Wednesday, August 05, 2009

"Pretty Decent" (The Topless Tuesday Bible Hour)

I've been spending my street comedy practice for the last week practicing moving from jokes to the transitional material I need when I MC (intros, opening and closing shows, etc.). So if you see me in a random public place introducing people who don't exist, I'm not a crazy person. I'm a comedian.

Come to think of it, maybe I am a crazy person.

However, all this practice does make me a better comic. Being a better comic means more shows. And more shows mean better blog stories.

Last night's show was a great example. But before we get to that, a message from our sponsor.

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More of Dan's musings on dating and relationships can be found on his Hot Chicks & Strangers blog.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program.

Last night was Matt “Powermann” Aleddine’s religious themed comedy show, which may have been the most bizarre show I’ve ever done (at least since the Great Roost Talent Show Debacle of ‘05, which I may or may not have written about)

I was repping the Buddhists, and my performance was pretty good, considering I was following a topless woman shilling for something called Queer Camp. She was passionate about the GLTthe-other-letter-I-always-forget cause, but it wasn‘t exactly the funniest presentation in the world. I grade my performance not on laughs, but on the number and attractiveness of the women who initiate conversations with me after the show. I’m pleased to report, I delivered a two hottie performance.

One of the hotties couldn’t even wait until the show was over to sing my praises, which was kind of awkward since I was shirtless and having a magic-marker beard being drawn on my face by Andrew Iwanyk at the time (Don‘t ask). The exact words she used were “pretty decent”--definitely the sort of rave review that keeps me going. Rick Rude was “Simply Ravishing,” Paul Orndorff was “Mr. Wonderful”…but that all pales when Dan “Pretty Decent” Brodribb comes to your town.

In other news, I am now 2-0 in onstage pillow fights with other comics (Don’t ask). Granted, I’ve ended up facing the only two comics in Edmonton that are smaller than me, but undefeated is undefeated. Look out Mr. Perfect. Move over Goldberg. Hang your head in shame ’07 Patriots. “Pretty Decent“ Dan Brodribb is starting a streak of his own.

Did I mention that I saw more bare breasts at a Religious-themed show than any other show I’ve done to date? The total nipple-count was ten. Two of the nipples belonged to me. Two others were Powermann’s, and another pair belonged to my pillow-fight opponent and fellow Riverside Bar and Grill open mic survivor, Jeff Neeser, The remaining four were evenly divided between two women. One was an activist; the other was a train wreck. So there you go.

After the show, we went out and I promptly spent all the money I made from the show on food, which frustrated me, because I’m trying to reign in my spending.

DAN: I can’t believe I spent that money on food. I need to be more disciplined.
POWERMANN: Yeah, that was fiscally irresponsible of you, blowing your income on frivolities like Things That Are Necessary for Survival. You could have used that money for cigarettes or lapdances.

Actually, I was thinking the Allied Powers: Best of the Tag-Teams wrestling DVD and the Bret Hart autobiography, but the point was well-taken.

“Pretty Decent” has pretty misplaced priorities.

Fortunately, I volunteered for the FolkFest, and part of our package is free meals. Which means so long as I skip breakfast, I might be able to get away without spending money on food for the rest of the week.

Who needs blood sugar? Wrestling’s greatest tag-team matches are the only nourishment I need.

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