New Living article and Updates from Montreal

Greetings from downtown Montreal. Let's get the self-promotion out of the way first...

Latest Living article is up here. It's on the sport of curling. What better time than late May for a curling article?

There are also rumours that the Pair of Singles column will be going weekly as of June 5. The current article is here.

Montreal is a beautiful city and everyone here is very well dressed. I saw a woman who had matched her neck kerchief to her shoelaces.

I did a guest spot at the Comedy Works. The show was all right, but I especially enjoyed watching the headliner Darryl Lenox (whose name I had to spellcheck three times to find the correct amount of 'r's in 'Darryl' and 'n's in 'Lennox')I really enjoyed his casual vibe on stage and the fact he takes his subjects in a different direction that you'd expect.

In other news, I am pleased to report that, so far at least, I have not mistaken any women for whores.

Take care, everybody.


Upcoming Comedy
Monday, June 23 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Thursday, July 17 - Rouge Lounge, Edmonton

Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here
Friday, June 13 - Living Section, Edmonton Journal


Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.

Things You Only Hear in Bars (Part 3) Plus BONUS Fun Songs

Just a quick version as I'm off to Montreal.

RANDOM WOMAN: I've matured. I don't f*** guys in bathrooms anymore.

Fun Song #1

WOMAN: I can't dance.
DAN: Can't is a four-letter word.
WOMAN: No it's not. Can't is a FIVE letter word. C-A-N-T-E...can't.
DAN: It's a good thing you're pretty.

Fun Song #2

DRUNK GUY #1: I'm T-Mac!
DRUNK GUY #2: I'm T-Roy.
DAN: So, which of you is T-Bag?
DRUNK #1: Yeahhhh, T-Bag! You're T-Bag!
DAN: I don't want to be T-Bag. Can't I be T-Bone?
DRUNK GUYS 1&2: T-BAG! T-BAG!!
DAN: I wish I hadn't said anything.



Upcoming Comedy
Thursday, May 29 - The Comedy Works, Montreal
Monday, June 23 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Thursday, July 17 - Rouge Lounge, Edmonton

Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here
Friday, May 30 - Living Section, Edmonton Journal
Friday, June 13 - Living Section, Edmonton Journal


Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.

headLINES and a quick story

Walking through the mall, I saw an attractive woman.
DAN: Hi, how's it going?
WOMAN: Great. Are you rich?
DAN'S BRAIN: Holy crap! There's prostitutes in the mall! That's incredible!
DAN: Uh, no, sorry.
WOMAN: I thought you were the guy I was meeting.
DAN: Wasn't me. Good luck finding a rich guy.

It was only when I was walking away that I realized she was probably on a blind date waiting for a guy named Rich.

Oops.

Here's headLINES


Upcoming Comedy
Thursday, May 29 - The Comedy Works, Montreal

Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here
Friday, May 30 - Living Section, Edmonton Journal
Friday, June 13 - Living Section, Edmonton Journal


Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.

The Loudest Slayer In The World

I'm going to Montreal next week. I'm very excited.

I took the Slayer to a basketball game last night. Did you know Edmonton has a pro basketball team?

Me neither. But it was fun.

During one time-out, then announcer declared there would be a prize for a free dinner for the loudest fan in the arena.

DAN'S BRAIN: The Slayer is going to win this one.

Sure enough, The Slayer was on her feet, banging her thundersticks and shrieking and jumping around.

ANNOUNCER: I'm saying who can be the loudest, most annoying person in here?!?!

The Slayer redoubled her efforts, jumping around and screaming.

I had complete faith in the Slayer's ability to be loud and annoying, but I decided to help out a little.

While she jumped around and shrieked and made a spectacle of herself, I pointed at her with one hand, covered my ears with the other, put the same annoyed and exasperated expression on my face that I used as an announcer for Steve Rivers' ring entrance, caught the announcer's eye and looked at him with a pleading look that said "Please, man. Make her stop."

We're going to dinner next week.

Life is good.


Upcoming Comedy
Thursday, May 29 - The Comedy Works, Montreal

Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here
Friday, May 30 - Living Section, Edmonton Journal
Friday, June 13 - Living Section, Edmonton Journal


Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.

New Pair of Singles is up

Check it out here.

I can't believe I wrote an article about Sex and the City.

I must shower.

Looking forward to reading your comments, which you can leave below the article.

headLINES, Dating Night.

New headLINES is up.

Also, Dan and Dawn's dating night is tonight. Show starts at 8pm. Tickets are twelve dollars.

Hope to see you there.


Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, May 20 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here
Friday, May 30 - Living Section, Edmonton Journal
Friday, June 13 - Living Section, Edmonton Journal


Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.

Where Do You Get Your Ideas? (New Living Article)

Actually, it's all done through outsourcing. I got a guy in India who does nothing but ideas all day long.

Here's the latest Living Article


Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, May 20 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here
Friday, May 30 - Living Section, Edmonton Journal
Friday, June 13 - Living Section, Edmonton Journal


Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.

headLINES

New headLINES is up here.

As well, here are some links to some things I've enjoyed recently.

James Ball introduced me to this link, which I think is hilarious. I wish I'd thought of the concept myself.

As well, here's one of the best hockey articles I've ever read. Simmons captured exactly what it feels like to be a former hockey fan disillusioned by the direction the NHL took in the nineties and early 00s.

If you don't like wrestling (or basketball) you might as well not read this entry

Went to the Monster Pro Wrestling show last night. Four things of note.

1 - They have a new 'submissions division' that uses a system of rounds and is more MMA in style. WILLY SAINT and TAYLOR STONE {I think--someone may have to correct me on the name) were the first to show what they could do with the new rules and it was really cool.

2 - A new heel named Tyler debuted. Great stuff. He got the heel heat of the night. Everyone hated him.

3 - Speaking of heels...the most hated man in MPW history, Steve Rivers actually wrestled is match as a babyface. It was bizarro world seeing people cheer him. I've never seen a crowd get behind him before.

The interesting thing was, there was no 'storyline' reason for people to get behind Rivers, which made it more amazing to me. He didn't save any of the other babyfaces or redeem himself. He just went out there and wrestled a 'good guy style' and people bought it.

It makes me respect Rivers that much more. Watching him also made me realize that there is more to being a good guy or bad guy than just telling the fans you're a good guy or bad guy. So much of it comes through in your body language and facial expressions. Though I've never been in the ring, I've heard lots of wrestlers talk about what a good worker Steve is, but as a fan what sets him a part is the way he can use his face and body language to get across his personality and the story of a match.

4 - Also, El Nino wrestled his last match tonight, working through a blown-out knee. El Nino has been a part of MPW since I started watching it, and though he was rarely in the main event spot, his dedication was a huge part of MPW.

I will miss him.

On an unrelated note, I'm also really enjoying the Spurs-Hornets NBA playoff series. I've always loved the way San Antonio plays as a team. I hadn't seen New Orleans play, and I'm impressed. They're for real.


Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, May 20 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here)

Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.

Updates--including latest Pair of Singles, headLINES

Dawn and I have a massive two-part Pair of Singles FAQ up. You can read part 1 here and part 2 here.

As well, headLINES is up


Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, May 20 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here)

Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.

Dan Talks Good

THE SLAYER: For a writer, your vocabulary is missing some words.
DAN: I don't know what you're making mouth sounds about.

Dan Keeps His Mouth Shut...kind of

The reason for the lack of updates is I had a Story happen the last couple days.

It's a car crash story(*)...so awful it's compelling, and nobody comes out of it looking good.

I really really really really want to tell it.

But I won't. Not yet, anyway.

I don't mind making myself look bad, but a couple of the other people involved...well, I won't say they DESERVE better, but I don't believe in writing sh*t about people who can be identified...especially private citizens (as opposed to comedians, musicians, and wrestlers who love seeing their name in print). Bad Karma.

Besides, in a weird sort of way, I'm grateful to them. If not for them, I wouldn't have this story, so I'll respect their privacy.

Not only that, I really believe their hearts are in the right place and the last thing I want to do is embarass anybody.

I still think it's a good story though. Which is why it kills me not to tell it.

I'll give it some time, change some details, and the story will come out once enough weeks have passed I don't think anyone will be able to identify the parties involved.

Fortunately, Lurch was kind enough to give me permission to tell one of his latest adventures. For background information on Lurch, click here.

For those of you who are too lazy to click the link, here's the nutshell version. Lurch is a guy I know who has super-powers when it comes to attracting women to him only to be thwarted by fate at the moment of truth.

Here's Lurch with the details:

LURCH'S STORY: THE TRIALS OF SISYPHUS CONTINUE

"It started like any other night. I meet this girl, she's good to go. I'm like, 'hey, I'll give you a ride home.'

It turned out, she lived in the middle of nowhere.

I'm like, "Who's your neighbour, the Blair Witch?"

But whatever. I'm thinking, 'who cares. It's So on. I'm going to get laid FOR SURE. There is no way this cannot happen."

I got to her place. There's another car parked out front.

I'm like, "oh, you got a room-mate?"

She goes, "No. I live with my dad. He's a cop."

She hands me twenty bucks, says 'thanks for the ride,' and just like that, she's gone."

The Trials of Sisyphus continue.

(*)Metaphorically. No real cars were harmed.


Upcoming Comedy
Monday, May 5 - The Comic Strip
Tuesday, May 20 - SINGLES NIGHT - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (current Living article is here)

Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here.