Dan's Underground Comedy Tour

I read once that Dave Chappelle once did comedy in subway stations.

Today I decided to try it.

I was in a bad mood because a) it was a cloudy day and b) because I received news the Universe would not be handing writing success and the title of Voice of a Generation to me on a silver platter, and that I would, in fact, have to work for it like everyone else. Bummer.

Anyway, here's a station by station rundown.

UNIVERSITY STATION
Here we go. This is harder than I thought. I'm having a hard time remembering my jokes, even though some of them I've been using for years.

The body language isn't as bad as I thought. Of course, I made a conscious effort to root myself before I started. My gestures are still smaller than they should be and I'm definitely physically uptight.

The hardest part is my voice. I can't make it project, and it sounds very hesitant.

HEALTH SCIENCES
Just did a quick couple bits here, as it was the end of the line and I wanted to catch the same train I got in on to save time.

I decided to do Clareview next and then tried to work out logistically how I could minimize my wait time by skipping stations and then catching trains going in the oppoisite direction to do the stations I missed (instead of working my way down the line in one direction). That sentence made as much sense as my plan did. But I think the idea was sound.

As I rode to Clareview my stomach was churning. What possessed me to attempt this stupid idea anyway? Is this REALLY going to improve my stage presence? I did two stations already; I could go home now and I'd have tried it. The rest will be more of the same, right?

No.

Right or wrong, I finish what I start.

God help me.

CLAREVIEW
Another quick in and out. My voice is getting better. The outlying stations have less people on the platform. I don't know if that helps or hurts.

COLISEUM
This time I positioned myself differently. I'm experimenting with different ways of standing relative to the flow of traffic, but once I've picked a spot, the goal is to stay there, regardless of how people react or don't react to me.

I thought people would think I'm weird for doing this, and I am getting a few weird looks. But mostly, I'm being completely ignored. I'm terrified of the way people will think of me and for the most part people don't really seem to give a shit.

I'm part relieved, part annoyed.

There's a lesson in this somewhere, but damned if I can figure it out.

BELVEDERE
Okay, I'm starting to get the hang of it. I don't feel at all self-conscious anymore.

Next station, I'm upping the ante.

STADIUM
Tried a higher-traffic flow area. Still not many people.

I'm nearly out of jokes.

On the platform I went into some of my MC schtick. "Any celebrations tonight?"

One woman turned around and said--not unkindly: "No."

I was so used to being ignored, I was completely thrown off stride.

Damn it.

I want to get to the point where I don't care. Whether there's people or not, whether they ignore me or not, I want to have the same commitment to what I'm doing. I want to be able to react to what's going on without having it affect me.

CHURCHILL
The downtown stations have more people, so now I'm nervous again. I'm crossways to the flow of traffic.

Nobody gives a shit.

This is bull. I'm doing my A material.

GRANDIN
I've run out of jokes. I do an impression of the Rock. "Finally, the Rock has come back to Grandin Station."

I'm starting to realize how much of our social behaviour is regulated by reading cues from other people. Because people are actively ignoring me, I can't actually tell how loud my voice is.

I'm losing my sense of what is acceptable social behaviour. What happens when I jump up and down like this? What happens when I wave my arms wildly?

I am also exhausted. I've been down here less than two hours, but it feels like forever.

I need to get out of here.

Instead of waiting for the next train, I take the stairs, intending to use the pedway system to get to the next downtown station since they're so close together. Instead, I get turned around and find myself in...

CHURCHILL (AGAIN)

Damn it to Hell.

Screw it. Time to start singing.

"Her name was LOLA
She was a SHOWGIRL..."

BAY
I hate the sound of my own voice. I'm exhausted and want to go home.

I break up the change, by breaking into some dance moves. I'm trying to put energy into it, pretending I'm onstage at show 235 of 256 date tour. Every show deserves 100%--even if nobody here asked for a show or even knows there is one going on.

CORONA
I'm not even thinking any more. Is it me or have their been more attractive women riding the LRT today. If I ever see them again...Actually, if I see them again, they probably won't even remember me. I'm the loudest person in the station, but I'm also effectively invisible.

I finish my showcase set. This took a little over two hours, but I feel as exhausted as I did after twelve-hour shifts when I was working hospital security.

I go upstairs and out into the world.

The sun has come out

I'm not in a bad mood anymore.

New Pair of Singles

Check it out HERE

I don't know what I'm more excited about--the fact we already have a reader comment, or the fact that the comment alleges "Judging from your picture, you have very nice eyes and regular features, which, according to most women, is enough to rate you as handsome"

That endorsement is definitely going on the cover of my first book. And my Facebook status. And I possibly a t-shirt as well.

I'm very enthusiastic about some ideas for some upcoming articles. I'm always trying to keep things fresh and challenge myself both as a writer and as a person. I'm pitching my ideas to editors as we speak, so watch this space for details.


Upcoming Comedy
Monday, April 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca

Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, April 4
Friday, April 18

Current Living Article is up here

Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here

new headLINEs

Latest headLINES is up

I complain now and then about rude people at the Comedy Club, people who think they are entitled to anything they want. I used to think those people had no redeeming social value.

I was wrong.

A friend (I haven't chosen his nickname yet; I'm thinking of going with PrettyBoy) and I were at a karaoke bar on Saturday. Every five minutes it seemed, the server was checking in on us.

Finally, I asked. "Why do you come by so often?"

She said: "Because when I'm out I often want stuff. Even if I order a drink, I might decide two seconds later I want something else, and I hate having to wait for a waitress."

In other words, she was one of those annoying types. But as a server, she's taken her weakness and turned it into a strength. She was a woman who made the decision lived up to her own standards.

That's pretty cool.


Upcoming Comedy
Monday, April 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca

Upcoming Writing
Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal
Friday, April 4
Friday, April 18

Current Living Article is up here

Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here

Killin' The Radio Star

I first saw this video in a hotel room in Slave Lake when I was playing bass in the band.

I remember saying out loud to the rest of the band. "Look at this crap. It's everything I hate about pop music"...right up until 3:04 when it suddenly became "Oh my God, that's the greatest video I've ever seen!"

latest headLINES is up

Right here

I'm at the Comic Strip tonight. I'm MCing. Come one, come all.

Went to Ace Frehley on the weekend. It was fun. I said some funny things.

I also misplaced my coat there. I am sad. If anyone sees a black peacoat with brass buttons and a notebook filled with moderately funny jokes in the pocket along with a pair of gloves and a KISS hat, I would appreciate having it back.

Upcoming Comedy
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip

Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca

Writing
Current Living Article is up here

Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here

Updates

Latest Pair of Singles is up here.

Latest Living article is up here.

Hey Look! It's headLINES

Right on schedule right here.

There will be a new Living article in the Journal this Friday

Enjoy.

Never Mind Matt Damon, I'm *****ing Powermann!

Upcoming Comedy
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip

Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca

Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here

Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, March 7

Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here

"Normally I discount anything Powermann says, but this time he's exactly right"
-Lars Callieou

I have never heard a human being so accurately summed up in a single quote. Powermann is three parts village idiot, one part prophet and you never know what you're going to get at any given time.

I brought a date with me to a show this weekend. I knew she was going to meet Powermann. Powermann can be an acquired taste so I wasn't sure how things were going to go.

I was worried they wouldn't get along, which would have been uncomfortable.

As it turned out, they got along like two peas in a pod, which was terrifying.

My world was askew. Turned topsy-turvy. I was freaked right out. And possibly agog as well.

Powermann, never one to smell blood in the water without taking a bite, capitalized on the moment.

POWERMANN: (growing louder with each word as the Powermann Overload System ticks steadily to the red zone) Brodribb, Me and your girl have so much in common. It's like you're dating me. In fact, you are dating me! BRODRIBB, YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH ME!! HEY, EVERYBODY, BRODRIBB AND ME ARE HOOKING UP!!!!

Now all I can imagine is being in mid romantic congress with this woman when all of a sudden her face morphs into Powermann's like Adam Sandler's rivals in 'The Waterboy.' It's grinning up at me and talking to me in a Powermann voice and laughing a Powermann laugh.

POWERMANN: Don't thtop now, Brodribb, it's just gettin' good, haw-HAW!

I hope I don't have to break up over this, because that would be an awkward conversation.

DAN: Look, this just isn't working.
HER: Why not?
DAN: Because you're Powermann.

You Know You're Obsessed With Writing When...

when you start mentally editing the ads on buses. Especially when you feel compelled to solicit opinions from the people sitting beside you.

I saw a transit ad for Colgate saying "If Dating Is A Game, Give Your Mouth The Home Field Advantage."

I think it would be stronger and punchier if the words "if" and "the" were cut: "Dating is a Game. Give Your Mouth Home Field Advantage."

New Stuff

Click here for the latest headLINES

I was badly traumatized this weekend. Powermann, you are a terrible person.

The story will be posted later this week.

Upcoming Comedy
Monday, March 17 - The Comic Strip

Upcoming Teaching
Dating for Shy Guys and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - For details go to www.metrocontinuingeducation.ca

Upcoming Writing
Current Living Article is up here

Upcoming Living Articles in the Edmonton Journal (Subject to change)
Friday, March 7

Dan Brodribb's headLINES appears every Monday in the Edmonton Journal's ed online. Current headLINES is here.

A Pair of Singles (co-written with Dawn Dumont) Current article is here