 20 - RCW Rise of the Legends II (with Tatanka and Big Daddy V, Viscera)

In Which Dan Is Not A Racist, But Sure Sounds Like One

If you read the social justice post, you‘ll know I‘m doing my best.

Sexism is the -ism that I’m grappling hardest with, but I’ve been making a conscious effort to fight racism. And by fighting racism, I mean making passive-aggressive, sarcastic comments when people make racist jokes.

Hey, we all have to start somewhere.

Saturday, I was proud of my progress. Not only did I respond to a racist joke with a sarcastic, passive-aggressive comment, I did it loud enough that people could actually hear it. Progress!

How did I follow up my victory for social justice?

If you said by publicly making a racist comment in front of an entire crowd live on camera you win a prize.

Before we proceed with the story, there are three things you need to know.

Firstly, I don’t normally rehearse much of what I say, preferring to react to the crowd. Secondly, when building intensity, I like to use a speaker’s trick I stole from watching the Rock called the Rule of Three, where I list off three things to build rhythm and intensity.

Thirdly (see how the rule of three works?) , I was building towards introducing the signing of the Native American wrestler Tatanka for the Rise of the Legends II show on October 20.

We’ll pick things up towards the end of my monologue where I’m telling the crowd how the RCW office (one), the RCW wrestlers (two), and most of all you, the RCW fans (three) deserve to see an even more diverse array of competitors.

“I’ve been searching far and wide,” I told the crowd. “I sent out letters. I made phone calls. I--”

At this point I realized I needed a third thing to make the Rule of Three work, and since I hadn’t prepared, I went with the first thing that came into my head.

“…sent out messages via Pony Express.”


And in the split second between the moment those words came out of my mouth and the ones that followed, Dan’s Brain went totally apeshit.

DAN’S BRAIN: Pony Express? You’re about to introduce the Native American Tatanka after making that remark about the pony express. That is some racist shit right there. Rule of three be damned, come up with something else to cover it. Some form of communication. Any form of communication as long as you DON‘T SAY ANYTHING RACIST.

DAN’S MOUTH: …I sent up smoke signals…

DAN'S BRAIN: NOOOOOOO! (pulls out a gun and shoots itself in the temple).

Abandoned by my brain, I struggled along. In the rear view mirror, the Rule of Three twitched weakly, tire treads across its body as it receded into the distance. Dan's Brain slumped in the back seat like Marvin in Pulp Fiction. Dan's Mouth grabbed at the wheel, swerving all of the road and struggling to regain control, listing off every form of communication it could think of--telegram, telegraph--before finally announcing Tatanka’s impending arrival.

I don’t remember much about the rest of the segment. All I remember was standing by the sound board afterwards hoping no one noticed.

Which was the exact moment ring announcer MAC COLLINS ambled over, looked at me and said: “Smoke signals?”

Fuuuuuuccckkkkkk.

Nothing like betraying your principles in front of an entire crowd, a video camera, and a roomful of wrestlers you respect, many of whom come from First Nations descent.

Almost everyone I know in show business has a story like this, where they opened their mouth and out came something Horribly Wrong. After the fact, they make for entertaining stories.

That doesn't make it right though. I’d like to sincerely apologize for any offense my comments may have caused. My words were unplanned and unintentional, but that doesn’t make them any more appropriate, and it certainly doesn’t reflect my personal views or those of the RCW organization. I will try to do better in the future.

WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

UPCOMING WRESTLING
September 22 - RCW Collision Course
October 20 - RCW Rise of the Legends II (with Tatanka and Big Daddy V, Viscera)

The Sixth Step

This is a long one, so we'll kick off with the shameless self-promotion:

WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

UPCOMING RCW WRESTLING
August 19 - RCW Freakshow (featuring Scott Steiner), Union Hall, Edmonton
August 25 - RCW Assault Darlene Fowler Memorial Show), Glengarry Community Hall, Edmonton

My personal recommendation is the Scott Steiner show this weekend. Tickets include the live show,Summerslam, a free drink and access to the Steiner meet and greet. Facebook me for ticket info.

Moving on...

The sixth step of Co-Dependants Anonymous is to "be entirely ready to have our defects of character removed."

I hate it.

I don't mind the fourth step, which involves making an exhausting list of all the things I've done wrong, or the fifth step, which is about admitting to ourselves, God, other human beings, and comedy club audiences the exact nature of our wrongs.

But I'm not sure I'm ready to have those defects REMOVED.

I like my defects. They're familiar and comfortable and something that is always there for me to blame when things don't go my way. Plus, I like to think my flaws make me interesting, remarkable, and different. Battling my own shortcomings makes me feel like I'm part of some Mighty Psychological Struggle, a noble hero facing down impossible odds instead of just some guy.

But I am just some guy. No better or worse than anybody else.

That bugs me. I don't want to be like everyone else. I want my good points to be more heroic and amazing. I want my flaws to be more crippling and devastating.

I also want to make out with Hope Solo. She strikes me as mildly unstable and has a name that reminds me of Star Wars on two levels, which are both squarely in my wheelhouse. I can rescue her from her personal demons and she can teach me how hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster.

This leads me to my next point, which is, a lot of things are bugging me these days. More precisely, I'm bugged a lot and then find things to be bugged about. It's like there's a pot of low level resentment simmering on the back burner of the stove in my mental kitchen.

A NEW defect.

Sweet.

Creatively, it's exciting. Resentment isn't something I've explored a lot in my writing or comedy. I've always specialized in guilt, awkwardness, and self-doubt. It's nice to have a new emotional landscape to map out. It's also exciting because I don't know how readers or audiences will react. Anger is a volatile emotion, so it's going to be a test of my self-expressive skills.

Personally though, it's kind of weird. My normal strategy for dealing with resentment is to pretend it isn't there. That isn't really an option now, partly because it's unhealthy but equally as much because I find it so damn interesting. Especially since I don't seem to be pissed off at anything SPECIFIC. It's more a vague frustration at the world and my place in it.

Maybe I'm on my way to being a grumpy old man.

Is this my life now? Watching the world go by, vaguely pissed off at everything?

I guess I'm okay with that.

What am I pissed off about?

Stay tuned to this space--or come to a comedy show I'm performing on--and see.

Well, THAT Was An Aweome Read

http://www.xojane.com/relationships/they-let-loose-im-still-here


My favorite quote:

Sober in a bar is watching a boat sail away with friends and family on board: "Bye for now, y'all! See you when you get back!" I stand waving. It feels good and solid on land, but as they drift farther from sight, you realize your companions for the evening are a star-pricked night sky and a breeze. Not great conversation.

WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

UPCOMING RCW WRESTLING
August 19 - RCW Freakshow (featuring Scott Steiner), Union Hall, Edmonton
August 25 - RCW Assault Darlene Fowler Memorial Show), Glengarry Community Hall, Edmonton

An Obssessive Without An Obssession

I wrote about Shmeshression recently.

Fortunately, I have more time these days, so I have the luxury of actually paying attention to it instead of ignoring it and throwing myself into whatever activity comes next. I know a lot of people swear by the 'stay busy' method of coping with their feelings, but as a busy person myself, I've found that method isn't sustainable in the long term. Eventually, you either stop or something beyond your control stops you.

At which point you, sir or madam, are fucked.

You can't run from the devil in your own back pocket.

So we sit with what is bugging us. Alternately, we go for walks with it (Sometimes I also like to lie on the couch and put my feet on the coffee table or roll them on my stability ball. I'm not one to stand on ceremony).

The more time I spend with my alleged shmeshression, the less I feel its the root of what's going on. The sadness, the loneliness, the dissatisfaction are symptoms of something else, a constant presence in my life, a steady background hiss like radio static.

That static is restlessness.

I am always restless.

When I'm at home, I'm impatient to be with friends. When I meet up with friends, I'm anxious to get to where we're going. When we get to where we're going, I'm already waiting for that to pass so we can have dinner. When we have dinner, I'm waiting to go home. When I'm home, I'm impatient to do whatever comes next.

No matter what I'm doing or feeling, that restless static is always there. But no matter how I twist the knob, I don't seem to be able to find a station for very long. Every once and a while a fragment of music will rise from the mist of distortion only to fade away again.

Sometimes I don't even get that much.
Here's the wonderful thing about restlessness: properly channeled, that shark-like keep-swimming-or-die relentlessness can take you further than you'd ever imagine.

The secret is to have a Pursuit.

Granted, there are Bad Pursuits: substance abuse, joining (or possibly founding) cults, building weather machines and holding the world hostage.

There are also noble pursuits, such as social justice, science and medicine, various other things that represent the pinnacle of human achievement.

In my case, it has been comedy or writing or women or jiu jitsu or wrestling or reading or a number of other this-es and thats that were never compelling enough to keep me going for long but interesting enough to fill a few weeks.

The trouble with Pursuits though is that sooner or later, you either achieve them or recognize they are unachievable. You take them as far as you can, or you lose interest.

And what do you do then?

Find the next thing.

But what happens when there isn't a thing?

I'll tell you. Life feels weird and strangely empty.

I'm an obsesive without an obsession. An addict without an addiction.

I think a lot of people might see that as a good thing. There are times I think it's a good thing.  I have a clarity and peace of mind I've never known previously. Which is nice.

I can enjoy moments with friends, with family. I can treasure every second with my nephew: feeding him, reading to him, chasing and wrestling with him, helping him up and down the stairs, or babbling inanely back and forth. I haven't mastered it completely, but I can be where I am instead of counting the moments until I can slide back into my Pursuit of the Hour.

Again, these are nice. But it isn't exciting.

I can enjoy contentment, but still miss the rush.

Believe it or not, I have still more on this subject. Maybe it will make the blog; maybe it won't.

But for now, this feels as good a stopping point as any.

WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

UPCOMING RCW WRESTLING
August 19 - RCW Freakshow (featuring Scott Steiner), Union Hall, Edmonton
August 25 - RCW Assault Darlene Fowler Memorial Show), Glengarry Community Hall, Edmonton

On Daniel Tosh and Progressivism...progressism?...something

I’m sure glad this Daniel Tosh thing happened.

It’s got people talking and that’s important, I suppose. Whether anything good comes out of it…that will come down to how well people listen.

As a stand-up comic myself, my first reaction was to empathize with Tosh because I know what it's like to be...well, not in that EXACT situation, but dealing with an unexpected response, dealing with having said the wrong thing and regretting it, or having folks react badly to something I've said.

With all that said, if you narrow the subject to rape jokes specifically, I think that a lot of comics and comedy fans could stand to listen and think a little deeper about what the "rape joke critics" are saying. I thought the Jezebel article here articulated things pretty well.

I'm hoping the Tosh incident turns into an opportunity to make it clear why the people who were offended were upset instead of "They're trying to take our rape jokes away"

It’s difficult. My own jokes are…less than sterling when it comes to racism, sexism, or homophobia. I’ve made peace with that for the most part, but while I’m not bothered by the -isms that I know are there, it’s the stuff that sneaks in unawares that bothers me.

Interestingly, dealing with my own prejudices when joke writing has helped me. Its forced me to go into different directions when writing, to explore my own ambivalence, and given me new takes on old material (Whether or not it works on stage determines whether or not I keep any of it, but still...).

Who knew that examining your assumptions could make you a better stand-up comic?

OLAVE ROKNE and I have exchanged Facebook status updates over the situation. One of my comments to him summed up how I feel about mixing comedy with social justice:

“To a degree, social justice and comedy serve two different masters. One is trying to bring about the world we want and the other is telling the truth about the world we have. They flirt with each other, but try and marry them and they'll both be miserable. For me it's about trying to be a good friend to both, while not taking sides when one is telling me what jerk the other is."

I myself am a fairly ambivalent when it comes to social justice. I support it politically and intellectually, but in my personal life, I can be exactly as conservative you would expect when hearing the worlds “38-year old straight white male.” In essence, I’m willing to both vote and pay lip service to progressivism so long as I don’t actually have to give anything up.

So why ally myself with the political left at all?

Three reasons

1 - I want to be seen as the NICE white guy. I want sassy gay multi-racial friends to tell me how much better I am than those other white straight males. Plus, I’m sexually attracted to counter-culture type women and those sex pozzie types are wild in the sack, amirite?

2 - Frustrated entitlement. I’m straight. I’m white. I’m male. Why should I be begging for guest spots on Wednesday nights instead of ordering drone strikes and doing rich person things? Being successful was supposed to be my birthright. And if I didn’t get what I want simply by virtue of being straight and white and male, I so no reason why those other straight white guys should either.

3 - Because generally, especially on social issues, I agree with them.

Probably I should have put that third reason first.

Some might call me a hypocrite. I prefer the term “complex“ myself. I like to think the tension between who I am and who I want to be makes me interesting and compelling. Your mileage may vary, I suppose.

The thing is though none of these reasons were conscious choices on my part. I would never have realized what they were had the Tosh incident and ensuing discussion not propelled me look at them.

We hear what people say and we think we know what they believe. We hear what people believe and we think we know who they are. We judge comics for the things they say onstage, co-workers for the things they tell us in the break room, partners for words we hear (and sometimes mishear) in the throes of emotion.

But we don’t learn about others--or even ourselves--by what they say. We learn by how well we listen.

WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com


Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook


UPCOMING RCW WRESTLING
August 19 - RCW Freakshow (featuring Scott Steiner), Union Hall, Edmonton
August 25 - RCW Assault Darlene Fowler Memorial Show), Glengarry Community Hall, Edmonton

My Weekend

Participated in the Edmonton Slutwalk again this year. It's a good cause, and one that's close to my heart. As someone who believes everyone deserves healthy, happy romantic and sexual relationships, it was hard to hear the stories of those who have been assaulted.

My heart goes out to them and anybody else who has been touched by sexual violence.

As with last year, my sense of amusement didn't take any time off. This time I was amused to note that the Slutwalk ended in Churchill Square where the Street Perfomer's festival was in full swing.

Worlds collide.

Social Justice...meet Irving the Human Beatbox.

Not my first entertaining moment in Churchill Square this summer. The last one happened at the Pride Festival a couple weeks ago. You haven't live until you've heard Van Halen's "Eruption" played on the bagpipes.
WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

UPCOMING RCW WRESTLING
July 14 - Glengarry Community Hall, Edmonton