Monday, June 02, 2008

The ToothPaste Incident (and other notes from Montreal)

I like to be prepared when I travel.

So when Lars Callieou told me about how he lost his luggage on a flight to New York, I adjusted my packing accordingly for my Montreal trip, moving a change of clothes, a tube of toothpaste, and my deodorant into my onboard luggage from my checked bags.

I was very proud of my foresight...right up to the moment I ran into airport security.

They confiscated my toothpaste!!

Unbelievable. Apparently, you are only allowed liquids and gels that are less than 100ml. For security reasons.

I'm all for security at airports, and I don't know much about this stuff. Maybe it's possible to hide explosive gel in a toothpaste tube. I watch a lot of spy movies so I'm willing to believe anything.

They're the security experts. They know more than me. I was ticked I was going to have to spring for a new tube of toothpaste (that one was almost full)out of my drinking money, but I'm willing to be a good citizen for the sake of national security.

However, the next thing that happened, made me wonder if our crack airline security might not be as great as we think they are.

They let my deodorant long as it was sealed in a plastic bag.

Two comments.

1 - Would a person clever enough to turn Old Spice into a weapon of mass destruction would be fooled by ziploc?

2 - The reason my deodorant got through was allegedly because it was "less than 100 ml." But it WASN'T less than 100ml. It was bigger than the toothpaste. All you had to do was look at it to know it was too big.

But they let it through. Because it said 85 on the side.

85 grams.

If the people keeping safe the friendly skies cannot tell the difference between a unit of weight and a unit of volume...I'm not sure I feel so safe anymore.

Other notes from my trip...

-Now that I've performed in Montreal and Vancouver, I can officially have myself introduced by the MC as having "performed all over this great country of ours." Now all I need is a show in Halifax or St. Johns and I'll have been "entertaining people from coast to coast."

-Ever want to know what Grand Theft Auto would feel like live? Take a cab from the Montreal airport to the hotel. It was exhilirating and terrifying at the same time.

-There are a lot of strip clubs and churches in Montreal. It's like heaven and hell on the same block. One strip club was two doors down from a dance studio, which I thought was hilarious. They go to school and then they can go three doors down to apply for a job. Studio Octopussy must be the only strip club in teh world where the dancers shake their booty a pointe, French-style.

-As well as being fashionable, most Montrealers are very friendly once they get over the initial shock of being talked to by a stranger. I met a lot of cool people. It was also fun being able to speak French again although one of my language gaffes will make into the next edition of "Things You Only Hear in Bars."

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