Saturday, November 24, 2007

You Give Blondes A Bad Name (Bad Name)

I'm almost done my latest run of shows at The Comic Strip. There are two shows tonight and one tomorrow. If you want to see me, call the the Strip. Their info is at As of this writing at least one of the Saturday shows is sold out and the other is on its way, so don't wait until the last minute.

The shows have been a lot of fun. There's been a few different MCs over the week. KELLY TAYLOR is headlining and ANDREW IWANYK is sharing the middle spot with me. It's a show worth seeing.

In fact, the shows have been going so well, I was worried this would be another boring blog about how much I love comedy and how great the crowds were and how wonderful the staff at The Comic Strip is and bla-bla-bla. All of which are true, but make for pretty boring reading.

I was hoping something would happen to provide some drama for your reading pleasure, and wouldn't you know it, the Friday late show delivered in the form of a table full of peroxide princesses seated left of the stage.

Friday late shows are generally the rowdiest of the week, so it takes a lot to disrupt them. But these women did it: talking on their cell phones, bitching about the service, and carrying on vapid conversations at full volume, ignoring the fact THERE WAS A SHOW GOING ON.

Don't do this. Ever. I'm sure you're very cool and funny and worthy. But you are not the show. All you are doing is pissing off the comedians, the staff, and the people around you who paid good money to be entertained.

What set this table apart was that they were Hot Blonde Women. Not quite as hot as they thought they were, but attractive nonetheless. And while in theory being an Hot Blonde shouldn't matter (ugly people can be jackasses too), it does make a difference in the real world.

Because people like them give Hot Blondes a bad name.

There are a lot of advantages to being good looking. If you want to know what they are, read Survival of the Prettiest by Nancy Etcoff.

But there's also at least one disadvantage to being attractive, especially about being an attractive female, and even more especially being an attractive blonde, young female: People hate you.

Not everybody. Probably (hopefully) not even most people. But there is a significant percentage of people who will hate you, for reasons that have nothing to do with who you are, but simply because you happen to be young and blonde and pretty and female. Some are women who are jealous because they can't be you. Some are guys who are bitter and resentful because they can't have you. It's unfair, but it's human nature.

I've caught myself doing it a time or two. I try not to and I feel bad afterwards and hopefully I catch myself before I act like a jerk, but I'm not always as succesful as I'd like to be.

The stereotypes about Hot Blondes--shallow, self-centered,subsituting looks for a personality, stupid--aren't true. There's plenty of attractive blondes out there who are smart, capable and interesting.

Which is why it pisses me off when assholes like that Friday Late Show Table come along. You don't just make yourselves look bad--you're besmirching your entire demographic cohort.

There's nothing wrong with being attractive. And if that's the only thing you've got going for you, there's nothing wrong with that, either. It's short-sighted--there's always another younger, hotter blondes waiting in the wings, and you're getting older--so I'd advise you to take a few eggs out of the "I'm Hot" basket and put them in "Personality" or "Marketable Skills," but if the sun is shining, go ahead and make hay.

But if you ARE going to run with the "I'm Hot and That's All I Need" strategem, understand you are giving up the right to be appreciated for anything but your looks--because, well...because you have nothing else to offer.

Absolutely no one cares what you have to say. Least of all people trying to enjoy a show in which you play absolutely no part. If you want to be onstage, either develop a talent or sign up for a wet t-shirt contest.

In the meantime, know your role: Shut the fuck up and be pretty. Don't overreach yourself by talking. Because you'll just screw it up for yourself.

And unlike those OTHER blondes, you've got nothing else to fall back on.

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