The Dan Brodribb Blog

Our Futures Together

2012-01-20T16:13:00.000-08:00

Our homework, should we choose to accept it, was to watch television.

I like this kind of work.

The class was a negotiation class. Our instructions were to watch a televsion program with some interpersonal conflict and identify the issues.

I chose a married couple who travel through time and space accompanying the title character in Dr. Who.

I want to be a couples counsellor for time travellers. Their problems are a lot more interesting for me as a counsellor.

ME: "Let's see Mr. and Mrs. Pond. We've talked for a while and together you've agreed that the four most pressing issues for you to address are: 'Information sharing,' 'Travel,' 'Timing of Rescues,' and...ummm...'Marital Obligations and Romantic Boundary-Setting vis a vis Future Versions of Spouses from Alternate Realities'"

So where would you like to start?"

WRESTLING
Saturday, February 25 - RCW Explosion, Glengarry Community Hall - Edmonton

COMEDY
Monday, January 30 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

Eat Play Love...and Vacuum

2012-01-14T11:15:00.000-08:00

If I were to write a best-selling memoir about my nephew's first five months on the planet, it would be called EAT PLAY LOVE. Although I'd probably have to work something in there about sleeping and pooping too.

I haven't written much lately. This blog was to chronicle my adventures. I'm still having adventures these days, but most of them are of a different type ...learning how to be a grown-up.

And who wants to read about that?

It's been an interesting journey. I've climbed mountains. I've jumped out of airplanes. I've entertained large and sometimes hostile crowds.

None of those things have been as scary or as difficult as learning how to be a Good Uncle and Family Member, Adult Member of Society and all-around Responsible Human Being.

Today's adventure was learning how to clean the filter on my vacuum cleaner, an epic rollercoaster tale that ended with my kitchen counter, my floor, and my entire body from head to foot coated in a fine, grey, dust. Hazy clouds of it floated through the air and settled on the plants, the table, and the refrigerator. My kitchen has become an archaelogical site, the aftermath of the eruption of a lint volcano.

Looks like I won't be wearing these pants to the show tonight after all.

It was kind of fun.

But I haven't completely become Dan Brodribb, Good Citizen. There's wrestling tonight. There's comedy later in the month. There's the inconsistently-updated-but still-brilliant Gateway Boyfriend blog.

Check those things out. I hope to see you there.

Just as soon as I change my pants.

WRESTLING
Saturday, January 14 - RCW New Year's Retribution, Glengarry Community Hall - Edmonton

COMEDY
Monday, January 3o - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

Jiu Jitsu Is A Lot Like Comedy

2011-09-22T08:39:00.001-07:00

Tuesday I was flat on my back, flailing like a landed fish as I tried to draw breath with a two hundred and fifteen pound man sitting on my chest and thinking: Wow. This is just like comedy.

More precisely, learning jiu jitsu is a lot like learning comedy. In both cases, you suck at first, you keep sucking for a lot longer than you think you should, and when the unexpected happens in the middle of performing, you feel completely clueless as to what to do about it. The irony of comedy and jiu jitsu is you end up in the worst positions when you're new, which means your worst situations happen at the time when you have the least skill and experience to deal with them (*). You leave the venue depressed and frustrated with yourself, having been confronted in no uncertain terms with the fact that you really don't know what you're doing.

And yet you can't wait to go back for more.

Just another reason I'm grateful for my comedy experience. It's taught me persistence. It's forced me to learn how to deal with my own emotions and negative thoughts.

Most of all, it's taught me that not everything worthwhile comes easily and that even on nights when you feel like you're never going to get it, you're still learning things and making progress, whether it feels like it or not.

Comedy is like jiu jitsu. Sometimes you're the guy kicking ass and sometimes you're the guy gasping for air with the two-hundred pound monster on your chest--and you never know which is going to happen from show to show.

Which is it going to be?

Well, as it happens, I'm at The Comic Strip next week from September 28 to October 2.

Come down and find out.

(*) I'm thinking of YOU, Thirsty Turtle Pub back in the fall of '05. That wasn't so much like having a two-hundred pound man sitting on you. It was more like having a two-hundred pound man sit on you, hit you with a pipe, have his friends kick you in the nether regions and then a witch doctor coming by and sucking out your soul through your nostrils.

COMEDY
Wednesday, September 28 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Thursday, September 29 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Friday, September 30 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Saturday, October 1 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Sunday, October 2 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Saturday, October 8 - Private Function, Edmonton

WRESTLING
RCW Rise of the Legends tour featuring former WWE tag champions Demolition
Friday, October 14 - Rimbey Community Centre, Rimbey
Saturday, October 15 - Glengarry Community Hall, Edmonton

WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

Kidney Stones, Babies & Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

2011-09-12T11:07:00.000-07:00

Busy Busy Busy.

Application for Grad School continues. A lot more hoops to jump through than I expected.

Also there have been some new distractions:

Distraction One: A brief hospital visit for some extreme pain in my back which turned out to be a kidney stone. Oddly enough, as soon as I found out it was kidney stone, the pain bothered me a lot less. By normal pain standards what I was experiencing was excruciating, but I've had kidney stones before and by kidney stone standards...I'll take the pain I was feeling with a smile because it could have been a lot worse.

Distraction Two: I have a nephew now. He is adorable, and having him in my life has made me do a lot of reprioritizing.

Distraction Three: I have started training in Jiu Jitsu. There is a tournament in a couple weeks and I'm considering entering.

Why not? I've been training for a whole month.

And of course I have my years of pro wrestling watching to fall back on which has given me a significant advantage even when my training partners are clearly wrestling wrong what with them grabbing the wrong arm and refusing to slow down and work the crowd and forgetting to call the next spot.

Still, I plan to sneak into the tournament grounds and slide a folding steel chair under the mats. You never know when you might need a little insurance.

On the other hand, there is this....

I've been choked out by a six week old infant. That is not what we would consider a good start. In fairness, as anyone anyone who has tried to get past his legs to change his diaper will attest, he's got a heck of a guard.

COMEDY
Wednesday, September 14 - Goodfellow's Pub, Edmonton
Wednesday, September 28 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Thursday, September 29 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Friday, September 30 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Saturday, October 1 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Sunday, October 2 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Saturday, October 8 - Private Function, Edmonton

WRESTLING
Saturday, September 17 - RCW Collision Course
Saturday, October 15 - RCW Rise of Legends (Featuring former WWE tag champions Demolition)

WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

Upcoming Stuff - Comedy & Wrestling

2011-09-12T10:55:00.000-07:00

COMEDY
Wednesday, September 14 - Goodfellow's Pub, Edmonton
Wednesday, September 28 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Thursday, September 29 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Friday, September 30 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Saturday, October 1 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Sunday, October 2 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Saturday, October 8 - Private Function, Edmonton

WRESTLING
Saturday, September 17 - RCW Collision Course
Saturday, October 15 - RCW Rise of Legends (Featuring former WWE tag champions Demolition)

WRITING
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

On Falling & Flying

2011-08-12T13:07:00.001-07:00

Sheesh. Was going to take on the subject of the late Jani Lane in my next Metal & Dust entry, but Chuck Klosterman beat me to it.

Speaking of links, this one is also hilarious. John Stamos, you are my new hero, despite your uncanny resemblance to the lead singer of DeSousa Drive.

It's been a heck of a 24 hours: great yoga, magical night of salsa, good comedy set, a potluck to say goodbye to a co-worker...

and there's more to come this weekend.

I feel as energized as I've ever been. The Attitude has been helping a lot. I'm energized these days, more than I have been in awhile.

But I'm also--at least at this moment--very tired.

That's the eternal dilemma. I get so much out of bringing energy, trying to bring happiness and a good attitude to things. The results are great.

But there are also times I just want to crash, to let myself go, and just let myself be supported for awhile.

I hate the thought of being a drain on anyone. I know I'm not, I know there are plenty of people who are happy to be there for me, that WANT to be able to be there for me.

All I have to do is ask. All I have to do is let myself go.

But sometimes I can't ask.

This post turned out different than I expected when I started writing it. Fatigue dampens my mood, it seems.

No problem, I'll face my fatigue the way I'm willing to face the other things in my life. I'll acknowledge it, embrace it, and make it a part of me.

Two hours until jiu-jitsu. Then Codependents Anonymous meeting and a Boy's Night Out. And the rest of the weekend promises even more possibilities.

Falling can wait. I've got flying to do.

Upcoming Comedy
Monday, August 22 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Writing
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

A Quick Qomedy...er, Comedy...Update

2011-08-09T13:12:00.000-07:00

I'll be hosting the Hit or Miss Night at the Comic Strip in West Edmonton Mall on August 22.

See you there!!

Upcoming Comedy
Monday, August 22 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Writing
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

In Which Dan Nearly--But Not Quite--Has Two Large Women Getting Into A Physcial Altercation Over Him

2011-07-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

I don't remember whose idea it was to return to the Thompson Inn.

Maybe it was no one's idea. Maybe it was just something that germinated in our collective unconscious, a subliminal compulsion that slowly blossomed into the front of our minds.

Or maybe it was mine and Heavy Metal's idea. Who can remember such things?

For those of you who need a refresher, The Thompson Inn is where the wrestlers stayed on the 2010 tour. It is a hive of scum and villainy--blood on the walls, broken locks, broken beds...drunks and addicts stumbling up and down the hallways.

It's also where I learned the Howson Partying Secret to maintain a spotless reputation on the road: 1) Party in OTHER people's rooms 2) Show up on time the next day.

It seems to have worked so far.

Did I mention we nearly got thrown out of the place last year? What do you have to do to be thrown out of the Thompson Inn? Only professional wrestlers know for sure.

In 2011 we stayed in a different place, the LAKEVIEW INN & SUITES, which I am writing in capital letters as a plug for them since without their generosity and help being Trapped in Thompson would have been a lot more unpleasant.

It's also a really nice place. Very homey and great staff.

The bar in the Thompson Inn...not so much.

No description can do justice to this bar. Picture the worst bar you've ever seen in your life. Now imagine that bar being sacked by Vikings and repainted with several chipped and peeling coats of Despair. Now add in a zombie apocalypse. Then take away all of the zombies except for a handful...the ones too slow to get any brains.

That's the bar in the Thompson Inn.

How could you NOT go back?

Past the drunks clustered outside. Through the door and into the establishment proper--a stage and dance floor on one side of the room, the bar on the other, clusters of line-faced drunks dotting the the area like the raisins in a slice of raisin bread.

And that's when I became the belle of the ball.

I was approached by at least three older, drunker, native women, three times my size.

Did I say approach? These were more like assaults. No flirting. No back and forth. Just a storming of the sexual ramparts, grabbing at me and incoherent mumbling.

Maybe the zombie analogy is more appropriate than I first thought.

But do you know what?

I had a great time.

One of them pulled me onto the dance floor. The dancing was fun; the conversation and inappropriate groping of my parts, less so. And yes, I played up my horrified discomfort, mostly to amuse the watching wrestlers.

But secretly--in those moments when I wasn't fending off her advances or looking over at my friends to see if they were taking any pictures--I enjoyed dancing with her.

Yes, she was drunk. No, she wasn't particularly attractive or likeable.

But I have a theory that all women are sexy. You just need to look for it.

And you could find it in this woman too. Just a spark, when we were dancing of the person maybe she used to be or could have been or maybe could be again. I looked in her eyes and saw past the alcohol and the years and the disappointments. I saw past my own prejudices, preconceptions, and judgements and recognized...well, a person, just like anybody else, someone who wants to be happy.

In that moment of human connection, dancing with her became fun. I stopped worrying about what my friends thought. I stopped caring about how I looked.

I enjoyed the dance.

This might be a cute story if it ended there, but it didn't.

After the dance, she continued to pursue me. Telling her I had to go didn't work, peeling her hand of my wrist didn't work.

I ended up weaving through the group of wrestlers like a basketball player coming off of a screen, finally buying myself a few seconds by ducking behind the six foot eight ZACK MERCURY (*)

I managed to find a seat. She managed to find me.

I was at a loss. I had tried everything. Assertiveness. Physical disengagement. Zack Effin' Mercury. What was left for poor Dan Brodribb?

The answer was about to arrive, and arrive it did like thunder.

It came in the form of yet ANOTHER overweight Native American woman.

It came--although I didn't learn her name until later--in the form of Muriel.

She powered between me and my assailant like a bulldozer, clamped her arm around me like a vice, turned to the other woman and said in the clipped First Nations accent:

"Hey. You messin' wit' my boyfriend?"

For a second they started at each other. I had a moment of giddiness--oh my god, they're going to fight over me.

This could be AWESOME.

Two gigantic Native American women throwing down amidst a group of wrestlers over the affections of the ring announcer...that is a visual on Big-Jess-Getting-Shot-With-Fireworks levels of unforgettable.

Alas, it was not to be. After a few moments of intent staring, the first woman slunk off like a jackal abandoning a zebra carcass.

I was relieved, then realized Muriel's arm was still around me.

Oh shit.

Had I gone from frying pan to fire?

Muriel drew closer, looked up at me...and winked.

"You look liked you needed some help," she whispered in my ear.

Oh, I did, Muriel. I did. And I'm not too proud to accept yours. Thank you from the bottom of my ring announcing, Buddhist, stand-up comic, relationship blogging heart.

Some may call the Thompson Inn hell, but for tonight, I had found my angel.

(*) My first Zack Mercury Experience was sitting next to him in the passenger seat of a rental truck, careening down a dirt road in the middle of nowhere while he simultaneously drove, texted, set up his ipod and mixed himself a protein shake without once looking at the road. He's a fun-loving, laid-back guy, which is why it came as such as surprise to me when he once told me something so on-point about my personal sense of self that I lie awake at night staring at the ceiling thinking about it to this day.

Upcoming Comedy
Monday, August 22 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Writing
Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook

In Which Dan Writes A Hung Over Blog Post In Sentence Fragments

2011-07-24T11:50:00.000-07:00

Went to the bar last night for the first time in quite a while.

Well, unless you count Friday.

And every night on the Manitoba trip.

Never mind.

Best received line I used last night: "You`re really weird." Most confusing line used on me: "You look like an intellectual."

I don`t even know what that means.

The world has come a long way since "what`s your sign?"

Also, Captain Hammer climbed onto the roof of a building. Not a slow climb either. He scrambled up there like a spider monkey. It was damn impressive.

I was about to follow him up when the police car appeared beside me.

Probably for the best. I am not nearly as agile as the Captain.

The female cop taking Hammer`s information after he came down didn`t seem to know whether to ticket him or ask him out. She took his phone number in any case. I imagine it could go either way.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Dan Says The Sweetest Things (Part 2)

2011-07-20T11:57:00.000-07:00

Keep in mind this happened at my 20 year high school reunion talking to a woman I hadn't seen in decades.

WOMAN: (in the midst of an impassioned debate about relationships): So let me ask you this, just for a guy's perspective. How do you get and keep a guy's attention. Like what does a guy think, when he comes home, he's watching TV and the woman comes out dressed in sexy lingerie.

ME: Depends if he's F***d her already or not.

After writing this down, I'm not sure if I should be plugging my dating advice blog, but for the record, the other guys at the table agreed with me. Well, the single ones did.

The ones seated beside their wives were oddly silent.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

The Attitude

2011-07-20T06:42:00.000-07:00

Now this is more like it.

I’ve been spending the past couple weeks grappling with the post-tour malaise I talked about here. The tour really brought into focus how empty of motivation my life has been lately. There isn’t as much going on as I’m used to and the stuff I am doing…I like it, but I just hadn’t been feeling the same passion. I’ve been lethargic, listless, and uninspired.

No longer.

Why? Because I remembered something I had forgotten.

The passion doesn’t come when the right thing comes along. The right things come along when you’re passionate.

Stressful as I find them, transitions are a natural part of life, especially for someone like me who loves the climb, but never wants to spend too much time on the same mountaintop. But to go from mountain to mountain also means passing through the valleys. It means taking the time to wait and see which height calls to me next.

But you can bring passion to the valleys too.

The secret isn’t to find something that motivates you. The secret is to have the motivation first and bring that to the things you do, even the little things.

This has been a good week so far. I’ve accomplished more in the last couple days than in the last few weeks combined. Some of them are big things: Finished three or four Gateway Boyfriend articles. Charged ahead on my application for grad school. Put in a volunteer application. Took a leap forward on some projects at my day job. Read all nine hundred and fifty-some pages of George RR Martin’s new novel in the bookstore. (Okay, that one might have taken more than a couple days. But I finished it less than a week after it came out. Anyway, you have your accomplishments and I have mine).

Others are small things: Bought groceries and dropped off a food bank donation. Cleaned. Rehearsed comedy. Promoted the Gateway Boyfriend. Made myself pancakes.

But it doesn’t matter if they’re big or small. What matters is that I brought the passion to them that I’ve been letting slide.

The motivation’s back, baby. I’m fired up.

Instead of looking outside myself for something to bring me joy, I’ve just looked inside myself and found it there all along.

I’d like to take credit for this transformation, but the truth was, I had a lot of help

- A discussion with my father about the Attitude (you’ll have to ask him about it).

- Conversations with the Edmonton Buddhist Meditation group.

-Some back hallway advice from Dino, the manager of The Comic Strip.

- Phone calls with friends--Dawn Dumont, Captain Hammer, the Slayer, and the drummer from my own band.

- A conversation with Vasalissa on Monday. We were talking about a completely unrelated subject, but something she said--not an easy thing to say, either--was what it took for all the pieces fall into place.

- Being at my 20 year high school reunion, which happened this weekend. Seeing all these faces again and hearing the stories and seeing the way so many of them are living their lives helped too. We’ve gone in many different directions (or perhaps not--80% of us became teachers, it seems) and it’s hard not to be optimistic when you see how people have evolved, yet still remained true to themselves. As my old social studies teacher wisely remarked, “You move and change within your core, but your core remains the same.” There were a few teachers there. One was the woman who taught me English every year but one from grade six until graduation. She was the one who helped nurture my writing--so if there are any spelling or grammar errors in this post…well, it’s her fault now, isn’t it?

Maybe it’s coincidence, but already things seem to be looking up. Comedy is picking up for September and October. Dawn and I are going to see Wicked on Thursday.

In celebration, I’ve decided to mark down the Dating for Shy Guys book by 40%. The sale isn’t going to stay very long--my avaricious nature won’t allow it--but if you’re thinking of picking the ebook up for yourself or someone you know, now’s the time to do it. The link is here.

In the meantime, I’m excited to see how things play out. There are thing not yet begun. There are things not yet finished. I don’t know what‘s going to happen next.

But I know, whatever it is, I’m ready to do it.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Waiting

2011-07-06T21:31:00.000-07:00

“The high-wire is life: All the rest is waiting.”
-Karl Wallenda

Being back from the tour has been an adjustment.

When you're on tour, something new and interesting is happening every moment. There's a new town to visit, a new crisis to be averted, new people to meet and new parties to attend.

And of course there are the shows.

Performing for a live audience is its own high. It's also like being part of a secret society in that only the people who know what it's like know what it's like. Each moment in front of a crowd is amazing because there is only that moment and then it is gone. You can REPEAT a joke, but you can never tell it twice because each time is unique. Every second on stage or in the ring is JUST that second. Once it's experienced--whether you're a performer or part of the crowd--you can never get it back.

It's a lot like sex in that respect.

It's also a lot like sex in that it is awesome.

It also means now that the tour is over, it's been an adjustment period going back to my regular rhythm. The pace feels so much slower. The level of intensity and focus required feels so much less. The parties are nice but they aren't...well, they aren't wrestling level parties.

I've had these sorts of 'show-biz hangovers' before. When you have a great show or a great tour, it's hard to go back to buying groceries, paying rent, and doing taxes. Last night you were a star, and today you have the same problems as anybody else.

I can see why show-biz types go crazy. Once you get a taste, it's hard to stop.

This week I'm working overnights. For the last couple nights I've been staying up later to acclimatize myself. It's strange being awake when the rest of the world is asleep. You're alone. Nothing to do, but go for walks, pace the apartment, and read, watch TV, or play videogames.

But always that restless feeling, like you're waiting for the rest of the world to wake up.

Maybe some of you know what I'm talking about.

Because that to me is what life offstage feels like most of the time. As rewarding as it is or as fun as it is or as happy you are or how much you love the people you are with, it always feels like life's color and volume is turned down just a couple notches. It feels like all the things you do--working, sleeping, eating, socializing--could really be summed up in one word.

Waiting.

Waiting for colour and sound to come back.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Wishing Manitoba The Best In It's Future Endeavours

2011-06-27T10:52:00.000-07:00

Continued from Part 1

I am safely home. The tow truck arrived at nine o'clock, we had the tire changed by nine fifteen, and were on the road at nine twenty.

We Cyndi Laupered it through Manitoba. We dealt with one rainstorm and ran out of gas twice. Since gas stations in this part of Manitoba all close at night, we had some problems. Once we were saved by a couple Good Samaritans (I'm not sure what Good Samaritans were doing in The Pas at three in the morning, but I'm glad they were there) and the second time we were close enough to town and it was close enough to the gas station's opening that we only lost a few minutes.

The citizens of Manitoba are good people, even if the province itself seems to hate us. Or maybe it loves us so much that it wanted us to stay...wanted us to stay, well this clip says it all.

Once we were out of Manitoba it was smooth sailing. The only hard part was staying awake.

The drive took us twenty-one hours.

All in all, I had a great time. There are always lots of adventures to be had on tour, and even though the best of them I cannot tell another living soul who wasn't there, it will be nice to take those memories out of the Vault of Secrets I Keep and look at them once in a while before quietly putting back with a smile (although some of the photos may have made in onto Facebook, if you know where to look).

The people were also great. Whether it was people I've known for years and considered friends like BIG JESS and HEAVY METAL, people I've met but don't always get to spend a lot of time with such as AJ SANCHEZ, TOMMY LEE CURTIS and MENTALLO, people I've never met before like ZACK MERCURY and RTD, being on tour together always brings out something in people you haven't seen before, so you always go out feeling a little more connected to people than when you went in. And of course there are the people we meet along the way: fans, the strangers who helped us out, the staff of the Lakeview Inn in Thompson who were fantastic during our times of trouble, and so many more. You don't know someone (or even what they're 'ca-caple of') until you've been on the road together.

Thank you to all of you. You are all Tough Guys in my book. I will see you next time, but for now, I am happy to be home and am relieved to be able to finally wish Manitoba all the best in its future endeavours.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Dan Says The Sweetest Things

2011-06-25T14:21:00.000-07:00

Hanging out in a nightclub parking lot with wrestlers and hot girls.

DANNY DUGGAN: Is anybody cold?
DAN BRODRIBB: I am.
HOT GIRL: Not me.
DAN BRODRIBB: Great. Then you can loan me your jacket.
HOT GIRL: Wow, you're a real gentleman. What do you want next, my soul?
DAN BRODRIBB: Young lady, I've been talking to you for nearly an hour and I have yet to see any compelling evidence that you have a soul.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Trapped in Thompson

2011-06-25T11:16:00.000-07:00

This time when I woke up this morning, I knew exactly where I was.

On a mattress on a garage floor in Gillam, Manitoba.

This wasn't part of the plan.

Nor was it the update I planned to write. The story I wanted to tell was either the great Gillam Wrestling Basketball Invitational, the Dauphin Pants-Off Dance-Off or the Triumphant Return to the Thompson Inn in which Dan got to watch two intoxicated and rather weathered-looking older women nearly get into a fight over him.

Those stories may come later.

But for now, I am trapped in Thompson, which in the scheme of things is an upgrade from being marooned in Gillam, but still not ideal, given the circumstances.

Both are wonderful towns with wonderful people and great places to put on shows.

Still, Thompson is a town with zombies. At least that's what we joke about when we see the way some of its population shuffles around the town, seemingly oblivious to other people, cars, or street signals.

Gillam, on the other hand, is kind of like the moon, if there was a Legion hall there--isolated and desolate, a town that is barely a town at all and exists only by the grace of Manitoba Hydro.

The tour was going smoothly until the trip to Gillam on the last day, when the wheels came off--literally. One of the cars--the one that was to take us back home--blew a tire on the gravel road to Gillam. Unfortunately, the boys didn't realize the tire had blown until a hundred and fifty kilometers later. The rim was torn to pieces.

The car made it to the show on the donut. The show itself was fantastic, capped by the Supreme-Adonnas riding to the ring on tricycles they found backstage.

It was only after the show that things got a little sticky when it occurred to us we were about to attempt to drive back to Thompson in a vehicle with only three good tires.

On a narrow gravel road, mainly populated by speeding trucks. Over two hundred and fifty gas-station free miles north of the next town.

Did I mention none of our cell phones had service that far north?

They didn't.

Did I mention the forest fire warning?

Well, there was.

We ended up spending the night in Gillam and headed out early the next morning, hoping the car would make it.

It didn't.

We were less than twenty kilometeres out of town when the tire blew.

The back-up plan was to ride in the back of the ring truck with all the equipment. IT was not a plan I liked, since dust had proven its ability to get into the truck, and I wasn't keen on being thrown around in the back of a trailer filled with steel supports breathing in dust and forest fire smoke.

Still, I was making myself a little nest in one corner of luggage, entrance cloth and ring padding when the bus arrived.

The Greyhound from Gillam to Thompson right on schedule.

All of us except for two guys jumped into the bus and we rode back to Thompson in style. And from the way the bus bounced over the roads, I'm very glad we didn't go through with Operation: Ring Truck. Meanwhile, The Supreme-Adonnas drove the ring truck back to Thompson.

We owe that bus driver big as well as the staff of Lakeview Inn and Suites who let us stay past check-out time and were patient with our endless phone calls and questions as we tried to solve our dilemma and let our loved ones know what was going on.

Which brings us to where I am right now: writing this entry on a hotel computer while I wait for the tow truck to bring the car back to us. We've already picked up a tire and rim from Canadian Tire and are going to make the change ourselves if the dealership is closed by the time it gets here.

I am optimistic.

But the Sports Entertainment Gods are fickle.

If you don't hear from me in a few days, you might want to take a trip up to Thompson, Manitoba.

Could be you'll find a few new zombies shuffling around.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

What Do We Call This?

2011-06-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

Man, I thought as I opened my eyes this morning. That was one refreshing sleep.

I wonder where I am.

Yesterday had been a heck of a day.

There was the ten hour overnight car ride that turned into thirteen, singing songs to keep ourselves awake. By the time we got to the show, I had been awake for nearly thirty-one hours.

There was the first shows of the trip on a carnival midway in the Winnipeg heat, where I got to referee HEAVY METAL vs. DANNY DUGGAN and picked up some refereeing tips from the Honky Tonk Man and others.

Then it was time to pick KEVY CHEVY up, who had somehow managed to find himself standing alone in a field on the side of the highway.

Things get a little blurry after that.

I remember firecrackers going off, as the wrestlers attempted to demolish a model boat KEVY CHEVY had bought. Colored lights and sparks blasted past cars and into the sides of buildings and at least four hit BIG JESS who ended up on the ground. As Heavy Metal said the next day as we were all piecing the fragments of the previous evening togehter like particularly inept CSI Unit technicians, "You really can't explain in words how funny it to watch a grown man hit with roman candles until you see it yourself."

I remember AJ Sanchez and another wrestler offering to take us to a place where we could get a shower, and being the only one who accepted the offer, showering in a darkened building.

I remember riding to the club and HEAVY METAL jumping out of the car at red lights and giving posters advertising the show to other cars.

I remember going to a club and Kevy attempting a karate kick that ended up at shin level and trying to tear off his shirt with less than picture-perfect success.

I remember being so exhausted I just wanted to go to bed. I was ready to sleep in the car, but I couldn't find anybody but referee IAN SMALLS. I looked around the club for what felt like hours, finally said, 'screw it, I'm sleeping in the car' and went out to find everybody else already in the parking lot waiting for me.

Everyone piled into Big Jess' car except me, who jumped in with AJ. I figured since AJ was the person who knew where he was going, I was sticking with him.

Big Jess was supposed to follow us, but at some point we lost them, possibly because we made some stops along the way that may or may not have been completely necessary.

I felt bad for the Boys, but was congratulating on my cleverness. I, at least, would make it to the place we were staying--wrestler Bobby Jay's house.

When we arrived it was dark. I staggered down the stairs and crashed on the bed, noting in the back of my mind that the layout of the basement was different from what I remembered.

Bobby Jay must have done some renovations, I thought vaguely as I lost consciousness. But at least I ended up in the right place. I felt bad for everyone else, but what could I do? Hopefully they found somewhere to spend the night.

It was only the next morning that I discovered I was the one at the wrong place. Instead of being at Bobby Jay's house, I was at AJ's. To add insult to injury, AJ dropped me off at Bobby Jay's house the next morning where I discovered everyone else already there.

Guess they found the place after all--except for Ian, who ended up sleeping in the car.

A night this legendary deserves a name, and for those of us on the tour, it already has one.

We call it 'Day One.'

God help us all.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

UPCOMING WRESTLING
WITH CWE WRESTLING
Sunday, June 19 - Winnipeg Manitoba
Monday, June 20 - Dauphin, Manitoba
Tuesday, June 21 - Swan River, Manitoba
Wednesday, June 22 - Flin Fon, Manitoba
Thursday, June 23 - Thompson, Manitoba
Friday, June 24 - Gillam, Manitoba

Information on tickets and showtimes, as well as other details on CWE can be found here.

Conversations At A Comedy Club & Upcoming Wrestling

2011-06-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

DAN (to Drew Behm, who was MCing): You're doing a good job getting the crowd goin.
DREW: Yeah, they're a hot crowd.
DAN: I hate good crowds. Cause I know then if I bomb I have no one to blame but myself.

In other news, I'm off to Manitoba for the CWE wrestling tour (this may mean delays in answering Gateway Boyfriend questions and getting out ebooks for the next week or so). For those of you who want to come along, dates are below. Check out the CWE website for ticket details.

I can't remember if I've shared this on the blog yet, but I'm looking at getting my Master's in Counselling which means I'm taking a bunch of psychology courses.

I've been enjoying it. It's been years since I've been in school, and I'm enjoying the challenge of learning how to write academic papers all over again even if it's stressful at times.

Of course, my experience in the pro wrestling world may be costing me marks. Here's a tip for you workers out there looking for a post-secondary education. If you're ever asked on an exam "What is Psychology?" the correct answer is NOT "Sell the arm."

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

UPCOMING WRESTLING
WITH CWE WRESTLING
Saturday, June 18 - Winnipeg, Manitoba
Sunday, June 19 - Winnipeg Manitoba
Monday, June 20 - Dauphin, Manitoba
Tuesday, June 21 - Swan River, Manitoba
Wednesday, June 22 - Flin Fon, Manitoba
Thursday, June 23 - Thompson, Manitoba
Friday, June 24 - Gillam, Manitoba

Information on tickets and showtimes, as well as other details on CWE can be found here.

Just When I Thought I Was Out...

2011-06-11T10:44:00.000-07:00

...the NBA pulls me back in.

With the retirement of Jerry Sloan this year, I thought I was done with basketball. The Jazz I used to cheer for are no more--different players, different uniforms, different coach.

Should have known better.

I wasn't into the Lakers-Celtics finals last year, either. Two unlikable teams and the games weren't very well played either. It was an exciting series, but not a well played series.

And then the Decision happened, and somehow the Miami Heat made the Lakers and Celtics look sympathetic. That's some solid heel work there, especially since they didn't do anything criminal or that hurt anybody. They made themselves bad guys through the force of their own personalities.

Pro wrestlers would be proud. In the wrasslin' business, it isn't whether you win or lose or whether you're good or bad, it's whether or not people are interested enough to come see what happens to you.

Unfortunately, in my case, the Heat thing DIDN'T make me interested in watching the actual product. Coupled with the fact, I have no teams I really know well--aside from the aging Spurs--meant I didn't have a lot of interest in basketball this year.

And then this years playoffs.

Let's just say I'm interested now.

Some fantastic games in the earlier rounds, including the Grizzlies surprising upset of the Spurs and awesome seven game series against the Thunder-nee-Sonics, Chris Paul's heroics, and the Lakers getting swept.

And of course the finals, which have been fantastic. There's drama in every game, I have a team to cheer for (Dirk Nowitzki? Never thought I'd see the day), and more importantly, they're giving us good basketball games as opposed to the seven game fuck-up-athon of last year.

Right now the story is LeBron James' seeming disinterest. He disappeared in Game 4 and his performance in Game 5 was lacklustre by his standards. This isn't the first time it has happened either. He disappeared against the Celtics last year, and I seem to remember similar things happening at other points during his Cavs run.

I have a theory about LeBron James. I think he's been so good all his life that he isn't used to losing. So when he is losing he doesn't know what to do or how to respond.

Either that or the Mob owns his ass and he's points shaving. Stranger things have happened.

The funny thing is, I like LeBron MORE now, not less. I believe there are two kinds of sports fans in the world--fans who get behind underdogs or fans who root for favorites. Some of us watch to see Goliath kick some ass. Others watch in hopes of seeing a David rise from the ranks.

I'm an underdog man all the way. In any game where I have no real preference who wins, I will inevitably cheer for the team that is losing (Go Bruins).

I find LeBron the Unstoppable Basketball Juggernaut boring and uninteresting. But LeBron the guy with crunch-time metal issues. That's something I can identify with. as much as its possible for me to identify with a six foot eight millionaire African-American world class athlete.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still cheering for the Mavericks. But LeBron James just became interesting enough to me that I want to know what happens with him next.

Once again, pro wrestlers would be proud.

UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday,June 13 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton

WITH CWE WRESTLING
Saturday, June 18 - Winnipeg, Manitoba
Sunday, June 19 - Winnipeg Manitoba
Monday, June 20 - Dauphin, Manitoba
Tuesday, June 21 - Swan River, Manitoba
Wednesday, June 22 - Flin Fon, Manitoba
Thursday, June 23 - Thompson, Manitoba
Friday, June 24 - Gillam, Manitoba

Information on tickets and showtimes, as well as other details on CWE can be found here.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

RIP Kenneth Barr

2011-06-09T12:22:00.000-07:00

I learned today that IDIOM Pictures' owner and director Kenneth Barr has passed away. He was 37 years old, same age as me.

I first worked with Ken on REROUTE. It was my first experience in film. I was 'killed' by a shotgun blast in a west Edmonton parking lot in November. I remember Ken's direction for the last shot of the sequence: "Corpses, please stop shivering!"

I'm sure anyone who worked with Ken on his projects can tell similar stories of working on a shoestring budget for long hours and yet somehow, coming out if it with a great experience and even better stories. Ken was passionate about what he did, and that enthusiasm was contagious.

In addition to REROUTE, I worked with Ken on THE ACADEMY, a story recounted on this blog previously. Ken also directed the MPW MADNESS TV series.

Some of my best memories are me, the late RIPPER, and KEN in Ken's apartment filming the bumpers for the MPW show and overdubbing commentary. Ripper and I would do hours of ad libs. I've always been both hopeful and terrified outtakes of those sessions might show up somewhere. Hilarious and inappropriate, including an impromptu Gangsta Rap video.

It's strange for me to think of the three people in that apartment, two of them are now dead, both much too soon.

My thoughts are with Ken's friends and family at this difficult time.

In Which Dan Is A Lousy Feminist Ally, But Avoids Being Murdered With A Blunt Object.

2011-06-04T19:02:00.000-07:00

Slutwalk is a Very Important event.

The intention behind it is to remind people sexual assault is not the victim's fault because of the way she--or he--dresses. It's a worthy cause and Vasalissa and I went to show support.

But as worthy a cause as it is, and as important as it is to give survivors of sexual assault a voice, I learned that my addiction to comedy is stronger.

After the speeches were over, the woman hosting the event asked anyone who had something to say to come up and address the crowd, which was several hundred strong.

I was already stepping forward when Vasalissa grabbed my hand to hold me back.

"Don't you dare," she hissed.

"Come on," I said. "Just a couple of new jokes..."

"I will beat you to death with this umbrella," Vasalissa said.

In conclusion, my fear of being bludgeoned to death is stronger than my addiction to comedy which in turn is far, far stronger than my desire to be a respectful feminist ally.

Although in my defense, I really think there's something to those new jokes.

Come to the Comic Strip on the 13th of June and see.

UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday,June 13 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Two Socks Enter One Sock Leaves

2011-05-27T20:54:00.001-07:00

My sister's washing machine is like the Thunderdome.

Nice to have a back-up sock. It doesn't match any other socks in my drawer, but that's never stopped me before.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

The Rapture: Is Anybody Else Still Here?

2011-05-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

According to sources, the Rapture was supposed to happen on Saturday where God was supposed to take the righteous to Heaven.

Either it was postponed or the righteous are thinner on the ground than one would hope.

I tease, Christians. Although most of the Christians I know were skeptical about the whole raputre thing too. Something about “not knowing the hour.”

I find most religions cool. There’s something amazing about the way we’ve found so many different and creative ways to explain the unexplainable and to give purpose to our lives. I’m not sure which--if any of them--is the One True Way, of course. I practice Buddhism myself, but the absurdist in me would love it if it was something nobody expected so Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Atheists, and the world’s other religious people could look dumbfounded at each other in the afterlife: “So the universe is actually the shell of a turtle being led by a team of mice? Didn‘t see that one coming.”

Lately I’ve been reading a lot of atheist blogs. I really like atheism. They make a great case for themselves and the appeals to reason, rationality, and skepticism really warm my heart. There’s a place for faith in the world, but blind belief is no substitute for critical thinking skills.

Some atheists go beyond arguing why atheism is good and start making claims that religion is harmful. Which is fine, except that their arguments get a little less rigorous, the terms get less operationally defined, and the tendency to use anecdotes and historical cherry-picking becomes a little stronger. If you’re going to challenge the existence of God or gods on rational, scientific, and skeptical grounds, you have to apply the same intellectual rigour to your claim that religion is harmful.

I don’t even know how you would make that kind of a study. First you have to define your terms--for example, is it religious belief that is bad or religious institutions? Do Church-Once-A-Year-For-Christmas folks count as religious? What about people who go to church for social or political reasons but don‘t really believe? What harmful behaviours do religion bring about that are not present in secular institutions? I can‘t figure out how you would isolate those variables.

But I hope they find a way.

Because while many of us with religious backgrounds tend to get defensive when atheists start attacking religion, but the more I think about it, the more I think they’re doing us a favor.

If our religion, whatever it may be, is harming people, then I think we as religious people have a duty to do something about it. I didn’t get into Buddhism to hurt myself or people around me. So if there’s something that we are doing badly, I think we should want to know about it and address those problems.

Let’s face it: many religious organizations DO have problems. Over the years we’ve made mistakes in the name of religion on both large and small scales. There’s been violence, sexual abuse, financial misconduct, mental cruelty, and bad fashion sense…the worst excesses of human nature. Worse, instead of dealing with those problems, we’ve often tried to ignore, deny, downplay, or justify them in the name of whatever we happen to believe.

That’s not okay. Bad things are still bad things. It’s easy to blame religion, but I don’t think religion is so much the cause as a convenient excuse. But there’s no excuse for some things, and no church or set of beliefs will shield us from the moral consequences of our actions.

That’s why I’m glad the louder elements of the atheist movement are there to point things out when we fall short. It would be nice if religious institutions were better at seeing their own shortcomings and policing themselves but sometimes it’s hard to stay objective when you’re on the inside.

Most religions I know of extol the value of gratitude. I think the people we should be most grateful for are the ones who see the world differently than we do, regardless of whether those differences are religious, political, or over the musical and cultural contributions of Lady Gaga. Through them, we see the world with new eyes.

That’s why I’m hoping the Rapture doesn’t happen and the Faithful aren’t taken up to Heaven.

Whether we realize it or not, we need them right here.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Metal and Dust: GREAT WHITE

2011-05-16T17:16:00.000-07:00

Great White would have been more appropriately named Very Good White.

There were a lot of ‘white’ bands in those lazy, crazy high school days of the eighties: Great White, White Lion, Whitesnake, White Wolf, White Heat…I want to say White Tiger, but that was a brothel investigated by a badly disguised Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China. White was a probably the most popular band descriptor out there, with ‘king’ being the only possible competition (King Diamond, King’s X, Kingdom Come).

In the annals of the ‘white’ bands, Whitesnake would probably win Best Overall Career, White Lion would take the One-Hit-Wonder category (Though technically White Lion had two hits --’Wait,’ and ‘When the Children Cry’). Great White would place in both categories, but at best as a distant second or third.

That‘s Great White in a nutshell--Always very good. Never very great.

Yet at the same time, until I felt they went a little too far thinking they were blues musicians on ‘Hooked,’ Great White was one of the bands whose albums were no-brainer purchases for me. My two favourite Great White albums (Shot in the Dark from 1986 and 87’s Once Bitten) probably would have placed in my top 10 albums for those two respective years. ‘Psycho City,’ ‘…Twice Shy,’ ’Recovery: Live’ and their self-titled debut were reliable guests in my boom box, and even ‘Hooked’ isn’t so much bad as it is “not really what I wanted to hear.” Over the years, it’s even grown on me a little bit.

Great White was reliable. They delivered good stuff.

And by good stuff, I don‘t mean ‘the same album over and over.’ ‘Great White’ was an aggressive straight ahead metal album. ‘Shot in the Dark’ was poppier and more keyboardy. ‘Once Bitten’ was bluesier, but also heavier--kind of like a shotgun wedding between Led Zeppelin and Dokken. ‘Twice Shy’ turned up the Led Zeppelin influences which peaked on ‘Hooked.’ ‘Psycho City’ was a return to ‘Once Bitten’ territory, only with a nod to all they’d learned along the way. Each album was distinctive though, with it’s own sound. Yes, they were all clearly Great White, but they were also different enough that I never felt the band was repeating itself.

They also did a lot of cover songs, both well-known and obscure, and unlike a lot of their contemporaries, they weren‘t ashamed about it either. They did Led Zeppelin better than Led Zeppelin and their biggest hit was a cover of Ian Hunter’s ‘Once Bitten Twice Shy.‘

Very good. But not great.

They aren’t alone. Thousands of bands fall into this category. Thousands of bands and millions of people.

We worship the great. But what about the very good? There’s lots of them out there. They’re most visible in the entertainment industry where greatness and fame are the only things we have to remember people by--the bands, the stand-up comics, the actors, the writers.

But they’re in our lives too. People who are very good at what they do….whatever it may happen to be…but ultimately, not good enough to be recognized for it. Not charismatic enough to make an impression on enough people or not original enough to break any new ground.

Just…very good.

Maybe that’s why I listen to ‘Once Bitten,’ nearly two and a half decades later. Maybe, it’s my way of paying tribute to Very Good-ness, a way of remembering those who will not be remembered. Maybe it’s a way I comfort myself against the fears of the possibility--no, the likelihood--that most of the things I do, even the very good ones, will one day be gone and forgotten.

Or maybe I just like the music.

They aren’t called Very Good White for nothing, you know.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Thoughts On A Canadian Election

2011-05-03T19:43:00.001-07:00

Election in Canada on Monday. I woke up to see the results and found myself staring at a full page picture of Osama Bin Laden’s face.

I didn’t even remember him being on the ballot.

The lesson: when you’re glancing at the front pages of newspapers, remember to check the date.

Thoughts on the election proper:

--The Conservatives--who won--ran a good front-runner campaign, that is to say, they managed not to beat themselves by saying or doing anything stupid. They also went negative a lot, so I knew who they were against, but I didn’t have an idea what they stood for. That strategy doesn't do much to win over new or undecided voters (It sure didn’t on me), but if you’re already in the lead, it’s probably the safe bet.

And it worked.

--The New Democratic Party came in a very respectable second place in a classic Life Imitates Pro-Wrestling Scenario, decisively beating a veteran former champion with name recognition (the Liberals) and unexpectedly taking the champion to the limit and establishing themselves in the voters‘ minds as a legitimate contender. If they can stay over for the next few years, the rematch should draw big money (and votes). I also thought they ran a great campaign.

In fact, they seemed to be the only people running a campaign.

Maybe it’s the circles I travel in, but I heard nothing much from the Conservatives (possibly deliberately, as they were playing not to lose). But I heard nothing from the Liberal Party either (the big losers this election, along with the Bloc Quebecois which was nearly wiped out).

But the NDP were professional, they were glitzy, and most of all, they were everywhere. The internet. Print media. Phone calls. Mail-outs.

Now as an NDP supporter (this election, at least), I was happy to see it and see them do well, but since I am the type of man who cannot resist inspecting the gift horse’s dental work, I can’t help but wonder about one thing.

And that one thing is money.

How was it that the NDP campaign was so much more visible than the other parties? Sure, maybe the Conservatives were deliberately keeping a low profile, but what about the Liberals? They were in no better political shape than the New Democrats going into this election and yet I never saw anything from them. Did they just give up on Alberta?

I can’t figure it out. I just keep thinking about money.

I’ll be curious to see the fundraising numbers for the political parties and how much each spent over the course of the campaign.

-The third thing I think about is the disappearance of the Liberals and the Bloc. The lion’s share of Parliament is divided between the right-wing (and rightier all the time, it seems) Conservatives and the even-leftier-than-the-Liberals NDP.

That’s a strong ideological split. I’m hoping that’s just the way the election played out and not a sign of things to come. A lot of the American political blogs I follow have devolved to people parroting party lines past one another, demonizing and blaming the other side and worrying about winning vs. losing.

I would hate to see that divisiveness take hold here. It’s nice to have people who agree with us, and it’s nice to have someone to blame for our troubles, but those things alone wouldn’t bring happiness and prosperity to the night manager of an Olive Garden, let alone a country.

I think we sometimes overestimate how much power the “people in power” actually have and underestimate our own. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from listening to my 68 year old gold-panning friend’s geology lessons on cross-country drives it’s that time and change are inexorable. Sometimes it happens quickly. sometimes it happens slowly. It always happens though, even if it doesn’t happen when we want it or how we expected it. Actions have consequences and just because you don’t see them or they don‘t show up right away, doesn’t mean they aren’t there.

Some days I find that idea frightening. Other days it gives me hope. But it never fails to motivate me.

Regardless of our political affiliation and whether or not those people are in power or not there is always something we can do. We can raise funds, write letters, make phone calls.

More importantly, we can choose the way we live. We can choose the way we treat others--family and friends, strangers, and yes, even those we dislike or who disagree with us. We can forgive ourselves and others, let go of resentments, and do the best we can with the gifts and temperament we were given to reach our potential, whatever that may be and however others might choose to judge us.

In short, we can be the best people we know how. It’s all we have the power to do, but in doing that,, we can accomplish a lot of great things along the way.

Oh. And check the dates on those newspapers.

You never know.

Dan's writing on Dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

In Which Dan Tries Yoga & Hears A Ghost

2011-03-20T16:00:00.001-07:00

They say yoga fosters spiritual development.

I thought it was an excuse for women to dress up in colorful, yet comfortable outfits. As if they needed a reason.

I tried yoga for the first time on saturday, bending (ouch!), stretching (ow!), and breathing (aaaaaahhhh!).

And as I breathed in and out, as I allowed the spirit to flourish within me and the light to flow from the tips of my toes to the top of my head...I heard the voice of my dead brother, as though the act of doing yoga had enabled me to make a spiritual connection with something long gone.

For an instant, I felt his presence, reaching across the gossamer curtain between the living and dead to give me a message from worlds beyond. His voice, like he was right there beside me spoke a single word.

"Fag."

Yep. That sounds like my brother all right.

Dan's writing on dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Odds N Ends

2011-03-17T08:52:00.001-07:00

-Stumbled across this article from last October and felt sad.

I've read the Journal most of my life. From the full color comics as a kid (They used to let kids draw the comics front pages) to the sports section when I got older (I used to cut out baseball stats and paste them in a scrapbook) to the books and entertainment section (Dad and I used to fight over the paper, even when I was a young adult).

For a couple years, I even ended up writing for them, which was a dream come true.

Everything changes, I guess.

-In other news, I came across this quote the other day in a novel called Dark Hollow. I had to smile, because it makes me think of relationships I've known. I may have been in some of those relationships myself.

“Men are so stupid, so self-absorbed. Each of them thinks he’s different, that this ache, this emptiness inside him, is unique to him and him alone, and that it somehow excuses whatever he does. But it doesn’t, and he blames the woman for somehow holding him back, as if without her, he would be better than he is, more than he is. And the hunger grows and sooner or later, it starts to feed on itself and the whole sorry mess falls apart like muscle and tendon separated from the bone.”

“And don’t women hunger too?” I asked.

“Oh, we hunger all right. And, most of the time, we starve.”

-John Connolly

Ahh, human nature. It always keeps things interesting.

What Connolly doesn't say is that men (and women) can grow up too. Maturity may not be as dramatic and--in my case, at least--it comes in fits and starts, but we can all get there. And once you've made peace with that emptiness, it seems to go away on its own.

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

~ Rumi ~

(The Essential Rumi, versions by Coleman Barks)

Dan's writing on dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Everybody Needs A Comedy Cornerman

2011-03-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

Everybody needs a comedy cornerman.

Well, unless you don't do comedy I suppose.

I hate taking paper on stage. Partly it's because I use such small notes, I can't read them well onstage, but mostly it's because it's a personal challenge to myself. Some comics can bring notes onstage and still connect, but I have a tendency to hide behind my notes or keep the piece of paper in my hand, which is distracting.

Last night, I had a lot of specific jokes I wanted to work on. I didn't want to forget any, but I didn't want to bring paper onstage.

Enter: the comedy cornerman.

I recruited BEN PROULX to watch my notes for me and yell out reminders of which jokes I was supposed to do.

It worked well, although it might need some tweaking.

Next time, I'll have my comedy cornerman sit in the audience. That way instead of sounding like he's reminding me of my jokes, maybe it will sound like a rabid fan making joke requests.

What can I say? I like feeling more famous than I actually am.

That said, I should also give him a towel. That way if the jokes bomb, he has something to throw in.

Dan's writing on dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

The Mountain

2011-03-08T08:48:00.001-08:00

Sometimes it’s like travelling a road that winds around a mountain.

There are moments it feels like you’re going in circles. You look over see the same scenery.

What‘s going on? you ask yourself. I thought I was past this part. I’m walking and walking, but not getting anywhere.

Look again.

The path winds around the mountain, but it is also going upward. Sure each time you come around, the scenery looks similar, but if you pay close attention, you’ll notice you’re seeing it from a slightly different angle.

Sometimes you come around to the same scenery. Sometimes you may find yourself cut off and needing to backtrack or descend before you start moving up again.

It doesn’t matter. That’s still progress.

Keep climbing.

There are a lot of us on this mountain and we all need each other.

Dan's writing on dating and relationships can be found at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Bad Stuff Is Awesome

2011-03-02T08:39:00.000-08:00

I'm mystified at how few people acknowledge this.

Why did Tiger Woods cheat on his wife? Why does Paris Hilton do drugs? Why does Charlie Sheen act so Charlie Sheen-y?

Closer to home, why do we and the people we know do self-destructive things even though we know better?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've spent most of my life hanging around with degenerate show-biz types--your rock musicians, your stand-up comics, your professional wrestlers--and believe me, when it comes to self-destructive decisions, nobody does it better. I may have sampled a few of those behaviours myself.

I've also seen the damage it's done. I've also seen the difficulties people have in trying to change--or in other cases help a loved one change.

We know doing drugs is bad. We tell ourselves it's not a good idea to eat junk food or smoke. We realize cheating on our partner's might not work out so well.

And the question we have is: I know these things are bad, but I keep doing them?

I'll tell you why.

Because Bad Things are also awesome.

Sex with Someone Else is awesome.

Getting drunk is awesome.

Junk food is awesome.

I'm not saying these things are good for you. They aren't. I'm saying it is pretty hard to make a change--or tell somone else they should change--without admitting that many of the bad things we do are also awesome.

Think about it. If these things sucked, we wouldn't have to convince ourselves or others we shouldn't do them because we wouldn't be doing them in the first place.

If sex with a new partner wasn't awesome, we wouldn't do it.

If drinking wasn't fun, we wouldn't do it.

If french fries weren't delicious, we'd be super-sizing the broccoli order with our combos.

Trying to pretend these things don't do something for us is dishonest. Worse, when we call people who do these things (and sometimes that person is ourselves) bad, we are making it harder to escape. Because our bad things don't judge us.

Beer will never yell at you.

Food will never titter about your weight.

You can't feel guilty and have an orgasm at the same time (Believe me, as a Professional in the Art of Feeling Guilty, I've tried) and new shoes will never nag you about your credit card statement.

Unfortunately, this is where the trap is sprung. Because often the things that are awesome lead to other things in our life sucking.

New stuff is awesome...but being in debt sucks.

Junk food is awesome...but feeling unhealthy and sluggish sucks.

Things that suck are no fun. So we turn back to the awesome thing...

...which leads to more suck.

So we run back to the awesome...

...which leads to more suck...

And the cycle continues until the awesome stuff isn't even that awesome anymore, but facing the suck is so much worse that we need it just to keep from feeling bad.

Or maybe it doesn't. Heck you can maintain an awesome-suck truce for years, either by keeping them in an uneasy balance or by riding the awesome highs and enduring the crashing lows. And let's face it there's a certain thrill riding the roller coaster of suck and awesome; it's like being in a passionate, but unstable, relationship--where would the thrill of getting back together and wild make-up sex be without the agony of being evicted because she threw your guitar through the balcony window.

There are lots and lots of reasons to stop these kinds of behaviours. We can acknowledge how they affect us and our families. We can remind ourselves how they damage our lives. We can even pay attention to how we feel when we're free from them.

But to pretend we don't sometimes like doing these things?

Let's not kid ourselves.

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Big Jess Is A Ladies' Man & The Vito Situation

2011-01-31T13:28:00.001-08:00

Big Jess is a ladies man.

At the bar after the RCW show in Leduc he was talking to a young woman and her boyfriend physically grabbed her and steered her away.

Wow.

Big Jess must have some powerful man mojo to inspire that kind of fear in other guys.

Maybe he's been reading my book. But when you're that good, maybe you don't need it.

AJ Sanchez was there this weekend and found a clip on the internet from the CWE tour of The Pas last January.

I'm most delighted that there is footage of my intro of Big Vito. Vito is a most interesting person and got on my case for most of the tour because he was particular about the way I introduced him.

Finally in Flin Flon, I got on the internet, wikipediad his credits and wrote them down. On the last show in Le Pas, I channeled my inner Chris Jericho(Check out this clip if you don't know what I mean) and read them all out including Vito's German toughman victory and his (accidental) pinfall of Mitsuhara Misawa in Japan.

It took nearly the entire length of Vito's intro music (especially since in my tribute to Jericho's "armbar" speech, I kept repeating "ECW!") It was Danny Duggan who insisted I include "and most importantly XWF" at the end--I guess you always want to save the best for last.

I don't know what makes me more proud. The fact that I did it or the fact that Nate Bush, Vito's opponent that night, had to leave the ring and hide his face he was laughing so hard. "Every time you paused, I thought you were done and then you just kept going," he later told me.

Anyway, AJ pointed out that the end of my intro is on the clip HERE (around 5:09). Thank, AJ for tracking it down. I am delighted to see my moment of glory survived in a form other than just a memory.

UPCOMING COMEDY
Tuesday, February 1 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Busy Week

2011-01-28T09:38:00.000-08:00

Next Heart Way Meeting is Tuesday, February 1

As well I'll be doing comedy at the Bus People show at the Hydeaway in Edmonton February 1

This weekend also marks my return to wrestling.

Jan 28 - RCW New Year's Retribution, Leduc
Jan 29 - RCW - Wetaskiwin.

In honor of my return to wrestling, I was thinking of posting another wrestling story from the good old days of wrestling.

Then I rememebered. Tomorrow, THESE will be the good old days.

Enough old stories. This week, we create some new ones.

Hope you'll be a part of them.

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

No Time To Blog

2010-12-16T12:54:00.000-08:00

Why not, you ask?

Well...I've been doing work. Very important work. For example, just yesterday I was trying to think of my favorite disease-themed songs from the eighties. I came up with "Spreading the Disease" by Queensryche, "Leper Messiah" by Metallica, and my favorite, the nearly-forgotten " Malaria" by LA Guns. Then I got distracted trying to remember if Infectious Grooves was late-80s or early nineties and wondering if mental disorders no longer recognized as disorders qualified as diseases so I could include Def Leppard's "Hysteria."

And that led me to wondering about a "Bad Boys in the title" themed playlist ("Bad Boys" by Great White, "Bad Boy" by Lita Ford (technically this came out in 1990), "Bad Boys" by Whitesnake, "#1 Bad Boy" by Poison, and "Bad Boys Running Wild" by the Scorpions topped the list--with "Good Girl" by the Bullet Boys tacked on for contrasts sake) which led me to wondering if Wham! had a song called "Bad Boys" or if I was confusing it with Duran Duran's "Wild Boys". As it turns out they (Wham!) do.

Also have been having dreams lately. First there was the one about living in the remains of a flooded city and trying to piece the history together. Then there was the one about the retired senior citizen hitman tracking down a woman who got away to apologize.

And just last night I had a dream about doing a comedy show in which the headliner made a joke about how mad carpenters got when people mis-used hammers as toy guns. And during my set I used the tag line "In space, no one can hear your blue balls."

Which I kind of think is a funny collection of words and I'd like to use it. It's not often in comedy you start with the punchline and then try and write a joke to fit it, but I don't have to explain my creativity to you, man.

Oh. And I have yet to find a Christmas present for my mom.

So as you can see, I am extremely busy man and have no time to blog.

None at all.

Not even a minute.

See you at the show December 20 (The Comic Strip). Next Heart Way meeting is January 11.

UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.

First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.

December of the Year Of Our Lord 2010

2010-12-07T08:53:00.001-08:00

Can't believe it's December already.

Seems like just a moment it was January and I was riding in a van through a snowstorm at 3am with AJ and JJ Sanchez, and Cliff Corleone.

And 2010.Weird.

I thought we'd have a Mars colony by now.

Maybe next year.

An Open Letter to CFL Announcers

2010-11-22T12:16:00.000-08:00

We've noticed one of you has fallen in love with the term "YAC Yards" and is using it profusely throughout your broadcast, pronouncing it Yak-Yards.

There are two reasons you sound stupid doing this.

1 -YAC stands for "Yards After Catch." So what you are saying is Yards After Catch Yards." Which is redundant.

2 - You are a grown man.

Please stop embarassing yourself.

Sincerely,

The Brodribb Males

UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.

First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.

Made The Paper.

2010-11-22T12:01:00.000-08:00

An article about love and self-deprecating humour. And there's a picture of me in my sweet, sweet, Transformers t-shirt.

"For Love and Self-Deprecating Humour" should be on my family coat-of-arms.

Article is here.

UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, December 20 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.

First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.

Reading Abstience

2010-11-15T08:47:00.001-08:00

I'm on the fourth day of my book absitinence experiment.

In that time, I've bought three pairs of jeans, a tshirt, several dozen songs on itunes, and barely resisted the urge to pick up a PS3 and several games.

Maybe it's time to go back to the library...before I go broke.

Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.

First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.

Dan vs. The Future

2010-11-13T13:15:00.000-08:00

Vasalissa got me an ipod for my birthday.

I spent the next hour digging through CDs stressing myself out trying to decide which songs needed to go on it IMMEDIATELY. I ended up with piles of "Yes", "Nos", and "Unsures" blocking the entire apartment.

It was strange. One moment I was indifferent to the fact such technology existed, the next I was tying myself into knots deciding which songs had to go on it RIGHT NOW!!!!

I'm already thinking of getting a machine that will transfer music from casettes to some kind of electronic form.

Because music isn't just music. It's pieces of memory. Each CD I picked up, I wasn't holding a piece of plastic, it was the soundtrack to part of my life--here an all night drive to Manitoba with a couple of pro wrestlers; there's my student teaching experience; hey, look, this is the novel I wrote fifteen years ago or my taekwon-do workout music; the night shift at a video store or the hospital or the Support Network; the first girl I kissed; the first girl I WANTED to kiss and so much more.

It's more than music. It's my life.

Meanwhile, I've decided my addiction to the printed word has become unmanageable. As a small experiment, I've decided to go a week or so without reading.

I'm already experiencing pangs of withdrawal.

Bungee Jumping, Elk Calls, and the Last Few Days

2010-11-09T11:22:00.000-08:00

Today: Found a hole in the butt of my jeans.
Saturday: Bungee jumped for the first time.
Last Thursday: Dawn demonstrated her elk call in a loud bar which caused the bouncer and waitress to run over an look at me suspiciously.

Tonight: Heart Way Meeting.

Bungee jumping was fun. As a meditator, it's always interesting to watch you mind and see when you felt fear and how bad it was.

For me it wasn't bad. I had a moment of second thoughts waiting for the appointed time but it wasn't too bad. I was calm, cool and collected.

Vasalissa, on the other hand, was excited enough for both of us, bouncing up and down and barely able to contain herself.

We went to the top, got our instructions. I remained calm, even as they were strapping me in.

Even as the jumpmaster told me to go...

...even as I ran for the jump-off point.

..until the moment I reached the very edge, at which point I had an "EEK!" moment, curling backwards, pulling one foot in the air and going up on my tippy-toes like an elephant confronted by a very ferocious mouse.

Physics, however, would not be denied. I was carried forward off the edge by momentum, but that split-second hesitation meant I took to the air in a most dignified pose.

The fall was a rush. Terrifying, but cool.

As I bounced upward at the end of the rope, I thought, "That was pretty cool. I thought I'd be more scared."

Then I WAS scared as I reached the top of the bounce and fell again.

Nobody told me about the bouncing.

Once I got used to it, it was fun. Elevator drop in the stomach, the stop and bounce upwards, the feeling of weightlessness at the top of the bounce (WHEE!) before you fell again.

When I was finished, I watched Vasalissa jump. Her take off was much more graceful than I.

Afterwards, walking through the mall (We bungee-jumped in a Mall! We're Xtreme Mall Rats!) she looked around at the shuffling, shopping masses and said, "Don't they know what we did? I just want to grab them and shake them."

I remember that kind of excitement from mountain climbing. The first time I went with my sister-in-law, I remember walking back into the tourist center, looking at everyone else and thinking "these people have no idea of how it feels to be alive."

For the record, it feels awesome.

Last Heart Way meeting of 2010 is November 9 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.

Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.

Time Share Babies, Flirt Rust & The Heart Way

2010-11-05T17:30:00.001-07:00

My girlfriend and I have come up with the idea for Time Share babies. Twenty-six couples. One baby. Two weeks out of the year.

It's parenting for commitment-phobes. And if you start to miss the collective baby, you can always check the little bundle's progress on the communal Facebook group.

I think it's a great idea. It takes a village after all.

*********

Dawn's back in town and we went out to the bar a couple nights ago. I've had a girlfriend for six months and I can no longer flirt. This really bothered me.

DAN: I can't flirt anymore. See that girl over there. I couldn't hit on her if my life depends on it.
DAWN: Why would you want to? Your girlfriend is way prettier than she is.
DAN: (mournfully) Doesn't matter.
DAWN: And here I was starting to believe there were still good guys out there.
DAN: I'm romantically unarmed. I've lost it, Dawn. But you know what? You're right. I have a great girlfriend. What does it matter that I've lost the ability to walk up to a strange woman and tell her she has pretty eyes. My seductive abilities have atrophied, and I DON'T CARE!!!
(A Hot Brunette at the bar next to DAN looks over at this)
DAN: (touching Hot Brunette's shoulder) I do care, baby. I just tell people I don't because I get scared inside.
Hot Brunette gives a tight smile and hurries away with her drinks.
DAN: She deserved better than that. That was a poor effort.

Dawn and I have also came up with a sketch about a woman getting drunk and picking up a guy at the bar when she's still hooked on someone else.

DRUNK GIRL: You're cute. What's your name?
GUY: Derek.
DRUNK GIRL: No it's not. You're Steve.
GUY: But...
DRUNK GIRL: Your name is Steve...you work at my office....and you DON'T have a girlfriend...and you love me and think I'm pretty and want to have my babies.
GUY: I...
DRUNK GIRL: Make out with me now, Steve.

Dawn and I really should have our own show.

Last Heart Way meeting of 2010 is November 9 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.

Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.

Halloween Odds and Ends

2010-10-31T17:21:00.001-07:00

Saw a 4 year old dressed as a firefighter this halloween. Which was appropriate because his mom was SMOKIN'

Lines like these are why I'm the Gateway Boyfriend, folks. Do not try this kind of awesomeness at home.

In other news, my girlfriend has decided next year she wants a dog costume with black robes, a powdered wig and a gavel so she can go as a "judgmental bitch."

She's pretty awesome.

Why Did I Create The Heart Way Support Group?

2010-10-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

The final Heart Way meeting of 2010 is Tuesday, November 9.

A few people have asked me why I started the group.

Good question. The answer is stunningly unsurprising.

It started because of a girl.

In December of 09, I had a hard break-up. I’ll spare the details. They aren‘t all that exciting or dramatic. It was a break-up--no worse (and in some ways a lot better) than any other, but for whatever reason it hit me harder than most.

I don’t know why I had such a hard time after the break-up, and maybe I never will. Grief is funny like that, I‘ve learned. It never quite hits you the way you expect at the time you expect.

This one was a bad one. I was prepared for the emotions, but not the intensity of them or the way they would come out of nowhere like a storm out of clear blue sky, swamping me just when I thought I had made it to still waters.

It was the most excruciating few months of my life.

Yet in another way, it was also one of the best.

Because in that time, a time in which I felt unable to help myself, people were there for me. Friends and family. Co-workers. Lovers past and present. Even complete strangers.

It was humbling. I had nothing to offer them in return…and still they were there.

The Heart Way is my opportunity to give something back, to be there for others the way others were there for me.

It’s a chance to be in the room with other folks, men and women, young and old. Single, married, divorced, widowed, or anything in between. It’s a chance to look into another person’s eyes, to hear their voice, maybe feel their hand on your shoulder and realize that we have more in common that we might at first think.

I don’t care if one person shows up. I don’t care if twenty people show up.

If nobody shows up...that’s fine too.

For me, in some ways, who comes isn’t the point. The point is being there.

I believe everybody deserves a happy romantic life. And I will do my part to help.

Next meeting is November 9 at Woodcroft library.

My email is thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com

If you need somebody, that’s where I will be.

Inspiring

2010-10-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

Bobcat Goldthwait is playing this weekend at The Comic Strip. I suggest you check them out. Local Jordan Chyzowski is middling, and if last night was any indication, he's looking sharp also.

Bobcat was scheduled to perform this Thursday through Saturday.

He showed up every night this week to work on material. He also watched all the other comics and paid attention to what they were doing.

That's inspiring. Here's one of the most talented guys I've ever seen and out of dedication or love he's still out there perfecting his craft.

If you haven't seen Bobcat lately or only know him from the Police Academy movies, you owe it do yourself to check out his stand-up.

There are recent clips here and here.

In other news, finished editing a short story. One more go-over and it goes off to market.

Preparations for the Pure Speculation festival on the 22-24 continue. Hope to see you there.

DAN'S SCHEDULE
The next Heart Way Support Group Meeting is October 5. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for registration or details.

I will be appearing at the 2010 Pure Speculation festival at the Radisson Hotel in Edmonton, Oct 22-24.

WRITING
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.

Heart Way Group Update

2010-10-05T18:22:00.000-07:00

I announced this at the meeting tonight, but for those of you weren't there...

November 9 will be the last Heart Way meeting of the year.

You can still reach me by email at thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com should anything come up for you.

Blog postings shall continue on the regular schedule at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

See you in the New Year

Five Days Left...

2010-10-01T11:16:00.001-07:00

until the next Heart Way Meeting.

Tuesday, October 5 at 7:30pm at the Woodcroft Library Program Room.

Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for details.

The Academy

2010-09-24T17:07:00.001-07:00

This morning at the library I opened the entertainment section of the Journal and got a surprise.

Right there on D3 was a promo picture from 'The Academy.' Ryan Burke's blood-streaked face stared menacingly out at me. And there, out of focus in the background, trussed up and hanging from the ceiling.

"HEY!" I chirped in delight. "That's ME!"

To which I was reminded. "Shhh, you're in a library."

How dare they shush me. Don't these people know who I am?

I remember shooting that scene well, mostly because the ropes tightened over the course of the day to the point it cut off the circulation. It took several weeks for the feeling to come back into my right thumb.

But it was fun. When I think of the Academy I remember goofing around with Vic Hoon in the auto yard where I shot my first scene and talking about mutual acquaintances from taekwon-do with Christian Garon.

It wasn't the first time I worked with Kenneth Barr. I appeared in another movie he did called 'Reroute.' He was also involved in the MPW Madness television show which was my first job in the wrestling business.

I have a lot of fond memories of the Madness show. The shows themselves, but also watching the show at one in the morning at the Locker Room sports bar with the rest of the wrestlers. Times have changed and it's been a long time since I've seen all of those guys in the same room, but back then were some of the most exciting and fune times of my life and I smile when I think of them.

And of course there was working with my broadcast partner, the late "Ripper" Trevor Grimolfson. The two of us had a great time shooting the intros and outros, although if I ever run for public office, I'm definitely going to be paying Ken through the nose to make sure the blooper reals never surface.

Good times. Great memories.

'The Academy' will be playing at the Edmonton International Film Festival this weekend. The festival goes from today to October 2.

UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, September 27 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Tuesday, October 5 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton

OTHER APPERANCES
The next Heart Way Support Group Meeting is October 5. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for registration or details.

I will be appearing at the 2010 Pure Speculation festival at the Radisson Hotel in Edmonton, Oct 22-24.

WRITING
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

The Heart Way Meeting Support Group

2010-09-22T11:26:00.001-07:00

The Heart Way is a support group for anyone looking to improve their love life. Whether you're single or attached, hooking up, breaking up, or ready to give up, The Heart Way is here to offer support as we work on becoming accountable for our own romantic happiness without guilt or blame.

There is no charge but donations are gratefully accepted.

WHEN: 7PM, Tuesday, October 5

WHERE: Woodcroft Library Program Room - Edmonton

Space is limited. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com to register.

Seattle and Updates.

2010-09-16T15:04:00.000-07:00

UPCOMING COMEDY
Monday, September 27 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton
Tuesday, October 5 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton

OTHER APPERANCES
The next Heart Way Support Group Meeting is October 5. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for registration or details.

I will be appearing at the 2010 Pure Speculation festival at the Radisson Hotel in Edmonton, Oct 22-24.

WRITING
Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Went to Seattle last week.

Let us not talk about the awesomeness of the Experience Music Project/Science Fiction Museum.

Let us not talk about how I am awesome, navigating the city on foot, on streetcar, bus, monorail, and train. Let us also not talk about me disco dancing in the streets to amuse a boatload of tourists.

Let us not talk about the hotel buffet breakfast in which I ate a shocking amount of candied bacon.

Let us not talk about my two sets at the Comedy Underground, a comedy club which is most appropriately named--sort of a medieval dungeon meets Blair Witch House...if the Blair Witch owned a Mitch Hedberg poster.

It was a great atmosphere and the shows were a lot of fun.

Let us not talk about Vasalissa and her funny, sexy self. I am lucky to have such a girlfriend. Singing Wild World and roaming the streets of Seattle. It is great to have someone I can share all the parts of my life with--even the weird stuff.

Instead, let's talk about what is important--that we were not murdered.

Not by the freestyle rapper. Not by the street poet. The closest we came to death was when in trying to avoid a shockingly aggressive fundraiser for Amnesty International or something, we nearly fled into oncoming traffic.

In other news, an editor for a new fiction magazine contacted me about a short story, so I'm working on that as well as preparing for the 2010 Pure Speculation Festival. I'll be hosting the Friday night jam session and participating in a book round table discussion.

Very Exciting.

Favre The 13th

2010-08-04T12:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Brett Favre was reported retired.

I posted "I'll believe it when training camp ends" on my friend's facebook.

Sure enough, today he will play if he's healthy.

The last few years Brett Favre was playing with Green Bay, I used to think of my relationship with Brett like a woman dating a jerk (*). He hurts you, promises never to do it again, builds your hopes, then lets you down at the most crucial moment. The NFC championship overtime game against the Giants (2:40 tells the story) was the end for us.

I had a whole future for us...defeating the undefeated Patriots in the Super Bowl and cementing our legacy forever. Instaed he did the equivalent of proposing, being a saint all the way up to the wedding, and ditching me at the altar in front of my friends and family. Only I had already booked the honeymoon trip so I gave the tickets to a bridesmaid I didn't really like anymore but only invited because...well, I just HAD to, okay...and then she went on the trip and had a fabulous time and now I have to hear about it and see pictures and it's gone down in history as the GREATEST MOMENT OF ALL TIME IN HONEYMOON--ER, SPORTS--HISTORY!!!!

When it comes to football, Brett Favre is to his fans what Lucy is to Charlie Brown.

Screw you, Brett Favre. Screw you, New York Giants,David Tyree, and refs that couldn't tell holding when they saw it, and screw you, New England Patriots (**).

Okay, I'm over it.

Now, the annual Brett Favre saga (He's retiring, no he's not, he's retiring, no he's not, and--oh--did I miss training camp again this year? What an uncanny coincidence!) has become the NFL version of the Friday the 13th franchise: always the same, and each installment shittier than the last, yet strangely comforting.

I never thought I'd say this about Brett Favre, but it's nice to know there's someone you can always count on.

(*)I am the woman in this analogy. I don't know what this says about me.

(**) Amazing how sports trumps my Buddhist practice. One bad throw into coverage > years of carefully crafted equanimity.

Heart Way Update

2010-08-04T10:19:00.000-07:00

The first Heart Way meeting was last night. Thanks to all who came out.

It was kind of like being on a first date with a whole bunch of people instead of one. There are things I loved and things I wished I'd done differently.

The thing I was most happy with was the people who came. The group will live and die on people's ability to be genuine and to listen to others and the people who were there last night showed a lot of both. I was inspired by their willingness to put themselves out there.

Next meeting is September 7. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for details or answers to your questions

In other news, The Gateway Boyfriend is now on twitter. Follow me at http://twitter.com/gatewayboyfrnd

Giant Robot Dinosaurs

2010-07-29T10:36:00.000-07:00

It's strange how seeing the words 'Giant Robot Dinosaurs' on the front page of the newspaper headlines can brighten my whole day.

My favorite part of the article is this:

A group of investors, who Suess says prefer to remain out of the spotlight for now, spent millions of dollars on the park. Suess won't reveal their identities, but said there are "common elements" with the ownership of Goose Hummock Golf Resort.

"The gentleman, in particular, that is kind of the primary owner -- this is his vision and his dream."

Mysterious owner...an isolated park celebrating its grand opening...Giant Robot Dinosaurs...

What's not to love?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to round up my best friends: a sexy reporter, her ex-husband--a disgraced former hotshot paleontolgist, a wisecracking visible minority, a smarmy laywer, and a plucky twelve-year old girl and her computer genius kid brother.

I hope we can get there before the park closes for the night.

This will be the best long weekend ever. I can't imagine how anything could possibly go wrong.

Computer Hobos

2010-07-20T19:00:00.001-07:00

Upcoming Wrestling
OSCW - Saturday, September 4, Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton (7pm) (contact me for ticket information)

Upcoming Meditation Instruction
(Contact info@serenereflections.ca for more information)

Saturday July 31, 2010 at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street
Saturday September 11, 2010 at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street Contact info@serenereflections.ca for more information.

Dating Stuff
Dan Brodribb's Writing on Dating and Relationships appears at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com
The Heart Way Support Group's next meeting is 7:30pm, Tuesday, August 3 (Register at thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com

This afternoon found me pushing my computer down the street in a rusty, found shopping cart (*). I looked like the World's Most Technological Street Person. Only with nicer shoes. And hands unblemished by years of hard living.

Perhaps I just looked like what I was. A man too cheap to spring for a taxi for a two block trip.

All the files I needed were saved. Hooray!

I find it funny that just the other week I was worrying about the death of CDs and cassettes (long time readers won't be surprised). Should I update all my music to electronic format before they became unplayable? Cassettes are moving parts. Cassette players are moving parts. Surely they can't last that much longer.

Turns out my goddamn cassette player outlasted my computer. Two computers, if I'm not mistaken, and since the last computer I bought was nearly a decade ago, that's saying something.

Life Lessons from the Digital World

2010-07-19T12:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got back from a wonderful weekend refereeing the entire OSCW show (next show September 4) with the New Girlfriend (Oh, I didn't mention her? I'll come back to that as soon as I come up with an appropriate pseudonym for her) to discover my computer had crashed, taking with it my pictures, my music, some stand-up comedy stuff and some writing for this blog.

I'm most distraught about the pictures and the music. The comedy and writing stuff sucks, but I have faith in my ability to produce more.

But it was not the timing I wanted.

I'm grateful for a couple things though. That my sister and mother had bought me a laptop recently. Except for the brand-new stuff, most is backed-up on there.

I'm also grateful because it's a reminder of how quickly things can change. It's a reminder to try and appreciate things.

It's also a reminder to back stuff up.

Oh and I have stories for you. Many many stories.

Hopefully some of them make it up here. Sometimes I'm so busy living I don't have time to write things down.

Which is disappointing as a writer, but all in all it's not the worst problem in the world to have.

Time for a Change of Heart?

2010-07-12T12:21:00.001-07:00

(pulling away curtain)

Here's what I've been putting together for the last little while. First meeting is August 3.

I am both excited and nervous. What if nobody comes? What if TOO MANY people come?

I'll deal with that when I get there, I guess.

If you know someone who might be interested, I'd love it if you'd pass this information on to them. Email for the group will be at thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com.

The Heart Way

The Heart Way is a support group for anyone looking to improve their love life. Whether you're single or attached, hooking up or breaking up, The Heart Way is where we work on becoming accountable for our own romantic happiness without guilt or blame.

There is no charge but donations are gratefully accepted.

WHEN: 7PM, Tuesday, August 3 & Tuesday, September 10
WHERE: Woodcroft Library Program Room

Space is limited. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com to register.

Well...It's Been Awhile.

2010-07-09T10:33:00.000-07:00

Upcoming Wrestling
OSCW Summertime Slobberknocker - Saturday, July 17, Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton (7pm)

Upcoming Meditation Instruction
Saturday, July 17 - Strathcona Public Library (10 AM)

Dan Brodribb's Writing on Dating and Relationships appears at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com

Well. It's been awhile. And now I have that Staind song stuck in my head.

Lots has happened in my personal life and we'll go into that another day.

As far as other stuff, you haven't missed much. The most excting moment was crashing the after-party of an aboriginal film festival with Dawn Dumont.

Dawn bonded with one of the actors from Twilight over excercise regimens. I ate cake and danced holding hands in a circle while wondering if singing the words to "NDN Car" out loud made me a racist. In fairness, I was the only white person there AND the only one who knew all the words. I don't know if that makes it better or worse.

Afterwards we danced at a gay bar, which was fun. Gay bouncers are so polite.

Most of my energy has been spent on the Gateway Boyfriend blog these days. Check it out if you haven't already. I'll have an announcement up there shortly about something cool I'm doing.

Why Trying To Convert People Is Stupid

2010-05-26T09:09:00.001-07:00

The other day I met a dogmatic, close-minded individual who wouldn't shut up about his belief system and how the world would be better if everyone believed what he believed.

The weird part as, he was an atheist.

There are plenty of religious assholes out there, but when you're talking about 'religious assholes' I don't think the 'religious' part is the problem.

I've never understood why religious people OR atheists would feel the need to convert anybody. If what you're saying is true, what difference does it make whether or not other people believe you? I believe in gravity, but I don't feel the need to prove it's real to anybody. I figure gravity speaks pretty clearly for itself.

The other reason I don't like people trying to push their spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof) on other is...well, most of our beliefs sound kind of stupid when you say them out loud.

I know mine do.

Whenever anyone asks me to explain Buddhism to them I always front-load it with the rational stuff, but the weirdness still sneaks out.

PERSON: So what is Buddhism?

DAN: Well, you know it's a way of looking at the world and trying to reduce the suffering you cause for yourself and others through meditation, compassion, and a moral life.

PERSON: Okay, so how do you do that?

DAN: Well...we meditate. And we try to live a good life. And, you know, be compassionate.

PERSON: Why?

DAN: Well, because in doing so we reduce the amount of suffering for ourselves and others and free ourselves from the negative karmic consequences that we *cough*accumulatedinpastlivesaswetravelthroughthesixrealmsincludingtheHelloftheHungryGhosts*cough*

PERSON: What was that last part again?

DAN: Well, you know, consequences...freedom from suffering....

PERSON: No, explain the part about the six realms again. And I believe I distinctly heard the words 'Hell of the Hungry Ghosts.'

DAN: Well, it's kind of-sort of metaphorical. And...look the Tibetans came up with that part, okay? They're not even real Buddhists. It's more like Himalayan Voodoo Buddhism.

PERSON: So what IS real Buddhism?

DAN: Can we go back to calling atheists stupid? That was way more fun.

I would make a terrible evangelist.

Review of My Short Story

2010-05-11T09:16:00.001-07:00

Well, kind of.

Interestingly, the scene the reviewer refers to is my favorite scene in the whole story even though it has nothing to do with the plot.

Dan vs. Dan's Brain

2010-05-04T08:35:00.000-07:00

The last time I hooked up with a woman something interesting happened. The moment she made it clear she liked me, Dan’s Brain piped up.

DAN‘S BRAIN: She thinks she likes you but really she doesn‘t. She’s just lonely. This will never work out.

Now that isn’t so interesting by itself. Except that I remembered something. The last time I found myself hooking up with a woman, the moment she proved beyond a doubt she liked me, I had this thought:

DAN‘S BRAIN: She thinks she likes you but really she doesn‘t. She‘s just looking for a reason to justify breaking up with her long-distance boyfriend. This will never work out.

And the woman before that, after she had made an impressive sacrifice on my behalf:

DAN‘S BRAIN: She thinks she likes you but really she doesn‘t. She just doesn’t want to hurt you. This will never work out.

And the woman before that:

DAN‘S BRAIN: She thinks she likes you but really she doesn‘t. She’s looking for someone to rescue her. This will never work out.

Which brought us to this conversation between me and my Brain.

DAN: So just to recap: I have never hooked up with a woman who actually liked me. They all just THOUGHT they did. And every time they did something to show they liked me, that proved the DIDN’T like me.

DAN‘S BRAIN: Exactly. Aren‘t you glad I was there for you?

(DAN stares daggers at DAN’S BRAIN)

DAN’S BRAIN : Would you believe I did it because I love you?

(DAN’S BRAIN edges for the door)

DAN’S BRAIN: Come on, man. We still got each other, right? Lobes before hoes.

DAN (chasing his brain around the apartment with a rolling pin): Lying, conspiracy-theory motherfucker, I‘ll kill you! I could have been MAWWIED!!!!

EVERYONE READING: Does Dan even OWN a rolling pin?

The Solution

2010-04-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, May 4 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton
Wednesday, May 12 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton

Other Appearances

Wrestling
Saturday, May 29- OSCW - Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton

Meditation Instruction (all at at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street Edmonton)

Saturday, April 24
Saturday, May 8

Monday I volunteered for a research study at the University. I consider it a non-scientist's contribution to advancing the frontiers of knowledge.

The technician swabbed my chest with alcohol and went to apply the sensors to my chest, but to no avail.

DAN: Everything okay?
TECHNICIAN: It will be fine. The solution is to apply more alcohol.
DAN: I've tried that one a few times. I've had mixed results, myself.

Updates and Referee Pics

2010-04-22T08:47:00.001-07:00

Upcoming Comedy
Wednesday, May 12 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton
Tuesday, May 4 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton

Other Appearances

Wrestling
Saturday, May 29- OSCW - Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton

Meditation Instruction (all at at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street Edmonton)

Saturday, April 24
Saturday, May 8

Referee Update

2010-04-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

I made my referee debut last night for Edmonton's Old School Championship Wrestling.

I refereed the dark match (or as I prefer to call it, the "Reverse Main Event") between Red Money and Scott Steel, a match between Memphis Raines and the Arabian Executioner (which due to the promoter's handwriting looked like "The Ambien Executioner"--a great gimmick just waiting to be used, I think), and Big Daddy Kash vs. The Cremator.

Memphis Raines provided the best description of the referee's psychology I've heard--"The pro wrestling referee is the Last Man in the World who still believes wrestling is real."

It was a dream come true. In fact, the promoter had to pull me aside after the first match to tell me "don't smile so much."

ME: I can't help it. I'm having fun.

Next OSCW show is Saturday, May 29.

Let the Cremator beware. There's a new Sheriff in town.

"Women Want Lying, Self-Obsessed Psychopaths"

2010-04-17T09:55:00.000-07:00

Upcoming Comedy
Wednesday, April 21 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton
Tuesday, May 4 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton

Other Appearances

Wrestling
Saturday, April 17 - OSCW - Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton

Meditation Instruction (all at at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street Edmonton)

Saturday, April 24
Saturday, May 8

Making my debut as a pro wrestling referee tonight. I am excited beyond words to uphold the time-honored and proud tradition of objective, competent officials in professional wrestling as well as being treated with the respect and dignity that comes with my station.

In other news, I laughed out loud at this paragraph on Susan Walsh's Hooking Up Smart blog:

"Peter Jonason of New Mexico university conducted a study of 200 male college students to determine why narcissists, risk-seekers and liars have not been made extinct due to their undesirable traits. Of course, what he found is that women want self-obsessed, lying psychopaths."

Did he use those exact words? Because I would have loved to be see THAT Power Point presentation.

Slide 1 - Picture of Freud.

Peter Jonason: "Freud asked: 'What do Women Want? Here at New Mexico university, we've found the answer.

Slide 2 - Jonason clicks several times, each click bringing a famous serial killer onscreen , before bringing the presentation title swooshes into the middle of the frame (One word at a time, accompanied by 'tire-screeching sound effect)

Jonason: (reading the title with great triumph) Women Want Lying, Self-Obsessed Psychopahs.

Awkward silence

Peer #1: Pete, just out of curiosity, did you practice this presentation in front of your wife?
Peer #2: Is that really how you spell 'self-obsessed?' I always thought it was two 'double-s's.
Peer #3: Wow. Nice Font.

The Gateway Boyfriend (Dating for Shy Guys Update)

2010-04-09T08:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I've taken the first step.

So far, it's just a blog. But I'm hoping it will make a difference.

It's called the Gateway Boyfriend. It's about dating and relationships. I've learned quite a bit on the subject over the last few years.

I don't pretend to know everything. But I do feel it's time to try and give something back.

Especially since I've read a lot of what's out there for advice, and while there's plenty of great stuff, I think there's a lot of writing out there throwing judgements or blame around, promoting a Sexual Cold War mindset, suggesting people are 'missing' some magic ingredient that is keeping them from finding whatever it is they are looking for, and I don't think that's particularly helpful.

You can find the blog here. So far, if people only read one post, I'd prefer it be this one.

The Dating for Shy Guys ebook will eventually be made available through it, and I'm eventually hoping to offer short term phone support, schedule and long distance plan permitting.

I would like to say I'm doing this for unselfish reasons and giving back and blah blah blah, but the truth is, I'm hoping that by focusing on giving to others, the Universe will see fit to reward me with True Love, Inner Contentment, and Serenity.

Unless that is too much to ask from the Universe, in which case I will reluctantly settle for sex, fame and money.

I would like to run the site and provide the services on a donations basis, but a lot of it will depend on how much setting everything up costs not to mention all that business stuff I know nothing about...just thinking about it makes me cringe, so it will probably be a Great Learning Experience and Excercise in Building Character.

The new blog will take up some writing time which means less blog updates on THIS site for the time being. And I'm not linking the new blog to my Facebook page, since it's not so much about self-promotion as it is about helping people. If you're intersted in such things, go to the page. If you aren't, I see no reason to clutter up your notifications page.

If you want to help, check out the blog and make comments or ask dating/relationship related questions. And if you know people who are having dating/relationship/sex issues, send them my way with their questions. The more I can get a grasp of where people are at and what they're looking for, the more helpful the site will be.

Buddha Shakin' and updates

2010-04-01T10:06:00.001-07:00

Apologies for the lack of updates. Most of my writing time is chewed up by new projects I'm working on (a novel, and stuff for the hopefully upcoming Dating for Shy Guys website)

For those wondering what California was like, it was a lot like the Manitoba tour in that so much happened every day, it was hard to keep up with. It's a strange quirk of my personality that often the most interesting, meaningful and adventurous things that happen to me are the ones I DON'T write or talk about, but there you go. I know what happened, and the fact that it did is good enough for me.

I will say this about a Buddhist monastery. Some say the Catholics have think complicated services with all their stand up/sit down/shake hands/give money/stand in line and eat bread, but the Buddhists have them beat. There's standing up and sitting down. There are also bows, bells, and enough hand signals to confuse a third base coach.

One of things this particular tradition believes in is something called Working Meditation--which was cool. I did many things I wouldn't normally get a chance to do, working in an eco-friendly kitchen, hauling fallen trees and piling firewood, learning how to cook in a second monastery that had no hot water, starting fire in a wood burning stove, and others.

Oddly enough, the place I found most stressful was the kitchen even though most of the jobs I was given there were among the easiest ones I had to do.

As always, I blame Dan's Brain:

DAN'S BRAIN: I can't believe they gave me a job this easy. They must think I suck at everything. Everyone else has got a cool job and I'm stuck on cracker-arranging detail. And why did they give me such detailed instructions? They must really think I'm useless. Oh crap...one of the crackers is broken. Where do I put it? They won't let me waste food, but this is also supposed to look good. AUUGH! They gave me this super-easy job and I can't even do that right. Novice monks can do this job. I'm a comedian/writer/pro-wrestling announcer/salsa dancer and may very well have had more sex in the last four years than everybody else in this kitchen combined and yet when it comes to putting Vegetable Thins--a rather optimistic name for a cracker, by the bye, since these things are neither vegetable nor slimming--on a sheet of orange tupperware I can't even measure up to a second string candle-jockey. I SUCK at Buddhism!

My brain is an unusual place.

Upcoming Comedy
Thursday, April 8 - Yuk Yuks, Edmonton
Wednesday, April 21 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton
Tuesday, May 4 - The Hydeaway, Edmonton

Other Appearances

Wrestling
Saturday, April 17 - OSCW - Hazeldean Community Hall, Edmonton

Meditation Instruction (all at at 10:00 am at the Strathcona Public Library 8331 - 104 Street Edmonton)

Saturday April 10
Saturday, April 24
Saturday, May 8

OSCW in the News

2010-03-29T07:55:00.000-07:00

Check out the video here.

Short Story Excerpt

2010-03-25T11:31:00.000-07:00

An excerpt from my short story, "The Girl Who Feared Lighting" has been posted on the Black Gate website. They even got someone to illustrate it, which I have to admit, makes me feel pretty good.

Go here to check it out.

Update from Bend, Oregon

2010-03-11T21:39:00.000-08:00

It's hard to turn the comedy habit off. Sean Lecomber taught me the trick of looking for local businesses with funny names to make fun of at shows that night. I'm not here to do comedy, but the habit persists.

Today's winners--a store in Madras called Bi-Mart (Never figured Jefferson County to be so progressive) and Yakima, Washington actually has a store called Hispanavision. I don't know if it's an optometrists or a TV store, but either way, I found it amusing. I wonder if there's a Gringo-vision somewhere (Our motto: We don't see colour...or privilege)

The country is beatiful. I'd describe it, but I'm not that kind of writer. The amazing thing has been watching it change as we head south. There's been mountains (My favorite mountain name--"The Mountain that Walks," site of the Frank rockslide), the trees and lakes of idaho, scrubby hills, river basins, the "Oregon outback"...there is more to this country than New York, Los Angeles, and Vegas.

It helps of course that our geologist is explaining the features of the land as they go by. He sees the Earth like I see (*) people, noticing the ways different parts relate and shift, looking below the surface to see what lies beneath.

The really interesting thing about the land is that it isn't static. The Rocky Mountains look like they'll be there forever but in 25 million years--not that long in Geology time--they'll be gone. The earth beneath our feet, is always changing, whether or not we realize it.

My favorite part of today has been the few moments of solitude I've managed to get--the porch of a restaraunt, a few minutes in the washroom, the passenger seat when everyone else was in the drugstore. It's weird because I was on the Manitoba tour less than two months ago and while there were a lot more people and a lot more activity be it driving, the show, or just general debauchery, I never really felt any need for time apart from the rest of the crew, unusual for an introvert like me. Different people? Different energy levels? The alcohol? Not wanting to miss anything? Who knows with these things.

The geology of the human heart changes much quicker than moutains, I guess. How the earth must shake its head when it looks at us.

Tomorrow we hit California. I imagine this will be my last update for a while.

(*) Or more accurately 'listen to.' Except that isn't exactly right either. Basically, I kind of--I don't know how I do what I do. Or more to the point, I don't know how to explain it.

Update From A Motel Room In Bonner's Ferry, Idaho

2010-03-10T20:53:00.000-08:00

I never knew this place existed.

Cool.

So far it's been a lot of driving through a country both familiar (Hello, Red Deer, Okotoks, good to see you again)and less so (Hell's Half Acre, Bonner's Ferry) Idaho).

So far the coolest thing has been one of my travelling companions who has more than a passing interest in geology. He'll look at the same landscape as the rest of us and see something completely different and deeper, noting the way rocks and water have carved their way over the course of millions of years. There's something cool about people who just perceive the world differently, that pick out things the rest of us miss.

Which I suppose could be a metaphor for this whole trip.

Later, Skaters.

Strange Things Afoot

2010-03-08T13:38:00.000-08:00

Tonight at The Comic Strip will be your last chance to see me live before my California trip. Unless you work with me, in which case you'll see me tomorrow.

Excited about the trip. Today I got travel insurance, which I've never done before. It was about as exicting as you'd expect--except that it was something new, so naturally I enjoyed it.

I ate potato chips for the first time in a while on Friday night and woke up with a hangover-y headache feeling. If I start eating healthier, is that going to be par for the course? Cause I don't like not having options.

Oddly enough, Saturday night I drank and DID not have a hangover the next day. But my voice sounded awesome. I love how my voice sounds after a night of moderate drinking. Since having a good voice is important for a day job, I wonder if I could write off doing tequila shooters the night before every shift as Professional Development.

Oh yeah. And I've been having visions. Which is weird because I don't believe in that stuff. My current Policy on Visions is: "As long as it doesn't affect my everyday functioning, I see no reason for alarm." I don't know what it says about me that my policy towards the Unexplainable is the same as my attitude towards nookie, substance abuse, and climate change but there you go.

Wednesday I am off to California. In honor of my trip (and the Rob Zombie and Alice Cooper concert I'll be checking out at the end of April), here's some travellin' music for the legions of adoring fans crying themselves to sleep awaiting my safe return.

May all beings be sexy.

Dumpster Diving

2010-03-04T09:21:00.000-08:00

you would think the CBC showcase (did the jokes I wanted, went well, haven't heard anything yet, thanks for asking)was the most exciting thing I did last night.

It wasn't.

After the show, I went dumpster diving with a lesbian.

That's not a metaphor for something dirty. That's exactly what I did--digging through a dumpster in my showcase clothes with a group of people that included a pregnant woman, a very nice couple, and assorted others.

It was fun.

Part of it is the joy of experiencing something new, of being introduced to a world you didn't know existed.

Part of it is the thrill of learning. I love learning new things, even though I am often stressed about doing them badly which leads me to be cautious about what I take on. Sometimes I think I love learning new things in spite of the fear. Sometimes I think the fear is what makes learning them worthwhile.

Half the joy (and the stress) of the new laptop has been setting it up. I was at the computer store the other day and was contemplating buying a router so I could get wireless access at home...not because I want home internet access (In fact, I prefer to have limited internet time. Otherwise cyberspace has a way of seducing me for hours and keeping me from doing things that need doing), but because I wanted to learn how to set it up (**)

Another part of the excitement of dumpster diving is the rush of Bucking the System. As I've started to think more beyond myself, I'm becoming more interested in Making a Difference in the world. My dumpster experience felt very anarchist and revolutionary.

(A friend and I were commiserating about this Fighting the System stuff, and how our temperaments are so ill-suited to it. His comrades get him all worked up, but when push comes to shove, he ends up making friends with all the people they're supposed to be angry at. We're both too genial to be revolutionaries (**))

And of course, now that I know how to dumpster dive, I have one more skill that will help me survive the Apocalypse--assuming the apocalypse doesn't interfere with corporate North America's shipping and receiving schedules(***).

Yay me.

(*) After that, I would build a time machine, and go back to the time a friend of mine had laptop troubles and fix it for them, pausing just long enough to high five my younger self on the way out the door saying "Knock it off with the feelings of inadequacy, you sexy motherfucker. We have got this shit COVERED."

(**) Some would make the argument, that genial people make the most effective revolutionaries what with our ninja empathy, non-judgement, and quiet dedication to changing hearts over looking good to the people who already agree with us. The problem is, it's the loud, visible folks that get the press and the adulation. Saving the world is nice and all, but if it doesn't bring you chicks and glory, what's the point?

(***) I'm almost willing to give capitalism a fighting chance. Have you ever noticed that t doesn't seem to matter what fires, floods, or earthquakes happen in the world, the latest blockbuster movie always seems to open on the scheduled release date? Misplaced priorities aside, consumerism gets shit done. It might be the wrong shit, but it gets done.

Upcomng Shows

2010-02-25T09:26:00.000-08:00

Including some last minute bookings at The Laugh Shop on Whyte Avenue this weekend...

Upcoming Comedy
Thursday, February 25 - The Laugh Shop - Edmonton
Friday, February 26 - The Laugh Shop - Edmonton
Saturday, February 27 - The Laugh Shop - Edmonton
Wednesday, March 3 - The Laugh Shop - Edmonton
Monday, March 8 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton

Upcoming Wrestling
Saturday, March 13 - OSCW The Union
Saturday, March 20 - OSCW One Year Anniversary

For the record, I won't be personally appearing at the OSCW shows. I will be leaving to drive down to California on the 10th and won't be back until the 24th.

CBC Showcase

2010-02-24T10:34:00.001-08:00

I'm showcasing for a CBC show at the Laugh Shop next week: Wednesday, March 3.

Normally I'm nervous about these things, but for this one I'm oddly at peace.

Maybe it's the way I put my set together. Instead of doing the jokes audiences typically like best, I've decided to do the jokes I like. So Buddhism and Feminism is in, displacing a lot of my traditional "showcase" material.

For whatever reason, I'm less worried about "giving them what will make them want to hire me" and more about giving them an honest look at who I am and letting them make up their own minds.

For ticket information contact me or call the Laugh Shop at (780) 476-1010

Mojo Settin'

2010-02-19T16:43:00.000-08:00

Upcoming Comedy
Wednesday, February 10 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton
Saturday, February 20 - Private Function - Okotoks
Monday, February 22 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton
Tuesday, February 23 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton
Wednesday, March 3 - The Laugh Shop - Edmonton
Monday, March 8 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton

Upcoming Wrestling
Saturday, March 13 - OSCW The Union
Saturday, March 20 - OSCW One Year Anniversary

I've been quite proud of my mojo lately. Even though I'm not in the market for a relationship, for whatever reason, I seem to have Magic Woman Attracting Powers.

I was bragging about this to Dawn at the bar (*) one night. She, of course, had heard this story from me before, and the guy next to her was trying to buy her a drink, so she had other things on her mind.

At that moment, a cute Goth chick shyly approached me. Dan Mojo Rises Again!!!

CUTE GOTH CHICK: Hi, I'm Cute Goth Chick
DAN: (putting extra bass in his voice, sultryness in his stare, and puffing out his chest...also glancing at Dawn to see if she was watching (**)) I'm Dan.
CUTE GOTH CHICK: (indicating Dawn) So...are you and her...together?
DAN: (smiling reassuringly at this poor woman, who is clearly awed to be in his presence) We're friends.
DAN'S BRAIN:(singing)I'm gonna get some Goth Love, I'm gonna get some Goth Love...
CUTE GOTH CHICK: Oh. Then would she be free to go out with me this Saturday?
DAN'S BRAIN: *needle scratching across record noise*

God damn it.

The Mojo Giveth, and the Mojo Taketh Away.

(*) Also bragging to her about it over the phone, at her place, at my place, in the car...

(**) She wasn't. But she did have the line of the night, which was: "Why can't I stay this drunk ALL the time?"

Question Of The Day

2010-02-16T12:28:00.000-08:00

Well...actually, Sunday night/Saturday morning, during a semi-drunk conversation with Bubba.

"What do you do once you've accomplished everything you set out to achieve for yourself?"

Dan Loves His Family (The Unexpected)

2010-02-10T09:33:00.000-08:00

Upcoming Comedy
Wednesday, February 10 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton
Saturday, February 13 - Get Yo' Heart On Comedy Night at The Common - Edmonton
Monday, February 22 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton

Upcoming Wrestling
Saturday, March 13 - OSCW The Union
Saturday, March 20 - OSCW One Year Anniversary

My family bought me a laptop!!!

I am flabbergasted.

My sister stopped by yesterday while I was getting ready for a date(*) and dropped it off. I didn't ask for it. I'm not sure I NEED it--though I can see it coming in damn handy now that I have it.

I think it was the gesture, more than anything.

I have a good family. They always come through when expected. But an unexpected kindness at an unexpected time...that means a lot.

I've noticed a lot of that lately. Over the last little while, I've received a lot of unexpected kindness in surprising ways from surprising (and not-so-surprising)sources.

What gives it more meaning is that those acts of kindness have come now, at a point where I'm feeling I don't have much to give anybody in return.

It's tough, leaning on people. It's easy to feel embarassed or weak or even resentful. But as I touched on in this article, I think there is something to learning to receive without being expected to pay it back, 'deserve it' or 'earn' it somehow.

It's strange but learning how to receive is helping me understand more what it means to give.

I'm looking forward to putting it into practice.

"O Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life"
-Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

(*) I mention this because it is likely going to be my last date for a while. I still love the "meeting new people" aspect, but despite my efforts to mix it up in terms of personalities and process, I feel like I'm piloting through the first three levels of a video game over and over. There's only so many different things that can happen and once you've experienced them all to the point they become predictable, it's hard to stay passionate about playing.

Dan Gets Quoted In A Valentine's Day Article

2010-02-08T11:11:00.000-08:00

It ran in the Vancouver Sun.

You can check it out here.

Dan In Pictures

2010-02-04T09:52:00.000-08:00

Got some new promotional pictures done last week. I'll be spending a while sifting through the options and seeing what I like.

If you're my friend on Facebook, you can see them here.

A Public Commitment

2010-02-03T14:19:00.000-08:00

Winter malaise is upon me in full swing, exacerbated by some recession-induced uncertainty in my chosen fields and whatever mysterious goings on are taking place down there in the Blind Spot (*). It's deceptive because even though I'm doing fine, it doesn't FEEL to me like I'm doing fine. It also doesn't LOOK like I'm doing fine because I'm actually opening up to people--saying what I actually feel instead of saying the "right things."

It's a giant step forward, though to the untrained eye, it looks like two steps back, followed by a total meltdown.

It's tough for me, because I hate feeling weakness. More accurately, I hate other people knowing I feel weak. I'm supposed to be the one with the answers, damn it. And if I don't have the answers, I need to at least be able to fake enough certainty that people don't notice.

Anything less is unmanly.

Come to think of it, I also am equally uncomfortable feeling confident. Or more accurately, I uncomfortable with other people knowing when I feel confident. I worry they'll think I'm arrogant or cocky.

And that's why I'm doing this publicly.

For some time now, I've made a commitment to do at least one thing every day that makes me uncomfortable. It doesn't have to be a big thing--but it has to be something that forces me "feel the fear and do it anyway.(**)"

It's been awesome.

But lately, I've noticed something. Two somethings, actually.

1 - I only experiment when no one I know is around. The only times I will face a fear anyone other than strangers is if it doesn't contradict my social role in that setting, whether it's Sarcastic Guy, Shy Awkward Guy, Good Listener, Serial (sometimes Parallel) Philanderer, Dutiful Boyfriend (okay, that only happened once, but I worked my fucking ass off at it), Damaged Goods, Tantric Practitioner, Office Clown, Humble Just-Happy-to-be-here Comedian, Flirty Salsero, Sage-Beyond-His-Years Buddhist, Rebel Teacher.

I can do a lot of things in a lot of situations. But once I'm in the box, I don't easily step out...possibly one of the reasons, I keep my social groups seperate. I rarely introduce women I date to friends or family. Crisis work, salsa, Buddhist, comedy, and writing are all kept carefully apart like food items on a plate.

2 - The great majority also happen under controlled circumstances. There's risk, but no real danger, because I always leave myself an out. If the situation is uncertain or I'm in a new environment, I default to Pleasant But Quiet mode.

It's time to cut away those two somethings. I faced a lot of fears, but they were the henchmen. We're looking at two of the Boss Fears in my psyche, two of the Big Bads: Fear of Letting People See Me For Who I Am, and Fear of Abandoning Control.

I've come a long way. But until I start taking risks that MEAN something, I'm not living. I'm only practicing.

I've practiced long enough. I'm ready.

What I'm ready for, I don't know.

But whatever it is, I'm looking forward to it.

(*) The hardest part is the waiting to see what will unfold. I've always felt that the best way to find out what's going on is to Do-Something-And-See-What-Happens, and while I'm not 100% resisting that urge in this case, at least I'm taking smaller steps in various directions and seeing how each one feels instead of powering full-speed ahead into what I think I should want and hoping momentum will carry me through.

(**) Previous examples include running naked through my neighbourhood, asking the clerk at a woman's lingerie store if she had anything in my size, the Great LRT Experiment, and a couple other things I'd be better off not mentioning.

Dan Has His First Wrestling Match

2010-02-03T09:31:00.000-08:00

Upcoming Comedy
Sunday, January 31 - The Druid - Edmonton
Tuesday, February 2 - New City Comedy Olympics - Edmonton
Wednesday, February 10 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton
Saturday, February 13 - Get Yo' Heart On Comedy Night at The Common - Edmonton
Monday, February 22 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton

Upcoming Wrestling
Saturday, March 20 - OSCW One Year Anniversary

Okay, it was an arm wrestling match, but still.

It counts dammnit. It was at the New City Comedy Olympics. I was the heel and called it all, and I was pretty happy with the way it turned out--Neil Rhodes shooting a pin on himself during the heat segment notwithstanding.

It was fun to be the bad guy. I called the fans idiots, stalled on the lock-up, cheated, and got booed and everything.

New City is a fun room. Each show is a theme, so there's always a fresh challenge and an opportunity to explore something new.

The other reason I like the room is the crowds are a little more on the fringe, which means my pro-feminism, gay-is-interesting-not-scary stuff gets a nice welcome (as do any Lord of the Rings or Spider-Man references). Most rooms, the audience laughs because their perspective is being challenged. In New City, they laugh because they can RELATE.

It's a good feeling.

The Mystery Of The Moment

2010-02-02T10:22:00.000-08:00

Upcoming Comedy
Sunday, January 31 - The Druid - Edmonton
Tuesday, February 2 - New City Comedy Olympics - Edmonton
Saturday, February 13 - Get Yo' Heart On Comedy Night at The Common - Edmonton
Monday, February 22 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton

Upcoming Wrestling
Saturday, March 20 - OSCW One Year Anniversary

Sometime in the night, I open my eyes to find find myself face to face with a cat.

The cat vanishes into the darkness before my muscles finish twitching, but already I’m reaching out with my senses, circulating my awareness, in that indescribable way that feels to me like ceaseless, shark-like motion, but produces the optical illusion of stillness to anyone watching.

I feel my body, settling into an unfamiliar mattress. I feel my skin and muscles, clenched against the cold.

There is another person sleeping behind me. In another moment, I felt nails on my skin, movement beneath my body, gasps and moans. And of course, leading the way, my heart, savoring the blend of emotions that makes every encounter feel like the first time. There was surprised delight at her aggressiveness; the joy of give and take; a flicker of performance anxiety; a glow of healing and being healed; the expansive sense of awed wonder at how each woman is so different from every other; the reverence and gratitude for being able to share this moment with this person.

But that moment is gone. Now there is this only this one.

The breeze from the fan. My shoulders and chest note the presence of the blanket, comfortable, but not quite thick enough to fully warm me. In my throat, rawness from a cough I picked up last week. In my heart…

Access Denied

In this moment, my heart is unavailable. It resides in what the Vipassana folks call a dead zone, a temporary blind spot in my awareness. Whatever‘s there, I can‘t pick it up.

I probe again, but the blind spot remains. The darkness is impenetrable, but gentle--there are things here you are not yet ready to see.

Troubling.

But some moments are. Each moment will be as it will be--some filled with joy, some with pain, some with mystery, some with unfathomable sadness--and they are all equally precious.

I close my eyes and await the next one.

From Russia With Love On WTF? Weekend

2010-01-31T12:19:00.001-08:00

Upcoming Comedy
Sunday, January 31 - The Druid - Edmonton
Tuesday, February 2 - New City Comedy Olympics - Edmonton
Saturday, February 13 - Get Yo' Heart On Comedy Night at The Common - Edmonton

Upcoming Wrestling
Saturday, March 20 - OSCW One Year Anniversary

Less than 24 hours after telling Captain Hammer I was absolutely, positively, without-any-question sick, tired, and done with the bar scene, I found myself dancing delightedly with Dawn Dumont and a comic-in-training in a bar I never knew existed to a Russian-language version of OSCW champion Eclipse's entrance theme.

It's been that kind of a weekend.

Seriously. A lot of things have happened over the last couple days, and the one thing they've all had in common is that it was in the complete opposite direction of what I expected--and in some cases--intended. And in some cases, when I adapted and changed my mind to the NEW circumstance, that new circumstance took another unexpected turn.

Nothing has become predictable anymore. I no longer know what is going to happen.

It's thrilling.

Back to the bar. It was the same as any other club, but somehow the fact that everyone there was Russian made it novel and new. They are expressive dancers those Russians. And very tall. Tall, blocky men. Tall, slender--and very beautiful--women, a sizable percentage of whom were unquestionably off-duty strippers (*). I wonder how Slavic rappers talk about their "shorties," when their "shorties" are five-ten.

And of course Dawn.

There's no way I can really write about the chemistry Dawn and I have when it comes to our friendship--just the right combination of funny and supportive. A former boyfriend of hers was jealous at how well we got along (a story I often make her retell, partly for the self-esteem boost, and partly because she tells it with funny voices).

And there we were--a Native American woman and the guy whose only experience with Eastern Bloc culture was playing the part of "Soviet Goal Judge" in the acclaimed film "Sure-Shot Dombrowski."

We danced. We fell in love with our own reflections in the bar's mirrored walls. We made fun of Russians ("Was it hurtful when Tom Cruise gave you the finger in Top Gun?"). We lost and found her cell phone. We screamed along with everybody else when the DJ stopped the music (On purpose or Russian technology?)and everybody in the bar sang the chorus even though we had no idea what we were saying.

Simple things. Little things. Things that can only made better and more hilarious by a soundtrack of Russian-language hip-hop.

Who could ask for anything more?

(*)You know what seeing strippers doing normal dancing in a normal club reminds me of? Being a kid and seeing your teacher at the grocery store. It's kind of a surreal feeling. It's like: Fantasy Object, what are YOU doing out here in the real world?

The Rules Are Different In Show Business

2010-01-25T10:53:00.000-08:00

Upcoming Comedy
Tuesday, February 2 - New City Comedy Olympics - Edmonton
Saturday, February 13 - Get Yo' Heart On Comedy Night at The Common - Edmonton

Upcoming Wrestling
Saturday, March 20 - OSCW One Year Anniversary

Comedy Olympics are at New City on February 2. I have no idea what the events will be, but I'm looking forward to representing salsa dancing/pro-wrestling announcing/writer/comic Buddhists everywhere.

Yesterday's Druid show was fun. A woman ran onstage, threw her arms around me and kissed me thrice, and several other comdedians set I was good, so the Demons of External Validation were duly satisfied.

That said, I find it hard to accept credit for good shows because when I'm performing well, it feels so effortles. I don't feel I deserve anything because it doesn't feel like I'm really doing anything.

After the show, I had a conversation with one of the comedians who I consider one of the nicest guys in show business. And after that conversation I looked back and thought, wow.

He was talking about how tough it was on him to maintain a relationship while being a touring comedian with his girfriend living in a different city, despite how much he loved her.

DAN'S SOLUTION: Why don't you cheat on her?
NICEST GUY IN COMEDY: I am morally opposed to cheating. I would never cheat on my girlfriend. I was sleeping with another woman for a while, but I was honest with her [the other woman]. I said, 'as soon as I tell my girlfriend I love her, it's over between us.' And I stood by that.

And this is a conversation between two men who are generally regarded as being among the more CONSIDERATE guys in entertainment.

The rules are different in show business, folks. Don't ever say you weren't warned.

The Social Nomad

2010-01-24T11:28:00.001-08:00

Went out dancing with Dawn on Friday night, with the wrestlers after the show on Saturday. Starting flirting with girls, more practice swings than anything else, just trying to see where I was at.

I keep forgetting that I'm GOOD with women. I don't know how or when that changed, but it surprises me every time.

One girl was a corseted redhead. Partway into the conversation, she cut me off and pointed out her husband sitting in the corner.

And her girlfriend.

And her other girlfriend.

Neat-O.

As it turns out, this woman was polyamorous, which is something I've always wanted to know more about, because the concept intrigues me

It makes me wonder if I could do it.

In the past, I've found dating more than one person at a time exhausting, but if they were also dating each other...heck, maybe it would even be EASIER than dating one person because they would be able to get from each other some of the things that I might not be so good at providing.

On the other hand, it would mean being part of a GROUP.

I don't do groups well.

One of the consequences of the decision I made back on November 24, 2005 to take responsibility for my own happiness instead of expecting the world to hand it to me is that I've become a bit of a social nomad.

Part of it is I've never been comfortable with cliques, organizations, collectives, or communities, no matter how much I agree with their mission statement or like the people in them. I don't know why.

And part of it is, since I've started making a concerted effort to be inclusive rather than exclusive in my approach to the world, I just don't fit very well into most pigeonholes. I'm monogamous at heart, and yet I am most succesful in those relationships when I am either dating other people or seeing myself as 'single.' I'm too offbeat to be truly mainstream, but I'm too traditional to fit into most alternative subcultures. I'm too nerdy to be cool, but not quite nerdy enough to pass as a nerd. I get restless among the stay-at-home-and-watch-a-movie crowd, but I'm not adventurous enough to hang with the thrill-seekers.

It's a rich, but rootless existence. I can get along with almost any scene, but never really feel at home in any of them. And I imagine it makes me tough to deal with though, because I'm never quite exactly the person people expect me to be.

I'm okay with that. Oddly enough, not being fully comfortable anywhere helps me feel more comfortable EVERYWHERE.

A scene in the movie 'Almost Famous' captures this fully, when teenage writer William Miller--overwhelmed by the frustrations of the road and the pressure on him from all sides, cries out: "I want to go home."

And Penny Lane looks at him and says:

"You are home."

It's a good place to be.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Dan Shows Apprecation

2010-01-22T16:23:00.000-08:00

Bastet and I exchanged things yesterday.

Everything is going to be fine.

This post isn't about me though. It's about the people who have supported me throughout through a time that for whatever reasons hit me a lot harder than I expected (*).

Dawn Dumont has been great. I don't think I could do it without her. Captain Hammer, my friends, family, and co-workers...all have been great.

But the thing that gives me the most hope, has been the outpouring of support from women with whom I've been previously involved. It's reassuring on so many levels.

I shouldn't be surprised. If there's one thing I know how to do, it's pick good women.

They've gone on to do some great things. I like to think I helped with that in some small way. They certainly helped me. And the fact that they have gone out of their way to stand by me now reassures me I must be doing something right.

It also makes me look forward to my future with Bastet. Not only is she too important to me to lose(*), she has a lot to offer the world and herself--maybe more than she herself realizes--and I don't want to miss any of it for the world.

So thank you all.

Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for what we shared when we were together, thank you for your support now, and thank you for being an example of how things work out for the best. Most importantly, thank you for keeping in touch.

I love you all.

(*) In fact, I think one of the reasons, I've been having a hard time with this break-up is I've been trying to rush the grieving process, so I can bring her back into my life. But she's not ready, and I'm not ready, and quite frankly, that pisses me off at the universe a little.

Support the Need for a Candian National Suicide Prevention Strategy - Sign the e-petition

2010-01-21T13:44:00.000-08:00

I'm not generally a big fan of using Facebook/Blogger to advance a cause, but this one means something to me so I hope you take the time to have a look and click on the petition if it so interests you.

Hello All,

Below is an email from a gentleman named Rodney constructed to help raise awareness around the issue of suicide. Rodney lost his son to suicide a few years ago and is determined to try and prevent any future losses from happening by raising awareness.

Rodney is an amazing example of how resilient people are.

In addition to his email campaign, he is currently working on getting Shoppers Drug Mart to make a Health Watch pamphlet on Suicide Prevention and how to help someone who may be suicidal – these would be available in Shoppers Drug Marts nationally if he is successful. He is also trying to engage CN (the company he works for) in taking some of the Suicide Prevention training we offer.

You can also find the links to the CASP e-petition and postcard petition information on our website by clicking here:

From: rodney
Sent: January 17, 2010 5:00 PM
Subject: FW: A worth while e-mail with great memories -revised

We all know someone whom has lost a child, parent, grandparent, relative, friend, or co-worker to Suicide.

This e-mail is in memory of all those people that have taken their life's way to soon!

I ask you all to sign the petition and send it to our Federal Health Minister (postage free)

You able to do this in two ways:

a) by supporting the on line petition or

b) by e-mailing casp@casp-acps.ca. who will send you the post cards to distribute in you community or

c) you can print the sample below

Include below is the meaning of the Kites which is on the face of the post card.

As we all have received many e-mails saying send this to 5 or 10 people and something great will happen .

If can participate in this e-mail you will be Rewarded with Great memories, knowing that you supporting the families that have lost a loved one to suicide and by helping start a program that will give hope for the future of suicide prevention .

We can make the World a better place to Live in!

THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH!
r.j.l

PETITION

Suicide is a major public health issue in Canada and in spite of our alarming suicide rate Canada remains one of the few industrialized countries that still does not have a national suicide prevention strategy. In 2004 the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention (CASP) published its Blue Print for a National Suicide Prevention Strategy. While provinces throughout Canada have used this document to establish provincial suicide prevention frameworks as well as receiving international recognition this document has yet to be acknowledged by the Canadian Government. Canada must join other countries such as the U.S.A, U.K., Australia, New Zealand and many other European and Asian countries and establish a national suicide prevention strategy.

CASP urges the Government of Canada to take immediate action and move forward on establishing a national suicide prevention strategy. All Canadians can play a role in suicide prevention. CASP invites all Canadians demonstrate their support your in suicide by participating in an on line petition. To register your support for a national suicide prevention strategy and urge the Government of Canada to take action go to http://nspscnd.epetitions.net.

CASP has also started a mail in post card campaign that asks the Minister of Health for the Government of Canada to also take action on this important public health issue. Copies of this post card can be downloaded from our website. To have copies of the post card mailed to you for distribution in your community please contact our office at casp@casp-acps.ca.
Thank you for your support.

How Ricky Ortiz Nearly Killed Us (Twice)

2010-01-19T11:31:00.000-08:00

A lot of people have been asking for road stories from the CWE trip. Trouble is, there are too many of them, even once you weed out the inappropriate ones. In seven days, I got seven months worth of stories.

There were some classic moments(*). All of the stories deserve to be told.

Whether they WILL be told is another matter.

But here's one to start with. In accordance with my "I Try To Make No One Look Stupid Other Than Myself" (**) policy towards blog stories, I've changed the names of the men involved and tried to leave out any identifying details.

So without further ado, I present to you the story I call:

HOW RICKY ORTIZ NEARLY KILLED US

Dory was driving the van. Bruno was in the front passenger seat. And neither of them was getting along.

The disagreement had started over one of the most sacrosanct of wrestling's time-honored road traditions: the Wrestling Name Game. The point of contention was Dory playing the name 'Ricky Ortiz.'

"Ricky Ortiz!" Bruno sputtered. "You can't use Ricky Ortiz. You gotta use guys that were in the Fed."

"Ricky Ortiz WAS in the Fed," Dory protested (***).

"Yeah, for two minutes. We need guys who have been in the fed for at least THREE MINUTES."

"He was in the World Wrestling Federation," Dory said. "He was on ECW."

"Yeah, but is he in the WWE Encyclopedia?" Bruno demanded.

The rest of us huddled in the back of the van and waited to see how it would play out. They didn't come to an agreement, but eventually the game continued.

Later, perhaps as a peace offering, Bruno offered to relieve Dory from behind the wheel.

I can't speak for everyone, but I was nervous at this prospect. We were in the winterlands of northern Manitoba. Bruno was from Florida, via New York. And these were not good roads.

Dory looked hesitant, but he was tired, and no one else was volunteering to take over.

He agreed, pulled over, and he and Bruno switched places.

There is some debate over what happened next. Here is my recollection:

Second One: Bruno puts the van into gear and slides away from the side of the road.

Second Two: The van starts to slide towards the center. Bruno over-corrects sending us towards the ditch.

Second Three: Dory reaches over from the passenger seat and steadies the steering wheel.

Second Four: Bruno says, "I got it man."

Second Five: Something starts dinging. Bruno says, "What's That?"

Second Six: Dory says: "You need to put on your seatbelt."

Second Seven: Bruno reaches for his seatbelt. As he drags it across his body, he swerves the van to the right.

Second eight: The van goes into the ditch with a hearty FWOOMPF.

We were stuck for about a half-hour before we were able to be on our way, and that should have been the end of the story, except that the promoter, wondering what the delay was.

BRUNO: Tell them we had to stop so I could take a shit
DORY: We got stuck in a ditch..No, Bruno was driving.

Bruno was beside himself: "I told you to tell him I was taking a shit! You don't stooge out one of the boys like that to the head office! Also...RICKY FUCKING ORTIZ?!?"

Tensions were running high between Bruno and Dory for the rest of the day, mostly because they were being egged on by the rest of the crew. Wrestlers (and wrestling announcer/comedian/buddhist/salsa dancer/writers)are natural shit disturbers and can't pass a fire without throwing gasoline on it, just to see what will happen.

At one point, Dory's brother, Terry, joined the fray ("Hey, Bruno. Heard you guys ended up in the ditch this afternoon. What happened?"), which wouldn't be important, except for what happened next.

After the show, we all piled into the vans and started the four hour drive back to our hotel. For reasons which are a story on of its own but too involved to go into here (short version: Everybody was annoyed with a particular individual who is not a part of this story and didn't want to ride with him), a musical chairs-esque switch of seating arrangements occurred leaving Bruno travelling in a different van from Dory, Terry, myself, and several others.

Terry was driving. Dory was in the front passenger seat.

Less than fifteen minutes out of town, karma made its move.

Terry, who had taken such delight in Bruno's misfortune, was driving dangerously close to the side of the road.

DORY: Hey, Terry, maybe you should drive on the road.
TERRY: I am driving on the---
VAN: FWOOMPF

For the second time in less than twenty-four hours, Dory's van--through no fault of his own--was in the ditch.

We clambered out of the van and starting pushing. All except Dory, who slid into the driver's seat to steer.

That's how the other van found us. The van carrying Bruno.

Bruno sized up the situation--the van hopelessly buried in the ditch, six members of the crew freezing by roadside, and most importantly, Dory sitting dejectedly in the driver's seat.

Before his van even came to complete stop, he burst out the passenger door in an explosion of trash talk. I've never seen a man so delighted at another's misfortune.

Have you ever seen an Ed Hardy-wearing 230 pound Italian-American dance a jig of unbridled glee on a northern Manitoba roadside by the light of a stuck van's headlight beams?

Me neither. But I'll tell you something. It was damn close.

(*) I got to train with wrestlers! In the ring! I did squats and pushups and three-quarters of a bump (I was supposed to land on my back; I made it as far around as my head before gravity drove me noggin-first into the ring canvas.)!

(**) Remind me to tell the story of the time Heavy Metal half-succesfully convinced me a cell phone photo of a plume of smoke from a Flin Flon Factory was a "Snow Tornado."

(***) For those of you wondering, Dory's right. For Your Fact Checking Pleasure

Triumphant Return

2010-01-18T10:33:00.000-08:00

Got back into town yesterday morning at 6:30am. Went to bed until 7:30pm. Got up and went to the Druid for their weekly Sunday open mic and then back home to bed.

The trip went well. If you're my friend on Facebook, the photos will be up tomorrow. And if we're not friends on Facebook, feel free to add me. I'm easy that way.

The tour was physically and emotionally unrelenting, which was a good thing. Some people go on trips to unwind. I go to push myself. I find plenty of relaxation and contentment in my day-to-day life. I find if I find my regular routine stressful, that's a sign it's time to make some changes.

There were so many stories on this trip, I don't even know where to begin. I was planning on posting a running diary, but so much was happening I didn't get a chance to write anything beyond quick notes (not to mention the fact internet access was hard to come by--heck, over half the crew couldn't get cell phone reception). It was so busy and we were so isolated from the outside world, that I didn't find out about the Haiti earthquake until three days after it happened.

Thanks to the folks who helped get me booked on this trip: Heavy Metal, Eclipse, and Danny Duggan. Thanks to the people who were on the trip. I had a blast, learned a lot, and look forward to applying what I learned in the shows to come.

Speaking of which,

Next OSCW wrestling show is this Saturday at the Hazeldean Dome. Main event is Heavy Metal vs. Eclipse in a Hair vs. Title match. Come see what Heavy Metal learned on the road, Juanuary 23 at 7:00pm.

Talk to you all soon. May All Beings Be Sexy.

Operation: Tell-My-Mother-I-Love-Her (the Please Don't Die Tour)

2010-01-09T10:38:00.001-08:00

Off to Manitoba for a week! With Heavy Metal, the Kevin Bacon of Bad Decision Makin' and Rolls Royce of Unwise Life Choices! Still reeling and feeling decidedly unsexy from the loss of a relationship (and not handling it as well as I'd hoped, quite frankly) and looking to get my mojo back by any means necessary!

Nothing good come can come of this.

Except possibly entertaining stories.

Manitoba tour, I dub thee the Please Don't Die Tour, or Operation: Tell-My-Mother-I-Love-Her.

Here are the dates:

Sunday, Jan 10 - Winnipeg, Manitoba
Tuesday, Jan 12th - Gillam, MB
Wednesday, Jan 13th - Thompson, MB
Thursday, Jan 14th - Flin Flon, MB
Friday, Jan 15th - The Pas, MB

More info at the CWE website.

And Edmonton fans, lest we forget:

Saturday, January 23 - OSCW New Year's Glory, Edmonton

Probably won't post much until my return. In the meantime, for your entertainment pleasure, enjoy the sounds of Winnipeg, Manitoba's finest cultural export here and here.

New Google Cell Phone

2010-01-06T13:11:00.000-08:00

I don't normally jump on the technology bandwagon but I'm thinking of getting this Google cellphone.

I'm hoping that everytime I've gone too long without contacting my family, I'll go to put a number in the phone and it will go:

"Did you mean: "Your Mother?""

Thanks Google.

Upcoming Comedy
Monday, January 4 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton
Tuesday, Januay 5 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton
Wednesday, January 6 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton
Tuesday, January 19 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton

Wrestling Apprearances
Tuesday, Jan 12th - CWE, Gillam, MB
Wednesday, Jan 13th - CWE, Thompson, MB
Thursday, Jan 14th - CWE, Flin Flon, MB
Friday, Jan 15th - CWE, The Pas, MB
Saturday, January 23 - OSCW New Year's Glory, Edmonton

The Tiger Woods/Brit Hume Flap

2010-01-05T11:58:00.001-08:00

I'm a Buddhist so you'd think I have something to say about this, but the only thing that really blows my mind is...

Don Imus is on OUR side?

I have to admit, I didn't see that one coming.

Other funny stuff on the incident here.

Winter Clothing Watch 2009-2010 Season

2009-12-31T08:37:00.000-08:00

As longtime readers know, my ability to lose items of winter clothing is unparalleled.

This year I made it to December 30 before losing my first article. On the other hand, I hit the trifecta, misplacing my hat and both gloves.

I have not had time to replace them, so I am wearing two mismatched gloves from previous winters and a hat that Bubba brought me back from South America.

If you're wondering about a South American hat's ability to retain heat in a Canadian winter, the correct answer is "Not great, but better than you might expect."

Happy New Year everyone. Best wishes for 2010.

Upcoming Comedy
Monday, January 4 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton
Tuesday, Januay 5 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton
Wednesday, January 6 - The Comic Strip - Edmonton
Tuesday, January 19 - The Laugh Shop, Edmonton

Wrestling Apprearances
Tuesday, Jan 12th - CWE, Gillam, MB
Wednesday, Jan 13th - CWE, Thompson, MB
Thursday, Jan 14th - CWE, Flin Flon, MB
Friday, Jan 15th - CWE, The Pas, MB
Saturday, January 23 - OSCW New Year's Glory, Edmonton

Coming This January: DAN!!itoba (*)

2009-12-29T15:16:00.001-08:00

Just learned I will be doing a tour of Manitoba in January with CWE (Canada's Wrestling Elite)

There's nothing more exciting to me than visiting a place I haven't been before and meeting new people--Except maybe performing there doing something I love, accompanied by some of the best wrestlers in the business (**). In addition to Eclipse, Heavy Metal, and the CWE favorites, there will be special appearances from former WWE stars The Road Dogg Jesse James and Big Vito.

Here are the dates and towns:

Tuesday, Jan 12th - Gillam, MB
Wednesday, Jan 13th - Thompson, MB
Thursday, Jan 14th - Flin Flon, MB
Friday, Jan 15th - The Pas, MB

For more information including ticket info, visit the CWE website here.

(*) With apologies to CAM!!ikaze for the gimmick theft.

(**) And one of whom is trying to adhere to a Forty-Day Celibacy "diet." Bring your A-game, Ladies of Manitoba.

"Twists Off Just Like Lipstick!"

2009-12-28T12:28:00.000-08:00

Went shopping for a USB memory stick today. I know nothing about them so I asked the marijuana-marinated 19 year old clerk for a hand.

MARIJUANA-MARINATED CLERK: Which one do you want?
DAN: Which one's cheapest?
MARIJUANA-MARINATED CLERK: (pointing to another option) That one's on sale.

Goodie. I reached for the sale item.

And froze.

This GSB stick was colored junior high school girl electric purple. On the packaging was written in breathless leatters: "Twists Open Just Like A Tube Of Lipstick!!"

It didn't look like a tube of lipstick. It looked like one of those discreet pocket-sized self-pleasuring aids professional women carry in their purses for trans-Atlantic flights.

I bought it anyway.

I might be cheap, but at least I'm secure in my masculinity.

"Silence Helps Perpetrators, Not Victims"

2009-12-23T09:00:00.001-08:00

I have no idea where I picked up that quote, but it has always made me uncomfortable. I've always believed in letting others make their own decisions and minding my own business--but I've often worried I hide behind those beliefs as an excuse not to make a stand for what I believe is right.

Which Brings us to..

REASONS I LOVE COMEDY #1 (Being Able To Say What I want) and #3 (Surprising Myself)

The other night we had an unpleasant fellow at the comedy show. I was there on a date, which meant instead of sitting in my usual "gorilla position" where I can see both the crowd and the stage, I was in the back. I didn't think this guy was anything out of the ordinary.

But when I moved to my usual pre-show spot, I saw he was different.

The guy was grabbing at some girl in the crowd. I don't know if they were on a date, or if he had just met her there, but she didn't look very comfortable with his attentions. And he didn't look like he cared much what she thought.

He kept grabbing at her and she kept trying to push him away. If a cartoonist was to paint a thought bubble above her head, it might read something like: "This is the last time I go out with anyone I meet on Plentyoffish."

I wandered by the bench they were sitting, caught her eye and mouthed "are you all right?"

"I'm OK," she mouthed back, which judging from her body language and expression should be translated as: "I'm not okay, but I don't want to make a scene."

I'm familiar with that one. I am, after all, the man who years ago took a gay guy's phone number because I didn't want to embarrass him telling him I was straight.

I was quite irate that no one was doing anything. The whole point of having a date in a public place is to avoid these very situations. There are many things I love about human nature, but the bystander effect isn't one of them. And since I was one of the bystanders--and one of the few who could clearly see what was going on--the person I was most pissed off at for not stepping up was myself.

I pulled the MC, Mike Harrison, aside: "Man, that guy is not cool."

"I know, I know," Mike said. "I'm getting him out of here."

It was reassuring that Mike saw what was going on and was on top of things. But as I went up on stage, he was still getting people together..

The molester continued his molestations.

And that's when I took hold of the microphone, looked straight at the guy in front of the whole club and said: "I'm sorry. Is our show interrupting your DATE RAPE?"

A few minutes later, he was escorted out of the club sans woman.

I don't know if what I did was the right thing, or even if it made a difference. In crsis work, we're taught to be cautious about publicly calling people out for fear of the perpetrator taking it out on the other person later for "embarassing" him. They didn't LOOK like they were part of an ongoing relationship, so I felt pretty safe, but you never know. I didn't see what happened to the woman after, so there are a lot of unanswered questions in my mind.

And part of me felt it had to be said. Maybe to let the woman know it wasn't her fault and that she had support. Maybe to humiliate the guy so he didn't do it again. Maybe in hopes that taking a public stand might make a difference to someone watching in the audience.

Or maybe, it was someting I needed to do for myself.

It was a surprise to me that I was able to speak out. I'm not a public crusader and never have been. I don't see that changing in the future. At the same time, it was nice to know that I can speak up if I feel it needs to be done...even in front of a roomful of strangers and my comedian peers that I still feel nervous about impressing.

In the end, I'll never know what happened. I don't know if what I said was the right thing or even if it made a difference for anybody. I don't know that guy's story or if the woman was okay.

But that's how it goes. You make the best decisions you can and learn to live with the unknown.

That's not just a comedy lesson, but a life lesson. But comedy taught it to me, and that's one more reason I owe this business more than I can ever give back.

Things Dan Loves About Comedy #87 392: Comedians (And Other Funny People) Commenting On Each Other's Facebook Statuses

2009-12-22T16:26:00.000-08:00

The Status:

"Dan Brodribb is contemplating taking Dawn's suggestion of naming his man-part "The Truth." Can you handle the Truth, baby?"

The ensuing comments:

Jeff: Mitch Fatel calls his "The Boss"
Adam: Yah, but then in intimate moments you'll be forever reminded of Tom Cruise shouting "I want The Truth!"
Dan Brodribb: Tom can't handle The Truth
Jacqulyn: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i so dont have a comment for this. im just completely and utterly amused
Laurie: I really think that Tom Cruise would very much like to handle The Truth though. I'd be careful Dan!
Shawn Gramiak: The problem is, we all inevitably come to the conclusion that no one really wants The Truth. Because The Truth hurts. Eventually people will ask you to water down The Truth, or bend and twist The Truth to fit their own devices.
Jeff: LOL Mr. Gramiak I tip my hat to your wit.
Dana: The Truth will set you free
Adam: "You can bend it and twist it... You can misuse and abuse it... But even God cannot change the Truth.”
Dawn Dumont: Don't give me credit for that - you came up with that all on your own.
Tanya: Or how about little man??
Shawn Gramiak: As long as its not Burning Man.
Shawn Gramiak: I love The Truth will set you free. However, also keep in mind that The Truth is often greatly exaggerated.
Lars Callieou: How about 'A Little White Lie'. A little white lie never hurt anyone.
Ryan Ash: your dick is brandon vera???
Shawn Gramiak: No, but Brandon Vera has sometimes been a...
Jeff: I was chatting with a guy at work and he came up with the best one yet. "Sometimes the Truth is hard to swallow." hee hee.

Dating For Shy Guys Book Update

2009-12-19T13:03:00.000-08:00

I've decided to publish Dating for Shy Guys myself as an ebook in order to maintain my most exacting standards of quality control and as a means of taking a personal stand against the ravaging of the environment caused by the printing industry.

Also, that way I get to keep all the money.

Look for more information over the next month or two.

Comedy Entrance Exam (Opener's Edition) - Question 47: Spot The Idiot

2009-12-18T09:20:00.001-08:00

Another comic and I were joking/complaining that there should be an written entrance exam aspiring comedians should be required to write before taking on a paid gig.

Here's my contribution, a completely hypothetical situation that has NEVER HAPPENED TO ME PERSONALLY AT LEAST THREE TIMES.

Question 47: Spot the Idiot In The Following Conversation.

OPENER: (an hour before the show) This is a great set-up, but you know, we've run into sound issues in the past, so it would make me feel a lot more comfortable if I checked the mic and sound myself before the show starts.
GUY RUNNNING THE SHOW: Oh, the sound system is great, little buddy. Don't be so nervous and have a drink.
OPENER: (shrugs and drops the subject)

Spot the Idiot.

(HINT: There are two of them)

Hot Chicks & Strangers

2009-12-16T10:24:00.000-08:00

I have a couple articles I finished for Suicide Girls some time ago, but never published.

Topics are:

1. First Dates
2. Non-Monogamous Relationships

I'm going to be posting them on my Hot Chicks & Strangers blog over the next couple days.

Enjoy.

Things Dan Loves About Comedy #2995: Comics Amusing Themselves During A Bad Show

2009-12-15T10:38:00.000-08:00

Amateur night at a local comedy club. The audience is...less than responsive. To anyone.

The person hit hardest by this is the MC. The other comics do their five minute and are out of there. He has to go back up after each act and stare unblinkingly into the cannon barrels of apathy.

I was not scheduled on the show tonight. I was standing backstage offering support--and by "showing support," I mean, "hoping someone didn't show up so I could go on." At some point during my career, I decided the badness or goodness of the crowd is none of my business. The only thing I care about is getting up there and doing the best job I can.

Ryan Ash was the MC on this night, and he was not having a good time.

RYAN: Man, I so do not want to go back up there.
DAN: You should let me go up after the next act wearing your shirt and see if they even notice.

So that's what we did.

They noticed...although it took them a couple seconds. They even laughed.

Then I tried telling a joke about the movie "Twilight", and they shifted peacefully and went back to sleep.

I brought the next act up and left the stage.

That would be a good place to end the story.

But as a wise man once said, anything worth doing is worth overdoing.

After the next act Jon Ramcharan went up wearing Ash's shirt to tell his own "Twilight" joke.

Jon is black; Ryan is white.

The crowd didn't give a shit.

Finally, Ryan went up again...not wearing a shirt at all.

The crowd still didn't react, but at that point we were just amusing ourselves anyways.

Good times. And I'm impressed by Ryan Ash's chest hair, which is nearly as expansive as mine. Whether it is as luxurious and sable-soft as mine is something I'll never know.

Upcoming Comedy
Thursday, December 17 - PRIVATE FUNCTION, Evansburg
Monday, December 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Upcoming Wrestling Appearances
Saturday, January 23 - OSCW New Year's Glory, Hazeldean Dome, Edmonton

Not The End, Not The Beginning Of The End, But The End Of The Beginning

2009-12-12T13:50:00.000-08:00

Bastet and I are no longer romantically involved. Heartache is an annual Dan Brodribb Christmas tradition it seems.

As was the case last year, I’m hurt and sad, but not as sad or hurt as I THINK I should be given the circumstances. I can’t decide if it’s denial, equanimity, or that I just don’t have the capacity to be as bothered by relationship-stuff as most people. Sometimes I wonder if the reason I put so much thought and effort into romantic relationships is to convince myself I actually want one…or at least get enough practice in that when the time is right, I can do it without screwing it up.

But that’s not entirely true either.

Because--at this moment, at least--I am still love in with Bastet. Which is doubly frustrating because I’m convinced that if I wasn’t in love with her, she would be my perfect relationship.

But that’s how Being In Love works for me. It makes me behave in ways I wouldn’t normally behave. It makes me want things I wouldn’t expect from other people. It makes me put on the other person. It makes me put pressure on myself.

On the flip side, it’s also kind of fun. It’s cool at parties and has a way of convincing you to attempt things you never dreamed possible…with surprising and delightful results.

But for me personally, I feel a distinction between loving someone and being in love with them.

Loving comes from your core. It’s something that isn’t quite thought, isn’t quite emotion, isn’t quite behaviour. It’s the place inside you where all those things meet and combine to form something stronger and wiser and more honest than the sum of its parts. Loving means making the decision to listen to that part of yourself even at times you don‘t particularly feel like it.

Being in love is different.

I don’t trust being in love. Being in love is something that happens to you. It makes you compromise values you normally wouldn’t. It comes on you at inconvenient times with inconvenient people. And it has a way of slipping out the back door when nobody’s looking, often at the times when you most need it.

Worse, Being In Love isn’t very loving. Right now, for example, the part of me that is In Love with Bastet feels like it has failed. It’s hurt and scared and angry and humiliated. And it doesn’t understand why the rest of me isn’t hurt and scared and angry and humiliated too.

So it’s pulling good memories from the past and parading them before my eyes: Look at what you had and screwed up! It’s searching for mistakes like a crime scene detective scouring carpet fibers. It’s screaming about injustice like a tabloid reporter. It’s showing me all the ways I fell short and haranguing me about what I should have done differently. It’s dredging up every fear and insecurity. At the same time it’s pointing out every flaw real or imagined it can find in Bastet, looking for reasons to be resentful or jealous or self-righteous.

It’s hitting me in all the places that hurt the most , asking me what my friends will think of me and what her friends will thinki of me, showing me imaginary slides of Bastet happy without me, having sex, falling in love. It’s connecting the dots between this and every other relationship, drawing me a picture of myself under the caption: The Guy Who Can’t Make Her Happy. It's coming up with clever, legitimate sounding reasons for me to call her and tell her That One Important Thing You Forgot To Mention.

As far as upsetting me goes, it’s doing a pretty good job.

But I’m not bothered by being upset and that’s what makes the In Love part angriest of all. Why aren’t you mad? Look at what she’s done to us! Look at what we’ve done to ourselves!

And here is my answer:

I’m not upset because I love her. I chose to love her and I choose to keep loving her. I also choose to keep loving myself.

Written down it doesn’t look like much. The In Love part of me doesn’t understand.

I don’t blame it. I don’t completely understand it myself.

Loving won‘t fix anything. It won‘t change an situation we both knew was unworkable. It doesn’t clear my confusion or lessen the heartache. It doesn’t make me a better person. It won’t change what she feels. Most of all, it won’t answer any of the questions that the In Love part keeps screaming at me.

But in my own way, I am at peace.

Because I can love.

I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what I’m feeling from moment to moment. I don’t know what will happen. But I don’t need to know those things. Love is stronger and wiser and more truthful than I am. All I need to do is to remember in each moment-even this one, which quite frankly, isn't one of my favorites as far as moments go--to make that decision to keep loving.

The In Love part of me can yell and scream all it wants, but I know now that it is lying to me. It isn't "in love." It doesn’t care about love at all. It claims to love Bastet, but it doesn’t give a shit about her or what is best for her. It doesn't even like ME all that much. All it cares about is feeling like it has won. And if it can’t have that, it will lash out, trying to make others or other parts of me hurt like it hurts in order to feel less powerless and alone.

Truthfully, it's not doing a half-bad job. I'd give it a solid B-minus. But I've suffered worse things.

And now I know how to love. Bastet opened a door in me I didn’t know was there. Somehow I found the courage to walk through it even not knowing what awaited on the other side.

I wish I could repay her. I wonder if she grew as much from me as I did from her. I hope somehow she got something she needed from me. But that's just one more thing I can never know, and ultimately, doesn't matter.

What Bastet gained from our time together is up to her. I have no control over it, and furthermore, it's not really my business.

Right now myself is my business.

So I make the decision keep loving. Not just Bastet. Not just myself.

But I also choose to love that In Love part of myself. I can’t fix it. I can’t make its pain go away. I couldn’t get rid of it if I wanted.

But I can love it.

So instead of pushing it away, each moment that it wakes screaming in me like a terminal patient or a child gripped by a nightmare, I sit quietly at bedside, take its hand, and wait for morning.

Dan Uses Sports Cliches To Describe A Chance Meeting With A Beautiful Stranger

2009-12-10T08:47:00.000-08:00

I had said my goodbyes to the pretty stranger in the LRT station and was on my way up the escalator when it hit me:

CRAP! SHE WAS HITTING ON ME!!

And I didn't even realize it. I missed a lay-up. Dropped the ball uncovered in the endzone. Fanned on the open net. Insert your sports metaphor here (*).

That didn't used to happen...at least not over the past few years. I don't have VH1 caliber game, but over the last few years I've done far better with women than you would think I should.

A lot of guys say you need to be tall, rich, good looking, and gregarious to be succesful with women. I am none of those things, and to be honest, I think it helps me.

Firstly, it screens out a lot of people I would be incompatible with anyways and makes it easier for me to get to know someone. When a person is rich and good-looking, it's easy to get "distracted by the pretty." It makes it harder to be yourself, either because you're nervous or because you want to impress them. It also makes it harder to pay attention to dealbreakers because well...They're rich and good-looking, damnit! I have to MAKE myself like him. Or at least make HIM like me.

Another thing I've noticed is that in general, the more people get to know me, the more they like me. I would much rather women have that experience than the alternative. Plus psychology tests have revealed that when someone is good-looking, we tend to assign them have postive traits that they don't necessarily possess. We assume they are smarter or braver or more competent than they might actually be...and there's nothing more disappointing that something that doesn't live up to our expectiations. A lot of times--through no fault of their own--those good-looking people have nowhere to go but down.

Suffice it to say, that is not an issue I deal with in the romantic arena.

With me, instead of disappointment, women often report a sense of discovery. "Wow, I wasn't sure about you until I saw the way you X, Y, or Z." I like hearing that. It appeals to my sense of fairness...I feel I've earned what they gave me.

HOWEVER...

It also means I can't and don't expect women to be throwing themselves at me. Quite frankly, I would really love for this to happen. Not forever. But just for, say, four months. I just want to know what it feels like.

Except that every once in a while--like this morning--a woman DOES throw herself at me. And because I'm not used to it, I don't recognize it.

And then I drop the ball. Or bobble the serve. Or miss the big elbow (**). Whatever.

Don't misunderstand me. The Pretty Stranger isn't the point of this story. I'm not necessarily looking for another relationship.

It's just embarassing when something I've always wanted to happen to me does, but I'm so busy believing it can never happen to me that I don't even notice it.

Oh well. I just need to manage the clock better...buckle down and give 110%...we've got a great bunch of guys here and we're focused on winning...it's all about playing a full three periods/four quarters/sixty minutes...

(*) Did you know the average man uses 10 000 words a day? 7 500 of them are sports-metaphor related. If you don't see it, you're just not keeping your eye on the ball.

(**) In honor of the upcoming OSCW show this Saturday at Hazeldean Community Hall, I've written a new article for my sporadically updated wrestling blog. It will be up later today...or possibly already, depending on when you read this.

Upcoming Comedy
Thursday, December 17 - PRIVATE FUNCTION, Evansburg
Monday, December 21 - The Comic Strip, Edmonton

Upcoming Wrestling Appearances
Saturday, December 12 - OSCW Above The Rest, Hazeldean Dome, Edmonton