My girlfriend and I have come up with the idea for Time Share babies. Twenty-six couples. One baby. Two weeks out of the year.
It's parenting for commitment-phobes. And if you start to miss the collective baby, you can always check the little bundle's progress on the communal Facebook group.
I think it's a great idea. It takes a village after all.
Dawn's back in town and we went out to the bar a couple nights ago. I've had a girlfriend for six months and I can no longer flirt. This really bothered me.
DAN: I can't flirt anymore. See that girl over there. I couldn't hit on her if my life depends on it.
DAWN: Why would you want to? Your girlfriend is way prettier than she is.
DAN: (mournfully) Doesn't matter.
DAWN: And here I was starting to believe there were still good guys out there.
DAN: I'm romantically unarmed. I've lost it, Dawn. But you know what? You're right. I have a great girlfriend. What does it matter that I've lost the ability to walk up to a strange woman and tell her she has pretty eyes. My seductive abilities have atrophied, and I DON'T CARE!!!
(A Hot Brunette at the bar next to DAN looks over at this)
DAN: (touching Hot Brunette's shoulder) I do care, baby. I just tell people I don't because I get scared inside.
Hot Brunette gives a tight smile and hurries away with her drinks.
DAN: She deserved better than that. That was a poor effort.
Dawn and I have also came up with a sketch about a woman getting drunk and picking up a guy at the bar when she's still hooked on someone else.
DRUNK GIRL: You're cute. What's your name?
DRUNK GIRL: No it's not. You're Steve.
DRUNK GIRL: Your name is Steve...you work at my office....and you DON'T have a girlfriend...and you love me and think I'm pretty and want to have my babies.
DRUNK GIRL: Make out with me now, Steve.
Dawn and I really should have our own show.
Last Heart Way meeting of 2010 is November 9 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.