Dear Sir/Madam/Creature Beyond Human Comprehension:
I have been noticing an alarming decline in the quality of the minions conducting the Business of Evil's day-to-day activities. I would like to remind you that a minion's failure is NOT the minion's fault. It is YOUR fault for not providing them the foundation they need in order to serve succesfully as expendable cogs in your master plan.
Remember, first contact with your organization typically starts with your minions. They are the public face of your organization. As such, they should be well-trained, professional, and properly groomed at all times. Uniforms should be in good repair. There should be no in-fighting or profanity in public, especially when on-duty or around children and families. When attacking they should do so in orderly fashion.
Your minions are a reflection of your character. Please treat them as such.