Wednesday, August 29, 2012

In Which Dan Is Not A Racist, But Sure Sounds Like One

If you read the social justice post, you‘ll know I‘m doing my best.

Sexism is the -ism that I’m grappling hardest with, but I’ve been making a conscious effort to fight racism. And by fighting racism, I mean making passive-aggressive, sarcastic comments when people make racist jokes.

Hey, we all have to start somewhere.

Saturday, I was proud of my progress. Not only did I respond to a racist joke with a sarcastic, passive-aggressive comment, I did it loud enough that people could actually hear it. Progress!

How did I follow up my victory for social justice?

If you said by publicly making a racist comment in front of an entire crowd live on camera you win a prize.

Before we proceed with the story, there are three things you need to know.

Firstly, I don’t normally rehearse much of what I say, preferring to react to the crowd. Secondly, when building intensity, I like to use a speaker’s trick I stole from watching the Rock called the Rule of Three, where I list off three things to build rhythm and intensity.

Thirdly (see how the rule of three works?) , I was building towards introducing the signing of the Native American wrestler Tatanka for the Rise of the Legends II show on October 20.

We’ll pick things up towards the end of my monologue where I’m telling the crowd how the RCW office (one), the RCW wrestlers (two), and most of all you, the RCW fans (three) deserve to see an even more diverse array of competitors.

“I’ve been searching far and wide,” I told the crowd. “I sent out letters. I made phone calls. I--”

At this point I realized I needed a third thing to make the Rule of Three work, and since I hadn’t prepared, I went with the first thing that came into my head.

“…sent out messages via Pony Express.”

And in the split second between the moment those words came out of my mouth and the ones that followed, Dan’s Brain went totally apeshit.

DAN’S BRAIN: Pony Express? You’re about to introduce the Native American Tatanka after making that remark about the pony express. That is some racist shit right there. Rule of three be damned, come up with something else to cover it. Some form of communication. Any form of communication as long as you DON‘T SAY ANYTHING RACIST.

DAN’S MOUTH: …I sent up smoke signals…

DAN'S BRAIN: NOOOOOOO! (pulls out a gun and shoots itself in the temple).

Abandoned by my brain, I struggled along. In the rear view mirror, the Rule of Three twitched weakly, tire treads across its body as it receded into the distance. Dan's Brain slumped in the back seat like Marvin in Pulp Fiction. Dan's Mouth grabbed at the wheel, swerving all of the road and struggling to regain control, listing off every form of communication it could think of--telegram, telegraph--before finally announcing Tatanka’s impending arrival.

I don’t remember much about the rest of the segment. All I remember was standing by the sound board afterwards hoping no one noticed.

Which was the exact moment ring announcer MAC COLLINS ambled over, looked at me and said: “Smoke signals?”


Nothing like betraying your principles in front of an entire crowd, a video camera, and a roomful of wrestlers you respect, many of whom come from First Nations descent.

Almost everyone I know in show business has a story like this, where they opened their mouth and out came something Horribly Wrong. After the fact, they make for entertaining stories.

That doesn't make it right though. I’d like to sincerely apologize for any offense my comments may have caused. My words were unplanned and unintentional, but that doesn’t make them any more appropriate, and it certainly doesn’t reflect my personal views or those of the RCW organization. I will try to do better in the future.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

September 22 - RCW Collision Course
October 20 - RCW Rise of the Legends II (with Tatanka and Big Daddy V, Viscera)

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