Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Social Nomad

Went out dancing with Dawn on Friday night, with the wrestlers after the show on Saturday. Starting flirting with girls, more practice swings than anything else, just trying to see where I was at.

I keep forgetting that I'm GOOD with women. I don't know how or when that changed, but it surprises me every time.

One girl was a corseted redhead. Partway into the conversation, she cut me off and pointed out her husband sitting in the corner.

And her girlfriend.

And her other girlfriend.


As it turns out, this woman was polyamorous, which is something I've always wanted to know more about, because the concept intrigues me

It makes me wonder if I could do it.

In the past, I've found dating more than one person at a time exhausting, but if they were also dating each other...heck, maybe it would even be EASIER than dating one person because they would be able to get from each other some of the things that I might not be so good at providing.

On the other hand, it would mean being part of a GROUP.

I don't do groups well.

One of the consequences of the decision I made back on November 24, 2005 to take responsibility for my own happiness instead of expecting the world to hand it to me is that I've become a bit of a social nomad.

Part of it is I've never been comfortable with cliques, organizations, collectives, or communities, no matter how much I agree with their mission statement or like the people in them. I don't know why.

And part of it is, since I've started making a concerted effort to be inclusive rather than exclusive in my approach to the world, I just don't fit very well into most pigeonholes. I'm monogamous at heart, and yet I am most succesful in those relationships when I am either dating other people or seeing myself as 'single.' I'm too offbeat to be truly mainstream, but I'm too traditional to fit into most alternative subcultures. I'm too nerdy to be cool, but not quite nerdy enough to pass as a nerd. I get restless among the stay-at-home-and-watch-a-movie crowd, but I'm not adventurous enough to hang with the thrill-seekers.

It's a rich, but rootless existence. I can get along with almost any scene, but never really feel at home in any of them. And I imagine it makes me tough to deal with though, because I'm never quite exactly the person people expect me to be.

I'm okay with that. Oddly enough, not being fully comfortable anywhere helps me feel more comfortable EVERYWHERE.

A scene in the movie 'Almost Famous' captures this fully, when teenage writer William Miller--overwhelmed by the frustrations of the road and the pressure on him from all sides, cries out: "I want to go home."

And Penny Lane looks at him and says:

"You are home."

It's a good place to be.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

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