Remember those video games I talked about last post?
I’m bad at them. And I’m bad at them loudly.
Remember the woman who used to live in the apartment next to me that I’ve never mentioned?
She was really good at sex. And she was good at it loudly.
Sometimes both these things would happen at the same time.
Behind door number one is Dan playing Grand Theft Auto, struggling to back his stolen vehicle out from where he has wedged it between a building and a lamppost while enemies pepper him with gunfire.
Behind door number two is Woman having great sex.
I wonder what people walking down the halls would think when they heard the noise.
WOMAN: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
DAN: No! No! No! NO!
WOMAN: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck me!
DAN: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! (throws controller against wall) FUCK ME!
Ahh Grand Theft Auto. Sometimes I’m so frustrated I just forget about the game and drive around the city listening to the radio and obeying all the traffic laws.
Some guys play Grand Theft Auto for the fantasy of beating up cops and crooks.
For me the fantasy is owning a car.
I liked my loud neighbour, although I don’t think we ever actually met. Some people are bothered by the noise, but I like the sounds of sex…especially if the alternative is couples screaming, children crying, and dishes smashing against the wall.
Sex noises are way better. And I don’t have to worry about at what point to call the cops or child protection.
When I’m single, there’s something comforting about hearing couples going at it. Sex and love are amazing and it’s nice to know that it’s happening even if it isn’t happening to me.
When I have a partner and I hear it…well whatever we WERE doing, there’s suddenly been a change of plans.
Because it’s on now. Put on your orgasm boots, baby, I’m about to make you famous.
Nobody shows up Dan Brodribb on his home ice. Dinner can wait.
I’ve got a better use for that table.
Saturday, December 15 - RCW Christmas Chaos - Glengarry Community Hall
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com