I suppose this is as good a time as any to talk about salsa dancing.
I don't think I've said much about it on this blog. What can you say really about something you like? With wrestling and comedy, I often talk about what I appreciate ABOUT it in an attempt to share why I like it.
But there's a difference between appreciating something and liking it. The former is something that you can express; the latter...forget about it.
So yeah, I like dancing.
I also find it frustrating. For the most part, I take mistakes in stride. I've learned enough new things in my life to realize any skill worth developing takes time and that if you put that time in, the results will come. As I used to tell my peers in martial arts so many years ago: "Tenacity trumps talent."
But one aspect of salsa dancing I take personally, and that's leading.
I'm not bothered by my footwork or timing being off--although as a former musician, you think I should be bothered by it. But a failure to lead properly really hits me hard.
Maybe it's because if I screw up a lead, it's my partner that looks bad.
Maybe it's because I've never really been comfortable leading in any other area of my life either. I can be assertive when I need to be, but my 'need' bar is set lower than many. It shouldn't bother me, but I do get sensitive about it in my less-confident moments.
So when I lead a move wrong when I dance, instead of just being a mistake, it's just another piece of evidence of how hopeless I am at taking charge or going after what I want.
I was talking me to Bastet about this, and she shared this link with me.
And something about it hit me really hard.
It helped me realize what I want to do when I lead, and knowing what you want to accomplish is a pretty good first step to getting there. Some might even say it's the ONLY step.
I'm sure I've mentioned in this space about how I want to "do comedy like a wrestler."
After seeing that clip, I know how I want to lead.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
New Suicide Girls Article Up
It's on the bar scene. In fact, it was inspired by a post on this very blog some months ago.
You can read the article here.
You can read the article here.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Absence of No
(This is a repost from one of my other blogs Hot Chicks & Strangers, where I often riff on dating issues in preparation for turning them into more polished articles. I'm posting it here, because I'm actively soliciting people's opinions on the issue and this seems to be the blog that hits the broadest demographic)
There's an idea a lot of folks in the dating advice biz(including myself sometimes)encourage, especially when we're dealing with the male side of the equation and even more especially when dealing with shyer, less confident males.
When it comes to approaching women, asking for phone numbers, or even "physcial escalation" (a euphemism for everything from hand-holding to kissing to...um...well, you know, THAT), we often encourage guys to err on the side of assertiveness. Better to be too aggressive, we tell than not aggressive enough.
A lot of guys are uncomfortable asking women out or making moves on them. One of the things we try and reinforce is that it is okay to be attracted to someone. It is not bad to strike up a conversation with a stranger and ask for her phone number. You are not a bad person for wanting sex.
We also try to educate them to the fact that women, for the most part, are not going to be mean to you or embarass you for talking to them. In fact, many women enjoy meeting attractive guys. To paraphrase Hitch, "No woman wakes up in the morning thinking, 'I sure hope I don't get swept off my feet by some awesome guy today."
However, some men--some of whom sadly enough are giving advice to other men--take it too far. According to them, "anything that is not a 'no' is a 'yes.'"
And that's simply not true.
The party line to support this argument goes something like this:
1 - Women like sex.
2 - Society punishes women for having sex.
3 - Therefore, any resistance a woman has to sex that isn't an outright 'no' is just societal programming.
In other words, she wants it, but she doesn't want to feel like a slut. By not forcing her to give us an explicit 'yes', we're leaving her the 'it just happened' defence.
And you know what? Sometimes that's exactly true. But using it as an across-the-board argument for steamrolling ahead in the absence of any explicit resistance... That makes me nervous.
I am friends with many women. I have heard a lot more stories about women having sex when they didn't really want to than times when they wanted sex and didn't get it.
Why would a woman have sex when she doesn't want to, you might ask? And if she didn't want to have sex, why wouldn't she resist or say something?
Believe it or not, there are reasons. Maybe she was worried about her physical safety. Maybe she was impaired. Maybe she DID say no and the guy didn't hear it or recognize the signal.
And then there's that whole social pressure thing. While it's true that society isn't always the most encouraging about women having sex. But there are also times when there is an equally strong social pressure on a woman to have sex even when she doesn't want to.
Most of all, I'm uncomfortable with anyone presuming to know what someone else "really" wants. When people do it to me, it pisses me right off. Not only that--even if you have good intentions, it's a dangerous attitude, whether the subject is sex, religion, money, power, or anything else.
I'm not against well-meaning guys approaching women and screwing it up. It sucks to be on the receiving end of these graceless attempts and I wish women didn't have to go through it, but I just don't know any other way for guys to learn but making mistakes.
Most of the women I know have dealt with worse problems than an awkward conversation at a bus stop. If it eases the sting, think of it as a compliment that the guy was interested or as a public service to other women--you're helping a guy learn so he's maybe a little more poised with the next woman he meets.
It's when guys don't take no for an answer--or don't recognize the signals of the 'unspoken no' that things turn scary. And when you bring sex into the equation and all of its potential physical and emotional consequences...not recognizing someone's comfort levels can have some pretty dire consequences.
The absence of no is not a yes. Moreover, deep down, I think we all know this. Telling lies to the contrary--to women, to less-experienced guys, and to ourselves--is a dangerous path to tread.
There's an idea a lot of folks in the dating advice biz(including myself sometimes)encourage, especially when we're dealing with the male side of the equation and even more especially when dealing with shyer, less confident males.
When it comes to approaching women, asking for phone numbers, or even "physcial escalation" (a euphemism for everything from hand-holding to kissing to...um...well, you know, THAT), we often encourage guys to err on the side of assertiveness. Better to be too aggressive, we tell than not aggressive enough.
A lot of guys are uncomfortable asking women out or making moves on them. One of the things we try and reinforce is that it is okay to be attracted to someone. It is not bad to strike up a conversation with a stranger and ask for her phone number. You are not a bad person for wanting sex.
We also try to educate them to the fact that women, for the most part, are not going to be mean to you or embarass you for talking to them. In fact, many women enjoy meeting attractive guys. To paraphrase Hitch, "No woman wakes up in the morning thinking, 'I sure hope I don't get swept off my feet by some awesome guy today."
However, some men--some of whom sadly enough are giving advice to other men--take it too far. According to them, "anything that is not a 'no' is a 'yes.'"
And that's simply not true.
The party line to support this argument goes something like this:
1 - Women like sex.
2 - Society punishes women for having sex.
3 - Therefore, any resistance a woman has to sex that isn't an outright 'no' is just societal programming.
In other words, she wants it, but she doesn't want to feel like a slut. By not forcing her to give us an explicit 'yes', we're leaving her the 'it just happened' defence.
And you know what? Sometimes that's exactly true. But using it as an across-the-board argument for steamrolling ahead in the absence of any explicit resistance... That makes me nervous.
I am friends with many women. I have heard a lot more stories about women having sex when they didn't really want to than times when they wanted sex and didn't get it.
Why would a woman have sex when she doesn't want to, you might ask? And if she didn't want to have sex, why wouldn't she resist or say something?
Believe it or not, there are reasons. Maybe she was worried about her physical safety. Maybe she was impaired. Maybe she DID say no and the guy didn't hear it or recognize the signal.
And then there's that whole social pressure thing. While it's true that society isn't always the most encouraging about women having sex. But there are also times when there is an equally strong social pressure on a woman to have sex even when she doesn't want to.
Most of all, I'm uncomfortable with anyone presuming to know what someone else "really" wants. When people do it to me, it pisses me right off. Not only that--even if you have good intentions, it's a dangerous attitude, whether the subject is sex, religion, money, power, or anything else.
I'm not against well-meaning guys approaching women and screwing it up. It sucks to be on the receiving end of these graceless attempts and I wish women didn't have to go through it, but I just don't know any other way for guys to learn but making mistakes.
Most of the women I know have dealt with worse problems than an awkward conversation at a bus stop. If it eases the sting, think of it as a compliment that the guy was interested or as a public service to other women--you're helping a guy learn so he's maybe a little more poised with the next woman he meets.
It's when guys don't take no for an answer--or don't recognize the signals of the 'unspoken no' that things turn scary. And when you bring sex into the equation and all of its potential physical and emotional consequences...not recognizing someone's comfort levels can have some pretty dire consequences.
The absence of no is not a yes. Moreover, deep down, I think we all know this. Telling lies to the contrary--to women, to less-experienced guys, and to ourselves--is a dangerous path to tread.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Scene From A Relationship: As You Wish
Dan and Bastet are concluding a rather tumutuous state-of-the-union discussion re: their relationship
DAN: Well, if you want to break up, I just want to make things as clean and easy for you as possible.
BASTET: I don't want breaking up with you to be clean and easy. I want it to be slow and lingering and painful.
A moment passes as Dan is bewildered into silence. Finally...
DAN: That also can be arranged.
Throw me down a hill and call me Westley.
DAN: Well, if you want to break up, I just want to make things as clean and easy for you as possible.
BASTET: I don't want breaking up with you to be clean and easy. I want it to be slow and lingering and painful.
A moment passes as Dan is bewildered into silence. Finally...
DAN: That also can be arranged.
Throw me down a hill and call me Westley.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Upcoming Comedy
Wednesday, November 28 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton
Monday, November 9 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
I'll be MCing the 9th show, which is very exciting. The MC spot is the most challenging spot on a show, but also the most creatively rewarding.
Sometimes you even get people saying, "You're pretty funny too. Maybe YOU should try being a comedian."
I'll keep that in mind.
Monday, November 9 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
I'll be MCing the 9th show, which is very exciting. The MC spot is the most challenging spot on a show, but also the most creatively rewarding.
Sometimes you even get people saying, "You're pretty funny too. Maybe YOU should try being a comedian."
I'll keep that in mind.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
WIshing You The Best In All Your Future Endeavours (Joke Training Camp)
Guest spots are joke training camp.
For those of you who don't know, a guest spot is when a comedian makes a brief five to seven minute appearance early on a show. For me a guest spot is the best time to work new material since it's a) a short set and b) early in the show so there's little chance of derailing the whole night if you bomb.
If I do a five to seven minute spot and I'm NOT doing working on fresh material, I feel I'm cheating myself and I'm cheating those jokes.
Sadly, just like in training camp, sometimes I'm forced to make cuts. Sometimes it's obvious which jokes aren't ready for the big leagues. Other times, a joke shows flashes of brilliance, but just isn't consistent.
In such cases, the decision is a lot tougher? Does it just need more stage time to grow? Or is this as good as it will ever get?
It's tough to cut some of those jokes. Many are hard workers, show a lot of heart, and the raw potential is there. They just aren't getting it done. Maybe it's a chemistry thing. Maybe the joke just needs a little work on its fundamentals before it's ready for another shot.
The toughest part though, is sometimes I feel the fault is mine. Maybe I didn't perform the joke well enough. Maybe I didn't put it in a position to succeed. Maybe I'm a bad joke coach/GM.
Such is life.
Thanks for coming out jokes. Those of you that made the roster, you'll see your name on the list posted outside the dressing room door. The rest of you...
...well, like I said, thanks for coming out. Wish there was room for all of you, but you know how it is. Cap space and all that. You've got a lot of grit, kid.
Better luck next year.
For those of you who don't know, a guest spot is when a comedian makes a brief five to seven minute appearance early on a show. For me a guest spot is the best time to work new material since it's a) a short set and b) early in the show so there's little chance of derailing the whole night if you bomb.
If I do a five to seven minute spot and I'm NOT doing working on fresh material, I feel I'm cheating myself and I'm cheating those jokes.
Sadly, just like in training camp, sometimes I'm forced to make cuts. Sometimes it's obvious which jokes aren't ready for the big leagues. Other times, a joke shows flashes of brilliance, but just isn't consistent.
In such cases, the decision is a lot tougher? Does it just need more stage time to grow? Or is this as good as it will ever get?
It's tough to cut some of those jokes. Many are hard workers, show a lot of heart, and the raw potential is there. They just aren't getting it done. Maybe it's a chemistry thing. Maybe the joke just needs a little work on its fundamentals before it's ready for another shot.
The toughest part though, is sometimes I feel the fault is mine. Maybe I didn't perform the joke well enough. Maybe I didn't put it in a position to succeed. Maybe I'm a bad joke coach/GM.
Such is life.
Thanks for coming out jokes. Those of you that made the roster, you'll see your name on the list posted outside the dressing room door. The rest of you...
...well, like I said, thanks for coming out. Wish there was room for all of you, but you know how it is. Cap space and all that. You've got a lot of grit, kid.
Better luck next year.
Friday, October 23, 2009
New Dating Article Up
New article up. It's on the Progressive Buddhism blog and it's about how Buddhist training can help you with dating.
Read it here.
Read it here.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Slices Of Dan's Life and A Couple Of Links
SLICE # 1
I wanted to write an extended blog post about the OSCW afterparty on Saturday which included drinking, dancing, women, overloaded vehicles, missing wrestlers, Transformers: the Animated Movie quotes, getting pictures taken with random drunk strangers, and the most unconvincing declaration of fidelity ever(*).
Too much happened. You'll have to settle for this moment, which was representative of the evening.
A bunch of the wrestlers and I are wedged in one of the Sanchez brothers' car following Boris' vehicle to our next destination. I unwisely have my backpack with me instead of in the trunk and it is wedged under my chin and into the side of Mentallo's face.
MENTALLO: What's in that thing anyway that you need it with you--the fifteen thousand dollars from the Big John Studd Bodyslam Challenge?
BORIS: Hey, if I'm in here with you guys, who the F*** is driving my car?
SLICE #2
I am giving Bastet a backrub.
BASTET: You know you've gotten a lot better at giving back rubs over the past few months. Have you been practicing?
Dan's brain immediately flashes back to being locked in a community hall bathroom rubbing fake tan lotion on Heavy Metal's back at the past few OSCW shows.
DAN'S BRAIN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAN: I don't know, sweetie. It must be just because of how much I love you.
I'm performing comedy at the Rouge Lounge tonight on Jasper Avenue in Edmonton. If you have the night free, come on down.
OTHER LINKS:
For those of you interested in women's issues, here are a couple links I posted on my Facebook page today. One is from Poetry of Flesh on why she isn't a feminist. The second one is on why women have a hard time trusting men.
(*) "Overall, I've been pretty faithful to my wife." Put that on a 25th annivesary card, Hallmark.
I wanted to write an extended blog post about the OSCW afterparty on Saturday which included drinking, dancing, women, overloaded vehicles, missing wrestlers, Transformers: the Animated Movie quotes, getting pictures taken with random drunk strangers, and the most unconvincing declaration of fidelity ever(*).
Too much happened. You'll have to settle for this moment, which was representative of the evening.
A bunch of the wrestlers and I are wedged in one of the Sanchez brothers' car following Boris' vehicle to our next destination. I unwisely have my backpack with me instead of in the trunk and it is wedged under my chin and into the side of Mentallo's face.
MENTALLO: What's in that thing anyway that you need it with you--the fifteen thousand dollars from the Big John Studd Bodyslam Challenge?
BORIS: Hey, if I'm in here with you guys, who the F*** is driving my car?
SLICE #2
I am giving Bastet a backrub.
BASTET: You know you've gotten a lot better at giving back rubs over the past few months. Have you been practicing?
Dan's brain immediately flashes back to being locked in a community hall bathroom rubbing fake tan lotion on Heavy Metal's back at the past few OSCW shows.
DAN'S BRAIN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAN: I don't know, sweetie. It must be just because of how much I love you.
I'm performing comedy at the Rouge Lounge tonight on Jasper Avenue in Edmonton. If you have the night free, come on down.
OTHER LINKS:
For those of you interested in women's issues, here are a couple links I posted on my Facebook page today. One is from Poetry of Flesh on why she isn't a feminist. The second one is on why women have a hard time trusting men.
(*) "Overall, I've been pretty faithful to my wife." Put that on a 25th annivesary card, Hallmark.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Horse First, Cart Second (The Dan-ist Conspiracy)
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Miss Mercedes, Male Privilege & Today's Question
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Blogs, Breasts & Bodyslams
OSCW Thriller is this Saturday. 5$ of each ticket sold is going to breast cancer. So come out and show some support. The main event is a triple-threat match between Eclipse, "The Athlete" Alexander Hale, and "Cold as Ice (*)" William Saint.
Shoot me an email for ticket info or else pick them up at the door on the day of the show, which starts at 7pm sharp at Hazeldean Community Hall (9630-66 Ave) in Edmonton
I'll be assisting with meditation instruction this week at the Strathcona Library. I will be talking about Precepts. Which means I have to give some thought as to what I'm talking about it.
So I did what I always do when I need to work out ideas about something--I started a blog.
So now, in addition to my scandalously irregularly updated blogs about relationships, wrestling, comedy, and umm...psychotherapy for 80s toy robots (I'm embarrassed about that one), I now have a blog exploring Buddhism.
It's called the Compassionate Degenerate, and you can find it here.
See you at the show Monday, everybody. Have an awesome Thanksgiving.
UPCOMING EVENTS
COMEDY
Monday, October 12 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Wednesday, October 21 - Rouge Lounge, Edmonton
WRESTLING
Saturday, October 17 - OSCW Thriller, Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton
MEDITATION INSTRUCTION (I'll only be helping)
Saturday, October 17 - Strathcona Public Libary, Edmonton (10AM)
WRITING
Dan Brodribb's Geek Love appears every two weeks at suicidegirls.com. Latest article is here.
(*) And no, he doesn't use Foreigner as his entrance music. But he should.
Shoot me an email for ticket info or else pick them up at the door on the day of the show, which starts at 7pm sharp at Hazeldean Community Hall (9630-66 Ave) in Edmonton
I'll be assisting with meditation instruction this week at the Strathcona Library. I will be talking about Precepts. Which means I have to give some thought as to what I'm talking about it.
So I did what I always do when I need to work out ideas about something--I started a blog.
So now, in addition to my scandalously irregularly updated blogs about relationships, wrestling, comedy, and umm...psychotherapy for 80s toy robots (I'm embarrassed about that one), I now have a blog exploring Buddhism.
It's called the Compassionate Degenerate, and you can find it here.
See you at the show Monday, everybody. Have an awesome Thanksgiving.
UPCOMING EVENTS
COMEDY
Monday, October 12 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Wednesday, October 21 - Rouge Lounge, Edmonton
WRESTLING
Saturday, October 17 - OSCW Thriller, Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton
MEDITATION INSTRUCTION (I'll only be helping)
Saturday, October 17 - Strathcona Public Libary, Edmonton (10AM)
WRITING
Dan Brodribb's Geek Love appears every two weeks at suicidegirls.com. Latest article is here.
(*) And no, he doesn't use Foreigner as his entrance music. But he should.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Reasons I Love Comedy (# 13352)
"I kind of like bad shows. Because all of us have done lots of good shows and we never remember them. But when you're part of something truly awful...that's a show people will remember and be talking about for years."
-Andrew Iwanyk
-Andrew Iwanyk
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Saturday, October 03, 2009
New Suicide Girls Article Up
It's about How to Ask Good Questions. It's one of those skills that seems simple, but with a little refinement, comes in handy when making connections with people.
You'll find the article here.
You'll find the article here.
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